donovansan
2024
If only you could talk to these creatures, then perhaps you could try and make friends with them, form alliances... Now, that would be interesting.
The problem starts with the name: 'Masterpiece Edition', as if Cyan's original The Manhole wasn't a masterpiece already. What that game really needed to be considered a true work of art (at least to the new rockstar developers of Cyan circa 1994 after releasing their actual masterpiece, Myst^) was an ill-fitting 3D pre-rendered makeover (nostalgic of-its timeness totally unacceptable in this aesthetic revisionist case), with recognizably cheap comic strip type character art and a soundtrack that just flatout fucking sucks compared to the 1988 one. Charmless and quite honestly, pretentious, with the idea that games can continually be made new and betterer if they keep up with the current best of ever evolving technology.
Charmless and pretentious are words I would never have thought to use in regards to, the simply titled, The Manhole; a constantly surprising gem that took creative inspiration from Carrolian surrealism while innovating with its interconnected absurdist playground built on the metaphysical pillars of space and perspective, two aspects which are uniquely suited to exploration in the video game medium. This George Lucas-esque Special Edition overhaul is among the many, many video game remakes that completely lost the point. Maybe Bluepoint Games should handle the next update.
^the new inclusion of references to other Cyan games like Osmo and Myst strike me with the same kind of shared brand universe grotesquerie that we see all the time nowadays. A hideous self promotion exercise, destroyer of art and individuality.
Charmless and pretentious are words I would never have thought to use in regards to, the simply titled, The Manhole; a constantly surprising gem that took creative inspiration from Carrolian surrealism while innovating with its interconnected absurdist playground built on the metaphysical pillars of space and perspective, two aspects which are uniquely suited to exploration in the video game medium. This George Lucas-esque Special Edition overhaul is among the many, many video game remakes that completely lost the point. Maybe Bluepoint Games should handle the next update.
^the new inclusion of references to other Cyan games like Osmo and Myst strike me with the same kind of shared brand universe grotesquerie that we see all the time nowadays. A hideous self promotion exercise, destroyer of art and individuality.
1988
"Metaphors of Intercultural Philosophy
This book isn't about anything."
FREE FORM JAZZ PLAYS
L is for love ❤️💛💙
This book isn't about anything."
FREE FORM JAZZ PLAYS
L is for love ❤️💛💙
Oh ho ho, even more immense, intense research.
1987
More immense, intense research.
1987
For (immense, intense) research purposes.
The Sushi is Raw, erm, thanks itamae-san?
The Bread is Delicious, thanks Nazi chefs!
2023
Wickedly genius (clever) joke ad, not just for its apparent authenticity, but for the synthesis it represents; a capital culture concoction of self aware corporate social media, populist post-modern humor, and a fierce retro gaming nostalgia that has been slowly getting more socially refined into a broadly palatable entertainment taste (don't bother thinking of it as art, however).
All of these ultra modern qualities would surely give you a soul ache if the joke game itself was of such immediately disposable quality like Date Colonel Sanders and Torture the Jack in the Box (two online flashesque games I'm positive exist).
But this is a much deeper (more effortful, seemingly innocent) joke than similar ilk.
Released in tandem with a real life and as-of-writing currently relevant McDonald's ad campaign entitled "Grimace's Birthday Meal", it exploits hard on our fractured contemporary communication which makes it purposefully distinguishable as a product of the Now, lamenting the style of the past without aping the past's sincere modern-modern banality. The exquisitely meme friendly re-evaluation of Grimace^, who uses abbreviated internet slang in cutscene speeches to his bestie cohorts, is forced hard enough to attract mainstream attention while being sparse enough for it to make a positive immediate impact. It's quite deviously charming how much effort was put into amplifying the advertisement's messaging, that we the corporation seem to miss the fanciful corporate creativity of the past, too (and you should buy 30 Grimace shakes before the Pete Davidson meal comes around, we got a PG rated Dress Up Pete game ready for the girlies on that one).
It works on a real GameBoy Color^^- err Analogue Pocket, fitting its entire design/art philosophy into the ancient constraints of the GBC, and as such has a nebulous 1999-2001 vibe that can capture the heart of any terminally online consumer millennial (almost everybody that this was targeted towards).
The remarkable simplicity of its gameplay doesn't elevate it in the way that the one-made-by-Treasure does, but that's because it is, of course, a novelty, revolving around shallow solitary gimmicks used quickly enough to get onto the next phase of the meta joke. Levels include: a skateboarding + collecting combo reminiscent of Tony Hawk games^^^. Hop-n-bop style platforming ala Mario (somehow with even less complexity). A Balloon Kid-ian section. Random mini-game. The end. 15 minutes total, maybe. A fleeting, semi-ironic loveletter to the shovelware of old, with all the unhealthy fat of such (chunky padding with obtuse controls) removed and forgotten about^^^^.
^the second banana friendly oaf archetype there to juxtapose against the well rounded leader Ronald, who used to command the previous McDonalds games as either omnipotent wizard God or powerful ability wielding protagonist. Us zoomers don't much care for the Ronald ego trip like previous generations, choosing to associate better with the cool dude(s) on the side of the spotlight.
^^why make this /specifically/ for the GameBoy Color? Well, I get /why/ it went for the authenticity of actually /being/ a GameBoy Color game instead of simply mimicking the style for a probably much easier to make a flashesque game with similar overall quality, but the reasoning behind this platform over any other?
Sure the McDonaldland fantasy universe thrived during the GBC's appropriate time of relevancy, but that whole thing was around since the 2600 days and was only fully phased out around the end of the 360 era. So, scarily advanced social media marketing from McD's or dorky sponsored project from kitsch loving indie devs or both? Who knows = Good joke. I will now consume one (1) Grimace shake.
^^^the best ones released during that precious, highly regarded post-Phantom Menace, pre-9/11 period of time.
^^^^Just, y'know, try not to forget that the Grimace Birthday Meal is 1490 calories(!). Yeeshikes!
<me and Grimace share the same bday btw>
All of these ultra modern qualities would surely give you a soul ache if the joke game itself was of such immediately disposable quality like Date Colonel Sanders and Torture the Jack in the Box (two online flashesque games I'm positive exist).
But this is a much deeper (more effortful, seemingly innocent) joke than similar ilk.
Released in tandem with a real life and as-of-writing currently relevant McDonald's ad campaign entitled "Grimace's Birthday Meal", it exploits hard on our fractured contemporary communication which makes it purposefully distinguishable as a product of the Now, lamenting the style of the past without aping the past's sincere modern-modern banality. The exquisitely meme friendly re-evaluation of Grimace^, who uses abbreviated internet slang in cutscene speeches to his bestie cohorts, is forced hard enough to attract mainstream attention while being sparse enough for it to make a positive immediate impact. It's quite deviously charming how much effort was put into amplifying the advertisement's messaging, that we the corporation seem to miss the fanciful corporate creativity of the past, too (and you should buy 30 Grimace shakes before the Pete Davidson meal comes around, we got a PG rated Dress Up Pete game ready for the girlies on that one).
It works on a real GameBoy Color^^- err Analogue Pocket, fitting its entire design/art philosophy into the ancient constraints of the GBC, and as such has a nebulous 1999-2001 vibe that can capture the heart of any terminally online consumer millennial (almost everybody that this was targeted towards).
The remarkable simplicity of its gameplay doesn't elevate it in the way that the one-made-by-Treasure does, but that's because it is, of course, a novelty, revolving around shallow solitary gimmicks used quickly enough to get onto the next phase of the meta joke. Levels include: a skateboarding + collecting combo reminiscent of Tony Hawk games^^^. Hop-n-bop style platforming ala Mario (somehow with even less complexity). A Balloon Kid-ian section. Random mini-game. The end. 15 minutes total, maybe. A fleeting, semi-ironic loveletter to the shovelware of old, with all the unhealthy fat of such (chunky padding with obtuse controls) removed and forgotten about^^^^.
^the second banana friendly oaf archetype there to juxtapose against the well rounded leader Ronald, who used to command the previous McDonalds games as either omnipotent wizard God or powerful ability wielding protagonist. Us zoomers don't much care for the Ronald ego trip like previous generations, choosing to associate better with the cool dude(s) on the side of the spotlight.
^^why make this /specifically/ for the GameBoy Color? Well, I get /why/ it went for the authenticity of actually /being/ a GameBoy Color game instead of simply mimicking the style for a probably much easier to make a flashesque game with similar overall quality, but the reasoning behind this platform over any other?
Sure the McDonaldland fantasy universe thrived during the GBC's appropriate time of relevancy, but that whole thing was around since the 2600 days and was only fully phased out around the end of the 360 era. So, scarily advanced social media marketing from McD's or dorky sponsored project from kitsch loving indie devs or both? Who knows = Good joke. I will now consume one (1) Grimace shake.
^^^the best ones released during that precious, highly regarded post-Phantom Menace, pre-9/11 period of time.
^^^^Just, y'know, try not to forget that the Grimace Birthday Meal is 1490 calories(!). Yeeshikes!
<me and Grimace share the same bday btw>
2012
Malfested series.
1990
A shmup lullaby with the pacing of Goodnight, Moon. One step forward from Galaga's picture book. Nintendo's blackest sheep. I had been struggling with this one for a week, trying at least a dozen times each day but never getting past Level 5. Then I had sex and to cool off picked it up again only to beat it on my first attempt (with 5 lives left)! Having trouble with your widdle game, bros? Get laid. Seriously.
2003
Why did he force me to place second, again?
2023
A very faithful VR update/remake of the original Fantavision, which means it will never beat the mid allegations, but playing this with the fancy new toy that is the Playstation VR 2 makes the fireworks pop and sparkle more than they ever did in 480i. It's over in an hour, half of the stages are basically repeats, and nothing new is added gameplay wise outside of being able to move the cursor with PSVR2's sense controllers, which makes the whole ordeal breezy but only moderately more enjoyable. This may have been a hoot if it had been released on the original PSVR's launch just to demonstrate how old games translate well into 3D rendering, but it's 2023 and outdated tech demos (of an already outdated tech demo) are the last things VR needs right now.
2016
Rez (2001), Dreamcast - the genesis
Rez (2002), PS2 - the vibration
Rez HD (2008), 360 - the widescreen
Rez Infinite (2016), PS4 - the virtual reality
Rez Infinite (2017), PC - the unlimited resolution
Rez Infinite (2020), OQ2 - the freedom from wires
Rez Infinite (2023), PS5 - the ability to shoot shit down with your fuckin' EYES, dude!^
Rez Infinite (202X), ??? - the lack of any sort of barrier between you and Rez.
^ehhh except you still have to move your head around to be able to have the enemies in the camera's centered view for the eye targeting to reach them. Not sure if that's a limitation of a 22 year old game or the drawback to a spiffy new $550 machine^^^ (heavens forbid!), but despite the allure, it's not exactly the end state for what Rez could potentially become given the true next generation of VR can bring, which includes not having a helmet on at all. Rez Infinite on PSVR2 is another qualitative "improvement" upon perhaps the most thrilling artistic vision that has ever come from video games. Certainly my most cerebral inducing experience, one that I continue to revisit and grow on. This is only the "definitive" edition for the time being, the possibilities for what Rez can metamorphize into, depending on technology, still feels more than finite.
^^Which is of course actually $600 with tax included, let's not kid ourselves of reality around here!
Rez (2002), PS2 - the vibration
Rez HD (2008), 360 - the widescreen
Rez Infinite (2016), PS4 - the virtual reality
Rez Infinite (2017), PC - the unlimited resolution
Rez Infinite (2020), OQ2 - the freedom from wires
Rez Infinite (2023), PS5 - the ability to shoot shit down with your fuckin' EYES, dude!^
Rez Infinite (202X), ??? - the lack of any sort of barrier between you and Rez.
^ehhh except you still have to move your head around to be able to have the enemies in the camera's centered view for the eye targeting to reach them. Not sure if that's a limitation of a 22 year old game or the drawback to a spiffy new $550 machine^^^ (heavens forbid!), but despite the allure, it's not exactly the end state for what Rez could potentially become given the true next generation of VR can bring, which includes not having a helmet on at all. Rez Infinite on PSVR2 is another qualitative "improvement" upon perhaps the most thrilling artistic vision that has ever come from video games. Certainly my most cerebral inducing experience, one that I continue to revisit and grow on. This is only the "definitive" edition for the time being, the possibilities for what Rez can metamorphize into, depending on technology, still feels more than finite.
^^Which is of course actually $600 with tax included, let's not kid ourselves of reality around here!
1997
a Ridge Racer for the skies. The rapid distance drawing keeps you on your toes^, one of the only flying games I know of where sharp reflexes are of greater importance to planned precision. It's an arcade game through and through, with mastery being the only end goal. Fine by me! Just make sure to turn the guide off. And I have no idea what those balloons are there for, somebody aughta shoot 'em down!!
^really only affects the already modest visuals' integrity, I think it's more of a feature for the surprisingly twitchy gameplay. The bigger downside is how little controlling your elevation matters (even discouraged with the amount of times you'll "Course Out" when first playing). Despite being an immediately satisfying game to race through, it sure is restrictive in its play space.
^really only affects the already modest visuals' integrity, I think it's more of a feature for the surprisingly twitchy gameplay. The bigger downside is how little controlling your elevation matters (even discouraged with the amount of times you'll "Course Out" when first playing). Despite being an immediately satisfying game to race through, it sure is restrictive in its play space.