summer 98' i just got my very own, hand me down, psx. my step dad took me to blockbuster to rent a game and basically pleaded with me to rent resident evil 2.
guess what i rented instead.
the alternate reality version of me is probably way cooler and rich but at least i know im getting a big kiss on the lips from phil hartman, in heaven.
guess what i rented instead.
the alternate reality version of me is probably way cooler and rich but at least i know im getting a big kiss on the lips from phil hartman, in heaven.
It may be bad but it's also really sexist.
Garbage game I played as a kid on the PS1.
Only reason I remember this, is that in my mind this seems like the character Captain Qwark is meant to be a parody of. Lol.
Only reason I remember this, is that in my mind this seems like the character Captain Qwark is meant to be a parody of. Lol.
There's a certain feeling I hate getting when I'm playing a game, one that is a clear sign that what I'm playing is not worth the time of day. I was in the middle of the second level of Blasto when I said to myself "Oh god, is this all the game is?".
"Like Tomb Raider mixed with Duke Nukem" is the quote I would give this game if I was working for a game magazine in the 90s. The game's premise of "manly action hero full of one-liners wipes out a bunch of aliens and also there's Sexy Babes there" isn't the only thing this game borrows from Duke Nukem, as it seems to adhere to the boomer shooter tradition of "go here, hit a switch, ok now go back there, hit that switch, ok now that part is open, find the switch here, etc". Blasto's moveset resembles Lara Croft's in a couple ways, being a tank-controlled third-person shooter with a focus on jumping, though Blasto is much less focused on puzzle-solving, instead going full action. It's also a lot faster than Lara Croft, the jump is definitely more reliable for platforming. It's not like any of this is doomed to fail, but good god Blasto employs the most boring and annoying possible level design. On top of all the backtracking I mentioned, every couple steps you run into a section full of enemies spawning out of thin air, many times behind your back in such a way that getting to them before they hit you is impossible. The game is generous with health and extra lives, but that almost makes it worse because it feels like it knows it's shit and is trying to last-minute balance itself. Seriously, by the time I got to level 3 I felt like I was going insane with how much this game repeats the same tricks every couple seconds. The same flying enemies spawning everywhere in large numbers, the same on-foot enemies spawning right in front of you, the same switches and platforming challenges, it became miserable very quickly. Just, imagine Tomb Raider if instead of a Tomb to solve it was a big hallway and every 10 seconds you had to stop and fight 10 bats and 10 dogs.
There are a few redeeming qualities to Blasto, ones that keep me from giving it the lowest score possible. For one, Blasto doesn't actually control that poorly, if you're used to tank controls you mostly won't have a problem when it comes to trying to fight enemies or make jumps, it's really the level design and enemy encounters that kill this game. Secondly, hearing Phil Hartmann in anything is a joy, even in this. The lines he's given are pretty bad (the opening cutscene does 3 Uranus jokes and the game definitely takes place on Uranus only because it wanted to make those jokes), but he sells the hell out of them. A damn shame his talents were wasted on Blasto.
Anyway, check out the tcrf page for this game, it's got a naked woman on it.
"Like Tomb Raider mixed with Duke Nukem" is the quote I would give this game if I was working for a game magazine in the 90s. The game's premise of "manly action hero full of one-liners wipes out a bunch of aliens and also there's Sexy Babes there" isn't the only thing this game borrows from Duke Nukem, as it seems to adhere to the boomer shooter tradition of "go here, hit a switch, ok now go back there, hit that switch, ok now that part is open, find the switch here, etc". Blasto's moveset resembles Lara Croft's in a couple ways, being a tank-controlled third-person shooter with a focus on jumping, though Blasto is much less focused on puzzle-solving, instead going full action. It's also a lot faster than Lara Croft, the jump is definitely more reliable for platforming. It's not like any of this is doomed to fail, but good god Blasto employs the most boring and annoying possible level design. On top of all the backtracking I mentioned, every couple steps you run into a section full of enemies spawning out of thin air, many times behind your back in such a way that getting to them before they hit you is impossible. The game is generous with health and extra lives, but that almost makes it worse because it feels like it knows it's shit and is trying to last-minute balance itself. Seriously, by the time I got to level 3 I felt like I was going insane with how much this game repeats the same tricks every couple seconds. The same flying enemies spawning everywhere in large numbers, the same on-foot enemies spawning right in front of you, the same switches and platforming challenges, it became miserable very quickly. Just, imagine Tomb Raider if instead of a Tomb to solve it was a big hallway and every 10 seconds you had to stop and fight 10 bats and 10 dogs.
There are a few redeeming qualities to Blasto, ones that keep me from giving it the lowest score possible. For one, Blasto doesn't actually control that poorly, if you're used to tank controls you mostly won't have a problem when it comes to trying to fight enemies or make jumps, it's really the level design and enemy encounters that kill this game. Secondly, hearing Phil Hartmann in anything is a joy, even in this. The lines he's given are pretty bad (the opening cutscene does 3 Uranus jokes and the game definitely takes place on Uranus only because it wanted to make those jokes), but he sells the hell out of them. A damn shame his talents were wasted on Blasto.
Anyway, check out the tcrf page for this game, it's got a naked woman on it.
MOMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
GOIN DOWN
GOIN DOWN
A helpful reminder that the PSX had bad games, too
I'm obsessed with this game. I think everyone should play this game. That's not a joke. I want everyone to fire up an ISO of this on Duckstation and play it with your favorite controller. After you're all good and comfortable, get ready for the fight of your fucking life.
You may think you know what bad controls are for a video game. You've played games with bad button layouts, awful button delay, wonky sensitivity. When your input commands are not reciprocated, it feels like a fundamental disagreement between you and the software. Blasto takes this sentiment of disagreement and turns it into all out war.
The controls of this game are so bad, the levels are designed with it in mind. There's hardly any closed spaces in this game. Paths are wide as so to allow you to guide the vessel of sins, Blasto (R.I.P the goat Phil Hartman) across this virtual plane. I'm not going to even talk about platforming. All I can say is when you successfully grab onto a ledge, Blasto himself remarks it as an incredible achievement.
It is actually easier to kill somebody in real life and deal with the psychological ramifications of such than it is to land a shot on an enemy in this game. Most times, you have to stop moving, press L1 to aim and hope that your shots land (because sometimes they just don't) while tanking damage the entire time.
Beat two levels with this game. Just two. Then go back to your normal life and play your games with a renewed sense of appreciation for what is really good or bad controls -- akin to having a near-death experience and savoring every moment of life thereafter.
Remember, if you think you know bad controls, Blasto is coming for that ass bro.
You may think you know what bad controls are for a video game. You've played games with bad button layouts, awful button delay, wonky sensitivity. When your input commands are not reciprocated, it feels like a fundamental disagreement between you and the software. Blasto takes this sentiment of disagreement and turns it into all out war.
The controls of this game are so bad, the levels are designed with it in mind. There's hardly any closed spaces in this game. Paths are wide as so to allow you to guide the vessel of sins, Blasto (R.I.P the goat Phil Hartman) across this virtual plane. I'm not going to even talk about platforming. All I can say is when you successfully grab onto a ledge, Blasto himself remarks it as an incredible achievement.
It is actually easier to kill somebody in real life and deal with the psychological ramifications of such than it is to land a shot on an enemy in this game. Most times, you have to stop moving, press L1 to aim and hope that your shots land (because sometimes they just don't) while tanking damage the entire time.
Beat two levels with this game. Just two. Then go back to your normal life and play your games with a renewed sense of appreciation for what is really good or bad controls -- akin to having a near-death experience and savoring every moment of life thereafter.
Remember, if you think you know bad controls, Blasto is coming for that ass bro.
My dad likes this game and seeing him play it fills me with joy. I haven’t played it since I was like 3 so idk if it’s any good.
I miss Phil Hartman.