1. imagine being a triple a videogame developer, you know what Fromsoft is capable of- the phrase "the Dark Souls of ... " rings in your heart; it is the tinnitus of your soul. But Fromsoft stays in the corner, gurning, keening, laughing at the end of sentences, this grants you a measure of peace. One day you come into work, and they're sitting at your desk. they own your fucking desk.
2. the greatest videogame adaptation of the works of Hieronymus Bosch
3. little guy in the foreground of landscape concept art simulator
4. the definitive answer to the question "would the Wanderer above the Sea of Fog by Caspar David Friedrich be improved by letting you throw fireballs at skeletons"
5. did Hidetaka Miyazaki come up with "The Loathsome Dung Eater" or did George R R Martin, or did they simply both announce the name out loud at the same time at their first meeting, before offering so much as a "hello"
6. with Bloodborne, they came for the shield guys, with Sekiro, they came for the dodge guys, with Elden Ring, they came for the Fox Only No Items Final Destination guys
7. Elden Ring is a 100 hour game that feels like a 200 hour game that feels like a 50 hour game

I love it when you establish that a society is brutally racist and that black people are an underclass who live in abject poverty, and then having a black woman decide to fight against that society before having white characters (one of whom was at WOUNDED KNEEE), start moralising about how awful this woman is for wanting her freedom and then comparing her to the racist leader of the very city that oppresses her as "basically the same." This is such a normal thing to do and definitely not racist. I love it when your white character who literally did a genocide is given more moral complexity than the one black character who is a freedom fighter who just becomes willing to kill a child out of absolutely nowhere just so you can justify having another white character kill her. Also that character is both a daughter figure for the MC and also a love interest for the player because how else can men interact with women right.
This game isn't actually half a star, there are some okay parts and also some good parts, mainly the Lutece twins who are fantastic. Also that scene where songbird dies in rapture. The dlc gives Elizabeth actual autonomy which is nice and booker isn't even in the second chapter which is great.
Look the reason i hate this game so much is because the writers probably thought they were being politically progressive, dealing with themes of christian fundamentalism and the bloody history of America. They essentially start the game by giving you to throw a baseball at an interracial couple. The developers are screaming at you that this is going to be a serious game, and all that build up ends up them scolding the one black character in the story for daring to stand up to a society that hates her, all under the guise of some faux liberal progressivism. This ends up with a game thats political message that is completely soulless. The one conclusion you can draw is that fighting racism is just as bad as being racist, and if that isn't the most cowardly thing I've ever heard then I don't know what is. This is a game that thought it was being Apocalypse Now, and ended up being Rambo.

Oh I would walk 500 miles

And I would walk 500 more

Just to be the man who walked 500 miles

to be there at Guillermo's door.