(im on a mission to finish some left over reviews from the games ive played and post them before the end of the year or else theyre gonna show up in the game count of 2024 dont talk to me so its been a while since ive played \insert current game\ have fun with what i remember about it)
it's weird that a game that they always deemed a masterpiece is actually a masterpiece like where did my nonconformist maverick eccentric oddball sense of self went
ive been a fan of the legend of zelda since I was younger a statement that everyone on this planet would say (the first one was twilight princess and I still think that game is above breath of the wild im sorry yall but twilight princess absolutely stole my heart there's not one moment in my life when I don't think about wolf link and midna scouring through the dark realm of hyrule you iust can't replicate something like that you can make a game like that only once frfr)
meticulously the developers created a game bigger than life itself they just faced the god of creation like that to make the ultimate child and I think the mighty lord needs to watch their back period
following titular character link who I think its the first time you cant change his name because the protagonists actually call him link because they can talk unlike the gibberish of the other games (not derogatory I fucking love midna speaking her shit) waking up after a 100 years slumber with princess zelda going リンク 起きて OH also you guys can't fucking believe what I did for this game basically i was playing it in italian ok the greatest language of the world but since I fucking hate italian dub (actually its not that bad compared to english dub that ones pitiful but I still prefer to play japanese games in japanese because 1) i love japanese dub 2) maybe I'd learn more japanese from it (I don't because the subtitles get all my attention)) i took the japanese audio files online and put it into the italian version of the game to go over the italian audio files just to have the voices in japanese like this is some dedication yall so apparently you've been in a deep sleep and after some tutorial (great tutorial) of the main mechanics of the game you get some infodump and lore from one of the previous champions of hyrule (all terrifically dead) who looks like a fortune teller or a shaman she got a big ball that she doesn't want you to touch maybe that's where she gets her visions from the future but whatever so she tell you link! everyone's dead hyrule is gonna be destroyed by calamity ganon (have no idea how its called in english) and also it stole the colossi and princess zelda has been waiting patiently for your return do something apart from wearing some slutwear
majestic start so what you're gonna do is travel through the entirety of the land of hyrule with the objective of getting some sense into the colossi with philosophy also known as hitting their sweet spots with bomb arrows and solving their inner puzzles . ? weird but anyway
so now you got the whole world to explore . bomb long story short youre gonna do everything apart from the main quest thats whats gonna happen basically most of the gameplay loop surrounds a huge sense of exploration thats probably one of the biggest highlight of the game its basically oper world and you can do whatever you want traverse big plains or climb mountains or glide through the air theres a lot of stuff you can do and to actually aid the open world theres a lot of different shrines around hyrule and theyre basically small sized dungeons from the other games that actually use all the main mechanics from the game they usually range from pretty fun to actually unbearable like who thought i wanted to make a ball go out of a maze with motion controls anyhow theyre usually pretty interesting then they give you some collectibles and then you can spend them to either increase health or stamina im a big bitch and i wanted to have more time to run and climb so i spent most of the gems for the stamina gauge and what happened is that most monsters absolutely fucking killed me and i could not get the master sword for a damn wild thats what happens when youre stupid
so yeah this is probably the best part of the game for me apart from exploring but this game is genuinely HUGE you got some incredible amount of weapons and items to loot from around the world most people hate the breaking weapons mechanic i didnt particularly care for it it was pretty fun all around and most of the time i had huge amounts of weapons anyway cooking is also a thing and this can help you make some recipes to give you stat boosts or protection to weather or just heal some hearts and then you can get a horse and then you can get a house and then you can do a lot of side quests and then you can get koroks around hyrule while theyre hiding in the most stupid spots ever then you can increase the effectiveness of your equipment which is useless because enemies are still gonna fuck you up anyway and then you can explore every single part of the map to get a lot of different chests with stuff like arrows and shit and then you can sell stuff and then you can get a femboy attire theres A LOT you can do so im definitely not gonna get into it i dont have time new years eve is almost here i gotta be fast
while most of these elements are legitimately so different from the usual zelda experience that it made me pretty weirded out at first like the whole sense of exploration is unmatched to me and theres nothing that is gonna make me re evaluate the experience it was such a fucking wonderful emotion that few games actually managed to replicate im sorry uwu (i dont play a lot of open world games)
now what i do really think this game excels in is actually making the ocarina of time type of hyrule design into a intertwined operworld where you can get from the zora domain to the goron domain going through a lot of different biomes does that make sense and even the characterization of these places is incredibly iconic while they definitely dont feel as nostalgic as the one in ocarina i LOVE the zora domain or the gerudo desert or literally everything else in this game and this also elicits such a perfect rooster or main characters
apart from link and zelda ok whatever and also paya i love paya she wants to fuck link like really fuck him like really really fuck him most of the other characters are SOOOOO good in the rito village you get to know teba which is the new champion and the most gorgeous bird ive ever seen in my life i want to see his dick uhhhhhhhhhhh i meant i want to see him ride m mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i want to see him do some backflips in the air yeah that one and even revali is actually such a good character most of the guys on the internet hate him because hes hot and theyre not uwu go cry hes rude because hes traumatised then you get kass which is ,.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i dont think you actually want to know what i think about kass because im probably gonna get reported so i will leave it at that now the goron guys are actually the most anonymous ones for me since i dont really fuck with the personality of the new champion and ive never even wanted to be a babysitter in the first place then you have the gerudos with urbosa being the greatest lesbian ive ever seen in my life literally i can feel her she loves sports and she dresses like a boy and she fancies all other women and she hates men and she doesnt shave and she loves astrology but the one i really do love is riju i have no idea how they managed to make such a charming kid govern over the gerudos but they made the right decision i love her archetype and i love her energy good girl last but not least the zoras so umh every time i think about mipha i have a crying fit im not laughing this is not a joke have you seen the memory of link where mipha says “i hope that when this war ends you can be back her so we can play together like we did when we were kids” do you hear somebody crying rn because thats me im literally a corpse dont talk to me and then you have sidon now im not gonna say anything about sidon im just gonna put a copypasta and then youre gonna tell me what i think about him
I-I want your creamy warm cum inside of me I-I want u to choke me and use toys like vibrators~! I want to feel you deep down inside of me I want u to make me scream~ I want u to give me hickeys and bruises all over i-i want u to give it to me hard and dont hold back I wanna be soaked in your cum and my sweat I want u to fuck me for days and hours please daddy’s please! I-I want u t-to use all your s-sex toys on me e-every s-single o-one t-the vibrater t-the sex s-swing t-the whips a-all of t-them~ A-ah shit... Y-your cock is so big and in my ass already~? Mnn... Faster... Harder! Turn me into your dream slut~! Penetrate me until i burst! Mmmm~ Soothe me~ Caress me~ Fuck me~ Breed me~ Probe your thick, wet, throbbing cock deeper and deeper into my p***y Ahhh... Ahhh~ I-Im cumming Im cumming! Cum with me too! Drench me! Ill do the same~ Ill swallow your sticky essence along with you~ Im your personal cumbucket~!! I want you to touch me real good. damn..~ beat me I want you to make me leak and cum inside me I hope you cum all over me..pleasure me real good..~ you make me wet all day..~ eat me all you want...~ D..daddy..~ your going too f..fast..~ H..harder..!~You make me feel wet everyday..~A..ah..!! D..daddy..~ g..go rough..~ A..ahh..!!~ M..mm..~ I..I’m going to leak..!!~ A..ah..!~ G..gentle..~! Ahh..~ j..just a little deeper daddy!~ p..punish me d..daddy..~ I.. I. Feel so wet and j...juicy.~ mhmmmm~ to- to hard.. ahhhh~ m.. more p-please~!
moving on since you cant actually ONLY explore in this game the colossi are gonna act as the “true” dungeons of the game and in my honest opinion ????? they such ASS im so sorry im definitely not a fan of the colossi dungeons theyre completely unbearable for me because im dumb stupid absolutely ignorant i have no idea how to actually traverse a dungeon while actually tridimensionally move a damn colossus to activate 5 terminals i have NO idea how to do that ok dont talk to me and all this actually escalates into 4 copy and paste boss fights yeah umh as you can guess im not a huge fan of these parts of the game but at least theyre an interesting change of pace
another interesting change of pace is when you actually get to hyrule castle and theres like an incredibly big dungeon to explore with so many enemies against you and if you get in there when youre not well equipped trust they are gonna OWN your ASS so yada yada you battle some monsters get to the final boss realise you have to actually parry with the shield and double realise that you actually spent 60 hours in game without using the parry mechanic a single time so you now have to repeat the boss fight 5 times until you actually hone the technique (FUN) then fuck his ass up and then get into a shadow of the colossus boss fight completely out of nowhere then you fuck that bitch up and when hes dead the game ends
wow umh that sounded way less epic than it actually is but trust me as someone who loves shadow of the colossus . THAT ??? was epic
so even though this game has a lot of different problems i completely ignored every single one of them because sidon is in this game and i want to do the shape of water with him this is definitely such a different experience from the usual zelda formula and because its probably the most highly regarded game of this decade of course they would replicate the formula in tears of the kingdom but this is still such an incredible experience and the first playthrough in it was nothing short of magic and to those who actually think this games OST is hollow and sucks you honestly dont deserve a family have you LISTENED ??? to the final boss battle theme ??? im gonna throw hands
so yeah everybody thinks its a masterpiece and its actually a masterpiece i love everything in it lets wrap this up since this is the LAST GAME IM GONNA SPEEDWRITE AND TO WHOEVERS READING THIS HAPPY NEW YEAR YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH i hope im gonna have a sidon on me action in tears of the kingdom stay tuned im definitely gonna have a lot to say about that bye bye
also ive never played the dlcs and i dont plan to !!!!! good vibes !!!!!
it's weird that a game that they always deemed a masterpiece is actually a masterpiece like where did my nonconformist maverick eccentric oddball sense of self went
ive been a fan of the legend of zelda since I was younger a statement that everyone on this planet would say (the first one was twilight princess and I still think that game is above breath of the wild im sorry yall but twilight princess absolutely stole my heart there's not one moment in my life when I don't think about wolf link and midna scouring through the dark realm of hyrule you iust can't replicate something like that you can make a game like that only once frfr)
meticulously the developers created a game bigger than life itself they just faced the god of creation like that to make the ultimate child and I think the mighty lord needs to watch their back period
following titular character link who I think its the first time you cant change his name because the protagonists actually call him link because they can talk unlike the gibberish of the other games (not derogatory I fucking love midna speaking her shit) waking up after a 100 years slumber with princess zelda going リンク 起きて OH also you guys can't fucking believe what I did for this game basically i was playing it in italian ok the greatest language of the world but since I fucking hate italian dub (actually its not that bad compared to english dub that ones pitiful but I still prefer to play japanese games in japanese because 1) i love japanese dub 2) maybe I'd learn more japanese from it (I don't because the subtitles get all my attention)) i took the japanese audio files online and put it into the italian version of the game to go over the italian audio files just to have the voices in japanese like this is some dedication yall so apparently you've been in a deep sleep and after some tutorial (great tutorial) of the main mechanics of the game you get some infodump and lore from one of the previous champions of hyrule (all terrifically dead) who looks like a fortune teller or a shaman she got a big ball that she doesn't want you to touch maybe that's where she gets her visions from the future but whatever so she tell you link! everyone's dead hyrule is gonna be destroyed by calamity ganon (have no idea how its called in english) and also it stole the colossi and princess zelda has been waiting patiently for your return do something apart from wearing some slutwear
majestic start so what you're gonna do is travel through the entirety of the land of hyrule with the objective of getting some sense into the colossi with philosophy also known as hitting their sweet spots with bomb arrows and solving their inner puzzles . ? weird but anyway
so now you got the whole world to explore . bomb long story short youre gonna do everything apart from the main quest thats whats gonna happen basically most of the gameplay loop surrounds a huge sense of exploration thats probably one of the biggest highlight of the game its basically oper world and you can do whatever you want traverse big plains or climb mountains or glide through the air theres a lot of stuff you can do and to actually aid the open world theres a lot of different shrines around hyrule and theyre basically small sized dungeons from the other games that actually use all the main mechanics from the game they usually range from pretty fun to actually unbearable like who thought i wanted to make a ball go out of a maze with motion controls anyhow theyre usually pretty interesting then they give you some collectibles and then you can spend them to either increase health or stamina im a big bitch and i wanted to have more time to run and climb so i spent most of the gems for the stamina gauge and what happened is that most monsters absolutely fucking killed me and i could not get the master sword for a damn wild thats what happens when youre stupid
so yeah this is probably the best part of the game for me apart from exploring but this game is genuinely HUGE you got some incredible amount of weapons and items to loot from around the world most people hate the breaking weapons mechanic i didnt particularly care for it it was pretty fun all around and most of the time i had huge amounts of weapons anyway cooking is also a thing and this can help you make some recipes to give you stat boosts or protection to weather or just heal some hearts and then you can get a horse and then you can get a house and then you can do a lot of side quests and then you can get koroks around hyrule while theyre hiding in the most stupid spots ever then you can increase the effectiveness of your equipment which is useless because enemies are still gonna fuck you up anyway and then you can explore every single part of the map to get a lot of different chests with stuff like arrows and shit and then you can sell stuff and then you can get a femboy attire theres A LOT you can do so im definitely not gonna get into it i dont have time new years eve is almost here i gotta be fast
while most of these elements are legitimately so different from the usual zelda experience that it made me pretty weirded out at first like the whole sense of exploration is unmatched to me and theres nothing that is gonna make me re evaluate the experience it was such a fucking wonderful emotion that few games actually managed to replicate im sorry uwu (i dont play a lot of open world games)
now what i do really think this game excels in is actually making the ocarina of time type of hyrule design into a intertwined operworld where you can get from the zora domain to the goron domain going through a lot of different biomes does that make sense and even the characterization of these places is incredibly iconic while they definitely dont feel as nostalgic as the one in ocarina i LOVE the zora domain or the gerudo desert or literally everything else in this game and this also elicits such a perfect rooster or main characters
apart from link and zelda ok whatever and also paya i love paya she wants to fuck link like really fuck him like really really fuck him most of the other characters are SOOOOO good in the rito village you get to know teba which is the new champion and the most gorgeous bird ive ever seen in my life i want to see his dick uhhhhhhhhhhh i meant i want to see him ride m mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i want to see him do some backflips in the air yeah that one and even revali is actually such a good character most of the guys on the internet hate him because hes hot and theyre not uwu go cry hes rude because hes traumatised then you get kass which is ,.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i dont think you actually want to know what i think about kass because im probably gonna get reported so i will leave it at that now the goron guys are actually the most anonymous ones for me since i dont really fuck with the personality of the new champion and ive never even wanted to be a babysitter in the first place then you have the gerudos with urbosa being the greatest lesbian ive ever seen in my life literally i can feel her she loves sports and she dresses like a boy and she fancies all other women and she hates men and she doesnt shave and she loves astrology but the one i really do love is riju i have no idea how they managed to make such a charming kid govern over the gerudos but they made the right decision i love her archetype and i love her energy good girl last but not least the zoras so umh every time i think about mipha i have a crying fit im not laughing this is not a joke have you seen the memory of link where mipha says “i hope that when this war ends you can be back her so we can play together like we did when we were kids” do you hear somebody crying rn because thats me im literally a corpse dont talk to me and then you have sidon now im not gonna say anything about sidon im just gonna put a copypasta and then youre gonna tell me what i think about him
I-I want your creamy warm cum inside of me I-I want u to choke me and use toys like vibrators~! I want to feel you deep down inside of me I want u to make me scream~ I want u to give me hickeys and bruises all over i-i want u to give it to me hard and dont hold back I wanna be soaked in your cum and my sweat I want u to fuck me for days and hours please daddy’s please! I-I want u t-to use all your s-sex toys on me e-every s-single o-one t-the vibrater t-the sex s-swing t-the whips a-all of t-them~ A-ah shit... Y-your cock is so big and in my ass already~? Mnn... Faster... Harder! Turn me into your dream slut~! Penetrate me until i burst! Mmmm~ Soothe me~ Caress me~ Fuck me~ Breed me~ Probe your thick, wet, throbbing cock deeper and deeper into my p***y Ahhh... Ahhh~ I-Im cumming Im cumming! Cum with me too! Drench me! Ill do the same~ Ill swallow your sticky essence along with you~ Im your personal cumbucket~!! I want you to touch me real good. damn..~ beat me I want you to make me leak and cum inside me I hope you cum all over me..pleasure me real good..~ you make me wet all day..~ eat me all you want...~ D..daddy..~ your going too f..fast..~ H..harder..!~You make me feel wet everyday..~A..ah..!! D..daddy..~ g..go rough..~ A..ahh..!!~ M..mm..~ I..I’m going to leak..!!~ A..ah..!~ G..gentle..~! Ahh..~ j..just a little deeper daddy!~ p..punish me d..daddy..~ I.. I. Feel so wet and j...juicy.~ mhmmmm~ to- to hard.. ahhhh~ m.. more p-please~!
moving on since you cant actually ONLY explore in this game the colossi are gonna act as the “true” dungeons of the game and in my honest opinion ????? they such ASS im so sorry im definitely not a fan of the colossi dungeons theyre completely unbearable for me because im dumb stupid absolutely ignorant i have no idea how to actually traverse a dungeon while actually tridimensionally move a damn colossus to activate 5 terminals i have NO idea how to do that ok dont talk to me and all this actually escalates into 4 copy and paste boss fights yeah umh as you can guess im not a huge fan of these parts of the game but at least theyre an interesting change of pace
another interesting change of pace is when you actually get to hyrule castle and theres like an incredibly big dungeon to explore with so many enemies against you and if you get in there when youre not well equipped trust they are gonna OWN your ASS so yada yada you battle some monsters get to the final boss realise you have to actually parry with the shield and double realise that you actually spent 60 hours in game without using the parry mechanic a single time so you now have to repeat the boss fight 5 times until you actually hone the technique (FUN) then fuck his ass up and then get into a shadow of the colossus boss fight completely out of nowhere then you fuck that bitch up and when hes dead the game ends
wow umh that sounded way less epic than it actually is but trust me as someone who loves shadow of the colossus . THAT ??? was epic
so even though this game has a lot of different problems i completely ignored every single one of them because sidon is in this game and i want to do the shape of water with him this is definitely such a different experience from the usual zelda formula and because its probably the most highly regarded game of this decade of course they would replicate the formula in tears of the kingdom but this is still such an incredible experience and the first playthrough in it was nothing short of magic and to those who actually think this games OST is hollow and sucks you honestly dont deserve a family have you LISTENED ??? to the final boss battle theme ??? im gonna throw hands
so yeah everybody thinks its a masterpiece and its actually a masterpiece i love everything in it lets wrap this up since this is the LAST GAME IM GONNA SPEEDWRITE AND TO WHOEVERS READING THIS HAPPY NEW YEAR YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH i hope im gonna have a sidon on me action in tears of the kingdom stay tuned im definitely gonna have a lot to say about that bye bye
also ive never played the dlcs and i dont plan to !!!!! good vibes !!!!!