In Wardner, you take on the roll of a short, chubby guy whose name I am not aware of. The game starts when you and a girl are approached by a wizard promising a "fantasia" of sorts. You follow the wizard, and he kidnaps the girl, commenting that she will make a nice gift for Mr. Wardner. We can't have that, can we?On your quest to save your friend, you have to travel across 5 levels, to reach the evil Mr. Wardner. You will have to destroy monsters, jump over and duck under various traps, and collect gold and orbs to help you with your journey.You have a weapon meter on the bottom of the screen, which shows your current weapon, and weapon power (1 to 8). All weapons use the same power, so if you change weapons, you won't lose the power. The power, rather than making your weapon stronger, lets you fire it faster.
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At the very least, it doesn't outstay its welcome and the main character looks like Eric Cartman cosplaying as some fantasy character. That's worth at least half a point.
Protips: hit down to get off those aforementioned pulleys- it's the only way to get off of them without jumping into the spikes in a particular stage where you have to zip around on them. Don't waste your gold on anything in the shops but capes, needles (to "repair" the cape and let you keep it for two hits) and the power of the sun. The other items are basically fucking useless and I'm pretty sure you can't even beat the game with the other projectile types.
Addendum
Man was this seriously 400th marked as played lol what a lame milestone my bad