(Logged as a shoe-in for both the base Monster Hunter: World game, and the Iceborne expansion.)
Lavish & deathly exciting at practically all times - varied and expressive social MMO tissue connecting its numerous multi-layered terrariums of gorgeous arenas and silly monsties.

I do have some background with the series, with much history on Freedom Unite, and far less with the fantranslation of Portable 3rd + 3Ultimate at various points through highschool, and hit the credits of Rise. Freedom Unite came packed with FMV cutscenes that demonstrate how the monsters lived in their downtime - characterising the monsters to assure the player that they weren't merely thoughtless models with movesets to memorise, but individual links in the food chain with roles that keep the world biodiverse & strong.
It was always my favourite part of the game, and what felt like the series' missing hook to really sell me on the core conceit was in how this aspect is somewhat downplayed or unexplored.

By God's grace this was the kind of ecological focus MH:W absolutely relishes in. An interlinking tapestry of ecosystems ticking away, living & interacting in countless ways to make the New World feel so gd raw. And it's not just pageantry either, it plays into behaviours and environment interactions from traps to turf wars. So so so good to head out for a simple hunt to watch it blossom into a scrappy mess of tooth & claw, so so so good to go on aimless expedition to a zone and notice a new handful of behaviours from their endemic life. I’d not be able to sleep at night if I didn’t compliment the chefs on all of this, every monster in every zone is given so much purpose it’s inspiring.

One thing this series has always been great at is its environment design - the world of Monster Hunter is a land of plenty, and everything is blown out of proportion to match. You're eating sirloin steaks the size of your head, oyster side dishes that can feed an army. The tooth you build your hammer out of can sink a ship. Zones and skyboxes that coil across different unique biomes rich in visual stimuli, adding heaps of context for the world and how things are as they are. Pan the camera up at any point and you can assuredly see a spire of choral, ice or crystal towering over you from what appears to be a mile away. Hoarfrost Reach is gorgeous I need to live there NOW.

Moment to moment combat is of course good as hell. I love that it’s slow and weighty enough to separate it from a more typical Capcom character action affair. Even with the amassing layers of QoL the series has glazed itself with, World still focuses on hefty player move commitment and punishment. Every weapon here feels great and each individually recontextualises your approach to any fight, but I found a home with the Dual Blades I’m afraid. I love these stupid ale blades man!!! Basically adored the progression right up until the Furious Rajang, where the game takes a very steep swerve into grind and Raid-like Design territory I find catatonic & diagnostic. The Fatalis fight is so much fun I wish I could solo it 😢

Had next to no expectations about this one so forgive me but I'm very pleased lol. I was Not expecting Rockstar to have it in them, this has so much arcade racer DNA despite its open-world core. Blisteringly fast & cartoonishly responsive controls, making great use of the open world's hazards and emergent chaos to make every race feel rich w/ needle-threading improv. Most impressed by how hard this is clearly pushing the PS2 graphically, in service of a dreary industrial conkcreet hellscape. With enough tricks of the light 20FPS feels like 9999FPS. Would earnestly recommend playing this in software rendering mode on pcsx2 for it to hit just right. Techstep of all things on the OST and fugly neon car underglow it's good to be back in 2006 again babye. Career mode is kind of threadbare, all of the cutscenes are Xavier Renegade Angel-grade FMVs where the dialogue is just "yo is that a car🤔❓ hit the boost ese 🗣️🔥" and you essentially experience all the game has to offer in the first hour of playing.

I'm incapable of waxxin poetic about shmups, I rarely engage seriously with their scoring systems or their alternate ships, nor have I ever attempted a 1CC run. My primary hope is that I get the Thrillhouse Experience for roughly an hour or two of my time & they more often than not deliver. Blazing Star is filled with adorable little flourishes in its presentation, I'm so into the narrator commentary that praises or roasts you based on your performance through the stage. Lots & lots of fun :)

Issue 13 of the Official UK PS2 Magazine, published November 2001, came with a demo disk containing a handful of levels from the then soon-to-be-released Klonoa 2. Playing this demo tens of times as a wean would be my only exposure to Klonoa 2 for nearly 23 years. Despite Klonoa 1 being a childhood favourite, and a formative cornerstone that had no doubt informed my tastes and passion for videogames; I only managed to get around to Klonoa 2 proper earlier today. I’d have gotten around to it sooner, were it not for the fact that Klonoa 2 was one of a few outlier cases of games that emulated horribly on PCSX2. Fugged to the nines until relatively recent revamps in compatibility were instated. Aptly enough, it was so surreal playing the levels from the demo once again - it all came flooding back like fleeting memories returning to me from a dream fighting to be recalled.

Soberingly, I don’t think I’m anywhere near as red hot on this game as I still am with Klonoa 1. Perhaps K2 had spent too long being gassed up, cooking and stirring in my head as an elusive cryptid. On many fundamental levels I think this is absolutely beautiful work. Demonstrating incredible emotional maturity in its final hours of the narrative representative of a slightly aged Klonoa, through heartfelt writing and vocal performances. A soundtrack brimming with disparate ideas and delivering them w/ confidence, grappling a wide array of influences and energies. For such an early PS2 game, these cutscenes are composited so brilliantly, giving characters illustrative frames to act in, staging the environments in striking ways… we still get things like this wrong!! I particularly love how the camera would move during boss fights, not only tracking the boss’ movements but also working to sell their scale and let them act on the stage! Incredible level design too, making great use of unique stage quirks to impose puzzle-like ordeals - the colour changing enemy was an enlightened addition. Klonoa 2 is the proud owner of an amazing final level, too - a true sum of all of it’s works with stellar level design, and thoughtful use of music and visuals.

I’m less keen on how weak a handful of the stages in the game are, both visually and in terms of level design. I’m even less keen on the repetition the game will impose on you, it’s not enough that they’ll re-use levels at certain points; you’d also need to run a few laps around some levels as you collect keys/activate elevators and such. It’s a bit more draining than it’s necessarily worth, in my humble, made worse due to the fact that levels in this game are wildly long and can be a bit plain. It would be nice if Klonoa himself had more of an active role in the story than an optimistic errand boy. It stands in stark contrast to the first Klonoa game where he’s incredibly emotionally invested in the proceedings, but I’m sure the plan here was to demonstrate that he’s an older and wiser character this time around, more clear on his Unico-like role in life and letting the world speak for itself. There’s tremendous merit to that and I can’t help but feel more of a relation to a Klonoa who isn’t thrashing out at the world when playtime is over, but I’m a theatre kid at heart I suppose oh god.

Admittedly I played Klonoa 2 in a bit of a goofy way, where I'd finish a level, and then skim a longplay of the same level from the 2022 remaster for comparison. I can only be honest here, but I think both of them have merit! The remaster fucks up the vibes in key locations with awful colour choices, blown out bloom and weird fullbright lighting. The level in sheer darkness, necessitating you to use a limited light resource to be able to see the geometry is ruined in the remaster because it’s already so well lit you don’t even need the light spirits! But I think the additions to the geometry and character models made in the remaster are really well considered, fleshing out the world enough for them to feel closer to realisation without diminishing their overt dream-like quality. My annoying brainwyrms are expertly trained to hate the aesthetic haemorrhaging that occurs from changes and concessions these remasters tend to make, but my ideal Klonoa 2 sits somewhere between the two versions..... (I want to know what the remaster changed the weird Full Metal Jacket cypher into)

DAMN 💢💢 THOSE ALIEN BASTARDS ARE GONNA PAY FOR DOWNLOADING MY RIDE ‼️ ‼️ ‼️
There are certainly better games where you hold RT until you reach the end of the track, but few that accomplish this much in so little runtime. Excellent-feeling controls that are a perfect match for the blisteringly fast, topsy-turvy obstacle-courses this'll digitize your way. It could be a bit of a sticking point that the main story isn't particularly difficult, but it's adherence to atmosphere and unbroken speed is more thrilling than the game devolving into Happy Wheels imho.

Now this is Puregaming.
Only learned of ThruSpace while haplessly browsing the now-threadbare wii dot com website out of sheer curiosity. A little official relic of late 00's web design, true to Nintendo's branding and visual language during the Wii era - Latestage Frutiger Aero, Hospital-core, perfectly scaled to suit for your 1024x768 XGA monitor. It's nice, I still love it! Anyway, I looked through the WiiWare page on the still-functioning Japanese wing of the website and the featured titles look great. I was aware of the Bit Generations' gorgeous minimalist games being on the GBA, but they also have WiiWare ports??? I gotta get into somethn!!!!

ThruSpace is dictionary definition neat. A snug 10 mb game w/ no fat. You get your cubes and you get a corridor and you will learn to love them. Not a whole lot to really wax poetic about, it's a simple shape rotation game where you position your tetromino as best you can to maximise your score, with extra feats to strive for in speed, accuracy, and painting the whole gap in if u dare. Looks absolute minty phresh, easy 2 learn hard 2 master. Ultimately I think this is great but find myself losing my grip on the shape's orientation very easily because of how few focal points you're given, I spent a lot of my time panic spinning.

Back in 2018, Splatoon 2’s Octo Expansion was one of my favourite releases of that year. It turned Splatoon’s core singleplayer gameplay and weapon system on its head, in a way the campaigns only vaguely hinted at - providing ingenious puzzle rooms and a surprisingly steep difficulty curve that finally demonstrated that Nintendo understood & could capitalise on the series’ potential. Leaned into the strengths of Splatoon’s setting too, exploring its bizarre underbelly and fugged vibes. One for the fans of the ‘Rock Bottom’ episode of Spongebob. Seeing Agent 8 in the trailers for this had me a little excited, as Splatoon 3’s campaign was solid but didn’t feel as if it pushed the envelope much, I’ve come to see Agent 8 as Splatoon’s Harbinger of Difficulty and it turns out I wasn’t wrong.

Side Order is cool!! I love the setting (even if it’s basically just something of a play on the Copied City). I found it pretty easy to be excited by the prospect of delving into whatever Nintendo’s idea of a roguelite would be, and it’s a solid foundation but there’s so little variety here I can’t help but find the tower loop a little dry. There are only four mission types, FEELS LIKE there’s only enough individual level layouts for you to see every available one in a single run, and the upgrades you collect as you ascend the floors are merely statistical buffs; “+15% shot speed” type beat. It’s very hard, I like the risk:reward option of choosing harder rooms for better upgrades on top of other chaotic modifiers that can shoehorn you into making rough decisions. As with all roguelites with vertical character progression though, it’s only hard for a while until you power creep your way over roadblocks with permanent character upgrades and such. Numerically overcoming odds always feels cheap to me and I knew my completing the DLC would only be a matter of time investment. Eventually you get the option to retract your upgrades for a prestige reward boost, but I’ll be one hundred percent with you, I don’t like the majority of the weapons in this game and I can not bring myself to be a completionist about this if it means I have to suffer the fucking umbrella. It's all a little undercooked and doesn't have enough to really justify playing over and over for.

Anyway the story is great lol, albeit that there's not a lot of it. The lengths they go to show how much Marina loves Pearl is endlessly cute. She made the currency in her gamedev project “Prlz” maan 🙏🥹. Recalling who won the FinalFest of Splatoon 2 gave me something of a pop-off moment and I’m dying to see how this DLC would have looked if Order won. Endgame is the strongest finale of all of these games yet and that’s honestly a ridiculously high bar. Remix Ebb & Flow forever I will cry every time. Very minor element of the game; but I LOVE how the hub/training areas have little environmental tells for the instrumentation in the bgm.

They called this shit Penta Tentacles in Europe lol. Out of all of these Art Style games, I honestly think this one is my fav! Rotozoa shares some similarities with Thatgamecompany's flOw, surprisingly (to me) enough, but with far more of a puzzle game-y spin on the formula of wading across the primordial ooze eating plankton and amoebas. What is essentially just a colour matching challenge can become pretty engrossing with some smart engagement design that stacks wonderfully as you're tasked with an increasing amount of plates to spin. All 35 stages have their own background music, upon which layers are added and excited depending on how much you've grown and how much you're wrecking shop, it's pretty charming! It's a shame Skip didn't stay active for very long after the release of Rotozoa - you could tell this studio was bustling with ideas.

"The world once shaped by the great will has come to an end.
It was a foregone conclusion. All is preordained.

If in spite of this you still have the will to fight, now is your chance to prove it."

This is a particularly difficult game for me to write about because I want to greedily compare and contrast every ballhair with the first title’s, just so I can diagnose exactly where my issues with it lie - why a game that is functionally so similar in DNA to one of my all-timers doesn’t hit the mark. Personally speakin, the long & short of it is that Dragon’s Dogma 2 is something of a sidegrade to the original title that distances itself too much from what I found spectacular about it to begin with.

Possibly my favourite element of Dragon’s Dogma 2 is one that could be felt from the moment you first gain control of your character. There’s a palpable heft to character locomotion, complimented by the multilayered textuality of the land itself & the threats of wrong turns into the unknown or slipping off a slick cliffside to your untimely demise - it leans wonderfully far into the concept of traversal being a battle unto itself. As was the case with DD1, being tasked to travel from safety to a marker deep into the fog of war is never a simple request. Goblins, ogres, harpies, and whoever else decides to grace you with their presence are waiting in the bushes to act as regular speedbumps to be carefully considered and planned for accordingly.

Where DD2 slips at this for me is in how little it reciprocates for what it demands. This is a sequel that has ballooned itself in scale to a dizzying near 5x the original map’s size, but hasn’t developed the enemy roster nor the environmental design acumen to make use of it. Take for instance that DD2 has fifty caves strewn around its tectonic world map, and I don’t think a single one is as impressive as one that could be found in DD1. Where the caves/dungeons in DD1 were concerned, there would be special objectives relevant to the overall story, a person you were going there on behalf of who represented a town or group, they would unlock shortcuts for faster world traversal and upon repeat visits you’d notice the location’s role in the world change for the denizens. They would be densely designed so that every corner was worth being scanned to the best of your ability for pickups, shortcuts, levers, climbing points - lending to the almost DnD-esque adventure core followed passionately by the game’s design. Hell, the locales would generally sound and look different too, built to purpose so as to become plausible enough to justify their utility in the world and lend credence to exploring them.

Compared to that, DD2 has shockingly little of this. Its myriad nondescript caves wallhugging the world could scarcely be five prefab rooms tied into a loop to house a few potions, or some equipment you could find at a store. No unique gimmicks or trials, only populated by a handful of gobbos and maybe a midboss as a treat. I feel that Dragonsbreath Tower was supposed to act as something of a callback to Bluemoon Tower from DD1 - it being a perilous journey across a handful of biomes towards a crumbling hanging dungeon that houses a flying peril, but it’s so bereft of pomp and confidence. A truly memetic core routine that made me think less of adventures and more of waypoints and upgrade materials. I want to use a Neuralyzer to remove BotW shrines from the face of the earth. And god why is none of the new music good.

DD2 implies at a big story, but to me it felt like nothing came together. I had no idea who anyone was supposed to be beyond Brant, Sven and Wilhelmina. DD1’s progression from Wyrmhunt -> Investigate the Cult -> Kill Grigori -> Deal with the Everfall -> Confront the Seneschal was great, and throughout all of that you kept up with characters like the King and got to see his downfall. The writing and delivery of the cult leader and Grigori himself far surpasses anything in DD2, despite having very similar subjects. Outpaced by DD1 in setpieces and pop-offs and thematics. There's barely any antagonistic people in the game and once you get to Battahl it feels as though the game trails off like it’s got dementia.

It's a completely different kind of design that, sure, encourages player freedom - but communicates it in this really loose way that I just don't care about. I spent much of my playthrough having no idea what I was doing besides wiping off the blank smudges of world map. What expounds this problem is that quest discoverability is astonishingly low here, oftentimes made worse by restricting itself to AI astrology, time of day, relationship levels (??). The duke could stand to commission a farcking quest board imo!!! I won’t kid myself and say that the quests in DD1 were even a bronze standard, but they worked and communicated exactly what they needed to do while also leaving open ends available for interpretation. But in DD2, they’re just awful, I absolutely hated the experience of trying to clear up Vermund’s quests before pushing Main Story progression and at this point I wish I cared as little as the game does. What need is there for almost all of them to have a “return to me in a few days” component in a game with such limited fast travel, do you want me to throw you into the brine? Frankly the game is never as interesting as when you're doing Sphinx riddles.

Combat’s good enough, I do enjoy how the interplay of systems would present the player with all sorts of unique situations, but even these can and do begin to feel samey when a very slim enemy pool on shuffle. What makes these emergent conflicts even less impressive to me is how I can't help but feel as though the ogres, trolls and chimeras in particular have had their difficulties neutered. The hardest time I had with the chimera was during a sidequest where you had to get the poison-lover to be doused in chimeric snake venom. They're barely a threat otherwise, and can either be chain stunlocked with well-placed shots or slashes, or get too lost in their own attack animations to really hit anyone. Comparing these enemies to DD1 where climbing was far more effective at dealing damage encouraged the player to get real up close to them and it felt like their AI knew how to deal with that. Like when I fought the Medusa it felt like they didn't have any idea where the party even was. I think if the hardest encounters the game has to offer is Too Many Goblins we have a problem. (Dullahan is very cool though)

I’m not miffed no matter how miffed I sound. When do people like me ever get sequels to games they love? I’ll tell u dear reader it’s Never. Dragon’s Dogma 2 is full of wonder & delight and I think anyone less fatigued by SCALE and SANDBOX than me has a home in it. I feel a little left behind, having spent 12 years wasting away in the waiting room rotating in my head the concepts DD1 confidently wields, and its further potential as a foundation for a sequel. A game that was absolutely 'for me', course correcting into sick-of-this-already airspace. I’ll be excited to see whatever news, expansions or the like the future holds for DD2. Right now, though? I think DD1 has a stronger jawline.

Yo what's up MTV, it's Lieutenant Commander Beach and I'd like to welcome you into my crib

There's nothing here to really sweep me off my feet, but I'm definitely taken by certain aspects of this game's presentation. Seeing a rudimentary 3d simulation from inside of your curated little 2d sprite cockpit is sick beyond actual belief in my humble. I would love to see the vignette captured in a new game with the incredible things we can now do with shaders on sprites.

Taipei ➡️ Zuoying (Kaohsiung City)
Duration: 01h34
Train Model: THSR 700T
Train No: 0145
Number of carriages: 12 (1 business car, 11 standard cars)
Number of seats: 989 (66 seats in business car, 923 seats in standard cars)
Seat allocation: 2+2 in business car (4 seats each row); 2+3 in standard car (5 seats each row)
Top operation speed: 300 km/hr
Length of train: 304 m
Electric system: 25 KV 60 Hz AC

Welcome aboard Taiwan High Speed Rail! This train is bound from Taipei, to Zuoying. All seats are reserved. Please make sure you are in the correct seat. We wish you a pleasant journey. 🌸

Slim but unquestionably reverent and adorable. Maybe I'm gassing this up too much but it's nice to see the Trainguy subgenre have a little more meat on its bones beyond polygonal simulations and instead could be secret FMV games - accelerating and decelerating your train like it's a really meditative Superhot or something. Railfan seems very keen to show you a brief look into late-00's rail transit life, right down to explaining the historicity of the locales the line calls at, the specs of the train, even local cuisine!
Looking up the devs of the Railfan titles to find that they are predominantly dedicated to educative tactile train driving simulations, still making use of full-motion video rather than computer generated sims. I dunno man I think that's neat. I've seen people with the Densha de Go joystick but now I want a carriage door peripheral for me to lean out of.

Really nice. Admittedly I slipped out of love with this series as it had progressed. It's all shrubjective and everything, but I just think they got progressively less funny. Always a treat to see BB in her element (being chased by murderers) once again anyway. It's been a joy to see this series grow more and more confident to experiment with visual & gameplay storytelling devices. Sad to see the series end, but I'm dyin to see what garmentdistrict will cook up next.

"After all - the one good thing about history is that the worst of it is probably over."

Demonstrates in perfect stride how this series has never had any clear idea for what they want Haruka to be, in such a way that it almost entirely uproots this whole story for me. My experience was more positive on this entry overall than it was with Yakuza 5, largely because its runtime is less than half of that game's torturously bloated length. This is a series that is at its most effective (to me) when it narrows its scope and focuses on the micro stories of its world’s inhabitants, rather than the endless vortex of clan warfare and revolving door system for cloak & dagger. It was honestly so refreshing that this was as stripped-back as it was. I see a lot of people almost rightfully decry the large swathes of Kamurocho being blocked off for what I’m assuming to be development timeframe reasons. It’s a shame not to see the Champion District in the shiny new Dragon Engine, but I’ll take a few bites out of a world map if it saves me tens of hours of playtime at this point.

Since much of the appeal of these games remains to me in its stunningly realised period piece virtual tourism, I’m always happy when they jumpscare me with an entirely new locale. Hiroshima’s gotta be my favourite in the series I’ve seen yet! It’s such a stunning portside town, coiling up a mountainside. It adds a level of verticality unseen in these games before, offering an incredibly scenic look into sleepy rural life in the Japanese afterglow. I’ll never personally have the funds to justify a trip to the country - so this series is about the best I’ll ever get, and it just doesn’t disappoint.

Alongside the Dragon Engine came some shifts to the gameplay I found very welcome (autosave 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯). I’m surprisingly keen on the revamped eatery system, better encouraging exploration and dining wherever possible for stat gains and tourism points. They fixed the rhythm game so the tracks aren’t bizarrely varying speeds. Also kind of hilarious to me how busted the dropkick is. Yaku 6 will throw so many mobs at you that it’ll almost feel like a musou game at points, and that attack felt like a Lu Bu finisher or something. The ragdolls are insanely fun too.

But yeah, the story was a miss for me. Broadly speaking, I’ve come to learn that you’re best off taking everything the Yakuza series says at absolute face value without an inch of scrutiny, because its platitudes about honour and family and determination tend to fall apart under even a non-prescription lens. It is so insane to me how Haruka spends 95% of this game in a vegetative state when she’s played such a pivotal role in setting the stage. As I mentioned, this series is terrified of scratching the surface of Haruka’s autonomy and growth into adulthood, god forbid she leaves the “Pure & Perfect Daughter” box she’s been bolted into. God forbid we see the romantic relationship between her and her partner blossom, her demonstrate her independence and stop being a mom for five minutes. It felt as though she learned next to nothing from her experiences in Yakuza 5 outside of the events in its final hour, once again sabotaging any attempt the game makes into having her stand up for herself and stop doing exactly as told. She’s stern but in the same way a Weeble is. And while Kiryu’s final letter demonstrated a touching degree of self-awareness w/rt his effect on the people around him, where he stands on family, etc, it was addressed to Daigo while Haruka was in the room lol.

It doesn't do a whole lot to really deal with my foundational qualms with Late Souls entries;- where I think the incoming damage is tuned way too fucking high. Necessitating the need to turn off the part of my brain that is capable of enjoying the cool fantasy adventure and instead allocate more power to memorising excruciating enemy movesets, and resisting the urge to fucking kill myself while looking at a blacksmith menu.

What's here is incredibly cool though, there's some serious nerve to calling what is essentially a fanmade standalone Souls game a """demo""" that is currently, playably, almost as content-rich as Demon's Souls. It leaning into the linear Archstone level structure from Demon's is such a salve to me, it's like being given five different adventure novels and being tasked to push your bookmark as far as u can thru them. Each of the worlds call to prior Souls entries to varying levels of explicitness, from a remux of Heide's Tower of Flame to an entirely new desert biome that is abso gorgeous. These locales not needing to necessarily feel beholden to eachother to have that interlinked coherence is just such a buzz of variety I love it.

In complete honesty i didn't play Bloodborne Souls 2 or 3 any more than the once (sorry sory) so my memory of the minutia of their locations and enemies are incredibly hazy. Even then, it's pretty clear at times when the mod runs a boss through something akin to the Pokemon Fusion website, Frankensteining together a funny little Radagon of the Boreal Valley or whatever.

Ultimately I'm just spellbound by the ambition here, what the mod desperately needs is some rebalancing to stop the enemies from being insanely damage spongy. I don't care how gud i need to git as much as I care about wasting my time doing 50 damage per hit on an regular mob enemy that has 10,00000,0000000 hp & will give a pittance of souls on defeat.

Big 'your mileage may vary' thing here but it's free and has a great installer so it's an easy recc. If this project sees fruition I can imagine it'd be special to the point of legal action being considered or something. Saria is a my queen etc.

Like all theatre, is sustained by its actors. The adage that "any game is fun with friends" rings true as always, and there are a good few unique tools and props within Lethal Company that set this game apart from most other multiplayer social/party titles. The player:environment dynamic here is its most interesting facet, and it's no wonder people have endlessly generated clips of their Oscar-worthy reactions to situations this can throw your way. Lethal Company itself, as a game, though? I'm kind of unenthused if I'll be real. It's early days and I typically don't like playing games in early access, but who's to say how potent the fomo will remain when the game breaks beyond the foundation layer.

https://i.imgur.com/AbGZYCb.png
Game's heavier than a honey baked ham!!!
For every moment in Yakuza 5 that lead me into thinking I was playing an untamed vortex of passion and uncompromised vision, there were two-to-five other uncomplimentary moments that felt like spinning plates and taking the meandering narrative for walkies. Spreads its roots far & wide across so many ideas and gameplay concepts that, on paper, scans as a maximalist daydream I'd love to lose myself in, but all of it feels so perfunctory and checklisty. Fifty different minigames to micromanage and level up in individually to access Harder Levels of said minigames - - - Vidcon Gospel since time immemoria but my patience has limits :(

Haruka's chapter was probably my personal standout, if only with thanks to how vastly different her story played to any character to come before. The rhythm battles were so fun albeit with the game's slim tracklist, and her substories took on a refreshing dynamic too. The combat in these games has never impressed me but I'd much rather play an unimpressive rhythm game than a brawler I've lost heart in. From a narrative perspective, it is infuriatingly complacent with the practices Japanese idol industry in a way I find legitimately toothless in a series that tends to dedicate fisticuffs to rooting out corruption and it makes Haruka's characterisation weaker as a result.
When came the Shinada chapter I was desperately hoping the end credits would finally begin to roll, which is a shame because he and Koichi's dynamic is probably my favourite spark of character chemistry in the entire series.

I in complete honesty couldn't tell you a single thing that happened in the final hours. This was a game I had started months ago and it rather hilariously demanded for me to recall with perfect clarity a cloak and dagger conspiracy that happened in the initial chapters. The overarching story was a wash for me but I much preferred when the leading cast were locked in their own little bubbles, & exploring their own vignettes about dreams lost & worth aspiring 4. Truly believe that in another world, this would have been a younger me's One Playstation 3 Game For The Month and I'd have completely melted into it - but sadly, I had to play this in incredibly granular sessions that largely felt like clocking in for community service.

Decimate Drive is alright. Going entirely off of the premise, this had the prospective for being one of the most effective horror games I'd be able to play. Growing up amidst a handful of cases where friends and family fell victim to (thankfully minor) vehicular accidents instilled in me a profound fear of cars. They're fucked up things, densely destructive machines, screaming hunks of steel and aluminium that instantly alter the brain chemistry of anyone behind the wheel into callous freaks fully convinced in their own invulnerability. Isn't it fucking crazy that you could be minding your own business, walking on the pavement, doing everything right, something could just happen? All because of someone having a bad day/off their nut/losing control/insisting on breaking the speed limit to shave a minute off their commute? How am I supposed to be normal about that? I've certainly never been. It's tricky business on the Cu Chulainn Causeway, brothers 😔.

The setting of Decimate Drive, being a simple enough premise of going from A to B while under the relentless assault of vehicles in the dead of night is quite literally what I have regular nightmares of, I was interested from the jump. It handles the core pretty well, you're basically just running from checkpoint to checkpoint in the midst of a handful of underlit destruction derbies. Not exactly rich with mechanics or anything, but the game's short runtime and abundance of increasingly fucked vehicle types kept fanning the flames of tension.
There are moments where Decimate Drive hits some incredibly high notes; adept use of lighting and sound design to evoke tension. It doesn't take long for the artifice to set in, however, sharply shifting gear into a game akin to like Clustertruck. Despite the presentation of the game gunning for a sense of realism, the perpetual crashing of vehicles without any visible damage undermines the intensity and unintentionally creates a sense that they aren't putting in enough effort to pose a genuine threat to the player lol. Don't really know if I want to say much on the story because it feels as though it's a fairly rough translation and loses its own thread at a few points.

Not much to say about this. Feels so DLC. Very by the numbers & doing the motions even though it tries to shake up the combat and setting with a spy gimmick - which would work better if Kiryu didn't give up on it whenever given the opportunity. Its final hour is incredibly cathartic.

I think a lot of people (mid-range cope) dream of a robust, visually gorgeous, user-friendly, scrimblo wardrobe simulator. A thingamabob that you can build OCs with, and let you choose from a wide range of clothes to drip them out in and pose and rotate to your heart’s content. Anybody who’s spent ungodly amount of time in /gpose knows this, the people who use Koikatsu also know this but won’t readily admit it.

My experience with fashion games - namely Love Nikki and Style Savvy kind of highlights that the entire concept of gamifying the subjectivity of fashion is something of a mug’s game. They all crumble in the exact same way, by the fact that challenges posed by the game i.e. “make an outfit with X theme” always falls to using the ingame search function and highlighting the exact tags it’s asking for, then selecting the best article of clothing in each category. What else are you going to do, actually plot out an outfit that bangs? This dumb bitch algorithm doesn’t know what colour schemes are, mismatching, wrong sizing for the body type, etc. The outfit you submit will receive a score and it will Never make sense. Your character will look like a biblically accurate secondhand rug store but you’ll Perfect the mission and you’ll learn to like it - because you’re Powergaming - it's all a means to an end: to see ur OC in a new story mission reward jacket that will tie everything together.

It’s not great!! The fact that this is a mobile game gives Life Makeover carte blanche to take the absolute piss. Your progress isn’t gated by your style savviness and outfit co-ordination, but entirely by you not having high enough arbitrarily-graded clothes. This is where the gatcha stuff comes in and I don’t even need to tell you that it’s stingy as fuck because you’d already have guessed. Why do I need to grind so much to dye the clothes too jesus christ show some mercy. I’d honestly recommend playing a hacked .apk of the game if I knew those existed.

I’ve played Life Makeover back at release on mobile briefly, and again now that it’s gotten a fully-fledged PC port. Man I think this game is so pretty. I love how detailed every article of clothing is, I love how the physics makes the multi-layered dresses and hair flow. This being a game developed in China there’s a pretty strong lean towards incredibly well-rendered opulent traditional hanfu clothing, which is inexplicably the most 'overpowered' clothing in any situation, it’s pretty funny but I respect it. Love the wildly undercooked Sims-lite homebuilding thing it has going on too. Love the awful murder mystery storyline with a first-pass translation that the voice actors were clearly not allowed to stray from. Given enough time & patience and hopefully none of your money, you rack up a surprisingly varied array of clothes and then you can finally play the game, which is to just make nice fits. Is it WORTH all of that effort? No, but

Impressively robust Portal 2 tribute act but the talent aint there im sorry bud. The main character's voice acting was grating enough to feel like ear surgery from a rant Youtuber and the maps were way too farcking expansive and hard to parse. As a result there's a distinct lag between figuring out a solution and putting it into action that left so many of these test chambers feeling cumbersome to complete. Going through the very same motions as Portal 2 but with none of the playfulness and ingenuity that elevated the game's journey in the first place.

(((PROJECTION))) I'm envisioning the director swanning into the office after his fifth three-month paid holiday where he yet again demands his overworked team careens Remnant 2's core into one representing a triple-A title he recently played. Remnant 2 has this workhorse-like ethos to its design that is miserable to actually play man. I genuinely can not tell this is a roguelite or not because it's so dispassionately designed, the areas feel like prefabs strewn together and peppered with upgrade materials for guns that do catatonically numerical damage integers. It's a multiverse situation where you hop from genre to genre, Bloodborne to Destiny to Last of Us to Resident Evil to Warframe etc etc, but there's nothing beneath the bonnet besides the absolute bare minimum a car needs to run. Despite the wide array of influences the game really can be boiled down to just "what if aimlabs had dark patterns"

I'm basically just a mug for having any hope in a horror game released after 2004 being any good, aren't I? We're at the forefront of cutting-edge lighting/sound technology and the doughbrains that peddle this ratpiss genre still can not come up with anything besides walking from jumpscare to jumpscare where a thing appears in front of you. No cohesive storyline or atmosphere to build genuine suspense or fear, or even suggest emotional wit. Thrillseekers and toesuckers tbf!!!