Perfect Vermin is only like three cigarettes long and I puffed two of them just to spite the no-smoking sign at the start of each office.
When the ending and that last line hit,
I was like:
"Damn."
coughes up burning hot tar
I am filth.
Perfect Vermin was cleansing.
I wished smoking, whichever brand is the cheapest currently, wasn't sometimes as fun as smashing up a printer with a sledge hammer tho.
Okay, it isn't nearly as fun as that, I kinda hate doing it actually.
There is a normalised routine in my addiction (and in my country, we had the most % of smokers in our population worldwide for quite a while) which sometimes let's me forget how fucking damaging and stupid it actually is.
I think I just need to stop wanting to destroy myself fr fr
If not for me, than at least for the people around me who I love and involuntarily inhale these clouds of cancerous shit.
Fuck.
What is a healthy addiction to have?
I need a substitution.
When the ending and that last line hit,
I was like:
"Damn."
coughes up burning hot tar
I am filth.
Perfect Vermin was cleansing.
I wished smoking, whichever brand is the cheapest currently, wasn't sometimes as fun as smashing up a printer with a sledge hammer tho.
Okay, it isn't nearly as fun as that, I kinda hate doing it actually.
There is a normalised routine in my addiction (and in my country, we had the most % of smokers in our population worldwide for quite a while) which sometimes let's me forget how fucking damaging and stupid it actually is.
I think I just need to stop wanting to destroy myself fr fr
If not for me, than at least for the people around me who I love and involuntarily inhale these clouds of cancerous shit.
Fuck.
What is a healthy addiction to have?
I need a substitution.
6 Comments
@LordDarias That sounds so stupid that it unironically just has to work lmao
part of the reason I am smoking so much tho is precisely because tobacco is my trade in for the zaza I couldn't handle anymore.
but just the sport aspect is a good start, they tastes way worse after some healthy exhaustion. if my lazy, unfit body remembers that distant memory right lol
part of the reason I am smoking so much tho is precisely because tobacco is my trade in for the zaza I couldn't handle anymore.
but just the sport aspect is a good start, they tastes way worse after some healthy exhaustion. if my lazy, unfit body remembers that distant memory right lol
Ah shit, I guess you need to develop a gambling addiction then to quit the cigs, then a cocaine addiction to quit the gambling, then a...
In all seriousness, I definitely vouch for exercise helping. Part of the reason why I quit is cause I started to run, and because I would smoke as soon as I woke up I would cough up my lungs when I went out jogging basically. My advice is to find someone else to go with you, which is hard but y'know, it really helps
In all seriousness, I definitely vouch for exercise helping. Part of the reason why I quit is cause I started to run, and because I would smoke as soon as I woke up I would cough up my lungs when I went out jogging basically. My advice is to find someone else to go with you, which is hard but y'know, it really helps
I don't know how much help this'll be but I quit smoking a couple months ago after being pack-a-day cool since my teenage years (about 30 years give or take), so I'll chime in here. For me the instigating event was my lungs rattling and wheezing so much it woke me up in the middle of the night. It was a really strong sense memory of helplessness. The next day I saw an old guy walking down the street, oxygen tank in tow, cigarette firmly in his lips. I really don't want to be that guy.
So over the next few months I just added friction to the process, like just slowly applying the brake. Every time I wanted to smoke, I'd think about that night, then I'd think about that guy, then I'd think about my wife and other loved ones who don't want to see me deteriorate, then I'd ask myself "do I really want this cigarette?" Most of the time the answer was yes, of course I want the cigarette, cigarettes are delicious and make me feel good and I look cool doing it. But occasionally the answer was no, I can skip this one. Slowly over time that answer came up more and more, and eventually when I ran out (I bought them by the carton) I decided not to buy another.
The hardest part is allowing yourself to stop loving it. You know it's bad, all the signs are there, but you have a whole lifetime (or however long its been for you) of ignoring those signs and focusing on how much you love it. Ultimately this is a delusion (albeit a comforting one) just like ignoring all the red flags of a romantic partner. And just like breaking up with the "crazy ex" it's still hard because it means turning your back on something that gives you joy. Once you get over that hump and really internalize how bad it is for you, it'll be a lot easier.
Also, the nicotine thing is very real. I had a much easier time because I bought my cigarettes from my retired neighbor who hand-rolls them from tobacco with no additives. If you can transition to a more "natural" brand like American Spirits or anything like that that doesn't have nicotine added, the detox and withdrawl symptoms will be less severe.
As for substitutions, I dunno bud if you're in decent shape and don't mind gaining a few pounds then snacks might help, but if you're not then it's probably not a route you want to go down. For a while there I was taking a brisk walk when I had that urge, it gave me my outside time and also got my blood moving a bit so I wasn't so focused on the fits.
Good luck!
So over the next few months I just added friction to the process, like just slowly applying the brake. Every time I wanted to smoke, I'd think about that night, then I'd think about that guy, then I'd think about my wife and other loved ones who don't want to see me deteriorate, then I'd ask myself "do I really want this cigarette?" Most of the time the answer was yes, of course I want the cigarette, cigarettes are delicious and make me feel good and I look cool doing it. But occasionally the answer was no, I can skip this one. Slowly over time that answer came up more and more, and eventually when I ran out (I bought them by the carton) I decided not to buy another.
The hardest part is allowing yourself to stop loving it. You know it's bad, all the signs are there, but you have a whole lifetime (or however long its been for you) of ignoring those signs and focusing on how much you love it. Ultimately this is a delusion (albeit a comforting one) just like ignoring all the red flags of a romantic partner. And just like breaking up with the "crazy ex" it's still hard because it means turning your back on something that gives you joy. Once you get over that hump and really internalize how bad it is for you, it'll be a lot easier.
Also, the nicotine thing is very real. I had a much easier time because I bought my cigarettes from my retired neighbor who hand-rolls them from tobacco with no additives. If you can transition to a more "natural" brand like American Spirits or anything like that that doesn't have nicotine added, the detox and withdrawl symptoms will be less severe.
As for substitutions, I dunno bud if you're in decent shape and don't mind gaining a few pounds then snacks might help, but if you're not then it's probably not a route you want to go down. For a while there I was taking a brisk walk when I had that urge, it gave me my outside time and also got my blood moving a bit so I wasn't so focused on the fits.
Good luck!
@LordDarias hmm i feel you, I need to at least hold back in the morning and running sounds good actually! I am at least good at running away from things.
I'll ask some friends or someone if they are up for that. Or maybe I'll just turn the walks with my dog into runs
If nothing works I'll attempt the gambling gambit, lol
but I think pulling on a cigarette while pulling on a slot machine handle is a rule in casinos
I'll ask some friends or someone if they are up for that. Or maybe I'll just turn the walks with my dog into runs
If nothing works I'll attempt the gambling gambit, lol
but I think pulling on a cigarette while pulling on a slot machine handle is a rule in casinos
@cowboyjosh damn, hope your lungs recovered well. I'm still lucky to not really feel any consequences YET. I even went through all the doctors my european insurance allows me to visit recently etc. But having something like that burned into your mind surely helps. Altough I think I'd be unfased in a "couldn't be me" or "thats just an old guy being old" type beat, which I know makes no sense.
I try to slow down and hold back every morning as long as I can. That's always the way, compared to quitting cold turkey.
Also you had a plug for your cigarette?? Lol
And thanks for wishing me luck btw
I try to slow down and hold back every morning as long as I can. That's always the way, compared to quitting cold turkey.
Also you had a plug for your cigarette?? Lol
And thanks for wishing me luck btw
LordDarias
7 months ago