7 reviews liked by Philip_J_Fry


holy fucking shit input delay makes a fun and charming game into a nightmare

So called free thinkers when 'Up Down Up Down Chu Chu Chu'.

This isn't a review, but somehow this game is only 29MB. Where's the rest of the game Dunkey?!

Men want her. Women want what she has. Amogus fear her.

Space Channel 5 oozes style. But like a lot of older rhythm games, your enjoyment of this game is directly tied to how much input lag your TV has.

Input delay killed my dog and turned me gay, but the former might just be the effect of Space Channel 5

Last night was the last time that this game was playable and in those final few hours where the servers just wouldn't quit, I understood how those in the original Squidbeak Splatoon must have felt battling in the front lines of the Great Turf War.

I turned on my Wii U yesterday at 6:30pm fully believing the Wii U/3DS servers were shutting down at 7:00, I sat down to watch the final iteration of Inkopolis news, I heard Callie and Marie's final "stay fresh!", and was emotionally prepared for my 8-year Splatoon 1 career to end in a climactic blaze of glory, in which as soon as the clock hit 7:00 I would be struck down by an error message in the heat of an exciting battle.

So for that half hour, I played some of the most intense turf wars of my life. Every one of us in that 8 person lobby was playing like it was life-or-death and fighting for our final matches to be wins. And as I sat there, placing inkstrike after inkstrike on my Wii U gamepad which by this point had gathered so much dust over the years that you needed to press twice as hard for the touch screen to recognize you, I reminisced over how much the silly squid game has done for me, and how much has changed since I first played it.

Splatoon is many things to me. Its story mode was the first game that I completed on my own. It was the first game that I became invested in and followed along with in real time. It was the first game that gave me a sense of competitiveness, it was the first game that I can remember ever wanting to get better at. It was the first game I played that had a strong sense of community around it because of its ties to Miiverse (which I still mourn to this day fly high Miiverse you were gone too soon). Splatoon is without a doubt the franchise that I have invested the most hours into across each of its three games, and all because of how much fun I had with the first entry.

So of course I was sad to see it go. When I queued into a turf war match at 6:58 last night, I got ready to say goodbye. Turf wars only last 3 minutes so as soon as the match started, expecting it to be cut short, I started a squid party. In the middle of Moray Towers, 7 other inklings gathered around me, booyah-ing and super jumping to their heart's content, and in that moment the community that I remembered from 8 years ago had been revived and was back in full glory to celebrate the end of the game that had meant so much to all of us. What a way to go.

But then 7:00 passed and the match was still going. 7:01 the match ended and Judd the cat appeared to tell my team that despite our actions, we had covered the most turf and won the game. By 7:02 I had levelled up and was in the lobby waiting for another match to start. Weird. Maybe the servers actually shut down at 8:00 and I actually have another hour?

8:00 hits. 8:01 and I'm in another match.

This limbo of not knowing when the servers were going to give up goes on for another two hours. At this point I was very confused and slightly annoyed. As it turned, out I had until the map rotation changed at 10:00pm to bid farewell to Splatoon 1 and the Wii U and 3DS era as a whole. An ending that honestly feels right for a console generation such as this one.

The final hours of Splatoon 1 were ridiculously nostalgic and confusing, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Farewell, Splatoon 1

Stay fresh :)