this may be shocking, but ive somehow avoided a good chunk of the discourse surrounding this game since its release. so when i say that i had low expectations, that negativity mostly stems from the numbing experience that was the first game. but also because of my bottomless ire for neil druckmann. druckmann is a wannabe, constantly wanting to live up to the names of sam lake, hideo kojima, and shinji mikami. in pursuing fame, the fake auteur clutches onto the medium of video games with pitiful fingers. although he and naughty dog catch a lot of flak, the developers deserve credit for their hard work. the game looks outstanding, feels great to play, has some sick art, and has a neat scavenging gameplay loop. but as a director, druckmann deserves all the shit i and other people throw at him. the story's plot is alright, and there are also some good tidbits (ellie's missing fingers at the end was a great touch). however, the gross romanticization of misery and inspiration for the story throws all the good under the bus. the game wants you to feel bad. it wants you to feel bile in your throat, dried blood on your gamer hands, and an uncomfortable twist in your stomach. violence is cruel, revenge is cruel, but to have players succumb to it for 20+ hours paired with the discord of satisfyingly explosive headshots, the last of us part 2 fails to evoke those feelings outside of cutscenes. it fails so badly that dogs are introduced to the combat as a cheap attempt to guilt the player. which is so odd when the story is already geared for emotional compulsion.

the characters you play as are bad people. they are selfish, violent, and vengeful. they have little to no redeeming qualities outside of helping those they care for. and that's the point. i don't understand the bashing of the protagonists for being unlikeable. they're anti-heroes; you're not supposed to like them, but you root for them because of something they've done that shows some glimmer of humanity. that's probably the one saving grace of the masturbatory playtime (inflated by how almost disrespectfully long cutscenes can get). but even then, the game's idf propaganda. one half, it's a venture into a foreign land for blood. the second half, it's a disgusting dehumanization of the palestinian people. druckmann's gone on record citing the lynching of 2 idf reservists as a major inspiration to the story for this game. and it shows because it's so clearly written from a zionist's point of view. "wow look how barbaric and violent these religious zealots are. theyre so transphobic and misogynist! the wolves (IDF stand-in) are normal people; look how cool they are with their militarist regime!" at times it tries to show that the wolves (WLF) aren't as good as they seem, but it's never fairly compared to the seraphites. it's so excessively biased, only making the WLF a full-on enemy in abby's story when she wants to be her own person. it's never a complete decry of the WLF, but it's always a condemnation of the seraphites. at least the game's version of the idf are just as much of a warmonger lol.

if i could strip away the politics and my ingrained distaste for the game's creator, the game is just mid. it's a run-of-the-mill AAA third-person shooter blockbuster. it looks next gen but it plays like Sony's stuck in 2009. there's nothing special going on here. It's the first game with some new guns, skills, and enemies. the level design is improved, but the visual clutter of photorealism sometimes detracts from the enjoyability of exploration. the story did not deserve the gut-twisting and palm-sweating reactions of its players. this game did not deserve to be heralded as the future of video games. neil druckmann did not fucking deserve to be awarded as a legendary "innovator" of games for directing the same game he did 7 years prior. if this is what AAA games are expected to become, i'll just continue digging into my hole of indies and classics. developers are being abused, neglected, and vacuumed into obscurity just to put out something to fulfill the dreams of the vainglorious. the games industry is fucked.

alas, im but a measly gamer... i dont know what's right for gaming. hail druckmann, the savior of the medium! we've truly found gaming's citizen kane! finally, our hobby is legitimized in the world of art!!1! miss me with that bullshit. im going back to silent hill 3 or some other good stuff.

The average ace attorney case goes something like this:

Wright hadn't seen a case much like this one. He had only a day to prepare for the defense of one Caul Pable, who was seen covered in the victims blood at the crime scene. The victim, Catt Phish, was brutalised in a fast food joint, all of his digits severed. A truly morbid sight.

Phoenix enters the courtroom with a baby dressed in traditional American kimono-spirit-medium garb, nothing in his court record but an (updated) autopsy report and three fish sticks.

Nick approaches the stand, with Edgeworth at the table opposite.

"You're not going to win this time, wright." Edgeworth grins. " Your pathetic attempts at defending this paltry man will only lead to your inevitable defeat."

His glare glides towards the accused, Caul Pable. Caul shivers.

Phoenix brushes off the prosecutors taunts, and the judge promptly orders the first witness to the stand.

The witness, bart tocks, grins from ear to ear.

"You see, all I did on Friday, the day of the murder, was fry some seafood sir, I'm not guilty by any me-"

"OBJECTION!!"

his shout is loud, reverberating throughout the courtroom.

"You see, Mr Bart... That's where you're wrong... You actually ARE guilty because, referring to this autopsy report, the murder didn't happen on Friday... IT HAPPENED ON THURSDAY!!!"

the crowd gasps, and the judge's mouth is agape.

The gavel strikes the table three times. "Wow this is looking really bad for you dude" the bearded man exclaims.

Bart breaks out in cold sweat, and starts break dancing nervously in the courtroom.

"B-but you don't have any evidence!! How could I have killed the man, I was frying fish!" Tocks stammers.

"OBJECTION!!"

"Wh-what?"

"You see Bart... You may have been deep frying... But you have also been... DEEP LYING!! May I present to the court... THESE FISH STICKS!!"

Phoenix tosses the fish in the air, and the day old golden brown snacks land on the table, its oily surface spreading grease on the autopsy report.

Miles grins, a dimple appearing on his cheek. With his palms to the sky, he shrugs and shakes his head. "Phoenix, my nemo-sis... you're making a mockery of this courtroom providing such fishy evidence. You better explain yourself- or you're fin-ished."

Phoenix chuckles.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the court, may I present to you the evidence of this man's guilt."

Phoenix peels open the fish sticks, revealing... the victims severed thumb.

"Looks like we found it. The fingers... Or should I say... Phish's fingers."

Edgeworth, taken aback, stumbles, reeling from shock. He grabs his chair to regain his bearings. As he sees phoenix grin at him, his grip tightens, turning his palms white.

"You see, the crumbs that led to me finding this out were all laid out by this witness... who was actually concealing evidence in these very same breadcrumbs... Panko breadcrumbs to be exact."

"GRRR.... I LEFT THOSE OILY THINGS OUTSIDE!!! I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE WAITED FOR IT TO RAIN!!!" The defendant wails. His cries are met with furrowed brows and shaking heads.

Phoenix lifts his index finger and points it in the air triumphantly. "The only fingering you'll get... WILL BE IN PRISON!!"

Bart Tocks entire body convulses, his eyeballs repeatedly pop out of his head and snap back into their sockets, steam pouring out of his ears. Then his head explodes.

"Well looks like we've seen enough! I'm going to take a nap! Not guilty!" The judge jubilantly exclaims.

Gumshoe celebrates by throwing confetti in the air, and then is promptly escorted out of the premises. Maya is seen outside the courtroom eating a burger. Fatty.

Edgeworth slams his fists on the mahogany table with a thunderous BANG!.

"Im..impossible!!"

His head snaps toward phoenix, his eyes bloodshot, veins popping out of his temple. They lock eyes.

Then they take off their clothes and start making out in front of the judge.

-


The closest thing to ace attorney I can think of off the top of my head would be the Sam Raimi Spiderman movies. Campy, but with alot of heart.

Technically speaking, there's nothing to laud about. Other than the brilliant soundtrack, the art is average, the puzzles vary in quality, and there are massive plotholes.

But what it lacks in quality of its individual elements, it makes up for in said heart.

It's hard to describe, but this game oozes passion and style from every orifice. The creators of this game, from the writers to the localisers clearly have put in so much care into this story, producing something so utterly charming. This game expertly whisks you away in it's ridiculous yet fleshed out world full of perjury and lovable characters.

It's so easy to become engrossed in each mystery, each puzzle ranging from bafflingly simple to a complex mental rube Goldberg machine of a million moving parts that somehow all click together and make sense in the end. But this range is what keeps you guessing, and what makes it so fun.

And that's not to mention, taking each individual element on it's own is doing this game a disservice. This game, this trilogy as a whole needs to be evaluated as one single continuous story. Despite the noticably weaker second entry, each game heavily references the events of previous entries. Elements from the first and second game become retroactively improved once the final game is completed, and yet the final game wouldn't feel as gratifying and memorable without having played the first two.

The soundtrack is probably the best part of the game. The fragrance of dark coffee in particular was my favourite.

In ace attorney, throughout each case, you're fed these passive tunes during the investigations, calming soft music that mirror the scenario that the characters are in. As the case speeds up in pace, so does the ost. You enter the courtroom, and you're assaulted with tense tunes that keep you on the edge of your seat. Then, at the very climax, the moment that hours of gameplay has led up to.

The pursuit theme plays.

And there's this release. Release of all the tension and excitement that's been building up the entire time, and your ears are blessed with the best fucking music in video games.

The greatest compliment I can give ace attorney is that if I played this ten years ago I would have become insufferable and would base my entire personality off of Edgeworth. And playing it now, it fills me with this sense of whimsy that reminds me of when I played Pokémon when I was a kid. A strange sense of nostalgia that I guess comes with games made during the early 2000s.

This trilogy goes on sale on steam pretty frequently together with TGAAC, so I highly reccomend buying it when theyre bundled.

I started this game 5 years ago. Since then, a lot has happened in my life, and during those years, this game has been my cross to bear. It just never ends. It keeps going and going, with no end in sight. For five long years, I've played this game, pressing the spacebar over and over.. pressing Tab sometimes.. But it never ends. Until today. Today, is that fateful day. Today, February 5th 2024, is the day I finally finished Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy for PC. Today, I roam the streets as a free man. I am crying tears of joy as the credits roll, illuminating my weeping face in the darkness of my bedroom. God bless our Lord in Heaven, for He has granted me true bliss on this day. At last: this court is adjourned.