Can't tell whether this was made by an incel or someone preaching to incels (either one is bad), but this game was talking about being lonely, finding a girlfriend and jerking off for 5 minutes straight in annoying little text pop-ups that you have to press a button to activate. This was one of the most irritating gaming experiences I've ever had.
A game that has a lot to say about suicide. An RPG maker title (which I normally avoid like the plague) but as a quick indy title that wanted to speak about mental health, I gave this one a chance. When I was younger it had an impact on me to play, as I had friends and family in my life who had battled with suicide and it gave me a little bit of insight into how they felt, and some empathy.
Cruda aventura que habla sobre la depresión que me toca personalmente de cerca. No recomendable para casi nadie, pero algunos lo apreciamos mucho, sobre todo por el valor del creador al hacerlo.
Short but necessary game. Sometimes it can feel that ending it all is the only choice...
Were it not for the fact that the protagonist is having sex with one of his coworkers this would straight up be just Incel Simulator 2013. Loathsome stuff, a game content to alternately wallow in self-pity and seethe in childish misanthropy (or, in a few choice moments, overt misogyny) instead of actually say anything even a little bit useful about depression.
ACTUAL SUNLIGHT REVIEW
I don't want to dislike Actual Sunlight the way I do. The creator makes an admirable attempt at telling a very real and personal story, putting his heart on his sleeve in the process. Unfortunately, authenticity alone does not make something good - and the authenticity is exactly why it's difficult for me to acknowledge this game for what it actually is. That is to say, very bad. Miserable to play. Even borderline pretentious.
It's one of those games that desperately wants to say something. It's not trying to be an ENJOYABLE experience; the goal is to make you think. It aims to leave a lasting impact after the credits roll. But it loses itself in self-serving angst and overwhelming pessimism.
These things are undoubtedly purposeful, of course. The entire point is to depict a realistic downward spiral, and the heavy thoughts that accompany it. There's plenty of media that tells similarly tragic stories in poignant and beautiful ways. Two of my favorites of all time, LISA and Bojack Horseman, triumphantly do.
I'm saying this because I want it to be clear that my problem with Actual Sunlight isn't in the dark nature. My problem is that its presentation and writing completely fail to make it a worthwhile investment of your time. There's nothing to it EXCEPT that depressing narrative; it eventually gets tiring to read one pitiful, wordy, poorly-written inner-monologue after another. And it quickly becomes obvious that there is nothing else for it to show you.
SHORT REVIEW
Visuals: 1.5/5
Sound: 1/5
Story: 1/5
Gameplay: 0.5/5
Worldbuilding: 1/5
Achievements (Does not count toward overall score.): 2/5
Overall game score: 1/5
IN-DEPTH REVIEW
Visuals:
I understand that RPGMaker is a useful tool for new devs. I just can't pretend like I'm a fan of its pre-made graphics at this point. They're ugly and overused.
What's even worse is that Actual Sunlight DOES have some original models, but only for one specific setting! The custom-made stuff looks so much better, but the fact that it's only present half of the time makes the whole thing feel unfinished.
On top of that, there are multiple instances where pre-made stuff is used to improvise for something else. The bus is just a normal room with benches in it. The work computers are just TVs sitting on the floor near desks.
I will say that there are really nice pieces of artwork occasionally mixed in with the story. It's a very appealing style and one of the only real positives of the game. Unfortunately, it's still not enough to make up for everything else done wrong here.
Overall, 1.5/5.
Sound:
There's very few pieces of music. Even then, they're all generic and loopy. There's some sound effects. At least there's sound at all, right? And it's not actively grating or anything. Still, it's very underwhelming.
Overall, 1/5.
Story:
Actual Sunlight focuses on Evan Winters, a 30-something white man working an office job in Toronto. He is also horribly, horribly depressed.
The depiction of Evan's depression is VERY real. Nothing is terribly wrong for him, except his weight. He lives a pretty standard life otherwise. Yet, his mental illness and self-image issues still control him. The way he talks to himself and thinks about things is extremely sincere. That's commendable. It's obvious that it comes from a place of deep understanding from the dev (again, why it's so difficult for me to critique this game.)
But it all starts to fall apart with the execution.
First off, the writing is completely insufferable. It often comes across like someone who's trying way too hard to sound smart and deep. The inner-monologues that Evan has throughout almost always ended up feeling unnecessary and senseless - largely because of how long-winded they are. There's a lot of lines that just made me cringe, too, including the very first one in the game - (NSFW warning) "Why kill yourself today when you can masturbate tomorrow?"
On top of that, as I mentioned in the intro, I quickly became overwhelmed by the absolute misery that permeates Actual Sunlight. There's nothing to balance it out. No humor or good writing, no fun gameplay, no beautiful visuals or sound. It gets so tiring to just watch a man be pessimistic and cynical (oftentimes only for the sake of it) with nothing else to keep the player engaged.
None of that is even mentioning how weirdly obsessed Evan is with pointing out his own white privilege - while simultaneously trying to imply at points that he doesn't benefit from white privilege as much as other white people.
I feel like the dev had way too much confidence in his writing, too. You are pointedly told at the beginning to interact with EVERYTHING - this way you'll see all of the monologues. He also leaves a message that's directly from himself early on; it seems to assume that his game will affect people in a deeply emotional way. Now, I'm not saying that there AREN'T people who were affected by it, but it didn't do that for me at all. As a result, that came across as very arrogant.
That message as a whole is a point of contention for me too. The dev basically tells young players that they can still change the course of their life, while implying anyone older than 25-30 are stuck on the path they're currently on. It's an awful outlook that just doesn't sit well with me. No one is 'stuck'. Change is possible no matter how old you are. You're not suddenly trapped being like Evan just because you're in your 30s, are depressed, and made mistakes in your past. You can get better no matter what, not just if you're young.
The only thing I like here is the office portions. You visit this setting twice to interact with your coworkers. Seeing how they (and their individual relationships with Evan) evolve over the years is interesting. I think they are humanized in a nice way. It's the only time I found myself half-invested throughout my entire playthrough.
Overall, 1/5.
Gameplay:
The only thing that constitutes gameplay here is walking through the world, interacting with objects, and hearing Evan's thoughts on something tangentially related. Now, I'm fine with games that deploy minimal gameplay. I think it can be done well. But as I've already said, the writing isn't good, so there's no reason for me to want to engage the world in the first place.
Overall, 0.5/5.
Worldbuilding:
There's very little context given to Evan's life. In fact, the game actively avoids acknowledging certain things about him. For example, it fails to say what his exact job is, implying that it doesn't matter since they're all the same anyways. I do think that vagueness like this can be done well to play on themes. But, I don't know, here it just reads like 'I'm too lazy to think of something'. It's probably that I just loathe the writing so much as a whole.
The environments feel totally bland. There's very little going on in them visually. There's no good sound design to add atmosphere. It just feels very thrown-together.
I will say that the side characters do help to add a bit of life to the world. As I mentioned in the story section, seeing their individual evolutions is cool. It does make the game feel slightly rounded.
Overall, 1/5.
Extra Category - Achievements:
There's only one achievement, and it's not for finishing it, weirdly enough. It's for interacting with a random cabinet in Evan's house. Random and not fun, but easy 100% I guess?
Overall, 2/5.
Overall game score: 1/5. I could excuse the lackluster visual and audio presentation if Actual Sunlight had anything going for it with the story, but it doesn't. While I respect the dev for trying very hard to make something worthwhile, I just can't pretend like I think this game is even a little good.
I find it hilarious that Emily is Away, another snobby indie title I hate, seems to take inspiration from this one. It references it in two easter eggs and says that you should play it if you haven't. Well, I replayed it for you, and I can soundly say that I hate it about as much as I hate Emily is Away.
I don't want to dislike Actual Sunlight the way I do. The creator makes an admirable attempt at telling a very real and personal story, putting his heart on his sleeve in the process. Unfortunately, authenticity alone does not make something good - and the authenticity is exactly why it's difficult for me to acknowledge this game for what it actually is. That is to say, very bad. Miserable to play. Even borderline pretentious.
It's one of those games that desperately wants to say something. It's not trying to be an ENJOYABLE experience; the goal is to make you think. It aims to leave a lasting impact after the credits roll. But it loses itself in self-serving angst and overwhelming pessimism.
These things are undoubtedly purposeful, of course. The entire point is to depict a realistic downward spiral, and the heavy thoughts that accompany it. There's plenty of media that tells similarly tragic stories in poignant and beautiful ways. Two of my favorites of all time, LISA and Bojack Horseman, triumphantly do.
I'm saying this because I want it to be clear that my problem with Actual Sunlight isn't in the dark nature. My problem is that its presentation and writing completely fail to make it a worthwhile investment of your time. There's nothing to it EXCEPT that depressing narrative; it eventually gets tiring to read one pitiful, wordy, poorly-written inner-monologue after another. And it quickly becomes obvious that there is nothing else for it to show you.
SHORT REVIEW
Visuals: 1.5/5
Sound: 1/5
Story: 1/5
Gameplay: 0.5/5
Worldbuilding: 1/5
Achievements (Does not count toward overall score.): 2/5
Overall game score: 1/5
IN-DEPTH REVIEW
Visuals:
I understand that RPGMaker is a useful tool for new devs. I just can't pretend like I'm a fan of its pre-made graphics at this point. They're ugly and overused.
What's even worse is that Actual Sunlight DOES have some original models, but only for one specific setting! The custom-made stuff looks so much better, but the fact that it's only present half of the time makes the whole thing feel unfinished.
On top of that, there are multiple instances where pre-made stuff is used to improvise for something else. The bus is just a normal room with benches in it. The work computers are just TVs sitting on the floor near desks.
I will say that there are really nice pieces of artwork occasionally mixed in with the story. It's a very appealing style and one of the only real positives of the game. Unfortunately, it's still not enough to make up for everything else done wrong here.
Overall, 1.5/5.
Sound:
There's very few pieces of music. Even then, they're all generic and loopy. There's some sound effects. At least there's sound at all, right? And it's not actively grating or anything. Still, it's very underwhelming.
Overall, 1/5.
Story:
Actual Sunlight focuses on Evan Winters, a 30-something white man working an office job in Toronto. He is also horribly, horribly depressed.
The depiction of Evan's depression is VERY real. Nothing is terribly wrong for him, except his weight. He lives a pretty standard life otherwise. Yet, his mental illness and self-image issues still control him. The way he talks to himself and thinks about things is extremely sincere. That's commendable. It's obvious that it comes from a place of deep understanding from the dev (again, why it's so difficult for me to critique this game.)
But it all starts to fall apart with the execution.
First off, the writing is completely insufferable. It often comes across like someone who's trying way too hard to sound smart and deep. The inner-monologues that Evan has throughout almost always ended up feeling unnecessary and senseless - largely because of how long-winded they are. There's a lot of lines that just made me cringe, too, including the very first one in the game - (NSFW warning) "Why kill yourself today when you can masturbate tomorrow?"
On top of that, as I mentioned in the intro, I quickly became overwhelmed by the absolute misery that permeates Actual Sunlight. There's nothing to balance it out. No humor or good writing, no fun gameplay, no beautiful visuals or sound. It gets so tiring to just watch a man be pessimistic and cynical (oftentimes only for the sake of it) with nothing else to keep the player engaged.
None of that is even mentioning how weirdly obsessed Evan is with pointing out his own white privilege - while simultaneously trying to imply at points that he doesn't benefit from white privilege as much as other white people.
I feel like the dev had way too much confidence in his writing, too. You are pointedly told at the beginning to interact with EVERYTHING - this way you'll see all of the monologues. He also leaves a message that's directly from himself early on; it seems to assume that his game will affect people in a deeply emotional way. Now, I'm not saying that there AREN'T people who were affected by it, but it didn't do that for me at all. As a result, that came across as very arrogant.
That message as a whole is a point of contention for me too. The dev basically tells young players that they can still change the course of their life, while implying anyone older than 25-30 are stuck on the path they're currently on. It's an awful outlook that just doesn't sit well with me. No one is 'stuck'. Change is possible no matter how old you are. You're not suddenly trapped being like Evan just because you're in your 30s, are depressed, and made mistakes in your past. You can get better no matter what, not just if you're young.
The only thing I like here is the office portions. You visit this setting twice to interact with your coworkers. Seeing how they (and their individual relationships with Evan) evolve over the years is interesting. I think they are humanized in a nice way. It's the only time I found myself half-invested throughout my entire playthrough.
Overall, 1/5.
Gameplay:
The only thing that constitutes gameplay here is walking through the world, interacting with objects, and hearing Evan's thoughts on something tangentially related. Now, I'm fine with games that deploy minimal gameplay. I think it can be done well. But as I've already said, the writing isn't good, so there's no reason for me to want to engage the world in the first place.
Overall, 0.5/5.
Worldbuilding:
There's very little context given to Evan's life. In fact, the game actively avoids acknowledging certain things about him. For example, it fails to say what his exact job is, implying that it doesn't matter since they're all the same anyways. I do think that vagueness like this can be done well to play on themes. But, I don't know, here it just reads like 'I'm too lazy to think of something'. It's probably that I just loathe the writing so much as a whole.
The environments feel totally bland. There's very little going on in them visually. There's no good sound design to add atmosphere. It just feels very thrown-together.
I will say that the side characters do help to add a bit of life to the world. As I mentioned in the story section, seeing their individual evolutions is cool. It does make the game feel slightly rounded.
Overall, 1/5.
Extra Category - Achievements:
There's only one achievement, and it's not for finishing it, weirdly enough. It's for interacting with a random cabinet in Evan's house. Random and not fun, but easy 100% I guess?
Overall, 2/5.
Overall game score: 1/5. I could excuse the lackluster visual and audio presentation if Actual Sunlight had anything going for it with the story, but it doesn't. While I respect the dev for trying very hard to make something worthwhile, I just can't pretend like I think this game is even a little good.
I find it hilarious that Emily is Away, another snobby indie title I hate, seems to take inspiration from this one. It references it in two easter eggs and says that you should play it if you haven't. Well, I replayed it for you, and I can soundly say that I hate it about as much as I hate Emily is Away.
It's just... really bleak. And I know it doesn't get any brighter. I'm sure that's intentional, part of the point, but it didn't work for me.
#relatable ahah tehehe send help
if a mrgirl video was a video game
Played on Android
Yeah, I didn't like this. At all. Everything is just gross. Even at an hour it felt too long. More visual novel than adventure as you don't really have agency.
And I thought maybe the ending could save it, but instead it was a let down.
I don't know if it's specific to the mobile editions, but to move you need to drag the character and to look/interact, you need to press on the thing while facing it. And it's not a great system. At times it got quite infuriating.
The full screen artwork is nice when it's there though.. but they are clipped to fit onto a phone, so some don't even show what they intend to, like the last one.
And it would have been nice if there were details of the suicide prevention phone numbers around the world at the end.
Yeah, I didn't like this. At all. Everything is just gross. Even at an hour it felt too long. More visual novel than adventure as you don't really have agency.
And I thought maybe the ending could save it, but instead it was a let down.
I don't know if it's specific to the mobile editions, but to move you need to drag the character and to look/interact, you need to press on the thing while facing it. And it's not a great system. At times it got quite infuriating.
The full screen artwork is nice when it's there though.. but they are clipped to fit onto a phone, so some don't even show what they intend to, like the last one.
And it would have been nice if there were details of the suicide prevention phone numbers around the world at the end.
I want to be nice but ultimately it kinda succeeds in its own point a little too well to the point where the game just isnt enjoyable to play in any way shape or form thanks to its subject matter and its complete nihilistic view on everything. Being scaped together in generic RPG-Maker tilesetting isnt helpful either.
I won't leave a star review on this because I last played it in 2015 and I don't know that I could accurately leave a review on how I currently feel. But I did right a full review when I played it back then, so I'll let 2015 speak on it: http://storycade.com/interactive-fiction-actual-sunlight/