You know how sometimes a thing that is obvious to everyone else just passes you by until suddenly you get it and you feel stupid for not knowing it all along? Like how the slogan for Kay Jewelers, “every kiss begins with Kay,” also means that the word “kiss” literally begins with the letter k? Or how Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit is a pun, as in she’s back in the traditional head garment worn by a catholic nun? Or in the second verse of “Psycho Killer” David Byrne sings about how you shouldn’t say too much and make the same point over again, while saying too much and making that point over again in the verse. Those are all real examples on my end. Let me tell you another one on the gaming side of things.
Years ago, back when I was still in college, the Mortal Kombat guys released Armageddon, which was kinda bad for a number of other reasons, but also had an inexplicable kart-racing mini game. I had no idea why. The game boasted a roster of every character to ever appear in a Mortal Kombat game ever, but no unique fatalities or ending screens for them. No room for the fundamental components of what makes a mortal Kombat game what it is, but plenty of room for kart racing? Who asked for Sub-Zero vs Scorpion on the Outworld track? Why does this exist. Why. Why. Why? I was a fairly large Mortal Kombat fan back then and that huge roster was irresistible for me, I was ready for it to be the best one ever but was let down by the weak core game, the create-your-own big tiddy fighter, and mortal kombat kart racing. I never figured out why it was in there.
That is, until this year, when my friends in Rotterdam told me to just get the latest dang Mario Kart so we can all play sometime. Well, I did, and it was fun, but then there must have been a screen in between races that showed something called MKTV. Must be something called Mario Kart T…
That was it. MK.
Mario Kart. Mortal Kombat. MK.
Are you fucking kidding me. For seventeen years. The goddamn LETTERS are the same!
I don’t even think I’m fully recovered from the shock of it. I shouldn’t have put it past Midway, I mean the reason why DC vs Mortal Kombat exists is because they really did just say once “well, there’s marvel vs capcom, there really should be one for DC as well, and it might as well should be vs mortal kombat,” so that’s the level of imagination and creativity they’re working with sometimes, but… MK, for christs sake.
Anyway, that’s the only unique thing I can bring to the discussion about this game on www.backloggd.com. It’s the latest iteration of the popular racing/party game franchise Mario Kart. You’ve played this game to death, you have like a hundred fifty hours logged on it, and I saw it on your switch profile so don’t even act like it’s not true. Even if you never have played it, you still know everything there is to know about it just by being alive in the year 2024. It’s like a review for Star Wars on letterboxd, or I dunno, the works of Shakespeare on Goodreads. It’s Mario kart, man, what do you want.
Years ago, back when I was still in college, the Mortal Kombat guys released Armageddon, which was kinda bad for a number of other reasons, but also had an inexplicable kart-racing mini game. I had no idea why. The game boasted a roster of every character to ever appear in a Mortal Kombat game ever, but no unique fatalities or ending screens for them. No room for the fundamental components of what makes a mortal Kombat game what it is, but plenty of room for kart racing? Who asked for Sub-Zero vs Scorpion on the Outworld track? Why does this exist. Why. Why. Why? I was a fairly large Mortal Kombat fan back then and that huge roster was irresistible for me, I was ready for it to be the best one ever but was let down by the weak core game, the create-your-own big tiddy fighter, and mortal kombat kart racing. I never figured out why it was in there.
That is, until this year, when my friends in Rotterdam told me to just get the latest dang Mario Kart so we can all play sometime. Well, I did, and it was fun, but then there must have been a screen in between races that showed something called MKTV. Must be something called Mario Kart T…
That was it. MK.
Mario Kart. Mortal Kombat. MK.
Are you fucking kidding me. For seventeen years. The goddamn LETTERS are the same!
I don’t even think I’m fully recovered from the shock of it. I shouldn’t have put it past Midway, I mean the reason why DC vs Mortal Kombat exists is because they really did just say once “well, there’s marvel vs capcom, there really should be one for DC as well, and it might as well should be vs mortal kombat,” so that’s the level of imagination and creativity they’re working with sometimes, but… MK, for christs sake.
Anyway, that’s the only unique thing I can bring to the discussion about this game on www.backloggd.com. It’s the latest iteration of the popular racing/party game franchise Mario Kart. You’ve played this game to death, you have like a hundred fifty hours logged on it, and I saw it on your switch profile so don’t even act like it’s not true. Even if you never have played it, you still know everything there is to know about it just by being alive in the year 2024. It’s like a review for Star Wars on letterboxd, or I dunno, the works of Shakespeare on Goodreads. It’s Mario kart, man, what do you want.
3 Comments
@cowboyjosh when I was a teenager, I had a friend who would play and sing that song, except he'd always go
"And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar
And I'm like 'hey man why'd you put bread in my jaaarrrr"
"And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar
And I'm like 'hey man why'd you put bread in my jaaarrrr"
@cowboyjosh for more “bread in bars” themed songs, see also “The Blarney Stone” by Ween
cowboyjosh
15 days ago