evy96
35 reviews liked by evy96
Perhaps, if this game wasn't dogshit, it could be the best kart racer ever made!
Unfortunately, the devs (who are a bunch of stuck up, brainrotted asswipes), forgot to playtest their game with people who aren't themselves, so we're left with AI that blatantly cheats, special stages that require a LOT of trial and error, worse controls and game feel than SRB2 Kart, and a bunch of tedious achievements to unlock.
Shame, too, cuz most of my issues could be fixed if the devs got their heads out of their asses, and fixed the AI. Unfortunately, it probably won't be addressed.
I'd love to eat my words, though.
Wish this game didn't feel like winning or losing was luck-based.
Unfortunately, the devs (who are a bunch of stuck up, brainrotted asswipes), forgot to playtest their game with people who aren't themselves, so we're left with AI that blatantly cheats, special stages that require a LOT of trial and error, worse controls and game feel than SRB2 Kart, and a bunch of tedious achievements to unlock.
Shame, too, cuz most of my issues could be fixed if the devs got their heads out of their asses, and fixed the AI. Unfortunately, it probably won't be addressed.
I'd love to eat my words, though.
Wish this game didn't feel like winning or losing was luck-based.
I'm one of the few people who thinks this game is good, at least this Super Mario All-Stars version, thanks to it saving after each level, which does alleviate the frustration and makes overcoming tough challenges more satisfying. I also think this game is overhated. Aaaaaaaaaaand, here we go, my credibility goes from zero into negatives now.
(BTW, I recommend watching this retrospective by Jeremy Parish for the context behind this game, hopefully it'll give you a better understanding on why it is the way it is)
(BTW, I recommend watching this retrospective by Jeremy Parish for the context behind this game, hopefully it'll give you a better understanding on why it is the way it is)
Turrican
1990
For the longest time, I have believed that, in order to get the most out of any video game, you have to experience it in its most true, original form, and by that, I mean you would get the most out of a game by playing it through its original release on its original system. While I don’t agree with that now, I can kinda see where young me would come from with that argument, because after all, having the physical copy of a game to play on the actual system would probably leave a much bigger impact on the player rather than, say, just loading it up on your emulator like any other game and playing it from there. However, now that I am a true pirate at heart, I have come to learn that you can not only experience a hell of a lot more games with the emulation, but you can also hypothetically enhance the experience thanks to all the quirks that come with it. This isn’t even limited to emulation either, as there have been plenty of collections or re-releases of a game out there that do add several features that you would typically see from an emulator, which ends up ultimately making the process of playing the game that much less painful. That became all too clear to me whenever I had decided to play through the original Turrican.
Truth be told, I had no idea that this was a thing for the longest time, as I’m sure most of you probably don’t know what it is either. The only way I ended up finding out about it was when I saw some people logging it on this website a long time ago, and it did somewhat catch my eye, so I looked it up, and it actually looked like it could be pretty fun. So, I went ahead and decided to play the original game… after a long time of waiting (don’t ever change, Mega), and based on what I have played, there are many ways that I could absolutely tear this thing to shreds, as it has a lot of issues. However, at the end of the day, I ended up enjoying it enough not just because of some solid elements that do shine through all the rubble, but also with the way that I played the game that did make a huge difference, and will definitely play a big factor into how you enjoy it.
The story is somewhat generic for the time the game was made, where there was once a peaceful, man-made world in a distant galaxy known as Alterra, which was held together primarily with the help of the MORGUL unit, who all of a sudden decides to rebel against the humans due to a freak accident, so in response, the remaining humans created Turrican, a mutant warrior who is given the sole task of taking out MORGUL and taking back Alterra for them, so he sets out to do just that. None of that is explained within the game itself, and it is definitely one of those plots you can just throw to the wayside with no care in the world, as it is basically just copied and pasted form plenty of other games, just with a few words changed around to make it sound original.
The graphics are good, with Turrican himself having plenty of detail, as well as all of the environments and some of the enemies, but most of it does look pretty generic for a platformer made around this time, the music ranges from being pretty decent to pretty bad, and while I can’t say I really grew attached to any of the tracks found here, there were definitely several tracks that I would much rather listen to over others, and the gameplay/control is somewhat typical for a platformer from the early 90s, but it does mix in plenty of elements that do make it stand on its own, even if those legs that it is standing with are pretty frail and could snap in half at any second.
The game is a 2D action platformer, where you take control of Turrican, go through a set of thirteen different nonlinear levels through several different worlds, take down plenty of different enemies and get through several parts of the world using any of the weapons that you have at your disposal, gather MANY different power ups that can do a wide array of things, including healing yourself, upgrading your weapons, giving you ammo for said weapons, and so on, and take on plenty of bosses that will surely put your skills to the test, both in terms of how much you can dodge and attack, but also in how much bullshit can you put up with before calling it quits. Like I mentioned before, while a lot of this is pretty typical stuff, there are definitely a lot of combining elements that do make this game stand out from a lot of the others on other systems, even if it is held back massively due to all of its faults.
Starting with the good though, I have to bring up Turrican’s moveset, as he is quite possibly the most versatile video game protagonists that I have ever seen from the early 90s. From the start of the game, you already have access to a ridiculous amount of weapons, and as you keep going, your arsenal only builds from there, with you being able to shoot a regular shot, throw out large bombs, place mines to blow up enemies, shoot a fiery laser, roll into a spikey ball and speed around the place, and plenty of other things I didn’t even mention. That is a FUCK-TON of things you can do right out the gate, and while this may seem like too much at times (which it can be), a lot of these weapons and skills become very helpful later down the road, not only in terms of taking out enemies, but also with getting through several areas, which is really appreciated, along with several areas that change up the type of gameplay you will handle, and thus, how you will go about using these weapons.
What is also pretty noteworthy is how one goes about progressing through the game, as it is basically a mix between your standard action platformer and something like Metroid. You have one clear goal in mind, and that is to get to the end of each stage and/or fight a boss, but a lot of the levels are pretty big, allowing you to explore many different pathways to figure out precisely where you need to go. Sure, there are some levels that remove this aspect entirely, and there aren’t really too many areas that you would want to go exploring in other than the one that takes you to the end, but it isn’t as if exploring around is a complete waste of time, because you can find a MOTHERLOAD of power ups by searching around a lot of the time, making it worth it to go out of your way in plenty of instances.
Despite all of that though, none of that can make up for the game’s problems, because MY GOD, there are a lot of them. In fact, there are so much of them that we are gonna pull a Mega Man 1 here and do a quick lightning round of all of them, because if I were to discuss each point in depth, we would be here all day. pulls out sheet of paper and clears throat............ while the levels are pretty expansive and rewarding to explore, the level design itself is pretty shit, full of plenty of different traps and unfair sections that hinder your progress because of you can’t see everything clearly, you have no invincibility frames, meaning that you can go from having full health to none in the blink of an eye because you didn’t notice that one spike pixel touching your ass, there are several segments throughout the game where you need to navigate through very tight spaces while using your tools to help you go further, and trust me, doing this is much easier said than done, especially when you are fumbling around like an idiot most of the time, you are on a time limit for every stage, where it does give you plenty of time in the first couple of stages, but later down the road, it gets to the point where if you take just one wrong turn, that’ll cost you one life, and finally, the bosses can be a pain in the dick, taking up way too much room and not giving you any sort of fair opening to get shots in without getting hurt yourself, and finally, there are enemies all over the goddamn place, making it so that you will never get out of a fight unscathed, and you will always need to watch around the corner to make sure you won’t die………………. yeah. I’m pretty sure there’s one or two other problems I could’ve brought up, but I think that should be plenty to prove to you that the original version of this game FUCKING SUCKS, and I don’t know how anyone would’ve gotten away with releasing something like this back in the day.
However, note that I said the ORIGINAL version of this game sucks, which brings me back to the point that I brought up from the very beginning. You may have been wondering, if I think this game sucks and have been bitching about it for a lot of this review, why did I still give it three out of five stars? Well, that is because of one saving grace that made this entire game bearable to play: re-releases. I played through this entire thing using the Turrican Flashback collection on the Switch, which not only has several Turrican games included on it, but it also updates in them in a lot of the ways you would typically expect from one of these collections, such as customizable controls, save states, a rewind feature, and so on. All of these features, especially the rewind feature, basically saved this entire game for me, as whenever I did encounter a particularly frustrating section or an obstacle I couldn’t quite clear on my first go, I would just have to hit that rewind button or save state button so that I could give it another shot.
Now, some of you may criticize me for using these methods in order to play this game, and you may question how I can call this game good with those features present, to which I say that, because of these features, the game turned out to be a lot more enjoyable. There are aspects of this game that I did genuinely really like, and there are a lot of aspects here that, if treated with better care, could’ve made the game so much better, but because of these functions, I am able to enjoy the game at a reasonable pace with a reasonable amount of difficulty, to where I never ended up getting too frustrated and I managed to enjoy myself by the end of it. If you aren’t convinced by that, then do yourself a favor, and try to actually play the game as it was originally intended, with no save states or rewind feature whatsoever, beat the whole thing like that, and get back to me on how you feel then.
Overall, despite its many, many, MANY problems, I ended up enjoying my time with Turrican regardless of all that, not just because of that shit that I just mentioned, but also because of all the different weapons you can mess around with, the fun combat whenever you manage to get a proper rhythm going, and some genuinely fun levels that do keep you on your toes to watch out for what comes ahead. I would definitely recommend it for those who are into old-school platformers, but if you do decide to try it out for yourself, PLEASE do so using an emulator, or that collection that I mentioned earlier. It may not be the most official way to play the game, but it will definitely be the best way you can play it, and hey, who knows: you may end up liking it as much as I did. I just hope that, for the sequel, they end up toning down on the bullshit so that I wouldn’t need to rely on that stuff religiously in order to have a good time. Although, let’s be real, those silly 90s devs probably aren’t gonna do that, so I will prepare myself for the inevitable ass-whooping I will get from that game in the future.
Game #575
Truth be told, I had no idea that this was a thing for the longest time, as I’m sure most of you probably don’t know what it is either. The only way I ended up finding out about it was when I saw some people logging it on this website a long time ago, and it did somewhat catch my eye, so I looked it up, and it actually looked like it could be pretty fun. So, I went ahead and decided to play the original game… after a long time of waiting (don’t ever change, Mega), and based on what I have played, there are many ways that I could absolutely tear this thing to shreds, as it has a lot of issues. However, at the end of the day, I ended up enjoying it enough not just because of some solid elements that do shine through all the rubble, but also with the way that I played the game that did make a huge difference, and will definitely play a big factor into how you enjoy it.
The story is somewhat generic for the time the game was made, where there was once a peaceful, man-made world in a distant galaxy known as Alterra, which was held together primarily with the help of the MORGUL unit, who all of a sudden decides to rebel against the humans due to a freak accident, so in response, the remaining humans created Turrican, a mutant warrior who is given the sole task of taking out MORGUL and taking back Alterra for them, so he sets out to do just that. None of that is explained within the game itself, and it is definitely one of those plots you can just throw to the wayside with no care in the world, as it is basically just copied and pasted form plenty of other games, just with a few words changed around to make it sound original.
The graphics are good, with Turrican himself having plenty of detail, as well as all of the environments and some of the enemies, but most of it does look pretty generic for a platformer made around this time, the music ranges from being pretty decent to pretty bad, and while I can’t say I really grew attached to any of the tracks found here, there were definitely several tracks that I would much rather listen to over others, and the gameplay/control is somewhat typical for a platformer from the early 90s, but it does mix in plenty of elements that do make it stand on its own, even if those legs that it is standing with are pretty frail and could snap in half at any second.
The game is a 2D action platformer, where you take control of Turrican, go through a set of thirteen different nonlinear levels through several different worlds, take down plenty of different enemies and get through several parts of the world using any of the weapons that you have at your disposal, gather MANY different power ups that can do a wide array of things, including healing yourself, upgrading your weapons, giving you ammo for said weapons, and so on, and take on plenty of bosses that will surely put your skills to the test, both in terms of how much you can dodge and attack, but also in how much bullshit can you put up with before calling it quits. Like I mentioned before, while a lot of this is pretty typical stuff, there are definitely a lot of combining elements that do make this game stand out from a lot of the others on other systems, even if it is held back massively due to all of its faults.
Starting with the good though, I have to bring up Turrican’s moveset, as he is quite possibly the most versatile video game protagonists that I have ever seen from the early 90s. From the start of the game, you already have access to a ridiculous amount of weapons, and as you keep going, your arsenal only builds from there, with you being able to shoot a regular shot, throw out large bombs, place mines to blow up enemies, shoot a fiery laser, roll into a spikey ball and speed around the place, and plenty of other things I didn’t even mention. That is a FUCK-TON of things you can do right out the gate, and while this may seem like too much at times (which it can be), a lot of these weapons and skills become very helpful later down the road, not only in terms of taking out enemies, but also with getting through several areas, which is really appreciated, along with several areas that change up the type of gameplay you will handle, and thus, how you will go about using these weapons.
What is also pretty noteworthy is how one goes about progressing through the game, as it is basically a mix between your standard action platformer and something like Metroid. You have one clear goal in mind, and that is to get to the end of each stage and/or fight a boss, but a lot of the levels are pretty big, allowing you to explore many different pathways to figure out precisely where you need to go. Sure, there are some levels that remove this aspect entirely, and there aren’t really too many areas that you would want to go exploring in other than the one that takes you to the end, but it isn’t as if exploring around is a complete waste of time, because you can find a MOTHERLOAD of power ups by searching around a lot of the time, making it worth it to go out of your way in plenty of instances.
Despite all of that though, none of that can make up for the game’s problems, because MY GOD, there are a lot of them. In fact, there are so much of them that we are gonna pull a Mega Man 1 here and do a quick lightning round of all of them, because if I were to discuss each point in depth, we would be here all day. pulls out sheet of paper and clears throat............ while the levels are pretty expansive and rewarding to explore, the level design itself is pretty shit, full of plenty of different traps and unfair sections that hinder your progress because of you can’t see everything clearly, you have no invincibility frames, meaning that you can go from having full health to none in the blink of an eye because you didn’t notice that one spike pixel touching your ass, there are several segments throughout the game where you need to navigate through very tight spaces while using your tools to help you go further, and trust me, doing this is much easier said than done, especially when you are fumbling around like an idiot most of the time, you are on a time limit for every stage, where it does give you plenty of time in the first couple of stages, but later down the road, it gets to the point where if you take just one wrong turn, that’ll cost you one life, and finally, the bosses can be a pain in the dick, taking up way too much room and not giving you any sort of fair opening to get shots in without getting hurt yourself, and finally, there are enemies all over the goddamn place, making it so that you will never get out of a fight unscathed, and you will always need to watch around the corner to make sure you won’t die………………. yeah. I’m pretty sure there’s one or two other problems I could’ve brought up, but I think that should be plenty to prove to you that the original version of this game FUCKING SUCKS, and I don’t know how anyone would’ve gotten away with releasing something like this back in the day.
However, note that I said the ORIGINAL version of this game sucks, which brings me back to the point that I brought up from the very beginning. You may have been wondering, if I think this game sucks and have been bitching about it for a lot of this review, why did I still give it three out of five stars? Well, that is because of one saving grace that made this entire game bearable to play: re-releases. I played through this entire thing using the Turrican Flashback collection on the Switch, which not only has several Turrican games included on it, but it also updates in them in a lot of the ways you would typically expect from one of these collections, such as customizable controls, save states, a rewind feature, and so on. All of these features, especially the rewind feature, basically saved this entire game for me, as whenever I did encounter a particularly frustrating section or an obstacle I couldn’t quite clear on my first go, I would just have to hit that rewind button or save state button so that I could give it another shot.
Now, some of you may criticize me for using these methods in order to play this game, and you may question how I can call this game good with those features present, to which I say that, because of these features, the game turned out to be a lot more enjoyable. There are aspects of this game that I did genuinely really like, and there are a lot of aspects here that, if treated with better care, could’ve made the game so much better, but because of these functions, I am able to enjoy the game at a reasonable pace with a reasonable amount of difficulty, to where I never ended up getting too frustrated and I managed to enjoy myself by the end of it. If you aren’t convinced by that, then do yourself a favor, and try to actually play the game as it was originally intended, with no save states or rewind feature whatsoever, beat the whole thing like that, and get back to me on how you feel then.
Overall, despite its many, many, MANY problems, I ended up enjoying my time with Turrican regardless of all that, not just because of that shit that I just mentioned, but also because of all the different weapons you can mess around with, the fun combat whenever you manage to get a proper rhythm going, and some genuinely fun levels that do keep you on your toes to watch out for what comes ahead. I would definitely recommend it for those who are into old-school platformers, but if you do decide to try it out for yourself, PLEASE do so using an emulator, or that collection that I mentioned earlier. It may not be the most official way to play the game, but it will definitely be the best way you can play it, and hey, who knows: you may end up liking it as much as I did. I just hope that, for the sequel, they end up toning down on the bullshit so that I wouldn’t need to rely on that stuff religiously in order to have a good time. Although, let’s be real, those silly 90s devs probably aren’t gonna do that, so I will prepare myself for the inevitable ass-whooping I will get from that game in the future.
Game #575
Clockwork Knight
1994
Throughout my many years of playing games from Sega’s lineup of consoles, the one console that I have little to zero experience with whatsoever would be the Sega Saturn. I have played some games from the system, such as Nights Into Dreams and maaaaaaaaaaaaybe Sonic R, even though I’m not sure if that’s a real game, but aside from those two, I have had zero experience with any Sega Saturn exclusive games whatsoever. It is a shame too, considering that from what I have seen, it looks like there are a lot of quality games for the system, ones that probably don’t reach the same quality as many other games of the era, but enough to where anyone who owned the system could definitely get their money’s worth from a nice selection of titles to choose from. So, I figured it is about time that I dip my toes further into the pool that is the Sega Saturn library, starting with a game that was a launch title for the system for us Americans, Clockwork Knight.
I have never played this game or it’s sequel before, but I have known about them for quite a while, seeing them being played on some YouTube channels that I have been subscribed to over the years. It looked charming enough with its toy-themed setting, and it did look short enough to where I could get through it in one afternoon, so I figured “Why the hell not?”, and I did blaze through it in that same afternoon, finding a charming and fun game that… doesn’t really do that much. It is a solid platformer all throughout for the most part, and it does the job that it is supposed to do, but there are definitely plenty of other titles that were out around this time that could do what this game did a whole lot better.
The story is fairly standard for a game like this, where in a seemingly average household at midnight, all of the toys in the house are brought to life by the voice of lovely Clockwork Fairy Princess Chelsea, and everybody goes about their merry way as a result, but suddenly, she is kidnapped by an unknown and mysterious force, so it is up to Sir Tongara de Pepperoucha III, or just Pepper, to set out on a journey to rescue her and stop her vile kidnapper, which is all presented in a charming, yet understandably terrifying, intro cutscene, which does give the story much more charm despite how generic it is. The graphics are pretty good, using pre-rendered sprites for the characters and enemies like Donkey Kong Country, and mixing them together with 3D polygonal environments, all of which blend together pretty well, despite it obviously looking dated, the music is pretty good, having plenty of enjoyable tunes to listen to throughout your journey, and the gameplay/control is pretty standard for a 2D platformer, but it all works out pretty well, and you can get a handle on things with no problem whatsoever.
The game is a 2D action platformer, where you take control of Pepper, go through four different worlds, each with two levels and a boss, all themed around different toys and other objects and places you would find in an average house, go through many different platforming challenges while taking out plenty of enemies using your trusty keyblade weapon (wait a minute…), gather plenty of different coins, health upgrades and pickups, and extra lives to give you an advantage for what comes up ahead later down the road, and take on several boss fights that range from being piss easy to mildly annoying, all for the purpose of saving the one girl who is responsible for your entire existence. It’s the same song and dance you have seen time and time again, with very little to make it stand out amongst other titles, but again, it does manage to still be fun for the time it lasts, and its simplicity does help make it more appealing for those like myself who were looking for something to play from the console as an introduction.
Given that this was a launch title for the Sega Saturn (for us Americans, anyway), it is important for the game to not only be fun, but to also show off some of the things that the system was capable of, and while it doesn’t push the system to its limits, it does a good job at showing some of the things it can do. There are plenty of different cutscenes throughout the game, showing the characters animated with a CG style, and while nowadays these cutscenes look terrifying just from the toy designs alone, I imagine this must’ve looked really impressive back in the day. Not only that, but once again, the pre-rendered sprites for the characters and enemies mesh together really well with the 3D environments, and the main gameplay style is familiar enough for those who owned plenty of other well-known titles for the Sega Genesis, being able to bring them into this new generation smoothly without anything too crazy or intimidating getting in the way.
With all that being said though, from the lens of a modern-day player like myself, there isn’t much else the game has going for it other then that. It is a very basic platformer, where ya run, ya jump, ya grab the shiny objects, ya save the girl, ya drill these guys in the ass with your keyblade, we all know how it goes. It manages to do everything right, and it feels good to play, but at the same time, it doesn’t go out of its way to really shake things up or do anything crazy, which leads it to being somewhat generic as a result. Not to mention, the game is REALLY short, only having eight main levels and five bosses, all of which can be beaten fairly quickly if you know what you are doing, which is definitely a letdown. If only there was maybe one or two more worlds with more fleshed out mechanics, as well as possibly adding one or two more levels to the already existing worlds, then maybe this would feel like a complete package, but as it stands, it does feel like it ends too quickly once you beat the final boss, leaving you wanting a little more.
Overall, despite how basic and short the game is, Clockwork Knight manages to not only do a good job at being a launch title for the Sega Saturn, but also for being just an all around enjoyable platformer, full of plenty of platforming challenges for those that are fans of the genre, an impressive visual style and graphics for the time, and having a sense of charm to it that does make it much more appealing as a result. I would definitely recommend it for those who are looking for something to play on the system, or for those who are just fans of 90s platformers in general, because while this isn’t the meatiest one of the bunch, it should provide a good amount of fun and leaves you satisfied by the end of it all. Although, speaking of which, it does kinda suck that it ends on a cliffhanger of all things, which really paints a picture of what they are trying to do. “Aw, you wanna know what happens to Chelsea? Well, you can certainly find out, for a small $60 fee, thank you very much…”
Game #570
I have never played this game or it’s sequel before, but I have known about them for quite a while, seeing them being played on some YouTube channels that I have been subscribed to over the years. It looked charming enough with its toy-themed setting, and it did look short enough to where I could get through it in one afternoon, so I figured “Why the hell not?”, and I did blaze through it in that same afternoon, finding a charming and fun game that… doesn’t really do that much. It is a solid platformer all throughout for the most part, and it does the job that it is supposed to do, but there are definitely plenty of other titles that were out around this time that could do what this game did a whole lot better.
The story is fairly standard for a game like this, where in a seemingly average household at midnight, all of the toys in the house are brought to life by the voice of lovely Clockwork Fairy Princess Chelsea, and everybody goes about their merry way as a result, but suddenly, she is kidnapped by an unknown and mysterious force, so it is up to Sir Tongara de Pepperoucha III, or just Pepper, to set out on a journey to rescue her and stop her vile kidnapper, which is all presented in a charming, yet understandably terrifying, intro cutscene, which does give the story much more charm despite how generic it is. The graphics are pretty good, using pre-rendered sprites for the characters and enemies like Donkey Kong Country, and mixing them together with 3D polygonal environments, all of which blend together pretty well, despite it obviously looking dated, the music is pretty good, having plenty of enjoyable tunes to listen to throughout your journey, and the gameplay/control is pretty standard for a 2D platformer, but it all works out pretty well, and you can get a handle on things with no problem whatsoever.
The game is a 2D action platformer, where you take control of Pepper, go through four different worlds, each with two levels and a boss, all themed around different toys and other objects and places you would find in an average house, go through many different platforming challenges while taking out plenty of enemies using your trusty keyblade weapon (wait a minute…), gather plenty of different coins, health upgrades and pickups, and extra lives to give you an advantage for what comes up ahead later down the road, and take on several boss fights that range from being piss easy to mildly annoying, all for the purpose of saving the one girl who is responsible for your entire existence. It’s the same song and dance you have seen time and time again, with very little to make it stand out amongst other titles, but again, it does manage to still be fun for the time it lasts, and its simplicity does help make it more appealing for those like myself who were looking for something to play from the console as an introduction.
Given that this was a launch title for the Sega Saturn (for us Americans, anyway), it is important for the game to not only be fun, but to also show off some of the things that the system was capable of, and while it doesn’t push the system to its limits, it does a good job at showing some of the things it can do. There are plenty of different cutscenes throughout the game, showing the characters animated with a CG style, and while nowadays these cutscenes look terrifying just from the toy designs alone, I imagine this must’ve looked really impressive back in the day. Not only that, but once again, the pre-rendered sprites for the characters and enemies mesh together really well with the 3D environments, and the main gameplay style is familiar enough for those who owned plenty of other well-known titles for the Sega Genesis, being able to bring them into this new generation smoothly without anything too crazy or intimidating getting in the way.
With all that being said though, from the lens of a modern-day player like myself, there isn’t much else the game has going for it other then that. It is a very basic platformer, where ya run, ya jump, ya grab the shiny objects, ya save the girl, ya drill these guys in the ass with your keyblade, we all know how it goes. It manages to do everything right, and it feels good to play, but at the same time, it doesn’t go out of its way to really shake things up or do anything crazy, which leads it to being somewhat generic as a result. Not to mention, the game is REALLY short, only having eight main levels and five bosses, all of which can be beaten fairly quickly if you know what you are doing, which is definitely a letdown. If only there was maybe one or two more worlds with more fleshed out mechanics, as well as possibly adding one or two more levels to the already existing worlds, then maybe this would feel like a complete package, but as it stands, it does feel like it ends too quickly once you beat the final boss, leaving you wanting a little more.
Overall, despite how basic and short the game is, Clockwork Knight manages to not only do a good job at being a launch title for the Sega Saturn, but also for being just an all around enjoyable platformer, full of plenty of platforming challenges for those that are fans of the genre, an impressive visual style and graphics for the time, and having a sense of charm to it that does make it much more appealing as a result. I would definitely recommend it for those who are looking for something to play on the system, or for those who are just fans of 90s platformers in general, because while this isn’t the meatiest one of the bunch, it should provide a good amount of fun and leaves you satisfied by the end of it all. Although, speaking of which, it does kinda suck that it ends on a cliffhanger of all things, which really paints a picture of what they are trying to do. “Aw, you wanna know what happens to Chelsea? Well, you can certainly find out, for a small $60 fee, thank you very much…”
Game #570
Around this point in time, say, 1990-1992, Konami, despite having plenty of successful titles under their belt, didn’t really have any kind of mascot to call their own. Yeah, they had plenty of successful franchises, like Castlevania, Contra, Gradius, and so on, but they didn’t have a main character that had that worldwide appealing factor to them, as can be seen with other video game mascots like Mario, Sonic, Mega Man, and Bub- I MEAN, UH………. Aero the Acro-Bat. Nice save there, Mega. But anyway, these characters were all the rage back in the day, so they figured that they needed to throw their hat into the ring somehow, and they managed to do so by not only creating a cute animal mascot to call their own… but also by giving them a rocket pack! This character would then get to star in the first of quite a few games known simply as Rocket Knight Adventures.
For the longest time, I had never played any Rocket Knight game before, but I REALLY wanted to, as it looked to be right up my alley. I am a big fan of these mascot platformers from back in the day, and it looked like it had the exact kind of chaotic energy that Konami usually put into their games back then, which I adore, along with charming characters placed right alongside it. It’s almost as if they made this game just for somebody like me! However, I still hadn’t checked it out in a long time, so I knew it was about time that I finally gave the series a proper shot, so I played through the first game, and yeah, it was just as great as I expected it to be. This is definitely one of the best mascot platformers that you can find on the Sega Genesis, giving you everything you could want from one of these games, mixed with a dash of Contra-level energy and craziness that makes it damn near perfect for someone like me.
The story is pretty decent for a game in this genre, where chaos erupts in the kingdom of Zephyrus, with the fair Princess Sherry being captured by the evil Axel Gear, along with a mysterious force seeking to reactivate the power of a destructive starship known as the Pig Star (hey, if Sonic can do it, so can this series), so it is up to Sparkster, taught in the ways of being a Rocket Knight, to set out to not only save the princess but also to stop the Pig Star from destroying everything, which is a story that basically decided to take the two most generic plot points for platformers from the 90s and combine them into one, which I can definitely respect. The graphics are wonderful, having plenty of colorful levels to travel through, accompanied with plenty of characters and enemies, Sparkster included, that have wonderful designs, the music is pretty great, having plenty of up-beat, yet still menacing-at-times tunes playing throughout the game, with this just being one of the many great tracks to be found here, and the gameplay/control feels just right for this kind of game, giving you plenty to work with for a typical platformer, while also mixing in plenty of fresh and exciting elements to help it stand completely on its own.
The game is an 2D action platformer, where you take control of Sparkster, go through a set of seven different levels spanning many different environments that range from peaceful and simple to deadly and chaotic, slash your way through many different enemies using your trusty blade or your rocket pack in many different situations, gather plenty of fruit to keep yourself healed throughout the journey, as well as extra lives for whenever you die (not IF you die), and take on plenty of large and insane bosses, each putting the player’s skill to the test in plenty of different ways. You have all the right ingredients for a fairly standard platformer present here, but then you have the standout elements that make Sparkster what he is, mixing them together with these standard elements, to end up with a concoction that provides a sweet and satisfying experience all the way through.
Sparkster himself does many of the typical things a platformer mascot should, such as running, jumping, and slicing down foes with a weapon of his choice, but alongside all of that, he also incorporates the rocket pack in with everything else, making for one of the best mechanics of the game. With this rocket pack, you can charge it up and launch yourself in any direction you wish, allowing you to not only speed along through plenty of different parts of the levels, but to also reach certain areas you wouldn’t be able to do so otherwise, and to cause MASSIVE damage to enemies and bosses while swinging your sword, and that shit right there ROCKS, I don’t care what anyone says. Mix all that with some other small, yet nice touches, like how you can hang onto trees and other platforms at some points, along with level gimmicks like going in and out of the background and high-speed cart segments, and Rocket Knight Adventures gives the player plenty of challenges to overcome with some kick-ass tools to boot, and it is a joy from start to finish in every way.
Not only that, but the game also makes sure to keep the gameplay fresh and unexpected as you go along, with there being plenty of sections and entire levels where it will change up the gameplay style to make things interesting. There will be plenty of instances where you will be continuously rocketing forward, taking on a horizontal shmup style, slicing down many things flying in your way, dodging plenty of projectiles coming from all over the place, and taking on plenty of bosses along the way. It doesn’t do anything too crazy with these segments, certainly not to the level of actual shmups out there, but it manages to be refreshing and fun enough to where you can definitely get behind it a lot of the time. If all of that wasn’t enough for you, how about an entire boss fight of the game where you control a GIANT ROBOT, swinging punches at Axel Gear, who is also in a giant robot, in an over-the-top game of Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots? It isn’t necessarily the best segment in the game, but it does still manage to be fun and fairly tricky, to where when you manage to take Axel Gear down, you feel like you truly triumphed over a hard foe.
And speaking of triumphing over a hard foe, that belatedly leads onto one of my only real criticisms for the game as a whole: it is REALLY HARD. In the good ol’ classic Konami tradition, this game will not hold any punches, sending plenty of enemies and hazards you way at any chance it gets, some that can even insta-kill you if you aren’t careful, and you need to react accordingly and carefully in these situations, otherwise that rocket knight suit will be donned by nothing other than a rotting marsupial corpse. Granted, there are plenty of difficulty options that can help you make things easier for yourself, but once again, this is a Konami game, which means that not only will you not get the true ending by playing on certain difficulties, but the amount of lives and continues that you get vary greatly depending on which difficulty you choose, mostly not in your favor. Also, this may be just a little personal grievance, but I think the final level gets a LIIIIIIIITLE too trigger happy with its bosses, as you have to go through, like, five or six of them before you have truly beaten the game, even during sequences when you think you are truly save. Again though, that might just be me.
Overall, despite how brutal it can be and the final level dragging things out further than they needed to be, I can’t believe I didn’t try out any of these games sooner, because this first entry manages to get just about everything right, having wonderful and charming visuals, a soundtrack full of bangers, incredibly fun and satisfying gameplay, and that classic 90s Konami insanity that I just can’t get enough of. I would definitely recommend it for those who are a big fan of mascot platformers, as well as those who are looking for more games from the Genesis to play, because if you haven’t given this game a shot yet, then you, my friend, like me for most of my life, were truly missing out. And hey, it’s even coming back in a brand new collection, so that means you will have very easy means to try it out!............. unless you wanna play it right now, in which case, if you aren’t willing to go out and find a copy for yourself, yar-har-fiddly-dee it is.
Game #569
For the longest time, I had never played any Rocket Knight game before, but I REALLY wanted to, as it looked to be right up my alley. I am a big fan of these mascot platformers from back in the day, and it looked like it had the exact kind of chaotic energy that Konami usually put into their games back then, which I adore, along with charming characters placed right alongside it. It’s almost as if they made this game just for somebody like me! However, I still hadn’t checked it out in a long time, so I knew it was about time that I finally gave the series a proper shot, so I played through the first game, and yeah, it was just as great as I expected it to be. This is definitely one of the best mascot platformers that you can find on the Sega Genesis, giving you everything you could want from one of these games, mixed with a dash of Contra-level energy and craziness that makes it damn near perfect for someone like me.
The story is pretty decent for a game in this genre, where chaos erupts in the kingdom of Zephyrus, with the fair Princess Sherry being captured by the evil Axel Gear, along with a mysterious force seeking to reactivate the power of a destructive starship known as the Pig Star (hey, if Sonic can do it, so can this series), so it is up to Sparkster, taught in the ways of being a Rocket Knight, to set out to not only save the princess but also to stop the Pig Star from destroying everything, which is a story that basically decided to take the two most generic plot points for platformers from the 90s and combine them into one, which I can definitely respect. The graphics are wonderful, having plenty of colorful levels to travel through, accompanied with plenty of characters and enemies, Sparkster included, that have wonderful designs, the music is pretty great, having plenty of up-beat, yet still menacing-at-times tunes playing throughout the game, with this just being one of the many great tracks to be found here, and the gameplay/control feels just right for this kind of game, giving you plenty to work with for a typical platformer, while also mixing in plenty of fresh and exciting elements to help it stand completely on its own.
The game is an 2D action platformer, where you take control of Sparkster, go through a set of seven different levels spanning many different environments that range from peaceful and simple to deadly and chaotic, slash your way through many different enemies using your trusty blade or your rocket pack in many different situations, gather plenty of fruit to keep yourself healed throughout the journey, as well as extra lives for whenever you die (not IF you die), and take on plenty of large and insane bosses, each putting the player’s skill to the test in plenty of different ways. You have all the right ingredients for a fairly standard platformer present here, but then you have the standout elements that make Sparkster what he is, mixing them together with these standard elements, to end up with a concoction that provides a sweet and satisfying experience all the way through.
Sparkster himself does many of the typical things a platformer mascot should, such as running, jumping, and slicing down foes with a weapon of his choice, but alongside all of that, he also incorporates the rocket pack in with everything else, making for one of the best mechanics of the game. With this rocket pack, you can charge it up and launch yourself in any direction you wish, allowing you to not only speed along through plenty of different parts of the levels, but to also reach certain areas you wouldn’t be able to do so otherwise, and to cause MASSIVE damage to enemies and bosses while swinging your sword, and that shit right there ROCKS, I don’t care what anyone says. Mix all that with some other small, yet nice touches, like how you can hang onto trees and other platforms at some points, along with level gimmicks like going in and out of the background and high-speed cart segments, and Rocket Knight Adventures gives the player plenty of challenges to overcome with some kick-ass tools to boot, and it is a joy from start to finish in every way.
Not only that, but the game also makes sure to keep the gameplay fresh and unexpected as you go along, with there being plenty of sections and entire levels where it will change up the gameplay style to make things interesting. There will be plenty of instances where you will be continuously rocketing forward, taking on a horizontal shmup style, slicing down many things flying in your way, dodging plenty of projectiles coming from all over the place, and taking on plenty of bosses along the way. It doesn’t do anything too crazy with these segments, certainly not to the level of actual shmups out there, but it manages to be refreshing and fun enough to where you can definitely get behind it a lot of the time. If all of that wasn’t enough for you, how about an entire boss fight of the game where you control a GIANT ROBOT, swinging punches at Axel Gear, who is also in a giant robot, in an over-the-top game of Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots? It isn’t necessarily the best segment in the game, but it does still manage to be fun and fairly tricky, to where when you manage to take Axel Gear down, you feel like you truly triumphed over a hard foe.
And speaking of triumphing over a hard foe, that belatedly leads onto one of my only real criticisms for the game as a whole: it is REALLY HARD. In the good ol’ classic Konami tradition, this game will not hold any punches, sending plenty of enemies and hazards you way at any chance it gets, some that can even insta-kill you if you aren’t careful, and you need to react accordingly and carefully in these situations, otherwise that rocket knight suit will be donned by nothing other than a rotting marsupial corpse. Granted, there are plenty of difficulty options that can help you make things easier for yourself, but once again, this is a Konami game, which means that not only will you not get the true ending by playing on certain difficulties, but the amount of lives and continues that you get vary greatly depending on which difficulty you choose, mostly not in your favor. Also, this may be just a little personal grievance, but I think the final level gets a LIIIIIIIITLE too trigger happy with its bosses, as you have to go through, like, five or six of them before you have truly beaten the game, even during sequences when you think you are truly save. Again though, that might just be me.
Overall, despite how brutal it can be and the final level dragging things out further than they needed to be, I can’t believe I didn’t try out any of these games sooner, because this first entry manages to get just about everything right, having wonderful and charming visuals, a soundtrack full of bangers, incredibly fun and satisfying gameplay, and that classic 90s Konami insanity that I just can’t get enough of. I would definitely recommend it for those who are a big fan of mascot platformers, as well as those who are looking for more games from the Genesis to play, because if you haven’t given this game a shot yet, then you, my friend, like me for most of my life, were truly missing out. And hey, it’s even coming back in a brand new collection, so that means you will have very easy means to try it out!............. unless you wanna play it right now, in which case, if you aren’t willing to go out and find a copy for yourself, yar-har-fiddly-dee it is.
Game #569
FitXR
2019
This is less of a review and more just personal accountability. I've struggled with my weight for years and only dabbled in VR fitness apps here and there - but I'm gonna be using FitXR to try and finally shed this weight and feel good about myself.
Any words of encouragement would be welcome :)
Any words of encouragement would be welcome :)
Karnov
1987
Fun fact for all of you at home: did you know that Karnov, the big ol’ Russian man over on the left/top/whereverthepictureis there, was actually the mascot for Data East?......................... what kind of mascot is that? I mean, seriously, you’d think they would choose a more appealing and recognizable character for their mascot, such as with Joe or Mac, or maybe even the Bad Dudes if they are feeling special enough… you know, two sets of characters who have had a longer lasting time in the spotlight than him. But no, instead, you settle for this random fuck who only got one game, and then just randomly appeared in a bunch of other games afterwards. No clue what the reason for this was, but hey, who knows? Maybe the original game was just TOO perfect, where it never needed any kind of follow-up whatsoever, and they figured, since they could never improve from there, they just decided to stick with him. Well, you know what, I think it’s about time someone found out for sure.
I have never played this game before, but I had seen it before in videos, specifically with the NES version, and it looked… rough. I wouldn’t say it looked terrible, but it definitely looked on the cheaper side of NES arcade ports, something that you would buy little Jimmy for his birthday, thinking he would love it, until you then find him burning the cartridge in the backyard while roasting marshmallows over the fire. But hey, I didn’t wanna judge a book by its cover, despite how ugly it is, and since I couldn’t get the arcade version to work on my emulator, I ended up having to play the NES version instead, so now I could actually see if the game was as rough as I had initially thought it would be. Unsurprisingly though, after my playthrough, I did come to the conclusion that this game… just isn’t really that good, not to the point where I would say it is terrible or even that bad, but because of how unpolished, boring, and lifeless the package as a whole is.
The story is practically non-existent, where it just focuses on Karnov searching many different lands to try to find the ultimate treasure, which does make him very relatable, since I am also a big greedy dumbshit, but it doesn’t make me care anymore about anything that is happening. The graphics for the arcade version are very generic, looking and feeling like any other arcade game from the time, and as for the NES version… I mean, at least they don’t make me wanna rip out my eyeballs, so that’s kind of a plus, the music unfortunately suffers from Simpsons syndrome, where for a majority of the game, only one song plays, and if you aren’t a fan of that one song, then you are definitely gonna want to turn that shit down and throw on some peak music instead, and the gameplay/control feels exactly like a cheap arcade game from the late 80s should, not only replicating how flimsy and rigid it can be, but also that allowing the depression laying deep within me to fully come out and envelop me to where I wasn’t having that much of a good time.
The game is a 2D action platformer, where you take control of Karnov, go through a set of nine different levels through nine different, yet very similar looking locations, shoot fireballs all over the place to take out the many enemies before while you do the bare minimum platforming required for this game to be considered a platformer, gather plenty of items that can not only be used to upgrade your main attack, but also to assist you in many other ways that I will get into in a second, and take on plenty of bosses that are just as fair as you can expect (not at all), and thus become as fun to fight as you would expect (NOT AT ALL). It does everything it needs to do to be a platformer, and I’m sure that someone who has never played any other platformer in their lives could find some fun out of it, but someone like me, who has been playing platformers even before I could fully comprehend I was alive, it is basically nothing to me.
Most of what you will find in this game is as standard as it gets, with the typical platforming tropes that you would come to expect, none of it having the proper care or thought put into it to where it becomes as addicting or fun as many other games on the market at the time. However, to the game’s credit, there was one element of the game that was somewhat creative and interesting, and that was the many items that you get throughout the game. Of course, there are the typical items you would get from this kind of game, such as the fireballs that upgrades your shot up to being able to shoot three fireballs at once, but there are also plenty of items that actually allow you to mess around with the environment and whatever’s in it, such as a ladder that you can use to reach certain places, bombs which can be used to blow up walls, shoes that let you jump higher, and even wings that allow you to fly along a certain distance before they run out. That is all pretty neat and all, but of course, there is a catch to it, and by that I mean, while all these items are cool, none of them are really all that useful. There are rarely any points in the game where it feels like you need to use these items to proceed forward, with the exception of Stages 7 and 8, where you are required to use some of them to beat the stages, and in every other instance, there just isn’t really any need to use them, making me question why they were included in the first place.
Not only that, but the game also carries along a lot of the typical problems that arcade games from this generation usually have, such as arcade syndrome, where it throws a bunch of enemies at you at once while saying “What are you talking about, that’s fair difficulty! Everyone’s doing it, so it has to be true”, and there are bosses that repeated throughout the game, especially the first boss, who is repeated CONSTANTLY throughout the whole game. Although, none of that really bothers me that much when compared to the biggest criticism that I have with the game as a whole: it just doesn’t feel fun to play. Everything about it just feels… wrong, from the way you control, to the way that levels are designed, to how you progress through some levels, and everything else in between. It feels like it is trying its best, like it is trying to be a good game with everything that it is trying, but at the end of the day, nothing meshes well together, and while it doesn’t make the game terrible, it doesn’t make me wanna think about it anymore then I already have.
Overall, despite having some creative ideas when it comes to the items it gives you, there is just nothing here to cohesively hold the entire game together to make one, solid package, and as a result, it ends up being kind of a mess, one that is one of the most poor and pathetic attempts at an arcade game that I have ever seen, but not one that is even worth getting too mad about, as there is just nothing to it as a whole. I wouldn’t really recommend it to anyone, unless you really wanna know where the mascot for Data East initially came from, but then again, you could probably find plenty of other Data East games that he just so happened to be in, and you would probably have a much better time with those as a result instead. And even then, again, some other gaming characters like Joe & Mac would’ve been a MUCH better choice for mascots for this company, as they were more prevalent icons. Speaking of which…….
Game #567
I have never played this game before, but I had seen it before in videos, specifically with the NES version, and it looked… rough. I wouldn’t say it looked terrible, but it definitely looked on the cheaper side of NES arcade ports, something that you would buy little Jimmy for his birthday, thinking he would love it, until you then find him burning the cartridge in the backyard while roasting marshmallows over the fire. But hey, I didn’t wanna judge a book by its cover, despite how ugly it is, and since I couldn’t get the arcade version to work on my emulator, I ended up having to play the NES version instead, so now I could actually see if the game was as rough as I had initially thought it would be. Unsurprisingly though, after my playthrough, I did come to the conclusion that this game… just isn’t really that good, not to the point where I would say it is terrible or even that bad, but because of how unpolished, boring, and lifeless the package as a whole is.
The story is practically non-existent, where it just focuses on Karnov searching many different lands to try to find the ultimate treasure, which does make him very relatable, since I am also a big greedy dumbshit, but it doesn’t make me care anymore about anything that is happening. The graphics for the arcade version are very generic, looking and feeling like any other arcade game from the time, and as for the NES version… I mean, at least they don’t make me wanna rip out my eyeballs, so that’s kind of a plus, the music unfortunately suffers from Simpsons syndrome, where for a majority of the game, only one song plays, and if you aren’t a fan of that one song, then you are definitely gonna want to turn that shit down and throw on some peak music instead, and the gameplay/control feels exactly like a cheap arcade game from the late 80s should, not only replicating how flimsy and rigid it can be, but also that allowing the depression laying deep within me to fully come out and envelop me to where I wasn’t having that much of a good time.
The game is a 2D action platformer, where you take control of Karnov, go through a set of nine different levels through nine different, yet very similar looking locations, shoot fireballs all over the place to take out the many enemies before while you do the bare minimum platforming required for this game to be considered a platformer, gather plenty of items that can not only be used to upgrade your main attack, but also to assist you in many other ways that I will get into in a second, and take on plenty of bosses that are just as fair as you can expect (not at all), and thus become as fun to fight as you would expect (NOT AT ALL). It does everything it needs to do to be a platformer, and I’m sure that someone who has never played any other platformer in their lives could find some fun out of it, but someone like me, who has been playing platformers even before I could fully comprehend I was alive, it is basically nothing to me.
Most of what you will find in this game is as standard as it gets, with the typical platforming tropes that you would come to expect, none of it having the proper care or thought put into it to where it becomes as addicting or fun as many other games on the market at the time. However, to the game’s credit, there was one element of the game that was somewhat creative and interesting, and that was the many items that you get throughout the game. Of course, there are the typical items you would get from this kind of game, such as the fireballs that upgrades your shot up to being able to shoot three fireballs at once, but there are also plenty of items that actually allow you to mess around with the environment and whatever’s in it, such as a ladder that you can use to reach certain places, bombs which can be used to blow up walls, shoes that let you jump higher, and even wings that allow you to fly along a certain distance before they run out. That is all pretty neat and all, but of course, there is a catch to it, and by that I mean, while all these items are cool, none of them are really all that useful. There are rarely any points in the game where it feels like you need to use these items to proceed forward, with the exception of Stages 7 and 8, where you are required to use some of them to beat the stages, and in every other instance, there just isn’t really any need to use them, making me question why they were included in the first place.
Not only that, but the game also carries along a lot of the typical problems that arcade games from this generation usually have, such as arcade syndrome, where it throws a bunch of enemies at you at once while saying “What are you talking about, that’s fair difficulty! Everyone’s doing it, so it has to be true”, and there are bosses that repeated throughout the game, especially the first boss, who is repeated CONSTANTLY throughout the whole game. Although, none of that really bothers me that much when compared to the biggest criticism that I have with the game as a whole: it just doesn’t feel fun to play. Everything about it just feels… wrong, from the way you control, to the way that levels are designed, to how you progress through some levels, and everything else in between. It feels like it is trying its best, like it is trying to be a good game with everything that it is trying, but at the end of the day, nothing meshes well together, and while it doesn’t make the game terrible, it doesn’t make me wanna think about it anymore then I already have.
Overall, despite having some creative ideas when it comes to the items it gives you, there is just nothing here to cohesively hold the entire game together to make one, solid package, and as a result, it ends up being kind of a mess, one that is one of the most poor and pathetic attempts at an arcade game that I have ever seen, but not one that is even worth getting too mad about, as there is just nothing to it as a whole. I wouldn’t really recommend it to anyone, unless you really wanna know where the mascot for Data East initially came from, but then again, you could probably find plenty of other Data East games that he just so happened to be in, and you would probably have a much better time with those as a result instead. And even then, again, some other gaming characters like Joe & Mac would’ve been a MUCH better choice for mascots for this company, as they were more prevalent icons. Speaking of which…….
Game #567
Super Mario 64
1996
i hate discussing this game with fans because they always move the goal posts. no, this isn't the first time i've played an older 3d game, and no, i don't dislike this game because i can't appreciate them. i greatly enjoy and love games like resident evil, tomb raider, crash bandicoot, and sonic adventure; those were all early 3D offerings that were rough around the edges. they had very thought-out mechanics with intentionality behind their level design and were consistently engaging to play. i cannot say the same about this game. super mario 64 is not fun for me play because i do not find the mechanics or level design engaging. additionally, the camera is atrocious and has aged poorly. there's also this weird pseudo-tank controls aspect that changes how mario moves without warning and killed me several times in the later levels like TTC and RR. movement is actively one of the worst parts of this game, which is the kiss of death for a platformer. i don't dislike this game for being old, i dislike this game for being bad.
i respect what it tries to do, and i think there is some level of admiration game devs of the time express for it that i understand. i get why this was such a groundbreaking game in some ways. but, i grew up in this era, and even as a kid, this game didn't connect with me. finally sitting down and playing it as a fully grown adult, i can understand and verbalize what it is that fucks me off from this. am i impressed with the attempt to focus so much on momentum as a platforming principle? yes. do i think this game hits the mark with that lofty goal? absolutely not. again, it's not that this game is old; i had this same exact feeling when it was still a new game. i do not enjoy super mario 64 not because it is dated, because dated things can still be enjoyed. i do not enjoy super mario 64 because i do not enjoy super mario 64.
1.5/5.0 feels harsh, but it's a combination of not enjoying my time with this game as well as resenting this game's legacy. i don't understand how this is still regularly discussed in contention for greatest game of all time. i hate how it's still seen as hipster and contrarian to say this game isn't the second coming of christ. and, most importantly, i am very tired of this idea that the games that we love cannot have flaws and cannot be criticized.
i respect what it tries to do, and i think there is some level of admiration game devs of the time express for it that i understand. i get why this was such a groundbreaking game in some ways. but, i grew up in this era, and even as a kid, this game didn't connect with me. finally sitting down and playing it as a fully grown adult, i can understand and verbalize what it is that fucks me off from this. am i impressed with the attempt to focus so much on momentum as a platforming principle? yes. do i think this game hits the mark with that lofty goal? absolutely not. again, it's not that this game is old; i had this same exact feeling when it was still a new game. i do not enjoy super mario 64 not because it is dated, because dated things can still be enjoyed. i do not enjoy super mario 64 because i do not enjoy super mario 64.
1.5/5.0 feels harsh, but it's a combination of not enjoying my time with this game as well as resenting this game's legacy. i don't understand how this is still regularly discussed in contention for greatest game of all time. i hate how it's still seen as hipster and contrarian to say this game isn't the second coming of christ. and, most importantly, i am very tired of this idea that the games that we love cannot have flaws and cannot be criticized.
racing game equivalent of a bullied kid in school
Streets of Rage 3
1994
I feel bad giving this game such a low rating, since i like alot about it. The different endings, the gritty tone, the experimental music, the ability to run, and the fact that its more story driven than the previous games. And then i remember that samurai boss with like 9 health bars, and I suddenly don't feel bad anyone.
Jesus Christ, this game is hard. Hard is an understatement. This game is FUCKING hard. Hell, i've even heard some people say that streets of rage 2 on mania is easier than this game on normal mode. And while i only beat streets 2 on normal, i wouldn't be surprised if it is. On top of that, those motherfuckers over at Sega hated children so much that they made it so if your playing on easy mode, the game ends at stage 5, and you aren't able to progress any further.
They also decided to bring back Mona and Lisa as the stage 2 boss. Fucking BS. They aren't as hard as they were in streets 1, but still.
Unless you want your life to be dedicated to beating this, I would recommend using the 9 lives and round select cheats if you want to get any ending other than the bad ending on easy.
I've heard that Bare Knuckle 3, the Japanese version, is easier, so once i get my hands on a translated rom, ill be able to give my true thoughts on this game.
For now, fuck it.
Jesus Christ, this game is hard. Hard is an understatement. This game is FUCKING hard. Hell, i've even heard some people say that streets of rage 2 on mania is easier than this game on normal mode. And while i only beat streets 2 on normal, i wouldn't be surprised if it is. On top of that, those motherfuckers over at Sega hated children so much that they made it so if your playing on easy mode, the game ends at stage 5, and you aren't able to progress any further.
They also decided to bring back Mona and Lisa as the stage 2 boss. Fucking BS. They aren't as hard as they were in streets 1, but still.
Unless you want your life to be dedicated to beating this, I would recommend using the 9 lives and round select cheats if you want to get any ending other than the bad ending on easy.
I've heard that Bare Knuckle 3, the Japanese version, is easier, so once i get my hands on a translated rom, ill be able to give my true thoughts on this game.
For now, fuck it.