JoshyBray
Recent Activity
5 days ago
JoshyBray
shelved
Session: Skate Sim
The Brian Griffin of video games; a game that WANTS you to believe it's clever and deep, but is really as shallow as it is pretentious
Every mission starts with some asshole dressed as the year 2002 rambling two paragraphs of shit like "to do a fakie pressure flip just place your front foot perpendicular to your back foot mid pop while doing a switch 360 laserflip into nose manual 5-0 darkside". But then you look at the controls menu and it's just two analogue stick flicks, the mission's over in 30 seconds. JUST GIVE ME THE BUTTON PROMPTS WHAT WAS THAT OTHER SHIT, I'LL PUT FAKIE PRESSURE ON YOUR THROAT
THAT IS IF THE GAME REGISTERS YOU COMPLETING THE MISSION. Half of my time with this game was spent doing an objective ten times, wondering why it's not registering, watching a YouTube video of them doing the exact same thing I did, then reading a comment saying "ah yeah, you just have to ollie slightly earlier than the in-game parameters tell you to, I got it to work on my 50th attempt".
"The game is hard because of the controls". EVERY review mentions this. The game itself says this, PROUDLY stating so in the controls menu. But that's the issue. The level design, mission design, all of the DESIGN is easy. The ONLY difficulty comes from fighting the controls. And when a game is ONLY difficult because of the controls, the game isn't challenging, it's unintuitive. Barely anyone has played this game because no one can find it, because it's completely disappeared up its own ass
AND WHAT THE FUCK IS THE CHARACTER CUSTOMISATION. DO I WANT A BLACK T-SHIRT WITH SOME SHITTY SHOE BRAND LOGO... OR A BLACK T-SHIRT WITH A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT SHITTY SHOE BRAND LOGO. I JUST WANT AN ORANGE JACKET THIS IS SHIT. HOW YOU GONNA HAVE "EXPRESS YOURSELF" AS ONE OF THE GAME'S TAGLINES THEN GIVE ME AS MANY CLOTHES OPTIONS AS MY HIGH SCHOOL DRESS CODE.
YOU CAN'T EVEN CHANGE HAIR COLOUR. DO I WANT DECENT HAIR BUT IT'S BLOND, OR MY ACTUAL BRUNETTE COLOUR BUT WITH A BUZZCUT DONE BY A BLIND GUY MID SEIZURE. DEAR SLIM, I WROTE YOU BECAUSE I'M FUCKING BLOND NOW.
Every mission starts with some asshole dressed as the year 2002 rambling two paragraphs of shit like "to do a fakie pressure flip just place your front foot perpendicular to your back foot mid pop while doing a switch 360 laserflip into nose manual 5-0 darkside". But then you look at the controls menu and it's just two analogue stick flicks, the mission's over in 30 seconds. JUST GIVE ME THE BUTTON PROMPTS WHAT WAS THAT OTHER SHIT, I'LL PUT FAKIE PRESSURE ON YOUR THROAT
THAT IS IF THE GAME REGISTERS YOU COMPLETING THE MISSION. Half of my time with this game was spent doing an objective ten times, wondering why it's not registering, watching a YouTube video of them doing the exact same thing I did, then reading a comment saying "ah yeah, you just have to ollie slightly earlier than the in-game parameters tell you to, I got it to work on my 50th attempt".
"The game is hard because of the controls". EVERY review mentions this. The game itself says this, PROUDLY stating so in the controls menu. But that's the issue. The level design, mission design, all of the DESIGN is easy. The ONLY difficulty comes from fighting the controls. And when a game is ONLY difficult because of the controls, the game isn't challenging, it's unintuitive. Barely anyone has played this game because no one can find it, because it's completely disappeared up its own ass
AND WHAT THE FUCK IS THE CHARACTER CUSTOMISATION. DO I WANT A BLACK T-SHIRT WITH SOME SHITTY SHOE BRAND LOGO... OR A BLACK T-SHIRT WITH A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT SHITTY SHOE BRAND LOGO. I JUST WANT AN ORANGE JACKET THIS IS SHIT. HOW YOU GONNA HAVE "EXPRESS YOURSELF" AS ONE OF THE GAME'S TAGLINES THEN GIVE ME AS MANY CLOTHES OPTIONS AS MY HIGH SCHOOL DRESS CODE.
YOU CAN'T EVEN CHANGE HAIR COLOUR. DO I WANT DECENT HAIR BUT IT'S BLOND, OR MY ACTUAL BRUNETTE COLOUR BUT WITH A BUZZCUT DONE BY A BLIND GUY MID SEIZURE. DEAR SLIM, I WROTE YOU BECAUSE I'M FUCKING BLOND NOW.
9 days ago