Time Bandit: Part 1 - Appendages of the Machine: Some neat concepts in a game purposefully designed to waste your time as much as possible (“All games are a waste of time,” fine, but not like this). Even if you agree with the heavy-handed political messages, you're sure to find them overbearing and obnoxious, especially when it's all padding around waiting, waiting, and more waiting.
You know how in Ocarina of Time, King Zora took forever to scoot out of the way so you could get behind him? Imagine if that was an entire video game. That's Time Bandit.
Literally the first thing the game does is waste your time. You watch a woman ride in an elevator which stops to pick up slow-moving, crystalline business people and stops again to let them off, one of them tarrying for no reason. When the woman gets to the top floor, the screen flips to a clock to show you time passing by, before she walks to her desk to boot up a slow-loading Windows 95. Then there's a brief and well-done tutorial of her flipping through a couple of games before you're launched into (I believe they're unnamed, so:) Company's orientation process.
You learn you're supposed to push boxes to get to crystals, the puzzle portion of this game. Each box takes half an hour of real time to move one space. If it's a trash pile which can't be pushed? Compacting it also takes half an hour before you can push it, which is still thirty minutes. “That's the point, it's wasting your time intentionally!” Okay, and? Why does that make it good? It's still successfully wasting your time if these actions only took ten minutes, just less excessively. Or is it better if it takes longer? Why not take an hour per action?
Your character only has something like thirty minutes (less, when active) of energy at a time. To fill it all the way back up, they need eight hours of real time rest. Hardy har har.
Again, the game is very political. I'm not a Communist because I live in the real world, yet there's no denying the power of collective bargaining and I'm fully aware that corporations LOVE to recklessly exploit anything and everything when given the opportunity. So despite me agreeing with portions of the rhetoric, I still found the conversations about it all to be dull and too lengthy. You're jumping into this game, a game clearly meant to be played for like fifteen minutes at a time, and in the middle of your trip to the facility you're locked in a long codec call with someone lecturing you about the pitfalls of automation for the working class. At least when your boss calls you to be an asshole, it's brief (and usually funny).
As someone who recently started working again, I definitely think it's good to ask yourself about your time spent at work and what you're getting for it. This game, in a nutshell, wants you to ask yourself that exact question. The problem is: once you're on that road, one of the next logical questions is “Why am I wasting my free time playing a game that intentionally makes things a hassle?” Certainly not for the flashy, impressive cutscenes; this game is clearly done in the spirit of the original Metal Gear Solid (it has its own Solid Snake) and looks just as old.
Despite the low fidelity, I found many areas caused a bizarre frame rate drop. I once loaded the game where I had left it (in my apartment), only to have my character go to court for the crime of trespassing... which, admittedly, I had just been doing, but I wasn't caught. I also had a codec call start while I was being run over by a minecart, which kept the camera stationary while my character moved around, forcing me to quit and restart the game while in the facility and go to jail for it. Jail is a twelve hour wait, by the way.
Lots of bads, I'd say. The goods? I actually like the MGS visuals, there's a charm in the simplicity (but why is the performance so lousy?). I liked the puzzles, especially the minecart section (but everything takes way too long for no payoff and the ending is a “To be continued” screen). I liked the occasional humor (when it wasn't at my expense). Hidden crystals in town was a good idea.
Eventually, I followed the dev's own personal guide (on the Steam discussions) of how to beat the clock. Frankly, you'd be stupid not to. There's even an achievement for booting up the game ten years later, I think they want you messing with your computer's time settings. I was able to sell all my crystals to the union and find the hidden ones around the city on my own, so I think I did well and do not feel bad about “cheating”.
I think it's wild that a game this deliberately annoying would have the gall to ask you to be excited (and wait some more!) for Part 2. I'm happy I supported a creative dude who, judging by his contributions in the Steam discussions, seems to be really considerate. However, this game is simply not a good game; it's a chore structured like a second job and there's no reward for your efforts. I highly doubt any of its structure can be changed much for Part 2 without making Part 1 look even more laborious, so I am not looking forward to it. I think I've served my time.
I wish Joel Jordan the best of luck on whatever comes after Time Bandit is through.
I do not recommend Time Bandit.
You know how in Ocarina of Time, King Zora took forever to scoot out of the way so you could get behind him? Imagine if that was an entire video game. That's Time Bandit.
Literally the first thing the game does is waste your time. You watch a woman ride in an elevator which stops to pick up slow-moving, crystalline business people and stops again to let them off, one of them tarrying for no reason. When the woman gets to the top floor, the screen flips to a clock to show you time passing by, before she walks to her desk to boot up a slow-loading Windows 95. Then there's a brief and well-done tutorial of her flipping through a couple of games before you're launched into (I believe they're unnamed, so:) Company's orientation process.
You learn you're supposed to push boxes to get to crystals, the puzzle portion of this game. Each box takes half an hour of real time to move one space. If it's a trash pile which can't be pushed? Compacting it also takes half an hour before you can push it, which is still thirty minutes. “That's the point, it's wasting your time intentionally!” Okay, and? Why does that make it good? It's still successfully wasting your time if these actions only took ten minutes, just less excessively. Or is it better if it takes longer? Why not take an hour per action?
Your character only has something like thirty minutes (less, when active) of energy at a time. To fill it all the way back up, they need eight hours of real time rest. Hardy har har.
Again, the game is very political. I'm not a Communist because I live in the real world, yet there's no denying the power of collective bargaining and I'm fully aware that corporations LOVE to recklessly exploit anything and everything when given the opportunity. So despite me agreeing with portions of the rhetoric, I still found the conversations about it all to be dull and too lengthy. You're jumping into this game, a game clearly meant to be played for like fifteen minutes at a time, and in the middle of your trip to the facility you're locked in a long codec call with someone lecturing you about the pitfalls of automation for the working class. At least when your boss calls you to be an asshole, it's brief (and usually funny).
As someone who recently started working again, I definitely think it's good to ask yourself about your time spent at work and what you're getting for it. This game, in a nutshell, wants you to ask yourself that exact question. The problem is: once you're on that road, one of the next logical questions is “Why am I wasting my free time playing a game that intentionally makes things a hassle?” Certainly not for the flashy, impressive cutscenes; this game is clearly done in the spirit of the original Metal Gear Solid (it has its own Solid Snake) and looks just as old.
Despite the low fidelity, I found many areas caused a bizarre frame rate drop. I once loaded the game where I had left it (in my apartment), only to have my character go to court for the crime of trespassing... which, admittedly, I had just been doing, but I wasn't caught. I also had a codec call start while I was being run over by a minecart, which kept the camera stationary while my character moved around, forcing me to quit and restart the game while in the facility and go to jail for it. Jail is a twelve hour wait, by the way.
Lots of bads, I'd say. The goods? I actually like the MGS visuals, there's a charm in the simplicity (but why is the performance so lousy?). I liked the puzzles, especially the minecart section (but everything takes way too long for no payoff and the ending is a “To be continued” screen). I liked the occasional humor (when it wasn't at my expense). Hidden crystals in town was a good idea.
Eventually, I followed the dev's own personal guide (on the Steam discussions) of how to beat the clock. Frankly, you'd be stupid not to. There's even an achievement for booting up the game ten years later, I think they want you messing with your computer's time settings. I was able to sell all my crystals to the union and find the hidden ones around the city on my own, so I think I did well and do not feel bad about “cheating”.
I think it's wild that a game this deliberately annoying would have the gall to ask you to be excited (and wait some more!) for Part 2. I'm happy I supported a creative dude who, judging by his contributions in the Steam discussions, seems to be really considerate. However, this game is simply not a good game; it's a chore structured like a second job and there's no reward for your efforts. I highly doubt any of its structure can be changed much for Part 2 without making Part 1 look even more laborious, so I am not looking forward to it. I think I've served my time.
I wish Joel Jordan the best of luck on whatever comes after Time Bandit is through.
I do not recommend Time Bandit.