So are we ever going to talk about the ending to this game? The one that spends probably a good ten minutes with all the characters, after an impressive victory against an enormous demonic evil, sitting around and bickering over who gets to kiss the unconscious love interest which will then decide for her who she gets to marry? Imagine going to bed thinking you have some sort of agency in who you get to consent to physical intimacy with, and then waking up to some asshole who plunked his wet juicy lips down on your face while you were asleep and tells you great news, honey! We’re engaged! Did this asshole just save the world? Did he just break a spell put upon you that would have otherwise made you sleep forever? Are any of those questions not even remotely the goddamn point? Yes, yes, and yes, respectively.

Of course the anonymous hero gets the girl in the end, because he’s white blond and human, but then there’s so much time spent with the other members of your party moping aw shucks, I wanted the princess to be unconsciously arranged in marriage to me against her will, I really thought I had a shot. Which reminds me, by the way, uh... how does, er, how does that work, in the Shining Force world? You know, ahm... I mean, can centaurs and dwarves and elves and, uh... birdmen, and... anthropomorphic ninja mice... can they all, mate together? Are they actually different species, or is it all fair game as long as they have human faces and sentience and can stand upright with at least two bipedal legs? Fuck man, why did this game make me think about this? All I wanted was a nice little tactical rpg where a bunch of fantasy archetypes slay a big evil archetype. I NEVER asked for this