thealexmott
BACKER
2001
The inescapable grip that Xiao Xiao animations and games had on me in 2002 cannot be overstated
This was quite possibly the coolest thing I had ever seen
This was quite possibly the coolest thing I had ever seen
2019
Yakuza 5 is an anthology series.
Episode 1 - Kazuma Kiryu
“Suicidal Pedestrian Kart”
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The citizens of Nagasugai are desperate to die! It is your job to thwart the morbid plans of the populace while lawfully delivering your passengers!
Episode 2 - Taiga Saejima
“Cabela’s Dangerous Hunts: Sapporo Edition feat. Weapon Distribution Santa”
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Eat tripe, learn what a Marten is, and giggle every time Saejima says “Baba-chan”!
Episode 3 - Haruka Sawamura
“Harukatsune Miku”
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Sing and dance as you learn to stand up for yourself, but also repeat things back to authority figures verbatim and follow countless instructions without any error or deviation of any kind!
Episode 4 - Shun Akiyama
“Inept Businessman Simulator: Osaka Expansion”
————————————————
Spend very little time establishing a new office because there’s so much DANCING and KICKING to do!
Episode 5 - Tatsuo Shinada
“Brothel Baseball Chocobo Racer”
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Whack balls, race chickens, and write smut to get out of CRIPPLING DEBT!
Episode 6 - All
"Yakuzavengers: Homecoming"
————————————————
Probably the most baffling, nonsensical climax of any Yakuza game so far, but that doesn't stop it from being hype!
Episode 1 - Kazuma Kiryu
“Suicidal Pedestrian Kart”
————————————————
The citizens of Nagasugai are desperate to die! It is your job to thwart the morbid plans of the populace while lawfully delivering your passengers!
Episode 2 - Taiga Saejima
“Cabela’s Dangerous Hunts: Sapporo Edition feat. Weapon Distribution Santa”
————————————————
Eat tripe, learn what a Marten is, and giggle every time Saejima says “Baba-chan”!
Episode 3 - Haruka Sawamura
“Harukatsune Miku”
————————————————
Sing and dance as you learn to stand up for yourself, but also repeat things back to authority figures verbatim and follow countless instructions without any error or deviation of any kind!
Episode 4 - Shun Akiyama
“Inept Businessman Simulator: Osaka Expansion”
————————————————
Spend very little time establishing a new office because there’s so much DANCING and KICKING to do!
Episode 5 - Tatsuo Shinada
“Brothel Baseball Chocobo Racer”
————————————————
Whack balls, race chickens, and write smut to get out of CRIPPLING DEBT!
Episode 6 - All
"Yakuzavengers: Homecoming"
————————————————
Probably the most baffling, nonsensical climax of any Yakuza game so far, but that doesn't stop it from being hype!
2021
Take off that mask, Suika. You can't fool me. I know what you are beneath that fruity aesthetic, and I REFUSE to let you hook me again! I got up to 2048 a watermelon, I'm calling this game beaten now.
2021
The game begins by dropping your car at the top of an active volcano. I obviously tried to drive the car straight into the lava, but the game FADES TO BLACK BEFORE YOU REACH THE HOT MOLTEN GOODNESS. What is the point of all the realistic graphics if I can't even melt my car???
A little while later, while driving through a cloud of kicked up dust, the commentator shouted "WOOOO RIGHT INTO THE EYE OF THE STORM!!" Gamers, I furrowed my brow so hard at him. It was a dust cloud! There is no eye! The eye is the calm area in the middle of a tornado or something, a phenomenon in which the center of the destructive force is the safest place to be! That doesn't apply to the current situation at all!
I generally try not to be a Surly Nitpicky Gamer Boy™, but a lot of big budget AAA games really do bring it out of me. I get it, it's very pretty and the cars go fast. But I finally tried Ridge Racer Type 4 a few months ago, and the cars in that 26-year-old game not only felt better to drive, but it had an actual visual identity that was beyond cool. This is just boring!
A little while later, while driving through a cloud of kicked up dust, the commentator shouted "WOOOO RIGHT INTO THE EYE OF THE STORM!!" Gamers, I furrowed my brow so hard at him. It was a dust cloud! There is no eye! The eye is the calm area in the middle of a tornado or something, a phenomenon in which the center of the destructive force is the safest place to be! That doesn't apply to the current situation at all!
I generally try not to be a Surly Nitpicky Gamer Boy™, but a lot of big budget AAA games really do bring it out of me. I get it, it's very pretty and the cars go fast. But I finally tried Ridge Racer Type 4 a few months ago, and the cars in that 26-year-old game not only felt better to drive, but it had an actual visual identity that was beyond cool. This is just boring!
In the early 2000s, somebody thought, "What if we made a Wild West outlaw game, but you fly an airplane the whole time" and it turned out incredible. However, unsatisfied, they then proceeded to wonder, "What if it became a Chicago mafia game, but you fly an airplane the whole time", and it was just as good. But with more yet to give unto the world, they looked the original Xbox right in its single green eye and posed the ultimate question: "What if it ends up being an Indiana Jones game... but you fly an airplane the whole time??"
I truly do not believe that games need to look any better than Crimson Skies. This is peak sixth-generation aesthetic, and it looks phenomenal upresed on Series X. There's so much style and charm on display here, with a delightfully pulpy performance from Timothy Omundson (!!!GALAVANT REFERENCE!!!) in the lead role. But more than anything, this is the most engaging air combat I've ever experienced, with its dogfights' tension regularly making me clench up and lean into turns while sitting on my couch like the guy in the N64 Tilt Pak ad. The final segment of the penultimate level in particular is one of the most intense, nail-biting sequences in any game I've ever played. I loved all of it!
Now lastly, we have to acknowledge the loss of a reviewing giant. Recently @Elkmane announced his retirement. As a lifelong Elkster, I knew this day was coming, but thought we had more time. While it's not the name he used here, I knew him as Big John. It just so happens that Crimson Skies features an ally character of the same name, and in the final level, King Richard kept shouting his name. I became fond of this game's Big John, but I'll miss the real one far more. So long, pal.
Elksters for life.
I truly do not believe that games need to look any better than Crimson Skies. This is peak sixth-generation aesthetic, and it looks phenomenal upresed on Series X. There's so much style and charm on display here, with a delightfully pulpy performance from Timothy Omundson (!!!GALAVANT REFERENCE!!!) in the lead role. But more than anything, this is the most engaging air combat I've ever experienced, with its dogfights' tension regularly making me clench up and lean into turns while sitting on my couch like the guy in the N64 Tilt Pak ad. The final segment of the penultimate level in particular is one of the most intense, nail-biting sequences in any game I've ever played. I loved all of it!
Now lastly, we have to acknowledge the loss of a reviewing giant. Recently @Elkmane announced his retirement. As a lifelong Elkster, I knew this day was coming, but thought we had more time. While it's not the name he used here, I knew him as Big John. It just so happens that Crimson Skies features an ally character of the same name, and in the final level, King Richard kept shouting his name. I became fond of this game's Big John, but I'll miss the real one far more. So long, pal.
Elksters for life.
2024
CUTE 👏 AS 👏 HECK
2022
Apparently I should have checked if 4 players could actually play together on one system before buying. Turns out that's not an option! Whoops!
2022
There's a gamer boss that you defeat by shooting him with soapy water
2009
Cannot stress enough how much better the arcade experience is compared to the version on Wii U. There's something visceral about the shaking seats and steering wheel, playing co-op with another setup right next to you. I had a blast! The kind of blast I did not have at home on my couch with the Wii U Gamepad!
2006
Mid-race powerups that change the landscape are super cool, and I love the concept of rewarding crashes, but the fumbly motion controls and the complete lack of any visual style kind of eliminate any desire for me to play this over any other racing game.
2009
What if Secret Collect was a Pac-Man game
Bit Boy is perfectly emblematic of original WiiWare titles. It plays around with retro aesthetics (incorporating art styles from "4-bit" up through "128-bit"), incorporates familiar gameplay mechanics from arcade titles that most everyone is familiar with, and is really, really short. It's fine!
Bit Boy is perfectly emblematic of original WiiWare titles. It plays around with retro aesthetics (incorporating art styles from "4-bit" up through "128-bit"), incorporates familiar gameplay mechanics from arcade titles that most everyone is familiar with, and is really, really short. It's fine!
I had no sword at all for two and a half hours.
I eventually found Biggoron's Sword on sale for 15 Rupees in the Goron City shop as Adult Link. However, as an incredibly frustrated young Alex learned in 1999, you cannot defeat Ganon in Ocarina of Time with the Biggoron Sword. In order to finish the game, the final blow must come from the Master Sword.
During my first playthrough of this (or any) randomizer, the Master Sword was the very last item that I found. This is what it took for me to find it:
• Both the Master Sword and the Kokiri Sword were in the Fire Temple in optional chests, with the Master Sword's chest requiring the Scarecrow Song to reach it. But I couldn't get to either of those without access to the Megaton Hammer, as the room to the left of the Temple entrance where you encounter Darunia had no keys in it. (The key to the door on the right side of the entry hall turned out to be in the Boss Key chest)
• The Hammer was in the Gerudo Training Grounds, where I was gated by my lack of Hover Boots.
• The Hover Boots were in Jabu-Jabu's belly in place of the Zora's Sapphire, and I couldn't complete that section without the Boomerang.
• The Boomerang was in the Castle Town moat in place of the Ocarina of Time, but I needed the 3 Spiritual Stones before Zelda would chuck it in there.
• The Kokiri Emerald was in one of the Gibdo coffins in the Bottom of the Well, so I needed the Lens of Truth to discover that.
• And the Lens of Truth was sold by a Business Scrub in Dodongo's Cavern. I got a good deal though, it was only 10 rupees!
Obviously, I had no idea where the Master Sword would be, so this wasn't a plan or a list of instructions I followed, it's just how things shook out. And I had a great time! I used Ship of Harkinian's randomizer, and there are some fantastic options that made the constant back-and-forth scouring of Hyrule more feasible. The most useful ones were unbreakable Deku Sticks (absolutely critical since I didn't find a sword for a while), changing Link's age with the Song of Time, Bunny Hood increasing speed like in Majora's Mask, and ageless items (allowing Young Link to use the Hookshot, for example). I was incredibly impressed with Ship of Harkinian as a whole, and will definitely put more playthroughs into that, randomized or not.
I eventually found Biggoron's Sword on sale for 15 Rupees in the Goron City shop as Adult Link. However, as an incredibly frustrated young Alex learned in 1999, you cannot defeat Ganon in Ocarina of Time with the Biggoron Sword. In order to finish the game, the final blow must come from the Master Sword.
During my first playthrough of this (or any) randomizer, the Master Sword was the very last item that I found. This is what it took for me to find it:
• Both the Master Sword and the Kokiri Sword were in the Fire Temple in optional chests, with the Master Sword's chest requiring the Scarecrow Song to reach it. But I couldn't get to either of those without access to the Megaton Hammer, as the room to the left of the Temple entrance where you encounter Darunia had no keys in it. (The key to the door on the right side of the entry hall turned out to be in the Boss Key chest)
• The Hammer was in the Gerudo Training Grounds, where I was gated by my lack of Hover Boots.
• The Hover Boots were in Jabu-Jabu's belly in place of the Zora's Sapphire, and I couldn't complete that section without the Boomerang.
• The Boomerang was in the Castle Town moat in place of the Ocarina of Time, but I needed the 3 Spiritual Stones before Zelda would chuck it in there.
• The Kokiri Emerald was in one of the Gibdo coffins in the Bottom of the Well, so I needed the Lens of Truth to discover that.
• And the Lens of Truth was sold by a Business Scrub in Dodongo's Cavern. I got a good deal though, it was only 10 rupees!
Obviously, I had no idea where the Master Sword would be, so this wasn't a plan or a list of instructions I followed, it's just how things shook out. And I had a great time! I used Ship of Harkinian's randomizer, and there are some fantastic options that made the constant back-and-forth scouring of Hyrule more feasible. The most useful ones were unbreakable Deku Sticks (absolutely critical since I didn't find a sword for a while), changing Link's age with the Song of Time, Bunny Hood increasing speed like in Majora's Mask, and ageless items (allowing Young Link to use the Hookshot, for example). I was incredibly impressed with Ship of Harkinian as a whole, and will definitely put more playthroughs into that, randomized or not.
Speed-daters ranked by how much I'd want to play this game with them:
1. Spooky Peter (He'd be a riot)
2. Dave (Pure positivity)
3. Gary (I don't think it'd help him, but I have to try)
4. Hattie (She's nice!)
5. Stephanie (She needs something to do)
6. Andy (Would arguably the best commentator)
7. Agatha (Same reason as Gary, but less desperate)
8. Vera (I think she might hate it)
9. Leon (He'd definitely hate it)
10. Kyo (They don't need this stress, bless their heart)
11. Drea (I think they might hate me)
12. Riley (Bye Riley)
Cute game! I wish there was more art, a lot of situations are just described without showing anything. At the very least, a background image for the dates would have gone a long way. But most of all, I truly feel bad for not being able to help Gary more. That poor guy.
1. Spooky Peter (He'd be a riot)
2. Dave (Pure positivity)
3. Gary (I don't think it'd help him, but I have to try)
4. Hattie (She's nice!)
5. Stephanie (She needs something to do)
6. Andy (Would arguably the best commentator)
7. Agatha (Same reason as Gary, but less desperate)
8. Vera (I think she might hate it)
9. Leon (He'd definitely hate it)
10. Kyo (They don't need this stress, bless their heart)
11. Drea (I think they might hate me)
12. Riley (Bye Riley)
Cute game! I wish there was more art, a lot of situations are just described without showing anything. At the very least, a background image for the dates would have gone a long way. But most of all, I truly feel bad for not being able to help Gary more. That poor guy.
Has anyone who worked on this game ever actually walked on wooden floors before?? Every time these hulking masses of man meat entered a busted-up domestic structure, the foley of their boots stomping on hardwood completely dominated our entire living room as if it was a "bass boosted" YTP from days gone by. Floors don't sound like war drums, guys!
Anyhow uhhhhhhh pretty good co-op experience! The reload timing is cool, reviving is a nice alternative to respawning, campaign length is nice and tight, and I like way those deep voice enemies say "BOOM". Besides having Bongo Bongo from Ocarina of Time do the footstep sound design, my only real complaint is how frequently you reach a door, have a need to go through that door, and then have to wait for the door to be opened for you. I'm 500 pounds of surly beefcake and jagged metal, just let me through already!
Oh and I constantly forgot that Jack existed, it's like I had no object permanence for that weird little robot
Anyhow uhhhhhhh pretty good co-op experience! The reload timing is cool, reviving is a nice alternative to respawning, campaign length is nice and tight, and I like way those deep voice enemies say "BOOM". Besides having Bongo Bongo from Ocarina of Time do the footstep sound design, my only real complaint is how frequently you reach a door, have a need to go through that door, and then have to wait for the door to be opened for you. I'm 500 pounds of surly beefcake and jagged metal, just let me through already!
Oh and I constantly forgot that Jack existed, it's like I had no object permanence for that weird little robot
Possibly the most horrifying, anxiety-inducing UI I've ever seen in a game meant for children. The amount of crap on the "unintelligibly cluttered PC desktop belonging to your boomer coworker" of a screen at any given point makes my skin crawl, from which the only relief comes in the form of 2- to 4-minute-long unskippable cutscenes from the movie. I pray for the day that my youngest kid stops wanting me to play it with him. Trying to redirect him to Lego Marvel or Star Wars! (Obviously I'll still do it if he asks me to play with him, I'm not a monster)