I've been trying to think of bigger blunders humanity has made than letting the Sega Saturn die, shit like the Hindenburg Disaster and the invention of mayonnaise are peanuts compared to this catastrophe.
When I was in the mood to finally fill the massive gap in my Sega console lineup, I had to slap down a decent amount of didgeridoos for a working console and an ODE. It was a big down payment for only one console, but I essentially told myself that all it took was one copy of NA Saturn Bomberman for the entire thing to be paid off. It's insanely fucked up, more fucked up than someone inventing mayo while the Hindenburg was exploding, but these are the hurdles I'm willing to hop over to fix the hole in my heart that's the shape of my missing childhood Sega Saturn. I wanted to experience all the hypothetical final forms of two-dimensional art on my own coffee shit-stained clunker CRT TV, and emulation kinda smelled during that time. Worse than mayo.
I'd imagine there has to be some kind of heavenly timeline where the Saturn survived, and we weren't so quick to ditch 2D. I love my low poly original PlayStation, but if you had crafted a giant colorful sprite of a pizza in this game and made it scale up and down constantly while spinning all over the screen, it'd be second only to an actual pizza, and even then I'd be complaining about my pizza not getting more pixel-y as it approached my mouth, with similarly pixel-y cheese dripping from it ala a TMNT cartoon.
The Battle Mode is the literal life of the pizza party, and they even got a cast of Hudson all-stars to round out the playable characters. Bonk, the Adventure Island guy, that loser from Milon's Secret Castle, and even fuckin' Yuna goddamned Kagurazaka is here. I don't think Konami even remembers they own Galaxy Fräulein Yuna, and it makes me want to dive into the Turbo library a bit more again seeing all these peeps here, who are absolutely not getting let out of Konami's storage locker anytime soon. I mean, christ Bomberman himself didn't even get the common courtesy of an AV collection or any NSO releases. No respect, no respect at all I tells ya. Not even the common courtesy of a reach around. Konami don't give two shits about my man's history, cause he ain't their boy.
The only way you could make the battle mode more fun in this game would be to mod in all the voices from Atomic Bomberman, where all the Bombers were inexplicably voiced by Mr. and Mrs. Bighead and the Red M&M Guy. Maybe a lovely person could do that for me one day...
One day, one day maybe in 2050, Fightcade will have Saturn and 8P support....and the funny voice clips. There it is....the perfect bummer man.....you'd love to see it....
"time for a fuckin' dirtnap ya shitfuck" ~ Konami's last words to Bomberman after Super Bomberman R 2 bombed
When I was in the mood to finally fill the massive gap in my Sega console lineup, I had to slap down a decent amount of didgeridoos for a working console and an ODE. It was a big down payment for only one console, but I essentially told myself that all it took was one copy of NA Saturn Bomberman for the entire thing to be paid off. It's insanely fucked up, more fucked up than someone inventing mayo while the Hindenburg was exploding, but these are the hurdles I'm willing to hop over to fix the hole in my heart that's the shape of my missing childhood Sega Saturn. I wanted to experience all the hypothetical final forms of two-dimensional art on my own coffee shit-stained clunker CRT TV, and emulation kinda smelled during that time. Worse than mayo.
I'd imagine there has to be some kind of heavenly timeline where the Saturn survived, and we weren't so quick to ditch 2D. I love my low poly original PlayStation, but if you had crafted a giant colorful sprite of a pizza in this game and made it scale up and down constantly while spinning all over the screen, it'd be second only to an actual pizza, and even then I'd be complaining about my pizza not getting more pixel-y as it approached my mouth, with similarly pixel-y cheese dripping from it ala a TMNT cartoon.
The Battle Mode is the literal life of the pizza party, and they even got a cast of Hudson all-stars to round out the playable characters. Bonk, the Adventure Island guy, that loser from Milon's Secret Castle, and even fuckin' Yuna goddamned Kagurazaka is here. I don't think Konami even remembers they own Galaxy Fräulein Yuna, and it makes me want to dive into the Turbo library a bit more again seeing all these peeps here, who are absolutely not getting let out of Konami's storage locker anytime soon. I mean, christ Bomberman himself didn't even get the common courtesy of an AV collection or any NSO releases. No respect, no respect at all I tells ya. Not even the common courtesy of a reach around. Konami don't give two shits about my man's history, cause he ain't their boy.
The only way you could make the battle mode more fun in this game would be to mod in all the voices from Atomic Bomberman, where all the Bombers were inexplicably voiced by Mr. and Mrs. Bighead and the Red M&M Guy. Maybe a lovely person could do that for me one day...
One day, one day maybe in 2050, Fightcade will have Saturn and 8P support....and the funny voice clips. There it is....the perfect bummer man.....you'd love to see it....
"time for a fuckin' dirtnap ya shitfuck" ~ Konami's last words to Bomberman after Super Bomberman R 2 bombed
7 Comments
a freaking men!
@DeemonAndGames you stand on your hill of mayo, I stand over here on my hill of honey mustard bbq, but despite our clash over condiments.....it'll always be bomberman who unites us all.
Mayo owns
Ummmmm... good review, too
Glad to see another mayo hater, our voice will never be silenced!
The only time I will ever by silenced is when someone puts mayo on my submarine sandwich, which is immediately followed up by copious amounts of shouting.
DeemonAndGames
2 months ago