Chromentur
BACKER
Competent but booooooooooorrrrrrrriiiiiinnnnggg. Those chintzy stock music loops will be branded into your memory banks should you ever be unwise enough to go for this grindy platinum. But even if you're playing this casually... it's just dull motorcycle loops, restrictive ones at that. There's also a glitch still accessible in this that lets you get a podium position in the career + championship races in like two seconds without ever having to actually start driving lmao. How the fuck are there (as of writing) SIX of these??
Top 50 Favorites: #9 (Included with Horizon Zero Dawn: Complete Edition)
Just as lush, expansive, and easy to fall in love with as the base game - honestly one of the best expansions ever made. You just can't reckon with five bucks (often less during frequent sales) for all this beautiful content. Still has some current-day AAA sensibilities that I'm not too big on (the piss-easy 'platforming' for one) but all my gripes get swallowed right away when I just take one fucking LOOK at this thing. Snow levels in video games are often some of my favorites, and this is one for the books. Breathtaking, unforgettable environments abound that compliment this game's bracing lighting system perfectly. Not to mention the very respectable uptick in difficulty that makes this feel like its own original experience in addition to flowing into the base pretty naturally. Amazing.
Just as lush, expansive, and easy to fall in love with as the base game - honestly one of the best expansions ever made. You just can't reckon with five bucks (often less during frequent sales) for all this beautiful content. Still has some current-day AAA sensibilities that I'm not too big on (the piss-easy 'platforming' for one) but all my gripes get swallowed right away when I just take one fucking LOOK at this thing. Snow levels in video games are often some of my favorites, and this is one for the books. Breathtaking, unforgettable environments abound that compliment this game's bracing lighting system perfectly. Not to mention the very respectable uptick in difficulty that makes this feel like its own original experience in addition to flowing into the base pretty naturally. Amazing.
2015
A cute, accomplished, clearly lovingly made game that I personally have zero emotional connection to. I get why others love this so dearly - it's no doubt a visionary achievement with loads of variety, recognizable characters, humor, and one of the most unique battle systems you're likely to come across. But for whatever reason I never saw this as anything more than a mere distraction that I'd instantly forget about after playing - with no desire to go back and replay it (it was a chore to even finish my first run imo). I was sort of with it at the beginning but once its quirky shtick wore off (and believe me, it does) it DRAGS so much around the halfway point. This gives me the same feeling as playing like a mobile app in the waiting room - sure it works as a time killer if you've got nothing else, but why would I want to play it on my own accord when I have so many better options to choose from? A good game that really did not stay with me, nor did I click with its (admittedly highly original) world much at all.
2016
Top 50 Favorites: #37
City > Golf > Factory > Castle > Tower > Lumber > Water > Mountain > Demolition > Dark > Ice > Mansion > Thermal > Carry > Train > Laboratory > Steam > Power Plant > Miniature > Red Rock > Aztec > Copper World > Forest
Clears. I mean would you just look at those noodley little guys go? Just fantastic. PS5 online is the spawn of Satan but otherwise you just can't knock years of free content without a single bad level for a game that isn't a live service - it's pretty much unrivaled in that department. I've said it a thousand times but I remain a steadfast defender of this era's meme games - where the sole reason for their existence is to have fun with a strange gimmick, undoubtedly made strictly for the "Let's Play" craze so people can go "haha funni ragdoll". And it's a testament to the reliability of that stratagem where now - approaching EIGHT YEARS later - this thing still holds the fuck up whereas other 'trendy' games from following years have long since fallen to the wayside. Pretty much a big clay playground where you can fuck around and do whatever you want - often encouraging you to see how much you and your buddies can break the game wide open - and that's every bit as glorious as that sounds. So damn funny.
City > Golf > Factory > Castle > Tower > Lumber > Water > Mountain > Demolition > Dark > Ice > Mansion > Thermal > Carry > Train > Laboratory > Steam > Power Plant > Miniature > Red Rock > Aztec > Copper World > Forest
Clears. I mean would you just look at those noodley little guys go? Just fantastic. PS5 online is the spawn of Satan but otherwise you just can't knock years of free content without a single bad level for a game that isn't a live service - it's pretty much unrivaled in that department. I've said it a thousand times but I remain a steadfast defender of this era's meme games - where the sole reason for their existence is to have fun with a strange gimmick, undoubtedly made strictly for the "Let's Play" craze so people can go "haha funni ragdoll". And it's a testament to the reliability of that stratagem where now - approaching EIGHT YEARS later - this thing still holds the fuck up whereas other 'trendy' games from following years have long since fallen to the wayside. Pretty much a big clay playground where you can fuck around and do whatever you want - often encouraging you to see how much you and your buddies can break the game wide open - and that's every bit as glorious as that sounds. So damn funny.
🎶"HEEY MISS MURDER CAN I?
HEEY MISS MURDER CAN I?
MAAKEE BEAUTY STAY IF I...
TAKE MY LIIIFFEEE
WOOOAAAHHHHHHHH!"🎶
That patented Neversoft texture applied generously to a franchise approaching the apex of its powers - has there ever been a more "You just had to be there" moment in gaming? Had us 4th grade kids in 2007 eagerly talking about Slash, Living Colour, and Dead Kennedys. And on that note (haha)... I assume it's perfectly fair to say that this is one of the most iron-clad, top-to-bottom fucking elite soundtracks, ever (except for Kool Thing)? Has the true spirit of rock and roll without doing the whole "ONLY classic rock matters!!1!" bullshit that was soon to permeate this era. Huge shame that only a couple games in the future this series would be milked to absolute DEATH. I go back and forth between preferring Guitar Hero 5 over this and not - just because the latter has a more diverse soundtrack, better charts, and no crummy covers. But this one has more consistent bangers and doesn't look like hot ass? Neversoft I love you, but you guys sure knew how to spoil an already perfect formula.
HEEY MISS MURDER CAN I?
MAAKEE BEAUTY STAY IF I...
TAKE MY LIIIFFEEE
WOOOAAAHHHHHHHH!"🎶
That patented Neversoft texture applied generously to a franchise approaching the apex of its powers - has there ever been a more "You just had to be there" moment in gaming? Had us 4th grade kids in 2007 eagerly talking about Slash, Living Colour, and Dead Kennedys. And on that note (haha)... I assume it's perfectly fair to say that this is one of the most iron-clad, top-to-bottom fucking elite soundtracks, ever (except for Kool Thing)? Has the true spirit of rock and roll without doing the whole "ONLY classic rock matters!!1!" bullshit that was soon to permeate this era. Huge shame that only a couple games in the future this series would be milked to absolute DEATH. I go back and forth between preferring Guitar Hero 5 over this and not - just because the latter has a more diverse soundtrack, better charts, and no crummy covers. But this one has more consistent bangers and doesn't look like hot ass? Neversoft I love you, but you guys sure knew how to spoil an already perfect formula.
2000
A severe downgrade from the previous entry which itself was already a middling experience. The actually sort of okay arcade mode from the former has been removed yet the atrocious render distance of the players from Madden NFL 99 is back, turning this into a barely playable slog. It's also pretty ugly for its era. Fun to laugh at with friends/family for like three seconds but that's it.
2012
Top 50 Favorites: #13
Like if that spark of wide-eyed childhood wonderment we're inevitably forced to stuff away somewhere deep was a video game - in which you are asked to see the world the way a child sees it, like a blank canvas where the possibilities of what you can do/create just seem so boundless. A world in which the ones who are older - the ones with power - don't take advantage of us, and instead gaze upon us in admiration as they ready our seats at their proverbial table. Though most importantly, a world in which a life rendered incomplete can still see through to its beautiful conclusion - where our fears of fading away forever are remedied. Feels like walking right inside of an artist's easel, with a lovely painted sketchbook palette, sweet fairytale vibes, and unforgettable music. Gives you so many neat gameplay mechanics one right after the other just to have fun with, what a treat. Never, ever fails to enchant and impress.
Like if that spark of wide-eyed childhood wonderment we're inevitably forced to stuff away somewhere deep was a video game - in which you are asked to see the world the way a child sees it, like a blank canvas where the possibilities of what you can do/create just seem so boundless. A world in which the ones who are older - the ones with power - don't take advantage of us, and instead gaze upon us in admiration as they ready our seats at their proverbial table. Though most importantly, a world in which a life rendered incomplete can still see through to its beautiful conclusion - where our fears of fading away forever are remedied. Feels like walking right inside of an artist's easel, with a lovely painted sketchbook palette, sweet fairytale vibes, and unforgettable music. Gives you so many neat gameplay mechanics one right after the other just to have fun with, what a treat. Never, ever fails to enchant and impress.
Can't rate since these maps are effectively dead on console, because everyone would rather play the same three fucking maps on infinite repeat instead. Like why are you all voting for Fao Fortress over Rupture or Prise de Tahure? Shame.
2010
Top 50 Favorites: #45
Being alone is fucking terrifying. You can be ripped away from everything you knew in an instant, it all seems so dark and scary - maybe it is, maybe it isn't? The only way to know for sure is to throw yourself right at it and hope for mercy, like a child again - locked inside themselves by worry and pure, blinding fear. To me, this so eloquently captures what Inside very bluntly tried to lay bare - indirect control to that game's direct control. You're a slave to something you can't even see, or be sure even exists. Sumptuous black-and-white hazy visuals and very homey, chill flash game-esque gameplay give this an identity that has stood the test of time (and will continue to do so). Bleak but never forcefully so, there's even an ounce of hope if you're lucky enough - as unnerving as it is oddly comforting. Infinitely better than its sequel.
Being alone is fucking terrifying. You can be ripped away from everything you knew in an instant, it all seems so dark and scary - maybe it is, maybe it isn't? The only way to know for sure is to throw yourself right at it and hope for mercy, like a child again - locked inside themselves by worry and pure, blinding fear. To me, this so eloquently captures what Inside very bluntly tried to lay bare - indirect control to that game's direct control. You're a slave to something you can't even see, or be sure even exists. Sumptuous black-and-white hazy visuals and very homey, chill flash game-esque gameplay give this an identity that has stood the test of time (and will continue to do so). Bleak but never forcefully so, there's even an ounce of hope if you're lucky enough - as unnerving as it is oddly comforting. Infinitely better than its sequel.
2019
Top 50 Favorites: #25
A masterclass in medieval gothic pop style. I'll be honest, I thought this was just kind of okay when I first played it - a little mid of a remake in a way that feels hollow (even cheap), not unlike Battle for Bikini Bottom - Rehydrated. But boy does this thing know how to sit with you and settle right on in... you'd really have to try hard to forget any of these luxurious-looking levels (of course that would ultimately be a futile fight anyway). Sir Daniel is such a lovable lead character despite (perhaps - in part - because of) having zero audible lines of dialogue, and like the rest of this game is designed to soaring standards. There's also something satisfyingly squishy about the combat here, nothing beats busting out that big ole' mallet and going to town on zombies, imps, pumpkin plants, and fish monsters and whatnot. An aura of authenticity coats this entire thing corner-to-corner, what initially might seem thin ends up seeming so lovingly crafted - so lived-in. So charming and freakish, it's even a shade creepy at some points - it being hard to deduce whether that's unintentionally so or otherwise makes it even moreso imo. Essential adventure game that's refreshing in its simplicity. Love, love, love it.
A masterclass in medieval gothic pop style. I'll be honest, I thought this was just kind of okay when I first played it - a little mid of a remake in a way that feels hollow (even cheap), not unlike Battle for Bikini Bottom - Rehydrated. But boy does this thing know how to sit with you and settle right on in... you'd really have to try hard to forget any of these luxurious-looking levels (of course that would ultimately be a futile fight anyway). Sir Daniel is such a lovable lead character despite (perhaps - in part - because of) having zero audible lines of dialogue, and like the rest of this game is designed to soaring standards. There's also something satisfyingly squishy about the combat here, nothing beats busting out that big ole' mallet and going to town on zombies, imps, pumpkin plants, and fish monsters and whatnot. An aura of authenticity coats this entire thing corner-to-corner, what initially might seem thin ends up seeming so lovingly crafted - so lived-in. So charming and freakish, it's even a shade creepy at some points - it being hard to deduce whether that's unintentionally so or otherwise makes it even moreso imo. Essential adventure game that's refreshing in its simplicity. Love, love, love it.
2023
Competent, not much else. Impressive for 1996 (especially the vast amount of racers they managed to cram onscreen without sacrificing a ton of performance, even surpassing a lot of the Mario Karts) but those deep-fried, chunky graphics haven't particularly aged that well (they honestly look sickly). The turbo system also kind of sucks but the magnetic grapple is pretty innovative and satisfying to use while snapping around corners. At first it's pretty neat to race on so many different terrains like this in one race, and there are a few really solid tracks but due to its horrid physics the difficulty is stupidly unforgiving to the point of being a chore. Just play Wipeout tbh.
Just like the rest of the DLC packs for Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl, great acknowledgement but can't help but feel almost purely cosmetic. That goes for both the levels and the characters.
I had a crush on this robot when I was a kid.
....
Anyways, same issue I have with the Hugh Neutron DLC - this is a character I'd love to play as... in a different game. $2.00 max seems fair - one for the character and one for the level, but no this thing is THREE extra dollars heavy from there, the same price as my favorite video game currently. So for me that's just like... no.
....
Anyways, same issue I have with the Hugh Neutron DLC - this is a character I'd love to play as... in a different game. $2.00 max seems fair - one for the character and one for the level, but no this thing is THREE extra dollars heavy from there, the same price as my favorite video game currently. So for me that's just like... no.
Four stars for the dedication to the funny meme, zero stars for being a $5.00 character in a mid game whose servers are deader than a doorstop where much of the roster are already indistinguishable from one another mechanically as it is. More Jimmy Neutron recognition in the current day is never a bad thing imo, but this ain't it.
Bland levels, bland roster, bland art style, bland music, bland gameplay. A competent product that I feel virtually nothing but apathy for - granted I don't care that much about the Smash games either, but come on... There's just no comparison here, those are (mostly) leagues better than this is despite it still being a capable clone on a base level. The PlayStation All-Stars comparisons are noted but I would say they're only founded in the sense that both feel like almost immediate abandonware despite being spearheaded by waves of gigantic IPs that have all the ingredients for what should have been a huge slam dunk. Otherwise Sony's attempt felt way more personalized than this shallow husk imo. Feels like a sixth-gen game and not in a good way, everything about this just screams chintzy. Crazy how even after all these post-launch fixes the sound mixing is still this bad.