It's hilarious that this pseudo-science nonsense was a mainstream video game hit. It's kind of fun in how ridiculous it is. You yell at your DS while holding it like a book. You solve ridiculous little problems quickly. It's a very novel program but it's very clear it is absolutely not assisting your brain in any meaningful way. But there's not too many games where the disassociated 3D head of a Japanese neuroscientist happily sells you on his quack ideas on the piece of software you have for your gameboy.

I spent every. single. day. playing Brain Age in elementary school for like 2 years straight. My times tables? Immaculate. Connecting letters to numbers? A breeze. Sudoku? Child's play compared to my mathematical prowess. Go ahead, ask me what 2 x 7 is. Still don't believe me?

My prefrontal cortex has expanded so far beyond human comprehension that my head is exactly like Sheen's in that one episode of Jimmy Neutron where he becomes mega smart. Even MENSA had to turn me away for being too mathematically skilled, which I can understand with jealousy being a disease and all that jazz. Any reviews that state that this game doesn't teach anything or improve your brain power are coming from those that are simply smooth-brained and cannot fathom the concept of completing the Head Count and Low to High mini games without their neurons short-circuiting. I can understand how these preschool-tier mini games are mentally taxing and labor-intensive on the common man, but I implore that any self-respecting individual with a thirst for knowledge consult Dr. Ryuta Kawashima's disembodied head on how to enhance their prefrontal cortex, lest you continue to live your life with a flaccid hippocampus.

Lets not even get started on my artistic skills since I started Dr. Kawashima's daily mental exercises. Even though his drawings are rather sub-par for a college graduate, mine are what The Louvre has been BEGGING to have on their measly walls. Between you and me, I think Dr. Kawashima gets jealous of how much more detailed and talented I am at drawing than he is, because more often that not he HAS to give some little bullshit critique on my work. I could draw a giraffe PERFECTLY and he'll be like "Erm you need to focus on the neck...". Like alright buddy, keep that same attitude when I ride to the highest echelon of artistry and sell a booger on canvas for $540 million bucks. Like I said before, jealousy is a disease, and if you dedicate your days to playing Brain Age, that jealousy seems to infest your closest colleagues and peers.

This all having been said, Brain Age is just simply NOT ENOUGH if you're an average Joe or Susan. If you're desperately seeking arithmetic growth for reasons major or shallow, you MUST also play Brain Age Express Math, Sudoku, and Arts & Letters for the Nintendo DSi, as well as Brain Age 2, Brain Age: Concentration Training, and Dr. Kawashima's Brain Training for Nintendo Switch. It is imperative that you play these games consecutively everyday for a minimum of 20 years before you see even a modicum of change in your prefrontal cortex, and that minimum is being on the generous side of my estimation. Now I know you're all DYING to ask me how these subsequent games helped me achieve my mathematical and artistic mastery in life, the truth is: I simply did not need the additional training to get to where I am today. My desire for the highest tier of academic prowess was kickstarted when I was in utero, therefore I came into this world with an IQ that cannot be humanly measured, and these additional games are merely children's building blocks. No I will not elaborate further on my IQ, please respect my privacy.

I do have to extend my most sincere thanks to Dr. Kawashima, not only as a fellow contemporary of intelligent society, but also as a colleague and formerly a teacher-- as I strongly believe in my heart of hearts that I have surpassed the teacher, and now he is MY student. If anyone has read this review and has been thoroughly enlightened by my statistically correct and impressive perspective, I highly encourage you to embark the pursuit of mathematical and creative genius by playing Brain Age for Nintendo DS.

TLDR (for my folks that cannot read more than a paragraph without a major crisis ensuing); I am smarter than Dr. Kawashima and (maybe) you could be too if you play this game and it's successors.

Pros: Comprehensive work plans and exercises to help meet your desired Brain Age goals, silly little pictures to keep you engaged in your prolonged learning regimen, funny noises to accommodate the elementary-level inteligence you will harbor when you first play Brain Age, and Dr. Kawashima gives you encouraging words most of the time.

Cons: Dr. Kawashima RUDELY falls asleep on you if you study late into the night, do not expect Dr. Kawashima to respect your creative talents... he can never just give you a compliment for some reason.

Was there ever a bigger surprise success in gaming history than Brain Age? The immensely popular edutainment title debuted with 43,000 sales in its opening month, and while it's a decent debut for this time of game, it certainly wasn't representative of how it would continue to sell. When all was said and done, Brain Age became the 4th best selling title on the Nintendo DS, selling just over 19 million (with an M) copies. It sold better than every Pokemon, Animal Crossing, and Zelda on the DS, which is a monumental feat. But it makes sense in retrospect; the DS was absurdly popular at the time, and in some parent's eyes, Brain Age was the perfect gift for their gifted™ kid to ensure they had the least amount of fun as possible while still technically playing a game. That's not really Brain Age's fault, of course, but it's hard to overlook that there isn't really a game here.

Pretty much all the brain training techniques contained in this game-sudoku, basic math, reading, etc.-are things that can be accomplished without use of this game, or a Nintendo DS in general. Its popularity at the time can't be understated, but the minigames offered here weren't anything special at the time, and the game is completely obsolete now. There's no real reason to come back to this game specifically, unless you have a specific attachment to Dr. Kawashima's low-poly floating head. Mechanically it works mostly fine, although voice and handwriting recognition issues are not uncommon. But there's nothing really wrong with this game, it just doesn't really serve a purpose. There's no doubt that Brain Age has a fair amount of charm, a trait that's common in retro software, but not enough to justify playing it today. It's a neat time capsule to an era that wasn't dominated by smartphones, but anything you'd get out of this game, especially in the modern day...well, you'd be better served finding it somewhere else. Gomen nasai, Kawashima-san.