First off, "big-breasted girls who transform into cars" is an incredibly dumb premise that would be prime fodder for snarky jokes about how weird Japan is if anybody even knew this game existed. Thankfully, the game doesn't ask you to take it seriously, so this can be pretty safely overlooked.

Anyways, the game doesn't tell you shit about its mechanics. If you try playing it with what little information the game gives you, it's going to be a very repetitive, and sometimes needlessly unfair experience. Protip: go look up the GameFAQs board for this game if you intend on playing this. There's quite a bit of advanced mechanics/tactics that the game never tells you about, and it changed the way I approached this game.

Now, the game was... still repetitive, but at least not frustrating. To be quite honest, once you understand the unsaid mechanics, this game is actually kind of easy. It's a little fun watching high-level play where the player's zipping around the arena at incredibly fast speeds, but there's no real incentive to get to that point as even the hardest missions don't require that level of skill, which is probably the game's biggest fault. The dearth of content also hurts it, as there aren't that many missions and most of them engage in heavy recycling of stages and enemies.

If you're really interested in those kusoge oddities on the Vita, this is probably one of the more interesting ones IMO because of how the game's obviously low budget couldn't sustain the level of gameplay that this system had the potential for.

One of the most beloved, popular otoge for good reason. Despite the stereotype of otoge being considered "soft" compared to other VNs, Hakuoki is anything but. This game excellently sets up the main cast and gets you attached to all of them like a family during the common route, only for the game to sadistically rip your heart to shreds as it gets increasingly dreary and desperate after the route split. A tragedy of people who refuse to abandon their ideals in a changing world that's about to leave them behind. I'd highly recommend this to anybody interested in VNs even if they don't usually play otoge.

P.S. Harada best boy

I still remember the mass confusion that originated when Compile Heart announced the Galapagos RPG project to create games “for Japanese players” as though their prior projects weren’t already influenced primarily by otaku culture. Over time it’s come to represent their more experimental titles that are funded by the Neptunia cashcow, but the original project in this brand was anything but. There’s definitely a desire present to be taken more seriously, as evidenced by marketing playing up Yoshitaka Amano and Nobuo Uematsu’s relatively minor contributions to the game to claim their Final Fantasy pedigree, but it’s really just a different form of pop art from Neptunia, one spares the self-referential edge and invests heavily in stock fantasy tropes.

I probably made it sound a bit worse than it is, because it’s literally just… okay. Fine. Mediocre. My main criticism narratively is that protagonist Fang is a narcissistic, envious ass whose traits are vindicated instead of developed from, but otherwise the story’s functional, and the midgame twist didn’t blow my mind but it did enough to shake things up and keep me mildly engaged. I’m also incredibly sympathetic to Neptunia combat from having been exposed to it for so long, so the usage of a modified version of that battle system appealed to me, and the minor innovations to it lead to finding new fun ways to break the game. Still, despite there being far worse JRPGs, I really can’t recommend this at all because there’s just nothing that’s really that special or appealing you can’t get elsewhere at a higher quality.

Despite initial appearances, Onechanbara's appeal is not in its fanservice, of which there is remarkably little other than a few outfits, but rather the pure, unadulterated id it delivers. Zombies, samurai swords, bikinis, and a handful of chuuni tropes for good measure compose this game, with hardly any rationale given for how these elements are intended to work together beyond the coolness factor. This would be a problem if Onechanbara didn't have its tongue planted firmly in cheek, only taking itself seriously in the way a horror-comedy B-movie does as it blatantly refuses to acknowledge the ridiculousness of it all even as it is glaringly obvious to the viewer. Not only is it id, it is camp as well.

As a character action game, Onechanbara will never match the level of technicality that pedigree series such as Devil May Cry demand, but it's certainly come such a long way as a series and is plenty fun in its own right. The swords have just the right amount of weight to them as you slice through zombies resulting in comically large amounts of blood splatter that it feels satisfying in an incredibly rudimentary and raw way. There are a few issues, namely that parries are rarely useful outside of a handful of situations due to perfect dodges being both easier to execute and more rewarding, but there is just enough depth present to be worth practicing and getting better at without overwhelming the player with an overabundance of systems. There's an unfortunate dearth of content, a reminder that despite how much the series has grown, this is still a budget game at heart. Still, for what it is, it's some pretty enjoyable junk food and I wish this series would get at least a little more recognition.

I play Ys games for the sense of adventure and discovery in exploring each game's setting. While I really wanted to like this game, I ultimately couldn't help but feel a little disappointed that the feeling of adventure was sacrificed in favor of a more traditional JRPG narrative that I don't think was strong enough to warrant the change in direction. The prison city simply isn't that fun to explore, and the few open wastelands that exist just don't feel the same as the more carefully cultivated labyrinths of previous Ys games. Ys 8 was able to strike a nice balance between adventure and narrative, and I'm disappointed that 9 couldn't do the same.

I hate this game and yet I've managed to sink so many hours into it. It's such a mindlessly vapid experience that I would play this all the time as background stimulation for my ADHD, and while Musou games have generally been good at that, this game crosses a line where I could literally be taking tests or attending remote meetings while playing it because the actual gameplay had been dumbed down to the point that requires next to no thought. It's a real shame since the combat actually has the potential to be a bit more interesting compared to the average Musou, but it just doesn't come together and the everything else is so dreadful and antithetical to what makes a good Musou game (open world? OPEN WORLD?!?) that it renders this a prime example of a developer not understanding what made their own games so good.

P.S. I unironically adore the dub for Dynasty Warriors 8 and I'm still salty over the entire cast being replaced

I'll take "insane otome game premises" for 500

What if all your pets became human and you realized they were actually kind of hot? And also your (human) ex-boyfriend was also a character to make everything exponentially more awkward? Does anybody actually fantasize about this kind of thing at all? Was there really somebody who looked at this game and thought "wow, this is the fantasy I've always wanted to experience"?!?

IDK, this is only getting as high a rating as it is because Dogenzaka Lab is pretty renowned for their crappy otoge and this is marginally less creepy than some of their other games, believe it or not! Also the way that the game tries to tease you with "overarching mysteries" at the end of each route like this is trying to be one of those multi-route mysteries when all the answers are pretty obvious and unsatisfying, it's kind of funny and I'll at least give props to that. But seriously, what the hell man

Had very little idea what to expect from this one besides the game breaking the fourth wall frequently to apologize for the monotonous design choices, which was super annoying but thankfully I found… something to like, although I’m still not really sure what that something is. The writing is predictably weird for a Swery game, not particularly sharp or clever but it’s somehow incentivizing enough in its oddity to make me want to carry through with the main story. Somehow it’s fallen into the well of huge, empty open-world games with mindless checklists that plague the industry currently, but it also emulates some of Shenmue’s life-sim-RPG mechanics, which is not a bad thing to crib from. Kind o a shame they’re shallow but it was at least appealing for a few hours. “Charming” may be too strong a word for all this, but it’s… quaint? It’s got that PS3-era C-list Japanese dev feel to it, which makes sense given Deadly Premonition.

I dilly-dallied with some sidequests while doing the main story at my own pace, but I checked out pretty quickly after seeing the ending. The main quest is bonkers enough to give the illusion of life to the town, but without it you realize just how banal the game world is. The sidequests are frustratingly dull and the writing isn’t strong enough to make them worth it. There also isn’t much of in the ways of rewards to incentivize doing them, the prizes are usually ass and not much to spend your money on either. Don’t even get me started on 100% completion, which involves dozens of hours grinding on menial tasks with nothing to gain besides saying you did it. Kind of bitterly ironic that the game’s story is meant to persuade Naomi of the value of the town and then when the curtains fall - you realize it really is just a goddamn hellhole.