it was an incredibly bold move by nintendo to make a game whose core mechanic is dropping the fps to single digits. if any other studio tried this, i'd call them crazy! but by god, those crazy mothertruckers over at nintendo pulled it off. attempting to outdo breath of the wild is no mean feat, but by god those crazy mothertruckers over at nintendo pulled it off. i don't care if its the same map, i played botw 12 years ago and my entire memory is limited to the past week, this may as well have been a completely new world to me.

i had a great time running around hyrule as my favourite little twink wearing gay little outfits, smacking monsters with weapons twice my size, and then scooting away on a tricycle i built out of wood and tyres. and that's only the beginning! there's so much to do in this game, its overwhelming. not only can you run around on the ground, but in the sky and the depths, too! wow.

and how about that story? if you told me that nintendo made a game with a story that was even better than breath of the wild's, i'd believe you because that one was kinda mid. this one's pretty decent, though. it all culminates in an explosive climax that really needs to be seen to be believed. but you know what the craziest part of the tears of the kingdom is? they mapped jump to X! what the fuck! why have they done that!