unbreakably hard and made of cold steel is chibi-robo, the phallus idol worshipped by a gluttonous (american) media-obesessed patriarch heading a rapidly failing family. no doubt the father's willingness to sacrifice the last of his family's resources indicates that he will go to any length in order to re-establish a masculine presence that the family can center themselves around (an obviously archaic view of the family unit as a tribe to be led). in the reality that this attempt fails, the bond between parents is shattered, and the wellbeing of their daughter is compromised.

chibi-robo, of course, succeeds. there's probably nothing in the world that this guy can't do. at one point one of the characters says outright that "thanks to you chibi-robo, I feel great all the time now". this guy pisses himself in front of you later too(?) all of the other characters basically take turns saying this to you after you solve all of their life-ruining issues too. honestly it's probably true that these guys are going to spend the rest of their lives thinking about chibi-robo every single day. and who can blame them? chibi is goated. his every action is infused with an enthusiasm for getting it done. his run is pure passion and he hustles like he can't stop. and the sound design... probably some of our (humankind's) best sound effects. you've got the raising-the-ladder sound effect (nyehwhehehehehe), the bouncy xylophone note accenting every non-carpeted footstep, the a capella "boh" when you back out of the item select menu. I love chibi-robo's way of doing things. like telly says, just chibi's very presence makes everyone happy, happy, happy.

chibi-robo has dominated a small portion of my massive psyche ever since I first saw him in nintendo power. he owned the front cover of the march 2006 issue (though there was a banner advertising a special report on metroid prime hunters as well... now that was a game. I alt-abused as sylux while my brother mained trace and was cracked at hitting rails.) happy to have finally played this. really really sweet game.

Reviewed on Sep 18, 2022


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