You know… I’ve passed on the opportunity to play the Game of the Week basically every time for no apparent reason, despite the ones selected usually being exceptional games and sometimes very easily obtainable freeware, and instead of any of those, I play Lizard Lady vs the Cats… and this is one of the reasons I sometimes look at the mirror wondering why I make the decisions I decide to do.

An overall score of 1.1 over here is one hell of a prospect, one which I don’t usually tend to gravity towards; I like to think I value my time, and I’m not that keen on spending it on absolutely despair inducing games, and so, I wasn’t planning on even nearing the general location of this game. But then something happened, a couple of people left actual positive scores and reviews talking about this one, and I couldn’t believe it, mainly because… I mean… look at it-BUT STILL, that did spark my attention. Maybe once again I judged a book by its cover too early, maybe there’s actually something to enjoy here, perhaps it’s a hidden gem! And so, yeah, who am I to say no to a work? After all, they always have something to say, and this looking like it could actually hold more value than I thought of at first, why not at least give it a try? Worst case scenario, it sucks but at least get an interesting experience out of it, so yeah! Let’s go! I did it! I played it! I beat it! I beat *Lizard Lady vs the Cats! And What did I get out of it?!







…nothing. Absolutely nothing. The silence of the void deafens my ears. The abyss beckons and looks back upon me its laughs echoing through nothingness. I keep staring at it in search of an answer. I get nothing in return.

It’s not that terrible of a game, nor is it a particularly competent one. It works and functions well enough, and there aren’t any specially jarring design decisions that make this an absolute horrendous experience, but that’s not because it does something good in return, it because it doesn’t do… nothing in general. That isn’t to say that it doesn’t screw up badly: it doesn’t really have an art-style as much as filter applied over all the models and scenarios, one that doesn’t take into account shadows and doesn’t seem that interested in being visible, which isn’t even that excessive or heinous to even be funny. The shooting and combat feel like if someone that never even touched and FPS in their lives tried to make one in all the worst ways; the camera is ASS and the enemies hitboxes are small as a toothpick, you do get seemingly infinite range in return, but it doesn’t do much when aiming is so incredibly painful and the level design is a bunch of corridors and mazes with zero thought that I’ve already forgot about as I wrote this. Honestly, I would complain about this more, but it’s not like the game is difficult or frustrating enough for me to even care, it’s just…nothing. It doesn’t even work as a joke game, ‘cause it isn’t neither funny nor does it commit in being utterly awful, but it also doesn’t work as a more serious one since the most ‘’interesting’’ (and I’m using that word very loosely) part of its story is represented through a infinite-score mode of a game which’s gameplay puts me to sleep. I genuinely don’t know which of the two this game was trying to be, because it fails at being either of the two, and it also doesn’t feel like it does enough to do a commentary on the little it has or is.

Do I sound mad or angry? Because I’m really not, but maybe I’m sounding too… condescending may be the right word, and I apologize if that’s the case, it’s just… what more can I say? I can’t even make a joke like ‘’this looks like it was made in Dreams’’ because that would be a huge disrespect to the amazing games made in there, and again, not because this is horrible, it’s because is… NOTHING!

The last game I talked about made some things choppy or clunky for the sake of its vision and I really appreciated, and maybe I would appreciate this game in a similar way if I managed to see what the hell was its vision in the first place. This is dumb, but not the type of dumb that knows it and makes some kind of statement or commentary about it, it just… exist, floating forever in the void, and I could have used the 25 minutes I spent on beating it on watching paint dry and nothing of value would have been lost, aside of the opportunity of writing a review which is always fun. So yeah, congratulations, Lady Lizard vs the Cats, playing you gave me the opportunity to write about how empty of an experience you were.

Maybe there’s something I’m losing here, maybe I’, just thinking too much about it and I shouldn’t be talking about it this much; maybe I was filtered, maybe I do not get something, maybe this is truly awful and I’m being soft, I don’t know about all that, ‘cause I didn’t get enough out of this to even come close to getting any of those conclusion.

Anyway 10/10 only because of the way the melee enemies were animated, that was the only part of the game that actually made me smirk in some capacity.

this game is incredible what the fuck are you people on about

Like okay, yeah, this is very clearly the developer's fetish, but even as far as fetish games go it isn't that weird, or even that invasive on the general product — I've seen AAA games even as recent as this year do the femme-fatale-hip-sway-walk in a way that's far more blatantly sultry. Yeah, it's... kinda shovelware-y, and anything enemies can do to you is negated by just... strafing, but it's honestly a little fun just mindlessly shooting, and the survival modes honestly do great at varying the terrains and seeing just how far you can go when the screen is flooded with dudes. Most of all I just love this game's vibe: from the shitposty tone of the cutscenes, to the oversaturated lighting, the absolutely garish, almost deep-fried colour scheme, and the pointless jump and dodge roll, it's very clear that this game isn't really taking itself seriously. And it manages to strike a good balance, in that vein, where it's ostensibly a bit goofy and bad and yet the game isn't trying too hard to lean into the joke. It's a good game to laugh with. And it's fun in general. I'm almost not being ironic here. I don't care what anybody says. I'm buying this on Playstation and I'm going to get the Platinum trophy. Just you watch me.