stolenshortsword
if your small free DLC update warrants 4 dunkey videos, you're doin something right. that something was smartly capitalising on the greatest moveset ever assembled in any platformer with a hide and seek minigame - and killing a second bird by eliminating coin grinding for all those fun costumes. god damn I wanted a fuckin sequel or some new kingdoms but this, if you can believe it, isn't so bad. probably could've added more find it achievements but 50 star is hard enough already. not the DLC we asked for, but the one we needed anyway.
2011
If I could play three games for the rest of my life, the first would be Minecraft and I could manage fine foreiting my other picks. It's a rare singleplayer "forever" game that's stood the test of time remarkably well. It's most likely the greatest game ever made, defining the medium as a whole culturally instantly since release - blowing the sandbox genre wide open, pioneering the lets play/content creator concept, the evergreen free update model, independent games biggest success story: it's done it all. Say what you will. It's fucking Minecraft.
the value here is insane, but how the fuck am i gonna time trial 96 tracks
2017
5/5 holy shit award
2009
I sympathise a lot with Angry Birds because its a truly historic game that was a pioneer in establishing "mobile games" as a unique medium: ultra casual experiences with one-touch controls that you can play forever - and I respect it a lot for that because mobile gaming I think is unfairly discriminated against by the gaming hegemony.
The real problem is that the game just ages terribly. I don't feel like I have much mechanical control over the birds and I'm just rolling for permutations to get those extremely arbitrary and tedious 3-stars. The level design takes a "kitchen sink" approach by packaging hundreds of them with a fresh coat of paint to divide them into "worlds" that aren't distinct at all and just make your progress seem futile.
It excels in art direction and creating an identity (it literally spawned a multimedia million dollar franchise) but 14 years later, its best to just sit on your homescreen as a digital stamp like old and shitty NES games that collectors accumulate but never play. because old stuff is usually shit. but that doesn't mean they weren't important.
Still, every gamer should at least try this snippet of history. thankfully Rovio relisted it on modern app stores for 99 cents and its untainted by ads, freemium mechanics or bloatware. I appreciate that.
The real problem is that the game just ages terribly. I don't feel like I have much mechanical control over the birds and I'm just rolling for permutations to get those extremely arbitrary and tedious 3-stars. The level design takes a "kitchen sink" approach by packaging hundreds of them with a fresh coat of paint to divide them into "worlds" that aren't distinct at all and just make your progress seem futile.
It excels in art direction and creating an identity (it literally spawned a multimedia million dollar franchise) but 14 years later, its best to just sit on your homescreen as a digital stamp like old and shitty NES games that collectors accumulate but never play. because old stuff is usually shit. but that doesn't mean they weren't important.
Still, every gamer should at least try this snippet of history. thankfully Rovio relisted it on modern app stores for 99 cents and its untainted by ads, freemium mechanics or bloatware. I appreciate that.
1989
This review contains spoilers
this is so characteristically late 80s game boy. it just oozes the times it came from. not only did the novel technology make this the most mechanically janky mario game ever: he falls like a rock, accelerates instantly, sprites are tiny - they were stil ironing out the series' identity as a whole. there are two prominent shmup stages (including one as the final boss), mario saves daisy, not peach (note the love heart) and its set in Saragossa land featuring weirdo enemies we will never see again and exploding koopas.
and also, this game is hard. I game overed 10 times, even with generous 1-ups. you need to lock in and be deliberate, and not be all willy nilly zoom around like you can in NSMB. learn the coin caches, the mushroom and star spots, the bonus game. its so easy to have one stupid death and tilt into 10 deaths in a row on one level. do not believe anyone who says "omg this game is so cute and tiny!! :3 there's only 12 levels, you can beat it in 30 minutes" no you cannot. I could've any%ed mario odyssey faster than this.
I would'nt quite call it NES-era "nintendo hard" but there are some egregious difficulty spikes and sections you can't possibly beat first try. but its such a fascinating time capsule that I can't fault it. it's also got some classic tracks that are instantly recognisable that I didn't know were from here. but... I can't really recommend you beat it beyond culturing yourself about mario's history.
and also, this game is hard. I game overed 10 times, even with generous 1-ups. you need to lock in and be deliberate, and not be all willy nilly zoom around like you can in NSMB. learn the coin caches, the mushroom and star spots, the bonus game. its so easy to have one stupid death and tilt into 10 deaths in a row on one level. do not believe anyone who says "omg this game is so cute and tiny!! :3 there's only 12 levels, you can beat it in 30 minutes" no you cannot. I could've any%ed mario odyssey faster than this.
I would'nt quite call it NES-era "nintendo hard" but there are some egregious difficulty spikes and sections you can't possibly beat first try. but its such a fascinating time capsule that I can't fault it. it's also got some classic tracks that are instantly recognisable that I didn't know were from here. but... I can't really recommend you beat it beyond culturing yourself about mario's history.
1989
you know I would love to be banal and claim that the original tetris is the purest video game ever crafted (nay, "discovered" according to Mark Brown) and give it an instant 5 stars - but I agree that guideline and classic are different games entirely and serve separate niches but this isn't even the best tetris game on the game boy. DX gave it wallkicks, more modes, a save feature and goddamn color. If it weren't for the retroactive color palettes given to game boy games played on GBC handhelds it would be significantly inferior because my periphery parses color more than 2-bit patterns.
it's not even the quintissential classic tetris title because the competitive scene prefers NES tetris for its faster levels speeds beyond 20. (level 29 there, the "killscreen", is 4 times faster than level 19 in game boy tetris. yeah. it's equivalent is level fifteen. even lowly DAS players with their level 18 starts begin games at this version's fastest speed. wild.)
still, its the version bundled with tens of millions of DMGs and the first truly pop culture penetrating tetris title of its kind. its also still fundamentally classic tetris: punishingly hard piece drops, iconic themes, no 7-bag, no saved pieces, no ghost, no hard drop - ugh... yes it's "pure". and yes of course it entranced me for 40 hours to clear 9-5 B-type and get 280,000 A-type on a level 9 start to feel like a god: then I used a cheat code to get NES-equivalent level 15 speeds to humble myself down to a neanderthal and reacknowledge how superhuman pro classic tetris players are.
to reiterate: guideline (think tetris effect, tetris 99, probably every tetris you've played) is a completely different beast and you owe it to yourself to give the original a try. its unlike anything else. with little margin for error your tucks, spins and ballsy stacking during a line drought feel like out-of-body experiences. your fingers acts independently on your mind which is just spectating your subconscious progressively get elite and jamming virtual blocks together in a way that is so, so special.
I mean, duh.
it's not even the quintissential classic tetris title because the competitive scene prefers NES tetris for its faster levels speeds beyond 20. (level 29 there, the "killscreen", is 4 times faster than level 19 in game boy tetris. yeah. it's equivalent is level fifteen. even lowly DAS players with their level 18 starts begin games at this version's fastest speed. wild.)
still, its the version bundled with tens of millions of DMGs and the first truly pop culture penetrating tetris title of its kind. its also still fundamentally classic tetris: punishingly hard piece drops, iconic themes, no 7-bag, no saved pieces, no ghost, no hard drop - ugh... yes it's "pure". and yes of course it entranced me for 40 hours to clear 9-5 B-type and get 280,000 A-type on a level 9 start to feel like a god: then I used a cheat code to get NES-equivalent level 15 speeds to humble myself down to a neanderthal and reacknowledge how superhuman pro classic tetris players are.
to reiterate: guideline (think tetris effect, tetris 99, probably every tetris you've played) is a completely different beast and you owe it to yourself to give the original a try. its unlike anything else. with little margin for error your tucks, spins and ballsy stacking during a line drought feel like out-of-body experiences. your fingers acts independently on your mind which is just spectating your subconscious progressively get elite and jamming virtual blocks together in a way that is so, so special.
I mean, duh.
2019
this is to the tank warfare genre as peggle is to the pachinko puzzle game. unfortunately suffers from niche multiplayer syndrome: unreliable lobby system, sparse playercount and an inaccessible skill gaps between the diehards and any novices. still a great time with fantastic variety
2007
just a masterful game that does so much with so little
2011
i played like 30 hours of this but it felt like i gave up before the tutorial. i "want" to play terraria, but i have to accept i never will, and that's okay
2012
definitely has its fair share of jank and not ashamed of its obvious flash roots, but I had a nice time completing it. the sky's the limit achievement exists in the perfect sweet spot for how difficult these games should be to perfect - the goldilocks zone between "completionist bait" and "waste of your time".
2018
You know what, I'm a Super Mario Party apologist and I'm not ashamed of it. I think criticisms of its lack of boards fail to consider the rest of its offerings that are quality, if a little unsubstantial. It tries to innovate the series and polishes everything to a beautiful shine. Seriously the leap in presentation from 10 to this is underappreciated. The game is gorgeous. And I would play it more if I wasn't so chronically alone
2020
It was fun while it lasted, but I don't believe you guys when you say you desperately miss when when another 99 game comes out because the novelty would've worn off eventually and smb1 hardly has the mechanical evergreen nature of tetris.
I don't like FOMO business tactics, but maybe it was for the best to ensure lobbies were packed for at least 6 months - going out in grace and not obscurity.
I don't like FOMO business tactics, but maybe it was for the best to ensure lobbies were packed for at least 6 months - going out in grace and not obscurity.
2016
its barely passable by mario standards, but completely serviceable amongst an ocean of freemium garbage.
the real redeemer is toad rally. this game's most compelling offering is the euphoria of the star powerup and collecting hundreds of coins.
if mario run doubled down on toad rally - expanding the level selection, rewarding skill more precisely and polishing its connecting to the kingdom building progression, it could be great. but as it stands, there's just a lot of missed potential and the ceiling is passively accumulating toads to unlock a new decoration every 10 hours.
I had fun with it. toad rally was fun enough to get mynintendo rewards for some sweet free knick knacks plus shipping - but it was a worthy experiment for nintendo and I hope they try again with a better focus on what they did right the first time around.
the real redeemer is toad rally. this game's most compelling offering is the euphoria of the star powerup and collecting hundreds of coins.
if mario run doubled down on toad rally - expanding the level selection, rewarding skill more precisely and polishing its connecting to the kingdom building progression, it could be great. but as it stands, there's just a lot of missed potential and the ceiling is passively accumulating toads to unlock a new decoration every 10 hours.
I had fun with it. toad rally was fun enough to get mynintendo rewards for some sweet free knick knacks plus shipping - but it was a worthy experiment for nintendo and I hope they try again with a better focus on what they did right the first time around.
2018
short and sweet. kind of plays like a good children's picture book.