A literal child.

Teenagers with no combat experience, and also these kids run from everything. They're Saturday morning cartoon characters who fool themselves into thinking their bodies are fused together and then let Purple Tentacle run laps around them. Easy fight.

A teenager with no combat experience who also happens to be Guybrush Threepwood. I would win.

Considering that Guybrush getting owned is a regular punchline of the series, I'd say I have good odds.

Considering that Guybrush getting owned is a regular punchline of the series, I'd say I have good odds.

Edges out over the other MI games because Guybrush's cockiness in this game is probably a minor asset to him, but even so he's THE punching bag protagonist of adventure games.

None of these characters are fighters, and several run from the slightest confrontation.

Teenagers with no combat experience, but brave in the face of stronger threats than me.

A teenager with no combat experience, but who can kill me just by showing me his face. Not really sure what would happen here, though I don't think it would be good.

Consider: they're astronauts. Three grown adults in peak physical condition. No thanks.

No fleshly weak spots, and punching bone probably really really hurts. There's no evidence that Manny has combat experience and there's a very small chance I might be able to scare him off, but the odds are very much against me here.

One of two characters (the other being Indy) with in-game combat mechanics. Beats up several burly men and threatens the barkeep at the beginning. I would lose.

The entire point of Indiana Jones is that he's good at fighting people. QED.

The entire point of Indiana Jones is that he's good at fighting people. QED.

In the game's intro, Max gets into a fight with a guy and manages to decapitate him with his bare hands in less than 10 seconds. "Sam & Max brutalize XYZ character" is a regular punchline. I would die instantly just from looking at these guys.