Childhood is choosing the Amazon and beating the first level with two continues. Adulthood is picking the Dwarf and throwing minions into bottomless pits (without supervisors). A railguard wouldn't have hurt here and there, but I can excuse Golden Axe and its sandal-and-sword Conanesque environment for not following OSHA guidelines. Apparently you can't call yourself Death Adder if you let your minions have dental and sick days.

Golden Axe is short but rich in content and mechanics: picking a different hero fundamentally changes the way you play the game, with the tougher and more resilient axe wielding previously mentioned Dwarf, the more magically inclined (derogatory) Amazon and the Barbarian stuck, like Malcom, in the middle.

Kind of the devs putting a beginner course through this version! Too bad it's a completely different matter once you approach the 8 stages long arcade with a plethora of enemies, hazardous environment (as said before, not fun falling in a pit) and those small imps jumping around. It's an hard game, by design, meant to drain you of your coins: every time you'll be cornered by enemies you'll see half or more of your health drained and there's nothing you can do, enemies don't stand in line ready to be smacked but if you're not careful you'll be the one being thrown around. It can be frustrating, especially at the start, because the hit-stun you receive is egregious, but once you memorize patterns and strategically nuke the screens with magic, you'll see through the end of it. A tip: don't bother with the skeletons at the very end, they have more health than the boss itself. This game is not fair.

But, is it worth it? I think it is, especially considering what comes after takes a lot of inspiration from Golden Axe and Double Dragon, but if you want to play, say, Dungeons & Dragons: Chronicles of Mystara, I'd skip to that. It simply hasn't aged as gracefully as others, but if you're here for an history lesson there's no harm in it.

Today we are doing the JAPANESE GOLDEN AXE SPECIAL! Yes this is not the Arcade game which I think is enjoyable. This is for the Japan only PC Engine CD and WonderSwan Color ports! Sadly they don’t have their own pages still so you get them here. So anyway, on with the short reviews!

PC Engine CD version

I played this one last year so replaying this sucked. This was a port handled by Telenet and you would be amazed at how terrible this version is. It not only looks hideous but it’s not even all that good feeling. It just feels off just enough for some moments to feel frustrating. Golden Axe was never perfect, especially once you learn how to 1CC it which I’d argue makes the game worse. This version does so little to improve the experience and having such an awful presentation and sound doesn’t make up for it.

The port adds in cutscenes for the beginning, before Death Adder, and the ending for each character. This also means the game lacks co-op but these cutscenes just feel like nothing. They’re not even good looking and I’m not sure who even did them. If it’s the same people who did stuff like Valis II then I’m questioning how it’s a lot uglier. It’s not even done all that well anyway because the rest of the story is told and shown in the same exact way as the Arcade version. The only real compliment I can give is the music not sucking.

This port is just so baffling. Why is it so bad?? You could argue the score is too mean but I’m just wondering how a port like this even fails this horribly. The Mega Drive version had already existed and was a much better port, even adding new content. If you told me this port was some elaborate scheme from Sega to make the Mega Drive look better, I’d believe you because I refuse to believe this is the best they could do. I really don’t know who to blame for why the port is so abysmal but you should avoid this version at all costs, even as a joke it’s not worth it. What a disappointment.

WonderSwan Color version

In some ways I’m surprised with this port. I thought to myself this could be a good one on our hands. This came out in 2002 and was developed by Bandai. The possibilities to make this a cool port of the game was in our hands and it’s not very good.

What’s weird is this is actually a port of the MD version, it has the same beginner mode and duel mode. There’s even the additional content, it’s really weird to see this as no other version to my knowledge uses this version as a base. The gameplay is weird. It’s not an awful feeling or anything but the AI being terrible kills it. Want my advice? Just move and jump slash and you’ll win most of the game. For some reason the AI is awful at dealing with this strategy. In fact, the AI just has awful pathing in general as it’s constantly getting stuck on walls just running into them forever.

Even the final boss is a total joke and I think they messed up his magic in this port. I swear when he does the magic, it just doesn’t hurt you. If it does, it must not do barely anything because my bars don’t go down. Did they forget to code it so it can hurt you even when you have i-frames? This version also has saving but why you would even need this is beyond me, the game is really short. At least it keeps the co-op and the music is actually pretty nice for the handheld. Why did both ports get the music right in their own different ways?

I’m torn on this version because I feel like in some ways it should be fun but the fact you’re constantly doing jump slashes just makes the game boring and it’s still not a good substitute for the MD version which wasn’t perfect either. I’m not even sure who this was for back in the day. Did people in Japan clamor for Golden Axe on the go? I guess it doesn’t hurt to try it as a curiosity but don’t expect much out of the adventure.

Ending

It’s unfortunate neither of these were good. I guess my dumb ideas have to punish me for not playing good ports. Maybe next time we should let Americans try the series out. Surely nothing could go wrong with that! Oh man there’s also that new game coming whenever, the ride truly never ends…

envelheceu igual leite fora da geladeira
o combate e muito estranho, eu nunca sei quando sera eu que ira dar o soco, ou se será o inimigo que ira me bater

e muito estranho a hitbox


vai toma no cu esqueletos filhos da puta

Golden Axe may seem a bit clunky at first, but learning its quirks will reveal a fun and breezy beatemup with an engaging, exceptionally gritty atmosphere.

Despite its status as a landmark Sega title, I really think that Golden Axe will turn off a majority of players who pick it up for the first time in 2024. There's just a little too much friction here between the archaic mechanics and the sensibilities of modern game design. GA's color palette is washed out, hit detection can feel awkward, and the game often rewards spammy attacks and the exploitation of dumb AI.

Yet, it's these awkward features that sort of make GA stand out to me. The muted colors add a sense of grittiness to the world, complimented by the agonizing screams and the way corpses just lay there after they've been dealt with. The lack of crowd-control mechanics, while a negative in any other game, adds a genuine feeling of helplessness in GA. This leads to an interesting meta where you often have to awkwardly walk past enemies to avoid them, rather than simply shoving them away. Even more interesting is the mechanic where enemies will bum-rush you if you push them too far away. This is a rare beatemup where distancing yourself from enemies too well is a bad idea.

Despite being quite easy to beat with just 2 credits, the eccentricities of GA make every battle feel like an awkward, brutal struggle against enemies that are as flimsy as you are. This isn't a game that makes you feel like a badass...it's a game that takes you on a journey through an uncaring, Conan-like world where your best tactic is to stay cautious and fight dirty. Open yourself up to the clumsiness of Golden Axe, and you may just be rewarded with an arcade experience that's equal parts delightful and dangerous. My only complaint is that there isn't enough depth to keep me coming back, even though what's here is fantastic.

I've been hearing about this game a lot and now that I played it myself, I can just say that it either fails to live up to the hype or just horribly outdated.

I played the arcade version and while it's not the worst offender of quarter burning, there is definitely quite a lot at play. While it feels at times that you can actually just beat enemies with pure skill without losing any lives, you'll end up fighting against the clunky controls and stiff characters and are quickly reminded your place by damage sponging enemies. There is some leeway given with the rideable creatures with flame attacks that just annihilate enemies if you manage to get one, but even then it's just a matter of a time before some enemy manages to get a lucky hit in and kick you off your mount.

Some of the enemies are notoriously though mainly because they have a shit ton of health. The big armored enemies and skeletons are already a bit of a pain, but the devs just had to make you ride it all the way through and put couple skeletons into the final boss to make sure you spend the last of your allowance trying to beat the guy. I've never really been a fan of this type of difficulty.

Despite the criticism, the game is quite fun played with a friend. The story is pretty straight to the point and magic is abundant and satisfying to use if things get though. Golden Axe is one of those games that are experiences, but you're not really going to look back at too fondly.

I actually really like it despite its flaws, love its nice Conan-esque style(principally beautiful in the arcade version) with stages that never drag too much, its enemies have an aggressive AI that likes to rush at you(instead of hiding behind the screen like in many beat em ups) or surround you(and some enemies will even Vegeta-style watch its underlings fight you before battling), there are cool dragon mounts and the overall characters moves, while simple, don't feel as stiff as other early beat em ups like SoR1.

The Mega Drive version also has an extra stage, that is quite fun as there is plenty of opportunity to push the enemies off the cliff, but the new final boss is extremely unfair.