Beetleman
2019
Usually when you make a roguelike, it’s common practice to mix it in with a genre that is more execution focused to balance the rng (2d action for dead cells, twin stick shooting for isaac, 3rd person action for risk of rain etc). Slay the spire takes an interesting approach by mixing in the very luck based system of a roguelike with the equally luck based system of a card game, leading to an interesting phenomenon i like to refer to as Fuckshit RNG Games.
Fuckshit RNG Games: games with an average run length of <4 minutes, games that put you in a state of near-ego death as you habitually click around until you get a dice roll in your favor, games that stimulate parts of the brain probably not even named yet, games that feel like trying to save a sinking boat in the middle of the ocean with nothing but instant noodle packets, BUT if you’re lucky enough the angel Gabriel himself might descend upon you and fix it for you.
There’s a unique feeling in this game of constantly trying to course correct and steer yourself in a good direction against the sheer fuckery of the systems at hand. I sound negative but it genuinely makes for a pretty fun experience sometimes, even if you might have to abandon three runs in a row to get to that point.
If the story of sisyphus and the boulder speaks to you at an emotional level i recommend this game wholeheartedly to you. If constantly thinking you will die in a 30 minute run doesn’t sound pleasant maybe look for a different option. The occasional steamroll builds that happen are a nice cherry on top too. Overall really cool game if you enjoy the feeling of anxiety.
Fuckshit RNG Games: games with an average run length of <4 minutes, games that put you in a state of near-ego death as you habitually click around until you get a dice roll in your favor, games that stimulate parts of the brain probably not even named yet, games that feel like trying to save a sinking boat in the middle of the ocean with nothing but instant noodle packets, BUT if you’re lucky enough the angel Gabriel himself might descend upon you and fix it for you.
There’s a unique feeling in this game of constantly trying to course correct and steer yourself in a good direction against the sheer fuckery of the systems at hand. I sound negative but it genuinely makes for a pretty fun experience sometimes, even if you might have to abandon three runs in a row to get to that point.
If the story of sisyphus and the boulder speaks to you at an emotional level i recommend this game wholeheartedly to you. If constantly thinking you will die in a 30 minute run doesn’t sound pleasant maybe look for a different option. The occasional steamroll builds that happen are a nice cherry on top too. Overall really cool game if you enjoy the feeling of anxiety.
The most cinematically beautiful game ever made. Game Design™ Aficionados froth at the mouth and lose half their motor function trying to explain how the parry is an uninteresting central mechanic, to which the only response necessary is linking an mp3 file of the sound effect. The totality of the video game, the perfect harmony of sight, sound, and input, this is what AAA execution should look like. Make no mistake this isn’t cinematic as in a movie you mostly get to move the main character in. This is a video game presented cinematically without ever compromising on any of the strengths of it’s function. Making your way through or around the world and watching Ashina slowly get infiltrated and crumble over the course of the game is an experience best played, never explained. This is the reason why money exists: to fund shit like this. It is still a fromsoft game so it should be approached with similar levels of caution about the consistency of the encounters i guess, but i will always hold that anybody who has a very negative opinion of this game is untrustworthy.
Often imitated not yet duplicated, right now it is the mission of game developers around the world to try and prove this game wrong. To try and take the parry and try to build a game around it even better. Unfortunately I am not omniscient so I can’t really say with 100% certainty what the end of the road looks like, but i’m a gambling man and i’m willing to bet on who the world will remember, and who will unfortunately be left behind.
Often imitated not yet duplicated, right now it is the mission of game developers around the world to try and prove this game wrong. To try and take the parry and try to build a game around it even better. Unfortunately I am not omniscient so I can’t really say with 100% certainty what the end of the road looks like, but i’m a gambling man and i’m willing to bet on who the world will remember, and who will unfortunately be left behind.
2022
Tried to get into it but unfortunately I don’t think it has anything for me. Very well made game with good reason to exist, but i found the experience to be a mix of playing the game half asleep barely paying attention, and occasionally trying to focus and get a run going but 20 minutes in this game feels like an hour everywhere else. The slow pace and difficulty curve that is frankly fucking absurd was what turned me off from the game in the end. Horny hp lovecraft fans can have it all they want tho respectfully
I haven’t payed any attention to COD games since the 12th one and they are up to the 20th one now which is crazy to me. They say whichever one came out as you started getting good at games will be your favourite and this is the one for me. I will openly admit atleast 70% of my love for this game is pure reminiscing, but fuck me this game is good man. I used to play this shit before school after school instead of school it was everything i could think of. My dad hid the disk for a month and I probably didnt sleep a single night of it. I was the mp7 and msmc master of my friend group it was pure nirvana. Even when i revisited like 4 years from the last time i played and couldn’t do anything from how fucked the hacked lobbies became just standing there in nuketown 2025 was enough to bring a smile to my face.
It’s not without reason tho, this is the most playable cod (ironically) due to sheer level of combinations that were at the very least fun. The ten point class system was more than enough to have any kid watch 50 class setup videos to decide what attachments to use. The guns are unforgettable the maps are perfect digital playgrounds the hud is perfect the sound effects are effective the vibes are immaculate the online scene was booming its all that could be asked for. Honestly just a perfectly constructed game with zero cynicism.
Also my mom didn’t let me get dlc so i never even got to play zombies but YouTube zombies content was enough compensation. And i never liked any cod campaigns so I didn’t even try it. This is purely about the multiplayer and it was much more than enough. 10/10 sometimes life is worth living.
It’s not without reason tho, this is the most playable cod (ironically) due to sheer level of combinations that were at the very least fun. The ten point class system was more than enough to have any kid watch 50 class setup videos to decide what attachments to use. The guns are unforgettable the maps are perfect digital playgrounds the hud is perfect the sound effects are effective the vibes are immaculate the online scene was booming its all that could be asked for. Honestly just a perfectly constructed game with zero cynicism.
Also my mom didn’t let me get dlc so i never even got to play zombies but YouTube zombies content was enough compensation. And i never liked any cod campaigns so I didn’t even try it. This is purely about the multiplayer and it was much more than enough. 10/10 sometimes life is worth living.
2022
(Written before the dlc, probably a bad idea)
This game is goated to a fault. Thousands of collective hours of pure artistic integrity that had to be shaped in the form of the (probably) final soulsbourne game. No gamer deserves to look at 3d environments this breathtakingly beautiful, journeys this exciting and unforgettable, characters and designs this instantly iconic, dialogue this fucking hard, just enough lore to bring life to the world but not too much it feels like required reading.
The only reasonable criticism you can have towards the game is criticism you can throw at any soulsbourne game except, much like everything here, it is amplified ten-fold due to sheer scale and ambition. You thought soulsbourne game had consistency issues, especially with their bosses? Half the bosses here look like they are playing a better game than you. The areas range from action rpg perfection you want to explore every inch of to massive slogs. I understand scale is above all else and i respect that completely, but the formula established in ds1 (never played demon souls idk) sometimes feels almost incompatible with this philosophy. Claustrophobia and physical weight is what defined this style for like ten years for pretty good reason. Just how far away does the boss have to teleport before i am surely convinced this is a big deal?
But honestly fuck all that. this game was still a joy to play overall and i don’t regret any of it hence the high score. Don’t let some criticism rob you from such a cool experience.
This game is goated to a fault. Thousands of collective hours of pure artistic integrity that had to be shaped in the form of the (probably) final soulsbourne game. No gamer deserves to look at 3d environments this breathtakingly beautiful, journeys this exciting and unforgettable, characters and designs this instantly iconic, dialogue this fucking hard, just enough lore to bring life to the world but not too much it feels like required reading.
The only reasonable criticism you can have towards the game is criticism you can throw at any soulsbourne game except, much like everything here, it is amplified ten-fold due to sheer scale and ambition. You thought soulsbourne game had consistency issues, especially with their bosses? Half the bosses here look like they are playing a better game than you. The areas range from action rpg perfection you want to explore every inch of to massive slogs. I understand scale is above all else and i respect that completely, but the formula established in ds1 (never played demon souls idk) sometimes feels almost incompatible with this philosophy. Claustrophobia and physical weight is what defined this style for like ten years for pretty good reason. Just how far away does the boss have to teleport before i am surely convinced this is a big deal?
But honestly fuck all that. this game was still a joy to play overall and i don’t regret any of it hence the high score. Don’t let some criticism rob you from such a cool experience.
2022
In the genre of autoshooter roguelites, this game clearly stands head and shoulders above the rest. Such an elegant combination of familiar mechanics weaved together into a flawless system of skill and luck, amplified by near-perfect execution on all fronts.
It goes like this: you pick a character and a difficulty and just survive 20 one-minute rounds. After each round you upgrade your character’s stats like speed or damage and then go to the shop to buy weapons and items with money, which is dropped from killed enemies (you have to go pick it up on the spot of the kill) and also contributes to the level bar which allows you to upgrade your character as mentioned before. This all sounds very basic as every game in this genre basically plays like this, but the genius of the game is little tweaks to the systems that exponentially elevate the experience.
First of all, the map is a somewhat small square, unlike the infinite maps of other games, which forces you to play more aggressively in between packs of enemies instead of circling a big horde ad nauseam. Enemies in other games usually come from outside the screen in a big circle you are always the center of, but here they spawn wherever on the map even right next to you. It forces you to stay aware at all times of dying instantly. In this genre you almost always go for dps and once you achieve a good enough start only then start worrying about your defensive options, because enemies always spawn a distance away from you and are usually killed before they could feasibly do a thing to you. Not here, you actually have to be aware and build you character accordingly while being careful to dodge the x marks that show an enemy is spawning. Also there are trees that periodically spawn on the map that drop money and occasionally free items when destroyed. They are top-priority as soon as you see them and have to reach them quickly because early on they can take a few seconds to destroy if you dont have good enough dps. The combination of the limited time and map + the way enemies spawn + the trees works so well to fix the biggest criticism of this style of game, which is that you move around and hope for good rng to make you win. To do well at the game you have to get in there between the enemies to get money, dodging like neo from the matrix, moving around to check for trees and trying to maximize your rounds as much as possible. This alone actually makes the game worth playing and theres even more somehow.
By far the best thing about this game is the enemies. There’s only about a dozen of them but they complement and complete each other beautifully. From basic melee grunts to chargers to projectiles and buffers that get away from you. But my favorite two enemies are the ribcages and tentacles. Ribcages are tanky heavy hitters that get faster the longer they are alive, and tentacles don’t attack you straight on but shoot two attacks at an angle so you can’t really go around without getting damaged. On their own they make for a good challenge but if your build is lacking and you cant really move around the map and get stuck at a corner and these guys come at you you can kiss your run goodbye. Of course cant forget the bosses that can spawn that provide interesting challenges and movement checks. The best part is that you don’t even have to kill them if you absolutely can’t, you can just play normally until the timer runs out, but killing them is recommended if possible because they drop legendary loot. It’s so refreshing to see how far a game can go by just having an interesting enemy roster, it’s definitely one of the lost arts of design nowadays.
I don’t want to stop. I haven’t even talked about the surprisingly well implemented endless mode, weapon set bonuses, the amazing mod support or the banging soundtrack and art style. Get this game and witness what reaching your potential against all odds truly looks like. Beautiful piece of Art.
It goes like this: you pick a character and a difficulty and just survive 20 one-minute rounds. After each round you upgrade your character’s stats like speed or damage and then go to the shop to buy weapons and items with money, which is dropped from killed enemies (you have to go pick it up on the spot of the kill) and also contributes to the level bar which allows you to upgrade your character as mentioned before. This all sounds very basic as every game in this genre basically plays like this, but the genius of the game is little tweaks to the systems that exponentially elevate the experience.
First of all, the map is a somewhat small square, unlike the infinite maps of other games, which forces you to play more aggressively in between packs of enemies instead of circling a big horde ad nauseam. Enemies in other games usually come from outside the screen in a big circle you are always the center of, but here they spawn wherever on the map even right next to you. It forces you to stay aware at all times of dying instantly. In this genre you almost always go for dps and once you achieve a good enough start only then start worrying about your defensive options, because enemies always spawn a distance away from you and are usually killed before they could feasibly do a thing to you. Not here, you actually have to be aware and build you character accordingly while being careful to dodge the x marks that show an enemy is spawning. Also there are trees that periodically spawn on the map that drop money and occasionally free items when destroyed. They are top-priority as soon as you see them and have to reach them quickly because early on they can take a few seconds to destroy if you dont have good enough dps. The combination of the limited time and map + the way enemies spawn + the trees works so well to fix the biggest criticism of this style of game, which is that you move around and hope for good rng to make you win. To do well at the game you have to get in there between the enemies to get money, dodging like neo from the matrix, moving around to check for trees and trying to maximize your rounds as much as possible. This alone actually makes the game worth playing and theres even more somehow.
By far the best thing about this game is the enemies. There’s only about a dozen of them but they complement and complete each other beautifully. From basic melee grunts to chargers to projectiles and buffers that get away from you. But my favorite two enemies are the ribcages and tentacles. Ribcages are tanky heavy hitters that get faster the longer they are alive, and tentacles don’t attack you straight on but shoot two attacks at an angle so you can’t really go around without getting damaged. On their own they make for a good challenge but if your build is lacking and you cant really move around the map and get stuck at a corner and these guys come at you you can kiss your run goodbye. Of course cant forget the bosses that can spawn that provide interesting challenges and movement checks. The best part is that you don’t even have to kill them if you absolutely can’t, you can just play normally until the timer runs out, but killing them is recommended if possible because they drop legendary loot. It’s so refreshing to see how far a game can go by just having an interesting enemy roster, it’s definitely one of the lost arts of design nowadays.
I don’t want to stop. I haven’t even talked about the surprisingly well implemented endless mode, weapon set bonuses, the amazing mod support or the banging soundtrack and art style. Get this game and witness what reaching your potential against all odds truly looks like. Beautiful piece of Art.