Oyster_Meister
17 reviews liked by Oyster_Meister
I loved this game as a kid. Story and Universe mode were both pretty fun in their own ways. Biggest negative was that Triple H had a complete bullshit flying knee. Fuck that guy.
Final Fantasy XV
2016
Repetition, car travel, and boring combat drag this game down so hard. Main cast really didn't need to wear coordinated black leather, they look ridiculous and forgettable. It gets even better when even the temporary party members wear all black. I was interested enough and thought the game looked nice but a very weak FF.
This was the first game I got with my Gameboy Advance. It wasn't really that great, I think the earthquake attack is really overpowered and there wasn't very many dinosaurs in the actual gameplay witch is how I end up with 2 stars. I can't imagine why anyone would ever play this but you've been warned.
It's a fine platformer but I hate mickey mouse
Bionicle Heroes
2006
Well I played this game when I was old enough to like Bionicles and even then it was a repetitive piece of shit. It's like a first-person and inferior version of other LEGO games. I'll give it an okay rating for the nostalgia factor but really all you do is wander around hoping to gain gold powers. Bionicles do not make good games.
Smuggler's Run
2000
This game broke my PS2 as a kid with the end result being I could only play Smuggler's Run. Pretty fucking stupid. The free roam mode is good, you can knock cows off mountains and smash up RVs to form a crude road block. Being 8 years old I also couldn't understand what a map was so it was fun going on the desert level and looking for the pyramid. The missions sucked enough that I didn't even try to finish them. Always play as the O'Grady's. This game is bang average.
Yeah this game actually sucks as much as everyone says. I've cut off the tip of my finger and shot myself with a nail gun before and you know what? At least I felt something instead of whatever the fuck ET on Atari is. This game is just wrestling with atrocious control, unreasonable timing windows, and hideous graphics until you ask yourself "what the fuck am I doing this for" and you close the emulator in disgust. Fuck off ET.
Sonic the Hedgehog
2006
This game is hilariously bad. Plays like absolute shit, I tapped out at maybe 15% of the story. I'm giving it 1.5 stars on the grounds that I played the co-op mode with friends and it was so stupid and confusing that we had a great time laughing at this shit. Oh yeah I literally got this game out of a Walmart bargain bin when I was too young to understand money. Just gotta laugh.
Pokémon Ranger
2006
This game is fucking sick if you've ever wanted to draw circles and grind your touch screen to dust. Been many years since I played this but the plot was basically some people start shredding guitar and you have to hire wild Pokemon to cut down trees so you can stop them from doing that. I can't stress enough that the gameplay entirely consists of drawing circles. This game was fine when I was very young but nowadays I can't say much good about it. I guess the pixel art is nice. Play Mystery Dungeon or Conquest if you want a Pokemon spinoff that doesn't suck ass.
Alright so you play as some ugly motherfucker and his less ugly pal. The camera is designed to violate your senses. There is no guidance. I got lost in the sweatshop for a long period of time because everything looks the same. The plot is ripped from a soulless crime show directed by hacks. I can't really remember the gunplay in this game, I assume it was standard issue third-person shooter shit. I gave up at the part where you wake up naked and covered in paper cuts. This game is just fucking vile and not fun at all. If your game has a learning curve over the fucking camera it might be time to reevaluate. It's sad because the presentation style has potential but it's just not executed in an enjoyable way. I will give Kane and Lynch credit though, it's very easy to joke about. "Welcome to Shanghai" my ass.