little bitchass cherry management simulator: the game

this is to the tank warfare genre as peggle is to the pachinko puzzle game. unfortunately suffers from niche multiplayer syndrome: unreliable lobby system, sparse playercount and an inaccessible skill gaps between the diehards and any novices. still a great time with fantastic variety

Excellent companion to an already arguably perfect, exceedingly polished but humble title. The original sold very modestly for a first party release. The Switch port got enough free enhancements, as is. Yet Nintendo EPD came back for more, for no reason other than because designing these little hakoniwa levels is as irresistible as playing them.

That's what I would've said, if they didn't have a little sadomasochistic goodbye party to the project by including a fucking roguelike final level whose bonus objective is so obscenely tedious that I felt like I beat fucking Dark Souls from hell when I managed to escort those three little shithead toads to level 30. Fuck you Nintendo.

How the fuck is Mario Kart 9 going to top this?

I came into Tetris 99 as boy. 150 crushing hours over four grueling years later; honing my stacking; spinning those T's; equipping the unparalleled Game Boy skin; and a glorious 7 KO Tetris Maximus to show for it - I exited a man.

Plants vs. Zombies is a canonical game, personally. Foundational gaming memories and skills were forged in the crucible my older cousin and I were enamoured in when casual games were wholesome, accessible but complete experiences that any kid with an iPod Touch could have the pleasure of playing.

Companies like old PopCap rarely survive anymore, let alone prosper to produce classics like PvZ. I appreciate that some of my first experiences of games set such a high standard.

It's a tower defense game artistically embroiled in the 2010 pop culture zombie obsession. It's a casual game at heart (my sister, whose furthest gaming pursuit is Hay Day could beat it) but picks up the Nintendo difficulty philosophy in creating depth with a very low skill floor, before the indie revolution.

Compared to - sci-fi army base or medieval fort - its presentation opts for a joyful sunflower protected by a snarled venus flytrap with massive fangs attacked by a goofy zombified pole vault athlete who will leap over said venus fly-trap. Your guide isn't some war hero, general, or diembodied voice but a clinically insane neighbour who speaks gibberish and wears a pot on his head. It's presentation has aged so well and remains utterly unique - it would pretty much legitimise an entire franchise worth $750 million to EA. Is Garden Warfare mechnically mediocre? Probably. But I don't give a shit, it's stylistic direction makes me want to play it anyway.

The suburban almanac itself is a pleasure to read through. (This is where I learnt the word "suburban". Also to pronounce the word "approaching", in the warning message upon waves.) Each plant and zombie is so distinct, oozing with character.

Moreover, PvZ feels like a complete gaming package in ways that modern games rarely capture. It's main campaign is 5 worlds each with 8 standard levels, a mini-game, and a showdown type finale. That's accompanied by a host of endless modes, a few dozen one-off minigames, and two collections of spinoffs: Vasebreaker and I, Zombie. There's a Zen Garden for some slow burn collectibles producing a currency to buy more plants and upgrades. Throw in some fun achievements incentivising some bonus challenges a little time investment and you've got yourself a god damned holistic experience that I would recommend to everybody. It's a modern classic. It's PopCap's magnum opus. It's my nostlagic darling. It's Plants vs. Zombies.

great proof of concept. destined to be farmed my markiplier and jacksepticeye for views.

standard mafia reskin with enough of its own personality and unique mechanics to draw a loyal fanbase that seriously optimised the fuck out of this game. ToS players, like a hivemind will abbreviate "ifuckedurmom69" to "mom" when asking their role in heartbeat because they already logged their suspicion in their will with perfect formatting and shorthand jargon the night before. as with any good social deduction game, it will test your friendship: mario party is fucking daycare compared to this.

I sunk 50 hours over a month or two in lockdown and I still felt like a novice. still, I had my fun and pulling off daring bluffs or gutsy plays or navigating how braindead some townies can be were still some of my most gratifying experiences in games.

my cousins don't want to play this with me :(