I was surprised at how funny this was. The character interactions and humor were the best part. The battle system was undoubtedly novel and fine at first, but by the end, I did everything in my power to avoid bumping into enemies. It became such a chore. Most of the tasks in this game are simply wandering around, trying to find an item to advance to the next part of the story. This is an element in every game but the primary focus of all Paper Mario games. The presentation was gorgeous, but the pace could have been tightened up. Some worlds dragged on far too long.

Security system TAKES CONTROL OF SQUIDWARD'S HOUSE and begins ATTACKING THE CITY, leaving the mayor to give Squidward community service for the damage he caused, EVEN THOUGH Spongebob and Patrick were in his house the WHOLE FUCKING TIME, and were responsible for EVERYTHING! GAAH! FUCK THIS EPISODE! This episode is when the Squidward torture porn started to become a regular staple in Spongebob's episodes and this one is one of the meanest, cruelest, and just plain unfair of them all. All Squidward wanted to do is enjoy one day to himself, but that can NEVER HAPPEN when he lives next to Spongebob and Patrick, can it?

"I'm making mac and cheese and NOBODY CAN STOP ME!"

It feels so rare to find a game with quite literally nothing to offer. It is a Narrative Puzzle Video Game with a Bad Narrative, Bad Puzzles, Bad Video, and Bad Game. Let's break down these one by one.

The story in this game is QUITE BAD. Not only are almost none of the jokes and comedic antics found throughout this game all that funny, but the pacing of the story is so awful that it makes you get whiplash at multiple moments. One positive I'll give this is that this whiplash pacing can lead to scenes that are unintentionally hilarious (like the aforementioned Mac and Cheese scene) but it just reeks of laziness, not helped by the fact that the characters love to blatantly shout all of the metaphors and comparisons in the story out of fear for people not getting it. At least the Voice Acting is okay..?

This game was very clearly designed as a baby's first detective game so I was not expecting puzzles on the level of Ace Attorney, Return of the Obra Dinn, LA Noire, or even Danganronpa, but what I was expecting was.. any actual gameplay. The puzzles in this game are so brain-dead easy that you might not even RECOGNIZE THEM as puzzles until they're over. Again, this game was very clearly made for very young kids, so I'm not expecting too difficult puzzles, but the E-rated Pikmin 4, Luigi's Mansion 3, and Origami King are all on this console as well, so considering this is a $50 GAME you could definitely do a little more than this.

All of this would already put this game pretty low for me, like a 5 or something, but the real Achilles heel of this game is the fact that despite the sheer lack of gameplay or narrative substance, this game looks DIABOLICALLY BAD. These are the guys who made the Pokepark games on Wii AND the first Detective Pikachu on 3DS and, for those system's graphical capabilities, they didn't look bad. But this game looks absolutely HORRID. Not just in comparison to other switch games, but even compared to almost ALL of the other pokemon games on THIS SAME SYSTEM. The Lighting in this game is just straight-up nonexistent, the character models feel like they're plucked straight off the 3DS with very minimal upscaling, and the colors look incredibly washed out and drab. There are mobile games that look better than this. This might actually be the second-ugliest game I played this year behind Gollum because AT LEAST GARTEN OF BANBAN HAS LIGHTING. A lot of reviews that are a little softer on the game, criticize this game's graphics but praise its overall art direction with pokemon being seen as more alive than just animals. And to that, I say, go play Pokepark 2 on the wii.

Now, if this game was just a $20-$40 e-shop title that was thrown on switch after a tumultuous development period, then this review wouldn't be as long. I wouldn't even really care that much. But, and I must reiterate, this game is $50. And for $50, you get an incredibly short game with basically no gameplay, a poorly paced and unengaging story, puzzles so easy that even a baby could solve them, and, quite possibly, the worst visuals from any Nintendo Published game.... ever? (at least by the standards of when they were released) This game signals to me as direct proof, that the poor technical states of the Pokemon series have NOTHING to do with the individual developers of these games but with how Nintendo and The Pokemon Company keep imposing incredibly strict deadlines on these devs to keep pumping out games all the time, which is something Game Freak itself has acknowledged and is saying they're trying to move away from.

So I really hope that this game ages a lot worse in the future.

Unlike most games from the late 90's and early 2000's I feel very passionately about, I didn't play this one as kid. I came around to Banjo-Kazooie due to the almost unanimous praise it received from Youtube game reviewers, and since I had a love of 3D platformers from the mainline Mario games, I figured I had to take a chance on it.

Banjo-Kazooie is a game I would consider one of the aesthetic marvels of gaming - not due to technical prowess, but instead extreme control and polish. Every level in this game is unique and memorable to a tee; Mumbo Mountain, Treasure Trove Cove, Freezeezy Peak, Mad Monster Mansion and Click Clock Wood are just a selection that are unrivalled in visual flare and environmental design. Nevermind the music composed by Grant Kirkhope, some of the most sticky melodies and pitch perfect choices for each level imaginable. The main theme, Click Clock Wood and Treasure Cove are routinely stuck in my head; and the way that each one of them morphs and changes depending on where in the level you are is exquisite.

Outside of the aesthetics, the core gameplay is still an amazing time too. Controls are tight, and the platforming rides a fine line between actually being challenging and not aneurism inducing. Each Jiggy requires a combination of your platforming prowess, your logical deduction skills and some commitment to get, making the whole experience quite rewarding.

This is a Doom (2016) situation where I am enamoured with this game for its perfection of its craft, but due to it not feeling like a profound experience it's not a personal 10/10. Still, if you have any interest in this game, please please play it.