Jack
2 reviews liked by Jack
Splatoon 3
2022
Splatoon being Nintendo's newest IP and quickly rising to A-tier franchise within the company was a sight to behold from someone who picked up 1 at launch on Wii U. I remember Splatoon 1 being the first game I tried making YouTube content for as a kid, and it's also the only game to this day that has ever gotten me so angry I broke the controller. I was an A+ player in 1 and an S+ across the board in 2, and as of writing this, I am A+ in 3. Having 100%-ed the story mode and dumped nearly 50 hours in the game already, I feel confident and qualified in reviewing it as of now.
Is Splatoon 3 the best in the series? ...Eeeeeeeeeeh. I mean, once they add all the old weapons from 1 and 2 into the game then it will be by default. As soon as I get an Octobrush with Squid Beakon, pack it up. The best change they've made is easily the new ranking system. Instead of judging players based on wins and losses, now you are primarily judged by performance, with losses still being a factor, but now acting as more of a roadblock from achieving good performances. In the old games, it didn't matter how good you were: if your team was shit, then you were shit, and you were punished for it. No longer will you be fucked because some jackoff unironically brought a Nozzlenose into an A-rank game, so long as you do things for the team like racking up kills, throwing ink everywhere, and playing the objective. The one major criticism I have for this new system is that it does honestly feel a little too easy to rank up now. Sure, ranking up in the last two games was like pulling teeth, but that process made getting it all the more special and exclusive. Now it feels like if you just play the game long enough, S-rank will be given rather than earned, and therefore there will be more S-rankers than before, lessening its merit. Also, there is no reason to ever do a single Ranked game when a Series (5 wins-3 losses) is objectively a better earner.
The campaign is in this strange limbo. On one hand, it has the benefit of following up Splatoon 2's main campaign, which is the weakest in the series. On the other hand, it has the misfortune of following up Octo Expansion, the best campaign in the series. Ranking all four campaigns, I'd say this is the third-best, behind 1's freshness and Octo's overall quality and endgame. Modeling the campaign around Octo's format instead of the typical campaign structure was beneficial, although it does lack Octo's variety in missions. A lot of them are just typical A-to-B levels with a twist or two. I really liked the super unique levels like the maze and time trials. I wish the devs wouldn't beholden themselves so much to combat and make more levels based on platforming. Also pro tip: you do not need to do every weapon on every mission to unlock the secret final level. I wish I knew that before I tried to apply logic to a Japanese-developed video game. The endgame has a lot of buildup but just doesn't compare to the unexpected knock-your-socks-off climax of Splatoon 1's campaign or the heart-pounding race-against-time of Octo's endgame. Fighting Agent 3 in Octo remains the best moment in Splatoon's campaign history. 3 tries to setup this big reveal that would've been a big surprise if they didn't tell me who the final boss was halfway through the game. Also, while Deep Cut being antagonists at first is a welcome change of pace, they're ironically the least developed idols so far. To be fair, the same could be said about Pearl and Marina before Octo, but 3's campaign would've benefited greatly from Deep Cut hijacking audio calls from Callie and Marie and belittling the player as they play, give them a little spice. The endgame was pretty cool albeit predictable, and doesn't hold a candle to Octo's ending. The lore is certainly the most interesting to learn about thus far, though.
Gameplay wise, it's Splatoon alright. The QoL changes are great: we can practice with weapons in a lobby instead of just staring at a matchmaking screen, the load times are faster, we can tour maps, Salmon Run is permanently always active, (Salmon Run is also better now thanks to egg throwing and raid bosses) the new movement mechanics, while definitely nice to have, I found incredibly situational, especially the roll. Tableturf is a fun minigame but it won't hold your attention for more than a day (I would play it as a party game IRL though). Lockers are a neat idea but ultimately pointless to me because why should I give a fuck about a digital rectangle with decorations that does nothing but sit there and look nice? Everyone already just puts a Moai head with a pointed gun anyways. I would also love to tell you about Tricolor battles, but not only are they locked behind Splatfests, they're also locked behind a 2% rarity of occurrence, so fuck all of us, I guess.
I want to parrot that this is easily the best Splatoon so badly, but it's got two major problems that need to be addressed ASAP. One, the lack of new content in the multiplayer is a glaring omission. Not having League Ranked Battles and X rank at launch is just retarded, literally what's stopping them? Having no new ranked modes is a big problem too, considering Rainmaker has not been taken out back and put down with a shotgun (if Rainmaker is on Series rotation I straight up just don't play Ranked for two hours). But the biggest problem is one seen too often with Nintendo: their online is not good. Only this time, it's worse than just "not good." Splatoon has never had immaculate netcode, what with instances of phantom ink, player speed, and ghost shots from days of old. But 3 tops them all when it comes to one thing: connection. Splatoon 3 has some of the worst connection issues of a modern Nintendo game I've ever seen. MOST of the time I can play with little to no issue, but the amount of times I've already seen disconnected games has likely already eclipsed the combined disconnects I played in 1 and 2. To their credit, if it happens to another player early in the match, it ends the game right then and there to prevent lopsided steamrolls, but I've seen it happen to so many players in one game so often that it can't just be a rage quit off rip. A couple of times, I was assigned a loss in Series Ranked when I got disconnected for no reason, and any game that punishes its players for having bad netcode should be trashed yesterday.
This was my most anticipated game of the year when it was announced, and I really wish the local competitive scene would take off for it like Smash did. Splatoon is still great, but I'm disappointed to see that this sequel that should've built off 2 and Octo's foundation feels like a $30 expansion pack that costs $60. The upcoming "large-scale" DLC for it better come with NSO is all I'm saying.
Is Splatoon 3 the best in the series? ...Eeeeeeeeeeh. I mean, once they add all the old weapons from 1 and 2 into the game then it will be by default. As soon as I get an Octobrush with Squid Beakon, pack it up. The best change they've made is easily the new ranking system. Instead of judging players based on wins and losses, now you are primarily judged by performance, with losses still being a factor, but now acting as more of a roadblock from achieving good performances. In the old games, it didn't matter how good you were: if your team was shit, then you were shit, and you were punished for it. No longer will you be fucked because some jackoff unironically brought a Nozzlenose into an A-rank game, so long as you do things for the team like racking up kills, throwing ink everywhere, and playing the objective. The one major criticism I have for this new system is that it does honestly feel a little too easy to rank up now. Sure, ranking up in the last two games was like pulling teeth, but that process made getting it all the more special and exclusive. Now it feels like if you just play the game long enough, S-rank will be given rather than earned, and therefore there will be more S-rankers than before, lessening its merit. Also, there is no reason to ever do a single Ranked game when a Series (5 wins-3 losses) is objectively a better earner.
The campaign is in this strange limbo. On one hand, it has the benefit of following up Splatoon 2's main campaign, which is the weakest in the series. On the other hand, it has the misfortune of following up Octo Expansion, the best campaign in the series. Ranking all four campaigns, I'd say this is the third-best, behind 1's freshness and Octo's overall quality and endgame. Modeling the campaign around Octo's format instead of the typical campaign structure was beneficial, although it does lack Octo's variety in missions. A lot of them are just typical A-to-B levels with a twist or two. I really liked the super unique levels like the maze and time trials. I wish the devs wouldn't beholden themselves so much to combat and make more levels based on platforming. Also pro tip: you do not need to do every weapon on every mission to unlock the secret final level. I wish I knew that before I tried to apply logic to a Japanese-developed video game. The endgame has a lot of buildup but just doesn't compare to the unexpected knock-your-socks-off climax of Splatoon 1's campaign or the heart-pounding race-against-time of Octo's endgame. Fighting Agent 3 in Octo remains the best moment in Splatoon's campaign history. 3 tries to setup this big reveal that would've been a big surprise if they didn't tell me who the final boss was halfway through the game. Also, while Deep Cut being antagonists at first is a welcome change of pace, they're ironically the least developed idols so far. To be fair, the same could be said about Pearl and Marina before Octo, but 3's campaign would've benefited greatly from Deep Cut hijacking audio calls from Callie and Marie and belittling the player as they play, give them a little spice. The endgame was pretty cool albeit predictable, and doesn't hold a candle to Octo's ending. The lore is certainly the most interesting to learn about thus far, though.
Gameplay wise, it's Splatoon alright. The QoL changes are great: we can practice with weapons in a lobby instead of just staring at a matchmaking screen, the load times are faster, we can tour maps, Salmon Run is permanently always active, (Salmon Run is also better now thanks to egg throwing and raid bosses) the new movement mechanics, while definitely nice to have, I found incredibly situational, especially the roll. Tableturf is a fun minigame but it won't hold your attention for more than a day (I would play it as a party game IRL though). Lockers are a neat idea but ultimately pointless to me because why should I give a fuck about a digital rectangle with decorations that does nothing but sit there and look nice? Everyone already just puts a Moai head with a pointed gun anyways. I would also love to tell you about Tricolor battles, but not only are they locked behind Splatfests, they're also locked behind a 2% rarity of occurrence, so fuck all of us, I guess.
I want to parrot that this is easily the best Splatoon so badly, but it's got two major problems that need to be addressed ASAP. One, the lack of new content in the multiplayer is a glaring omission. Not having League Ranked Battles and X rank at launch is just retarded, literally what's stopping them? Having no new ranked modes is a big problem too, considering Rainmaker has not been taken out back and put down with a shotgun (if Rainmaker is on Series rotation I straight up just don't play Ranked for two hours). But the biggest problem is one seen too often with Nintendo: their online is not good. Only this time, it's worse than just "not good." Splatoon has never had immaculate netcode, what with instances of phantom ink, player speed, and ghost shots from days of old. But 3 tops them all when it comes to one thing: connection. Splatoon 3 has some of the worst connection issues of a modern Nintendo game I've ever seen. MOST of the time I can play with little to no issue, but the amount of times I've already seen disconnected games has likely already eclipsed the combined disconnects I played in 1 and 2. To their credit, if it happens to another player early in the match, it ends the game right then and there to prevent lopsided steamrolls, but I've seen it happen to so many players in one game so often that it can't just be a rage quit off rip. A couple of times, I was assigned a loss in Series Ranked when I got disconnected for no reason, and any game that punishes its players for having bad netcode should be trashed yesterday.
This was my most anticipated game of the year when it was announced, and I really wish the local competitive scene would take off for it like Smash did. Splatoon is still great, but I'm disappointed to see that this sequel that should've built off 2 and Octo's foundation feels like a $30 expansion pack that costs $60. The upcoming "large-scale" DLC for it better come with NSO is all I'm saying.
Knockout City
2021
Dummy fun multiplayer game. Ranking system actually works, netcode surprisingly immaculate, mechanics are easy to learn, middling to master, there are zero bad maps, and while teams are encouraged, there is always potential for an individual to shit on everyone around them.
My only gripes are a slow level up system (you telling me there are 900 levels in a season; hell naw) and on the blue moon occasion when the game does lag, it is the most unplayable multiplayer game ever. Like, worse than Super Smash Bros. Brawl online. Some new modes would also go a long way to make this stand out.
This is not a single player game, this is absolutely a burst of team-based multiplayer 3v3 perfection. I really hope this game takes off like Fall Guys did sans the community-killing social media.
My only gripes are a slow level up system (you telling me there are 900 levels in a season; hell naw) and on the blue moon occasion when the game does lag, it is the most unplayable multiplayer game ever. Like, worse than Super Smash Bros. Brawl online. Some new modes would also go a long way to make this stand out.
This is not a single player game, this is absolutely a burst of team-based multiplayer 3v3 perfection. I really hope this game takes off like Fall Guys did sans the community-killing social media.