This review contains spoilers
Ever wanted to give Aerith that god damn phoenix down? Yeah? Fuck you.
Let's make a game about changing fate, or destiny, or whatever, because I guess people want the final fantasy 7 story to change. The story that's been loved by countless amounts of people, the story that shaped the future of RPGs. Square was at its golden age, and they are chasing that age again. Why shouldn't they? Everyone wanted a remake: And so they did.
Final Fantasy 7 Remake is many games. It's so many games. Final Fantasy 7's remake is to Sonic's 06. Final Fantasy 7's remake is to Yakuza's Kiwami. Final Fantasy 7's remake is to... wait, 3 games? You need 3 games to tell the epic of Final Fantasy 7, or I guess, retell it? Augh. What a slog. Oh my god, it's a slog. It's slow, it's boring, I didn't care. But why didn't I care?
Final Fantasy 7's remake is to Sonic's 06: A world of fantasy meets the future. Every notion you knew about JRPGs are new. You are given a narrative you've never seen before. Should you have played the previous Final Fantasies and cared, cried or screamed to them, you would never know that it could possibly get any more better, or crazier, or be as grand as it can be. Popping that PS1 disc for the first time must have been life changing for some. I wouldn't know, I wasn't part of the world who experienced FF7 on launch. However, the echoes of its fans are heard loud and clear anywhere you go on the internet. That is to say: Even if you haven't played FF7, you know FF7. Whether you liked or hated it, the story moved so many souls in the world.
Now tell me, has remake moved you? Has the first part told you "you're in for a wild ride"? Look at me right in the eye and say you're hyped. Cause I'm not. Having to go through, what, a third of the original game in a full length story means everything's paced differently, and I don't mind slow pacing. The problem is with its characters. I don't care about them. Every time I had to look at an NPC, I had to sigh over how boring they looked. Every time I had to listen to a character talked, I had to roll my eyes over the conversations they were having. I felt no need to care for some of the most menial writing I had to suffer through while playing this game. I went for the side quests, as much as I could, but I couldn't handle it anymore. NPCs, characters, whatever, I just couldn't get myself to care for. I had to take care of their problems, whatever they were. However, I needed a very emotionless boy to tell them how disinterested they were to it all, or that they needed to pay for their troubles to be solved. I was doing chores, not side quests. I was, in the end, speaking to Sonic 06 NPCs. If they didn't have voice acting, just going "'eyy", I'd feel much more at ease taking care of some nobody's problems. However, I had to take my time to listen to their mild woes, shut my brain off, and do the chores.
Ah, wait, this is just about side quests. Well, nah, I didn't care for most of the main cast either. I liked Barrett, of course. I wanted to see him get through his troubles, no matter how densely headstrong he was.
...Uh, that was it. I didn't care for the rest of the main cast. Cloud's emotionless, and I'm supposed to cheer for him whenever he shows a bit of emotion. Aerith and Tifa feel like they're just side-to-side with Cloud to share good moments with him, so that he opens up. Red XIII doesn't appear until the very end of the game, so I can't say much. Shoutouts to Wedge, who, despite being endearing, still kinda sucks. At least he's trying, I guess. Man, these characters just felt... forced. I am supposed to care about them: they're the Final Fantasy 7 cast! Make it an epic, give them reasons to make the player care, no matter what. I hate it!
Final Fantasy 7's Remake is to Yakuza's Kiwami: Oh, this is a weird one, huh? They're both remakes, obviously. They got a fresh coat of paint. This one would make more sense than the Sonic 06 part (which I admittedly just couldn't bear and it's my biggest complaint about the game, so I went full cynical mode on it). Its gameplay is... fine. It works, I can't give it a stink eye. Making it an action RPG rather than a turn-based one is just a result of modernizing video games. Big whoop, I want to see more turn based RPGs, but I won't get it with FF7 Remake. I have nothing bad to say about this. Except for maybe one thing: Some fights feel like shit. It's another case of the bulletproof vest, like with my Kiwami review. It's not as bad, but I felt some facsimiles of needing certain resistances to not get thoroughly fucked on certain fights. Again, it's not as bad, but I couldn't help but remember getting shot at as Kiryu and going "ah come on man". Same thing with Cloud not getting the time of day against certain enemies.
So, there it is. Final Fantasy 7 Remake is kinda doodoo. The story and characters are a fucking plague in my mind, but the gameplay is fine. Fans apparently want a redo of the whole story they loved so much. What happens at the end of the third game? What if it's not up to snuff? What if it doesn't equal the universal hype? What a herculean task Square Enix took by remaking Final Fantasy 7. They have the blueprints, most we can do is wait and see where it goes. Me? I'll still probably follow this series cause, I don't know, the whispers are forcing me to face my destiny: I gotta play through this fucking story. Despite all my cynicism, I've fallen for the trap of sunken cost fallacy once more. I'll buckle up while I'm at it.
Anyways, Final Fantasy 8 deserved a remake more than 7. Fuck you.
Let's make a game about changing fate, or destiny, or whatever, because I guess people want the final fantasy 7 story to change. The story that's been loved by countless amounts of people, the story that shaped the future of RPGs. Square was at its golden age, and they are chasing that age again. Why shouldn't they? Everyone wanted a remake: And so they did.
Final Fantasy 7 Remake is many games. It's so many games. Final Fantasy 7's remake is to Sonic's 06. Final Fantasy 7's remake is to Yakuza's Kiwami. Final Fantasy 7's remake is to... wait, 3 games? You need 3 games to tell the epic of Final Fantasy 7, or I guess, retell it? Augh. What a slog. Oh my god, it's a slog. It's slow, it's boring, I didn't care. But why didn't I care?
Final Fantasy 7's remake is to Sonic's 06: A world of fantasy meets the future. Every notion you knew about JRPGs are new. You are given a narrative you've never seen before. Should you have played the previous Final Fantasies and cared, cried or screamed to them, you would never know that it could possibly get any more better, or crazier, or be as grand as it can be. Popping that PS1 disc for the first time must have been life changing for some. I wouldn't know, I wasn't part of the world who experienced FF7 on launch. However, the echoes of its fans are heard loud and clear anywhere you go on the internet. That is to say: Even if you haven't played FF7, you know FF7. Whether you liked or hated it, the story moved so many souls in the world.
Now tell me, has remake moved you? Has the first part told you "you're in for a wild ride"? Look at me right in the eye and say you're hyped. Cause I'm not. Having to go through, what, a third of the original game in a full length story means everything's paced differently, and I don't mind slow pacing. The problem is with its characters. I don't care about them. Every time I had to look at an NPC, I had to sigh over how boring they looked. Every time I had to listen to a character talked, I had to roll my eyes over the conversations they were having. I felt no need to care for some of the most menial writing I had to suffer through while playing this game. I went for the side quests, as much as I could, but I couldn't handle it anymore. NPCs, characters, whatever, I just couldn't get myself to care for. I had to take care of their problems, whatever they were. However, I needed a very emotionless boy to tell them how disinterested they were to it all, or that they needed to pay for their troubles to be solved. I was doing chores, not side quests. I was, in the end, speaking to Sonic 06 NPCs. If they didn't have voice acting, just going "'eyy", I'd feel much more at ease taking care of some nobody's problems. However, I had to take my time to listen to their mild woes, shut my brain off, and do the chores.
Ah, wait, this is just about side quests. Well, nah, I didn't care for most of the main cast either. I liked Barrett, of course. I wanted to see him get through his troubles, no matter how densely headstrong he was.
...Uh, that was it. I didn't care for the rest of the main cast. Cloud's emotionless, and I'm supposed to cheer for him whenever he shows a bit of emotion. Aerith and Tifa feel like they're just side-to-side with Cloud to share good moments with him, so that he opens up. Red XIII doesn't appear until the very end of the game, so I can't say much. Shoutouts to Wedge, who, despite being endearing, still kinda sucks. At least he's trying, I guess. Man, these characters just felt... forced. I am supposed to care about them: they're the Final Fantasy 7 cast! Make it an epic, give them reasons to make the player care, no matter what. I hate it!
Final Fantasy 7's Remake is to Yakuza's Kiwami: Oh, this is a weird one, huh? They're both remakes, obviously. They got a fresh coat of paint. This one would make more sense than the Sonic 06 part (which I admittedly just couldn't bear and it's my biggest complaint about the game, so I went full cynical mode on it). Its gameplay is... fine. It works, I can't give it a stink eye. Making it an action RPG rather than a turn-based one is just a result of modernizing video games. Big whoop, I want to see more turn based RPGs, but I won't get it with FF7 Remake. I have nothing bad to say about this. Except for maybe one thing: Some fights feel like shit. It's another case of the bulletproof vest, like with my Kiwami review. It's not as bad, but I felt some facsimiles of needing certain resistances to not get thoroughly fucked on certain fights. Again, it's not as bad, but I couldn't help but remember getting shot at as Kiryu and going "ah come on man". Same thing with Cloud not getting the time of day against certain enemies.
So, there it is. Final Fantasy 7 Remake is kinda doodoo. The story and characters are a fucking plague in my mind, but the gameplay is fine. Fans apparently want a redo of the whole story they loved so much. What happens at the end of the third game? What if it's not up to snuff? What if it doesn't equal the universal hype? What a herculean task Square Enix took by remaking Final Fantasy 7. They have the blueprints, most we can do is wait and see where it goes. Me? I'll still probably follow this series cause, I don't know, the whispers are forcing me to face my destiny: I gotta play through this fucking story. Despite all my cynicism, I've fallen for the trap of sunken cost fallacy once more. I'll buckle up while I'm at it.
Anyways, Final Fantasy 8 deserved a remake more than 7. Fuck you.