The most disappointing game I have ever played. Bad performance, cheesy combat, inane story, and the protagonist looking like a submissive sex doll for absolutely no reason except to bring in thirsty teenagers is just the absolute lowest, creepiest marketing ploy I can possibly imagine. This is the kind of stuff those people who make blanket statements about how video games are stupid and degenerate point at when they want to dismiss the medium as a whole, and I hate it for making me agree with them even if just once.

"Oh, but it is so deep and complex". Yeah, if you're a horny teenager who never managed to stop fapping for long enough to read a book or watch a movie. "You're just being a sex-hating puritan!" No, Bayonetta is awesome, you can sexualize your characters as much as you want if you do it right. Bayonetta is also about a billion times more fun than this garbage. Go play Bayonetta instead.

I usually think of myself as a very intelligent person with a natural talent for solving problems and the analytical chops to make these solutions work within a given framework, but Sequence Sorter had other ideas. Sometimes I tell myself I'll get it done one of these days, but the last time I gave it a go I fell one or two additional lines of space short of unclogging an unholy abomination that got about halfway through before it needed yet another ugly, unwieldy hack to keep going, and I think I never felt so crushed while playing a video game - elsewhere you might get a game over, but TIS-100 will defeat you.

As much a work of love as it is one of complete insanity. The most incredible thing about these games is that they exist. If I told you about it, you wouldn't believe it. If I showed it to you, you still wouldn't believe it. If I explained it to you, you'd think I was crazy.

And then you play through it.

Norse epics, mid-seventies pseudohistory and four thousand year old Sumerian myths reimagined as increasingly elaborate puzzles. Deadly traps and mysterious riddles that aren't pulling your leg or punishing you arbitrarily, you just didn't pay enough attention, because you have grown used to not having to pay attention, it's just a video game, right? But it's not just a video game. It is a trial. A test of your worth. The penitent man will pass. The penitent man will pass. The penitent man will pass.

It exists. Somehow, it exists. These are the greatest games ever made. There is nothing else like it.