roboSteven
BACKER
2024
Boob Survivors (it's fine)
2006
Me: "The GBA might be my favorite system. I have so many fond memories of its games, and I'm pretty comfortable talking it up as one of the best systems, especially for a handheld. Sure it's got its issues with its MIDI sounds and washed colors to compensate for its lack of a backlight originally, but I love it all the same. Especially now, given how accessible it's games are via emulation. Truly an excellent system with an incredible game library."
Barnyard for the Nintendo Game Boy Advance: "Barnyard"
Barnyard for the Nintendo Game Boy Advance: "Barnyard"
2023
My partner and I recently bought some chili rasbora for our small fish tank. You'll be surprised to learn that the joy of fish care comes from feeling responsible for the health and happiness of an animal, and not from acquiring billions of imaginary dollars in order to get more fish in order to get more dollars.
Idle games are a blight.
Idle games are a blight.
IT'S TIME TO PLAY THE MUSIC
1994
After Hatris and this, I'm starting to think that the guy who made Tetris might have just been a one-trick pony.
Granted, that pony's trick is a good one.
Granted, that pony's trick is a good one.
2023
I LOVE COINFLIPS
I WANT TO MAKE OVERLY CONFIDENT GUESSES IN 50/50 SCENARIOS RESULTING IN MY VICTORY BEFORE MY OPPONENT GETS TO UTILIZE THEIR PLETHORA OF OPTIONS wait this is just how I play fighting games. This is a fighting game.
I WANT TO MAKE OVERLY CONFIDENT GUESSES IN 50/50 SCENARIOS RESULTING IN MY VICTORY BEFORE MY OPPONENT GETS TO UTILIZE THEIR PLETHORA OF OPTIONS wait this is just how I play fighting games. This is a fighting game.
This review contains spoilers
And so the day was saved again, all thanks to Pearl and her ability to scream extremely loudly into a microphone.
2023
Bleak Sword DX is carried by its art direction. The game itself is pretty good, but suffers from some weird difficulty pacing. Altogether a very solid experience though.
Very Dark Souls in its use of meter and parry requirements. Some hitboxes and invincibility windows make very little sense, but overall I had a really nice time playing this.
Once you beat the game, you can unlock a Randomizer Mode, which I appreciate given that the entire game is about learning how to properly dispose of enemies in a specific way. Makes for an interesting experience.
Also, it's incredibly silly how often the camera zooms in on the pixel-art guy for dramatic effect. Gave me a good chuckle, and I'm pretty sure they re-use this bit like twelve times or something.
Very Dark Souls in its use of meter and parry requirements. Some hitboxes and invincibility windows make very little sense, but overall I had a really nice time playing this.
Once you beat the game, you can unlock a Randomizer Mode, which I appreciate given that the entire game is about learning how to properly dispose of enemies in a specific way. Makes for an interesting experience.
Also, it's incredibly silly how often the camera zooms in on the pixel-art guy for dramatic effect. Gave me a good chuckle, and I'm pretty sure they re-use this bit like twelve times or something.
1991
One of the background images used for the levels in this game is just people socializing and I don't know what to make of it.
The game itself is pretty tedious.
Gorbachev wikipedia article.
Krautrock album.
Liverwurst.
The game itself is pretty tedious.
Gorbachev wikipedia article.
Krautrock album.
Liverwurst.
1991
Me, pressing the fire button on my laser-cannon at the glowing heart of a transparent dolphin-alien-skeleton while it feeds me power-up orbs over the backdrop of the history of the universe:
"...Is God speaking to me?"
"...Is God speaking to me?"
2023
The idea of a Wii Play Tanks-inspired game is very cool, but this is stinky.
More like Stinky Tanks.
It's mostly bad for the usual video gamey issues, though. Poor performance on the lowest setting, control issues (it refuses to aim where I'm pointing), and just kinda fuckin' way too easy. Maybe Sugar Tanks 2 is better, but I honestly doubt it.
More like Stinky Tanks.
It's mostly bad for the usual video gamey issues, though. Poor performance on the lowest setting, control issues (it refuses to aim where I'm pointing), and just kinda fuckin' way too easy. Maybe Sugar Tanks 2 is better, but I honestly doubt it.
2023
Me: "So the gnorps have to hit this rock over and over to collect shards from it, so they can hit the rock with stronger stuff to get more shards. It's a clicker game. It's cute though, I actually like this one!"
My partner: "...Steven, is your computer mining bitcoin right now?"
My partner: "...Steven, is your computer mining bitcoin right now?"
Aesthetically, goes hard.
Mechanically, too hard.
Mechanically, too hard.
The gimmick behind Quilts and Cats of Calico is that it's the video game adaptation of the board-game Calico but they added a feature where cats will walk all over the board and be cute and distracting while you're trying to focus.
Imagine my look of surprise when I kept getting distracted by cats walking over the board while trying to focus.
One of them even hissed at me when I tried to put a piece down.
Cats.
Imagine my look of surprise when I kept getting distracted by cats walking over the board while trying to focus.
One of them even hissed at me when I tried to put a piece down.
Cats.
2021
Every once in a while a game comes out that is so special that it makes you wish you were playing Animal Crossing for the GameCube again instead.