This review contains spoilers

The legend of Zelda tears of the kingdom, a very long awaited sequel to what is considered one of the greatest games ever made.
With that hype behind it, some were definitely skeptical, worrying about how it could just be “$70 dlc”, and it wouldn’t live up to BOTW, which is fair, so how do you make one of the greatest even greater……..well Nintendo’s answer is this game.
This game is fucking incredible, it literally improves on every single aspect of BOTW, so much so that it makes that game look like a $60 tech demo for this one, Nintendo didn’t just knock it out of the park, they knocked it out of the galaxy.
let’s not make this intro any longer, here’s why I love this newest Zelda game.


Out of every Zelda game, this game by far is the most fun, and that is because of two simple things: zonai devices and ultrahand, these two things alone are about what half of mine, and many others playthroughs are mostly made up of, in my time with this game I made many cars, planes, motorcycles, machines of death and destruction, mechs, attack helicopters, a lot of dicks, and so much more, these mechanics just add so much more content in this game through the sheer creativity you can manage alone, I completed many shrine puzzles in ways that weren’t intended with these abilities.
One thing I forgot to mention in my list of things I did with ultrahands and devices is torturing koroks, we all hate these little fuckers now cause of the 900 seeds you collect in the last game, and literally every reward just being that got on our nerves, and now there are a 1000 of them in this game and many of us are fed up with them.
I tortured many koroks, in total of like the fucking 50 of them I ran into, I helped maybe 3 of them reach their friend, I ignored like 15 of them, but the rest I crucified, grilled, waterboarded, the Geneva conventions went beyond just the Geneva suggestions, I tore koroks apart, and I could talk about the shit I did to them all day but we got other fun things to talk about in this game.
Ultrahand is the definitely the best new ability, but don’t sleep on the other ones, fuse is very cool, I liked fusing random fucking things together to see what random weapons I could create, and fusing a rocket to a shield is a nice replacement for revalis gale (RIP champion abilities, the one thing BOTW did better).
Ascend is a neat ability, for about the first 1/3 of the game I forgot it existed and got confused on what to do in multiple shrines before I just realized I needed to use ascend, but once I started using it more, it became extremely useful, especially for stone talus’ and going up the asses of statues.
Recall is also very cool, not much else to say about it, I basically just made a bunch of elevators and it was the main thing that helped me break some shrines and complete in non intended ways.
Lastly autobuild, more of an extension to ultrahand but I probably would’ve gone insane without it so, very cool.


Moving on from the abilities and war crimes, let’s talk about this game’s biggest jump up in quality from BOTW, that being the variety, more variety on the shrines, more variety in a good chunk of the korok (well the ones I actually did at least), WAY more variety in the enemy department, and just far more variety when it comes to approaching things in this game.
Let’s talk about that enemy variety cause holy fuck they brought so much more in compared to the last game, of course you still got your enemies from BOTW like bokoblins, lynels, hinox, stone talus’, all of them are still here, but the amount of new enemies they added is more than I think any of us could’ve expected, horriblins, gleeoks, gibdos, froxs, the gloom hands, the zonai constructs, the like likes, and even more, it’s seriously impressive how much they were able to add, this goes even further with the main temple bosses, which I’ll get to later.
Shrines to me feel far more alive this time, they really take advantage of every ability you have, I don’t have much else to say, they’re all pretty great.


Moving on from that, another thing that has majorly improved from BOTW is the temples, now I don’t think these temples aren’t as strong as some of the temples from the other Zelda games, but in my opinion, they knocked it out of the park for the temples and the build up for them specifically, I’ll start off with the wind temple, and holy fuck this is definitely the best one (well, tied with another for the best), the build up just to get to the wind temple is one of my favorite parts of this entire series, the slow gradual climb up to the giant boat, getting higher and higher as the surface seems to fade, culminating in a dive into the storm itself, this then leads to the temple itself, which I’ll say right now is alright, it’s clearly supposed to be the tutorial temple so it’s nothing too complicated, but after completing it, this leads to the 2nd best boss fight in this game, the fight with Colgera is a serene cinematic set piece, I was out of arrows by this point so I had to do the whole diving strategy, and that made the fight far more fun, the atmosphere of the fight, the really cool boss design, THE MOTHERFUCKING SOUNDTRACK JUST BLASTING DRAGON ROOST ISLAND, THAT SHIT HAD ME ASCENDING, this part of the game is just incredible, not much else needs to be said here.
In comparison, I sadly have to say that the water temple did not even come close to the wind temple’s quality, to start off with the quest to get to the temple is kinda dull, you learn that Sidon has a fiancé and now you can’t marry him……..what a sad reality, anyways after that betrayal you just do some stuff around zora’s domain, and it’s just lame until you get to the whole secret underground zora ruins and of course the sky section, which is pretty good I’ll admit, I was excited to see what the temple was like and it’s…….fine I guess, I like how open it is but the temple is just kinda underwhelming, and doesn’t really have the atmosphere of the others, plus the boss is just eh, pretty underwhelming compared to the previous temple.
In comparison, the fire temple was a big improvement, starting off with helping yunobo and scaling death mountain was fun, the boss at the top of it was cool, and then going into the depths was a nice twist compared to the two previous sky ones, and the temple itself is pretty cool, again not super difficult but the mine cart system was a neat little puzzle, and finally it ends off with a Gohma boss fight, an enemy we haven’t seen since twilight princess, it’s a pretty easy boss but it’s fun, overall I like this part way more than the water temple, but doesn’t come close to the wind section of the game.
Now the lightning temple on the other hand is my other favorite temple in this game, the build up is already super cool, showing a gerudo desert surrounded by sandstorms of some kind, and gibdos are everywhere to be seen, after a bit of stuff you help gerudo town fend off a gibdo attack, and then you gotta find the temple itself, which involves a neat light puzzle around the desert, then after that comes the temple itself, which is definitely my favorite of the actual temples in the game, it’s got an old ancient temple atmosphere to it, the surprise fight with the boss at the start is really cool, the puzzles are fun, it feels the most like a classic Zelda dungeon and it caps off with a really good boss too.
Hyrule castle, well, it’s not really a temple like the others, the search for Zelda around the castle and the reveal that the Zelda you’ve been chasing all game is actually Phantom Ganon is cool, plus the phantom ganon boss itself is very fun, but nothing else much to say about it aside from that.
Spirit temple is weird, considering that it’s only a boss room (though it is quite a fun boss) it shouldn’t really count here, the robot factory part is cool but isn’t necessarily part of the dungeon, boss fight is cool and it’s the only part of the main story (aside from the fire temple part) to use the depths so that’s cool.
Overall I think the temples and general phenomenas were very fun, still not at classic Zelda dungeon level but we’re getting there.


Speaking of the depths, they’re very cool, as well as the sky islands, it adds a great deal to the map and makes the game even bigger, I would go into more detail buuuuuuut, I don’t feel like it, I just really like them.



The last thing I’d like to talk about is the overall story of the game, cause wow it has majorly improved from BOTW, the voice acting sounds better, the memories are used a lot better than they were in the previous game, in my opinion the characters are more interesting, and the motivation to push through is generally way stronger than what BOTW provided.
One last major thing this game improved on, and I’d probably say this is the thing they improved the most.
In botw, calamity Ganon was a mildly interesting force of nature antagonist, but thanks to no real personality connected to it, Calamity Ganon ends up becoming one of the less memorable things about the game as it goes on, doesn’t help that the final boss in that game is disappointingly easy, however in TOTK, THEY BROUGHT BACK THE FUCKING GOAT.
Ganondorf in TOTK is not only a massive step up form Calamity Ganon, but he’s also just a spectacular return to form for this character, we’ve seen pig Ganon a bunch in the games recently, but we haven’t fully seen Ganondorf himself in a mainline game since twilight princess, IN 2006, 17 YEARS, and oh boy he delivers a plate of absolute devious villainy.
Ganondorf is an absolute menace in this game, in the opening of the game he literally hurts link’s arm so bad that it not only has to be amputated but also nearly kills Link, SHATTERS THE MASTER SWORD LIKE NOTHING, and then taunts both Link and Zelda, HE FUCKING WOKE UP AND IMMEDIATELY BROKE THE ANCIENT SWORD FORGED BY GODS, this is just the start, I didn’t even mention the fact that Calamity Ganon, the force of nature that caused the fucking apocalypse in the last game, was just his leaking malice coming from his body………BRO CAUSED AN APOCALYPSE FROM JUST HOW MUCH HIS ANGER AND HATRED BUILT UP DOWN THERE, THE CALAMITY WAS NOTHING MORE THAN A BEEFED UP PHANTOM GANON.
This is just the start of the game btw, we next see him trying to take hyrule by force, failing but then swearing his allegiance to the royal family in the most disrespectful and evil way possible, he just doesn’t give a fuck, he literally just fucking exerts evil, this is the ganondorf that channels Demise the most.
Now this next part is fucking mind blowing, so he tries to kill Queen Sonia while disguised as Zelda, but the actual zelda ends up stopping him, but then he pulls a little deceptive trick and kills Sonia, now he doesn’t just kill her by stabbing her or something, no, HE PUNCHES HER, LITERALLY ALL HE DID WAS PUNCH HER AND IT FATALLY WOUNDED HER, he grabs the tear from her falling body, and as Zelda mourns Sonia and cries, GANONDORF PULLS OUT THE MOST DEVIOUS SMILE EVER AND JUST LAUGHS, after that he puts the stone in his head and within seconds becomes the anti-Christ and spawns an army that sweeps over hyrule within a matter of seconds, LIKE HOLY SHIT BRO IS HIM.
After some time he ends up battling the sages, a fully powered Zelda, and two descendants of gods all at once, AND HE FUCKING WINS WITHOUT EVEN GETTING TIRED OR INJURED, however he’s then sealed for god knows how long and that ends his reign of terror………for that time at least.
Back to the present, Ganondorf uses phantom Ganon to fuck with all of hyrule by disguising as Zelda once again, and he causes some mass trickery, leading to every race getting fucked over in some way.
After all the phenomenas have been cleared and link beats phantom Ganon in hyrule castle, Ganondorf proceeds to show them what he’s gonna do to their world, scaring basically every sage and causing them to go and find the fifth sage to ultimately take down Ganon.
Now up to this point Ganondorf has proved that he is the ultimate menace, but does his fight live up to that hype?……….yes, fucking yes, in fact I’d say it’s the best Ganondorf fight in the series, and easily the game’s best boss fight.
It starts off with a simple fight against his gerudo form, he has some basic attacks that you’ve seen from the phantom ganon fights, but it’s more difficult and harder yo focus because Ganondorf’s muscles, they’re……..they……..the—, oh my lord bro………uh anyways, after this phase Ganondorf upgrades into Demise anti-Christ form and makes his new health bar, which fills up, and fills up……….where’s it going……..WHY IS IT GOING THAT FAR TO THE RIGHT, WHAT THE FUCK, dude that moment had my jaw dropping on the floor, and just a few seconds after that I entered a flurry rush with his attack, AND HE FUCKING DODGED AND FLURRY RUSHED BACK, that shit had me going insane, and this continues and the fight is way harder on this phase, he throws all this shit at you, switching between all types of weapons and eventually summoning those gloom spirit balls that not only take away your max hearts permanently, but also CAN BREAK A FULLY UNDAMAGED HYLIAN SHIELD IN TWO HITS, it’s insane.
They brought back Ganondorf in such a good way in this game bro, I love how Nintendo just went all out on making him an absolute menace, it’s just beautiful.
This leads to the final phase, which yeah is basically just a dragon version of the dark beast Ganon fight from the last game, but to be fair this one’s a lot cooler, Zelda actively has a role in it, it has call backs to the beginning of the game, uses the element of skydiving which you’ve been doing a lot throughout the game, it’s just all around better even if it is still really easy.
I especially forgive it cause the cutscene after I just absolutely adore, the ending cutscene in BOTW was kinda just eh, Zelda doesn’t really say anything noteworthy and doesn’t even seem happy that she just beat the beast that trapped her for 100 years, here though, this one’s just cool, after Rauru and Sonia’s spirits free Zelda from dragon form, you’re sent into a skydiving sequence, in which you need to catch Zelda, this part is generally just cool and has a really nice callback to the beginning of the game when Link couldn’t catch Zelda from falling, but now here, thanks to player input, he does save her, and they both land in water, the part after this is genuinely so fucking good, mostly cause of Zelda’s reaction to Ganondorf being defeated, she’s completely stunned and almost on the verge of crying tears of joy, it really just delivers that this ancient evil is truly just gone, and caps this masterpiece off wonderfully.


And that’s about all I have to say, well not everything but most of the major stuff, this is a truly beautiful game, and an absolute improvement from BOTW, it’s basically just superior in every way and I don’t see myself going back to replay BOTW with this game now being in existence, now is it the best Zelda game? Idk, I praised it to all hell but like most things, I’ll need time for my thoughts on this game to fully flourish.


Speaking of time, I recently got an itch to replay Ocarina of Time, I don’t know why, but imma go do that………..see y’all

Reviewed on Jun 12, 2023


1 Comment


6 months ago

aint no way im reading all that💀💀💀💀💀