In many ways, I feel Garten of Banban is genius. For many of the reasons I thought Baldi’s Basics was when it first came out, it seems acutely aware of how absurd and dumb the whole genre of mascot horror is and exists purely as a stealth satire of the genre. You may see these games as a cynical cash grabs designed to take money from children and line the pockets of talentless Youtuber “humans”, but I see it as all of that but also really funny. Beats the fuck out of whatever the hell else is coming out of this dire wasteland of a genre. Does FNAF have Stinger Flynn in it? Didn’t think so. Anyway uh

Uhm….

Hmmm…..

Uh, so anyway….

Now that I’ve gotten your attention…..







THE OFFICIAL GUTTERTRASH RANKING OF EVERY EPISODE OF LASAGNA CAT!!

As I’m sure all of you know, Lasagna Cat is a Youtube series created by Fatal Farm consisting of 39 parodies of Garfield strips, and a sex survey. I love the series, it’s a classic, and I figured I’d sit down and rank all of them for you lovely Garten of Banban fans!

As a note, I’m not including Sex Survey Results. It’s easily number 1 though, if you haven’t seen it yet clear and afternoon and watch the entire thing please.

Anyway, on with the ranking!

39. 05/14/1979 - CANON IN D MAJOR
It is literally just fat Garfield with some statues in the background. Understandably bland for the second one. Nothing to comment on.

38. 03/08/1997 - RED LIGHT GREEN LIGHT
I think the joke is supposed to be that it’s playing a particularly bad Limp Bizkit song? No substance. And no, I do not think that Limp Bizkit is fully, because they Rule.

37. 05/16/1985 - SHE’S A LADY
Ok he kinda hittin it doe

36. 10/20/1984 - IN THE AIR TONIGHT
That’s a very impressively well constructed take on a classic scene from Miami Vice! It’s a shame the punchline is “Justin Roiland does the Justin Roiland voice”. I guess they got in earlier than most on that.

35. 01/24/1994 - HERO
My total note on this is that it would’ve been infinitely better if they used the Enrique Iglasias song Hero or, God willing, the Chad Kroeger one from Spider-Man 1.

34. 12/20/1996 - FUNKY MONKEY DANCE
It’s just Colin’s Bear but as Garfield. Colin’s Bear is a classic but the original is better. Also, this one’s been soured on me because of the overabundance of bowling alley TV jokes about it.

At this point basically all of them are at least decent, thankfully they hit a pretty high point early on and mostly stuck to it, minus a few flops.

33. 01/26/1995 - EYES WITHOUT A FACE
There’s a lot of first-wave Lasagna Cats that don’t really have a joke and more just function as remixing the funny Garfield strip to fit the mood of a random song. This one does that. It does it fine. Eyes Without a Face does most of the heavy lifting, though, since it’s a banger.

32. 09/15/2006 - ONE WEEK
Likely biased because I hate One Week as a song. It’s adequate.

31. 04/20/2007 - THE POWER
Stop starin’ at me with them big ol’ eyes.

30. 4/16/2007 - HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT
Ok he kinda hittin [Jon] doe

29. 05/20/2005 - DESPERADO
It is incredibly funny that the Eagles modern legacy is basically just preventing full collections of stuff away from the general public. They keep Nostalgia, Ultra off streaming cuz of one sample, they keep this Lasagna Cat clip off Youtube, and for what? So nobody hears their shitty Barbecue Pit ass music outside of official Eagles Approved Musical Avenues? FUCK you, Eagles. You ruined art.

28. 03/28/1992 - THE ENTERTAINER
Jon sure does go in a loop. Is this a reflection of the cyclical nature of our favorite cartoon cat? It cannot be.

27. 04/25/1979 - ANGELA (THEME FROM TAXI)
THEY COOKIN’! ODIE AND GARFIELD FUCKIN’ IT UP!!!!! ENCORE!!!!

26. 03/24/1979 - BAILAMOS
I don’t even really get the joke of the original strip. Why would Garfield care if Odie danced instead? Garfield would have no interest in showing him up, he’s apathetic at most. Does he secretly want to for Jon?

25 - 21. 02/24/2006, 04/04/2001, 01/05/2005, 11/01/2007, 01/19/1987 - COME TO MY WINDOW, I’LL NEVER GET OVER YOU GETTING OVER ME, THE LION SLEEPS TONIGHT, EBONY AND IVORY, MANIC MONDAY
These are all just aforementioned vibe videos for the original songs. They’re all good! Not interesting enough to discuss on their own. They’re interchangeable.

Ight from this point on it’s the good stuff. These ones are all the really good shit. It’s a good sign that a little bit over half of them are in this category.

20. 02/18/2009 - SONGBIRD
I Mandela Effect-ed myself into thinking there was a Garfield Horse in this one, and upon rewatching it and finding there wasn’t one I was so disappointed I moved this one to the exact middle spot of the list. By Garfield Horse, i mean a horse/Garfield hybrid, not like the clip of Garfield riding a horse that is actually in this.

19. 10/25/2004 - A WHOLE NEW WORLD
I want to travel the world with Garfield. I want to see the stars with Garfield. I would love to go with him.

18. 06/01/1982 - MACARENA
Ok he REALLY hittin it now

17. 04/08/1998 - HEAD LIKE A HOLE
The original run of Lasagna Cat ends on a strange but fitting dark note, as the seedy underbelly that would further be reflected in the Second Wave makes itself fully known. Love Jon’s nips.

16. 12/03/1991 - CHATTAHOOCHEE
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAWWWWW~!

15. 08/18/1978 - FINAL FANTASY 6 MEDLEY
The original. The face of the series to many. A tad bit overrated. Iunno, it’s funny obviously but it never did that much for me beyond it.

14. 06/15/2007 - EMERGE
I think the original strip this one’s based on is actually kind of funny because it reminds me of this. S/O the incredibly rare Liz appearance.

13. 05/16/1987 - SUICIDE IS PAINLESS
Easily the best of the straight music video ones. Love how weirdly melancholy it is. The closest to true capital B Beauty the series reaches, at least in the first wave.

12. 08/14/1986 - FERGALICIOUS
I have no idea how they thought this would ever stay up on youtube lmao

11. 05/22/1980 - JURASSIC PARK THEME
Personally I would disagree with the consensus these reviews reach with the second Garfield being better than the first, I have no idea how you could really have a preference for one mound of EPIC CINEMA over the other.

10. 07/27/1978 - KUNDUN SCORE
Okay so like, this is number 1. This is the best one. But like, I’ve only watched it once all the way through, and I don’t really intend to watch it again any time soon, so unfortunately it slides down a bit because it lacks the replayability of the others.

9. 02/26/2003 - CREAM
I like sending this one to my boyfriend (shoutout @MaiaCustom) cuz it grosses him out and I find it funny when he calls it yucky. Poking around the website in the video might be funnier than the vid itself.

8. 05/15/2006 - RIGHT NOW
0Slow zoom on Jon’s stupid face still kills me. Top notch presentation overall. Right now, I’m laughing at a funny cat video online.

7. 06/08/2001 - BAD ROMANCE
Another victim of Hollywood, taken from us too young. Maybe I was confusing Garfield Horse with the Jon Hell Beasts? Inconclusive.

6. 06/09/2001 - IN DA CLUB
Makes me significantly more uncomfortable than Cream ever did. I hope someone’s jacked off to the mouse stripper before to make me feel justified in saying that. Classic Jerkass Garfield behavior in this.

5. 02/24/1979 - TRUE
Jon knows the truth…that this is the best of the first season by a longshot.

4. 12/04/1980 - FIRESTARTER
Garfield never exited the call with Odie when he went to masturbate at the end. Anyway, this is Epic. Basically a Hypnospace Outlaw bit in the best way possible.

3. 10/26/2007 - CHEESEBURGER IN PARADISE (MIDI VERSION)
Took me way too long (Multiple years) to realize this was supposed to be a Hyakugojyuuichi riff. I think the well of more modern Animutations is full of fertile ground that’s untapped, as proved by this video.

2. 07/30/2000 - HOME COMPUTER
Unfair! Uses one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite albums! Presents to me an ideal future, roaming around the internet in hopes to intercept your fraudulent Dingleball purchase.

1. 11/19/1979 - BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S
There are very few instances I can remember finding something funnier than when I found the original version of this and learned the joke was literally just encouraging people to harass Jim Davis with mail to have breakfast with Garfield. The redone ending is also funny, but goddamit Jim, I wanna have breakfast with Garfield IRL! Your greed knows no bounds!!!!

Well Backloggd, this has been my list ranking every Lasagna Cat episode from worst to best! Remember to like, comment, and share the video with friends if you want to see this page grow, and donate to my Patreon at the link below if you want to support what I do here! Finally, click Subscribe and ring the bell if you would like to be notified of all my future reviews. This is GutterTrash, signing off!

At a Distance is a game I found whilst perusing through Terry Cavanagh's larger body of work. He is known for his action games like VVVVVV, Tiny Heist, and, to my admittedly unfounded chagrin, an exploration of the roguelite genre with Dicey Dungeons. I have a tremendous amount of respect for him due to his commitment to always having something new to show off with novel game mechanics.

Thus, I came across At a Distance. It seemed like another one of his more experimental games much like his appearance in Experiment 12 or his newer creations like Anyone could be struck by lightning at any time [sic]. However, what ultimately allured me to At a Distance was the mode of play, namely a co-operative game requiring LAN play, with no option for a refined singleplayer experience. Mandatory multiplayer games aren't new per se, but it combined with the exploration-based gameplay and the initial context of its debut as an art exhibit for NYU Tisch's No Quarter Exhibition to absorb a lot of space in my brain for several months.

There was one small problem with this: I could not play the game myself. It required two separate computers to be played as intended, and playing it by myself would've been a hassle that ruined the experience due to how many windows I'd need to juggle. I also don't have many local friends, and don't want to have to give one of them my IP address over the internet for what should be fairly understandable reasons. Eventually, an opportunity came up recently that enabled me to play this exactly as was intended.

I played this with a friend of mine who had set up two computers in her room. We were both able to look at each others' screens, and communication was not much an issue. We had a bit of trouble setting up the connection with the IP, but eventually, we got it working after some confusion. We began, and were subsequently hit with an initial period of more confusion.

I assume this is intentional. There is no given context beyond that, wherever each player is, they are wholly separate worlds save for one mechanic in which the right-screen player must configure a sort of maze which the left-screen player will have to navigate through. With each discovery of a new cube within these mazes, new keys unlock for the right-screen player to navigate different strands connected to the central hub to collect more sections of the maze.

This was lost on us until many minutes into playing. I was merely just looking back at my teammate's screen, anxiously anticipating what'd happen next as I fooled around and tried to make sense of the mechanic. We then understood the task at hand, finding different angles from which my team-mate would approach each room within the maze. My friend fooled around while she waited for me to transport her, always hoping wherever she'd end up would be a new experience.

It didn't take long for us to collect all of the available cubes and keys within each level. We were soon greeted with dark screens that turned maroon, then a blistering 255 red, and then a sun-like yellow. This was, I believed, the end of the game, and it was. It was rather anti-climactic, with both of us faffing about with each of our mouses and keyboards to see if anything would spring up. Alas, nothing.

This last segment should not be taken as disappointment, moreso as a curveball. Given that its initial existence was in an exhibition, it's natural it would end on such an immediate, blank note. I liked it, not sure about my friend

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Thank you to Erato_Heti for helping out with some minor structural issues.