I recall getting my PS4 Pro on a frigid winter evening. I was attending my grad school introductory course when I received a notification that my recent Black Friday purchase has arrived. The problem was that my apartment was located at an open courtyard rather than a covered building and Game Stop just so happened to ship the package without a box, meaning anyone could come and see a fresh expensive piece of hardware just hanging out unattended. I got permission to leave class, place the box into my apartment, and return. This only took about 10 minutes as I lived across from the campus, but it was an unsettling feeling to have a commodity I yearned for just left out as if it was nothing. I do not remember anything about the console's setup or my first impressions of the Sony interface. However, I do remember my first trip into the PS4 library and perhaps played its best offering. My first game was Bloodborne.

Bloodborne is a peculiar game. Like my PS4 abandoned in the cold, Bloodborne has seemingly been forgotten by its publisher. Fans want, if not demand, a PC port that has not even been teased while other Sony exclusives have graced the platform (with mixed performance, but extending a series to a new audience is always a good move). It is a shame because Bloodborne is one of the best games on the console. It is one of the best games on any console, maybe even the best game I have played. It is, as far as I recall, the only game I played to "completion" as I have a platinum trophy sitting on my digital mantle. I completed at least two complete playthroughs, one utilizing strength and another focused on dexterity and blood lust. I think I even completed a New Game Plus cycle, but my memory is too hazy to trust. What I can trust is the memories of playing a truly amazing game.

FIrst, Bloodborne perfected the Souls model. I have been with the series since I bought Demon's Souls used as an impromptu birthday gift and I have since played every game except for Sekiro (which will be topping my post-thesis-completed gaming list). I do not think Bloodborne is as revolutionary as Demon's or even Dark Souls, but I do believe Bloodborne is at the peak the FromSoftware design for two key reasons: its fantastic combat and the sheer vitriol of its bleak setting and atmosphere.

Bloodborne wants the player to attack first and think second, at least at first. I remember having to adapt to the speed of the game which sprints past the slower pace of previous "Souls" games. Bloodborne is not as fast as games like Bayonetta or Devil May Cry, but the game has a momentum that works perfectly for its intended goal. Fore I lied; the game does not want you to attack first, it wants you to be methodical in movement. It just wants you to be quick with your theories. Some bosses are tight races between two opposing health bars, where a well-planned pistol shot can be the sole factor of your unlikely survival. Other fights are dances with danger; waltz that reward delicate steps that circle past the swing of a club or the blaze of a kindled sword. Bloodborne does not want you to button mash, but it also does not want you to wait too long between attacks. Its unique style switching mechanic mixed with the projectile parry work together to keep you agile and strategic. I fondly remember ringing my bell to support fellow hunters fight foes for hours even against my least favorite enemies. Now, I would be lying if I said all bosses and combat encounters are perfect; I have my issues with the moonlight monster housed in the DLC for example. However, the game truly feels fair throughout as you have everything you need to succeed. And you will need every hunter tool available to survive this eternal night.

Bloodborne's world has a strong presence from the moment you are introduced to the infamous hunt. The darkness of the story fills out an already dire world. The influence of plagues are as relevant as the twisted horrors which hide behind the cursed curtain of madness and together they craft a realm that you want to explore just as much as you want to escape. Souls lore is hit or miss for me; the dark fantasy tropes are not as compelling as those of the cosmic. I am enamored with the intense imagery of the incomprehensible . The insight mechanic is an ingenious way to present information to the player. Just as your sense of security dwindles as each fog gate and boss arena leads to a new place of challenge, your hunter gains bits of knowledge that intrigues the player to move forward and see what new monstrosity lures atop a snowy castle or trapped in an endless nightmare. I also appreciate the experimentation of subtle femininity seen within the narrative, as YouTuber Honey Bat notes in her video essay "Viscerally Feminine." Concepts related to birth are not often touched upon in games, and it is rare to see otherwise non-feminist stories handle the discourse in a manner grotesque yet gentle. Overall, Bloodborne presents a macabre masterpiece worth pushing through.

Reminiscing over this game has developed a desire to replay, yet the strength of title's place in the PS4 library is also its major weakness; the game struggles to meet its full potential on the console at its current iteration. The game simply runs bad. Not unplayable, and I do not remember the game suffering as much of PS3 Blight town did, but we cannot pretend the game is not hindered by its inconsistent frame rate and choppy visuals. Which leads to a question previously mentioned; why is there no updated port of this game? It is not inaccessible, so I am not worried as a preservationist about the game's future. But I am worried that this game won't receive the love it deserves through performance patches. I do not understand the PS4's technology, but I am sure the PS5 and most modern PCs can better handle the game. If not, fan modders will easily develop their own fixes as they have with other From titles (there is already an 60 fps fan patch for those brave enough to homebrew their system, so think of the possibilities of a PC community for the game). Microsoft struggles to be as relevant as Sony in terms of sales, but the company does take care to faithfully update and upscale older titles for their current hardware. I do not see why Sony is so opposed to doing so, as the existence of Dark Souls Remastered and other ports indicate From is fine with expanding their player base. I doubt this game will become obscure or forgotten, but time will tell if the game is treated as royally as some of Sony's other titles.

Bloodborne is a game I will revisit and I hope any readers are willing to attempt the game despite its difficulty which I recognize can be a deterrent. The game is not perfect: some encounters are not as well thought out as others, the game has an interesting but rough bonus dungeon system which underwhelms more than it excites, and mechanics like the blood gem system feel out of place with the otherwise solid weapon system. However, these are minor mistakes to me. The game, at its heart, hits every goal of a Souls game. It challenges but does not feel unfair. It presents lore strange enough to pursue. Finally, despite technical flaws the game just plays well. Bloodborne is a triumph of gaming. I hope Sony realizes that sooner than later.

As of writing, I have not finished this game. I have almost 200 hours in it across a handful of builds, but I have never hit the credits. I have never fought the final boss nor have I entered their domain. That is largely because Elden Ring is a game that, while great, is also difficult to keep my attention. It has a sense of wonder which both excites and repels me. From the variety of builds, the different possible routes, and all of the potential endings, I always find myself distant from the game after about the third act.

This most recent play through I am accompanied with a travel companion; someone who has became an Elden Lord twice before and decided she wanted to become one once again. Utilizing the Seemless co-op mod, I have experienced great joy yet also great pain. Because like the numerous endings to the narrative, this game has multiple triumphs and failures.

One notable triumph is the scale of the game. It is truly breathtaking how much went into this game. Every area is beautiful and plentiful, and I have not even seen every area! I am not usually a fan of open world games; with a few exceptions, I typically lose interest before I can expend the energy to complete a main story. I always wanted to see the last cutscene of the game and it looks like I will be seeing it rather soon as my cooperative escapades has motivated me enough to finally finish a run. While there are hundreds of weapons and spells that I could distract me from finalizing a build. this time I chose an early game powerhouse and have powered through most of the game with the power of bleed and the bloodhound's flip of death. Still, there is one major complaint that dampens my otherwise positive experience with the game: the third act.

Elden Ring's third act is not fun. I know many gamers take pride in beating difficult content and exploring horrifying landscapes, and sometimes I am one of these people. I have completed Bloodborne numerous times and would happily do so again, especially if the fabled PC port ever comes out. However, Elden Ring's third act is not well designed. Several bad elements of previous games plague the final act. The mountain is not my friend, and the bosses held amongst its cliffs struggle to feel fair when compared to bosses of other games and even previous Elden Ring bosses.

Currently my friend and I are trapped in the rotted corner Melania once slumbered. I wish she stayed asleep. She does not feel like a boss designed with fun in mind. Instead, she feels like a brag boss. The kind of boss that players fight not for enjoyment but to prove they can handle it. Her leech-like healing does not blend well with her swift swings and monstrous damage values. Even an exploitation of her low poise and bleed resistance has led to futile attempts now spanning hours of gameplay. To some this may should like a true test of skill, patience, and mastery of a game. To me, it feels like valueless work; an assignment a teacher provides because he thinks his class should be hard but does not understand how to develop proper tests for the subject so he instead crafts duties which aim to make students drop out or fail. Like a student who cannot pass a needlessly hard class, I feel like I have learned nothing from this boss I want to beat her, and I want to be a major reason she was defeated. But what reward will I get. Satisfaction or relief? It is an challenge worth pursuing or just a strain on the limited gaming dexterity my fragile fingers have left.

I recognize I am not very good at games. I am not great at many things, but gaming is the one thing that I struggle with but often keep pushing in an endeavor to seek new thrills and traverse previously unthinkable thresholds. Elden Ring, as good as it can be, simply does not feel worth it. Maybe I am just losing tolerance as I age; I have similar opinions to other games which in the past may have been wondrous experiences. Now I am jaded and tired, and throwing myself at a boss is a gaming chore so tedious it makes the gacha model of constant grinding seem like an innovative way of play.

I will reassess and write more as I continue to play. I plan on finishing my seemless run, picking up and completing a previous run, and I am considering testing out the convergence mod as its new features intrigue me. Yet I also question if I should instead explore another game, one which better respects my time and treats me as a thrill seeker rather than a challenge runner.