Avex
1998
This review contains spoilers
My god there is a game under this pile of fucking rubble somewhere. I swear I'll find it and be a true member of the glove buddies.
I had no idea as to what I was getting into with glover. On a whim I wanted to try to play it because I really liked the glove from a distance, with the way he looked and all from the cover. Sadly, the cracks immediately started to show but at least the hellride was only 3 hours long. I bet I could summarize every level with how short it eventually becomes.
Atlantis: Man this level fuckin rocked. It's short and the tracks were just banging out of the gate. Collecting everything in that small area was really relaxing when just starting to get a foothold for glover's controls, really just set the highlight for the entire glover playthrough for me as it was just going to be rocky from here on.
Carnival: This level was a big toss up for me, as the flying pigs can go fuck themselves for stealing my ball more than half of the time and the bee being bugged and not wanting to pop the pig balloon caused me to have to keep trying to move my ball fast enough as to not get caught, or risk getting soft locked again and again. Other than that, was a fine level really. The carnival games on the first part of the level was pretty cute, with the plinko and all, but just fine overall.
Pirate's realm: This level fucking blows my ass. As there are tight jumps you have to make and having your dribbles be delayed on purpose as glover is an absolute nightmare. This level sucked like hell and I'm glad I never get to touch it again. This is also where the music takes a nosedive into just penismusic tier tracks, so just a crap level overall.
Prehistoric level: Oh god we're finally back into good track territory. Too bad that the level is just as lame as the pirate level, as there is not much extra to the level except for the amount of collectables around the area which I didn't care about. The boss is just a bowling section and gets out of the way fast at least.
Fortress of fear: WHY DID THEY INTRODUCE A BOMB THAT CAN JUST CHASE YOU SO FAR AND HAVE IT'S EXPLOSION RADIUS THE SIZE OF A FUCKING NUKE. This entire level was just another headache after another, and if that wasn't fucking terrible, good luck being able to see shit more than half of the time when you're getting flashbanged every 5 seconds by the level. So much for an epilepsy warning when it feels like I'm playing through the damn porigon episode from pokemon. THIS LEVEL ALSO HAS ONE OF THE WORST FUCKING BOSSES AS YOU HAVE TO BALANCE YOUR BALL ON A PILLAR WITH ALREADY SHIT CONTROLS WHILE A BIG FRANKENSTEIN JUST SHITS ON YOUR DAY IF HE KICKS YOUR PILLAR OR SHOCKS THE PILLAR THAT YOUR BALL IS IN THIS IS THE WORST FIGHT IN THE GAME IF YOU DON'T GET THE RIGHT PILLAR OFF THE BAT FOR THE FIRST TIME. The music also goes back into the same shithole it crawled in during the pirate level.
And finally the space level. You would think that because there is zero gravity, there would be no fall damage as you're falling pretty slowly, but no. The fall damage is only negated if you're holding onto the damn ball, so if you're doing a platform part without the ball and miss the jump, tough fucking tits. I managed to get stuck on the second part of this level and I looked up a playthrough as to how they got through it and they just completely skipped the level by tossing their ball on a gear, and bouncing over the gate and into the goal. This was such a crapshow level to where the final boss is just A FUCKING TURRET SECTION ARE YOU KIDDING ME. Game ends you kill the fucking glove and the game shits on you if you didn't collect all the damn mcguffins or whatever the fuck they're called.
You know, for a game that was created 2 WHOLE YEARS AFTER MARIO 64, you'd think they would at least look at that and take some pointers from it, because underneath this cacophony of shit, there's a game here that could've been great. I really wanted to give glover a chance. I really did. But man did it let me down so hard. I do love all the little quirks they gave to him, as there was a lot of detail put to him at to how he behaved when he was idle or just on a ledge hanging out. Hell, even when he's underwater the camera just points at him in different dutch angles like he's in a goddamn evil dead film. Maybe in another life this could've been an improvement on something like mario 64 or just an improvement on the platformer genre in general.
I had no idea as to what I was getting into with glover. On a whim I wanted to try to play it because I really liked the glove from a distance, with the way he looked and all from the cover. Sadly, the cracks immediately started to show but at least the hellride was only 3 hours long. I bet I could summarize every level with how short it eventually becomes.
Atlantis: Man this level fuckin rocked. It's short and the tracks were just banging out of the gate. Collecting everything in that small area was really relaxing when just starting to get a foothold for glover's controls, really just set the highlight for the entire glover playthrough for me as it was just going to be rocky from here on.
Carnival: This level was a big toss up for me, as the flying pigs can go fuck themselves for stealing my ball more than half of the time and the bee being bugged and not wanting to pop the pig balloon caused me to have to keep trying to move my ball fast enough as to not get caught, or risk getting soft locked again and again. Other than that, was a fine level really. The carnival games on the first part of the level was pretty cute, with the plinko and all, but just fine overall.
Pirate's realm: This level fucking blows my ass. As there are tight jumps you have to make and having your dribbles be delayed on purpose as glover is an absolute nightmare. This level sucked like hell and I'm glad I never get to touch it again. This is also where the music takes a nosedive into just penismusic tier tracks, so just a crap level overall.
Prehistoric level: Oh god we're finally back into good track territory. Too bad that the level is just as lame as the pirate level, as there is not much extra to the level except for the amount of collectables around the area which I didn't care about. The boss is just a bowling section and gets out of the way fast at least.
Fortress of fear: WHY DID THEY INTRODUCE A BOMB THAT CAN JUST CHASE YOU SO FAR AND HAVE IT'S EXPLOSION RADIUS THE SIZE OF A FUCKING NUKE. This entire level was just another headache after another, and if that wasn't fucking terrible, good luck being able to see shit more than half of the time when you're getting flashbanged every 5 seconds by the level. So much for an epilepsy warning when it feels like I'm playing through the damn porigon episode from pokemon. THIS LEVEL ALSO HAS ONE OF THE WORST FUCKING BOSSES AS YOU HAVE TO BALANCE YOUR BALL ON A PILLAR WITH ALREADY SHIT CONTROLS WHILE A BIG FRANKENSTEIN JUST SHITS ON YOUR DAY IF HE KICKS YOUR PILLAR OR SHOCKS THE PILLAR THAT YOUR BALL IS IN THIS IS THE WORST FIGHT IN THE GAME IF YOU DON'T GET THE RIGHT PILLAR OFF THE BAT FOR THE FIRST TIME. The music also goes back into the same shithole it crawled in during the pirate level.
And finally the space level. You would think that because there is zero gravity, there would be no fall damage as you're falling pretty slowly, but no. The fall damage is only negated if you're holding onto the damn ball, so if you're doing a platform part without the ball and miss the jump, tough fucking tits. I managed to get stuck on the second part of this level and I looked up a playthrough as to how they got through it and they just completely skipped the level by tossing their ball on a gear, and bouncing over the gate and into the goal. This was such a crapshow level to where the final boss is just A FUCKING TURRET SECTION ARE YOU KIDDING ME. Game ends you kill the fucking glove and the game shits on you if you didn't collect all the damn mcguffins or whatever the fuck they're called.
You know, for a game that was created 2 WHOLE YEARS AFTER MARIO 64, you'd think they would at least look at that and take some pointers from it, because underneath this cacophony of shit, there's a game here that could've been great. I really wanted to give glover a chance. I really did. But man did it let me down so hard. I do love all the little quirks they gave to him, as there was a lot of detail put to him at to how he behaved when he was idle or just on a ledge hanging out. Hell, even when he's underwater the camera just points at him in different dutch angles like he's in a goddamn evil dead film. Maybe in another life this could've been an improvement on something like mario 64 or just an improvement on the platformer genre in general.
You would think a game based around the joker and bane of all things would be a very fun experience the first time around, but my god does this game really show it's age.
I'll start with the good points of this game. The voice acting and the environments are pretty sick for a brawler centered around the batman universe. I don't do capeshit this much, so I'm just viewing it from a very casual perspective, but everything does really stand out as dreary and asylum-ey (if that's even a word). Sadly, the rest of the game is not just about looking at environments and hearing the voice actors bicker at each other back and forth.
The bad. Holy hell, the bad doesn't cut it with how utter dogshit the game is. You know, for a game called the batman and knowing how cool it is to brawl your way through tons of enemies, why does this game really like to completely stop and force you to play stealthily in certain sections where it was alright to just play however you wanted? This really hit hard when enemies start having literal hitscan rifles that track you even if you are attempting to get away, and then you have to reload that checkpoint over and over again. I'm playing on the hardest difficulty, so it maybe just that, but even after maxing out my health and armor did it still feel like I was getting aimbotted out of the sky while I was just trying to fly around and take down someone.
Another huge gripe is definitely the bosses minus a certain plant fight that happens that feels different for once. EVERY FIGHT IS JUST BAIN WITH A DIFFERENT COAT OF PAINT. EVEN THE KILLER CROC SECTION IS JUST BAIN AGAIN WITH THE FUCKING BATTERANG, And to top it off with a final fuck you to the player, the last boss fight is just another FUCKING BAIN FIGHT. These fights sucked along with the wave of enemies that you have to try to hit along with just the other Bain-alikes that just end up being a huge pain in the ass.
Overall, this game did help shape the genre of the 3rd person brawler into the mainstream, whether that is a good thing or not. I honestly thought I was going to enjoy this game as a lot of people were giving this game such high praise when it released, only to just be shown this crap. I've got a couple more of the batman games to go through, so I hope this disappointment lingers over to the other games as well.
I'll start with the good points of this game. The voice acting and the environments are pretty sick for a brawler centered around the batman universe. I don't do capeshit this much, so I'm just viewing it from a very casual perspective, but everything does really stand out as dreary and asylum-ey (if that's even a word). Sadly, the rest of the game is not just about looking at environments and hearing the voice actors bicker at each other back and forth.
The bad. Holy hell, the bad doesn't cut it with how utter dogshit the game is. You know, for a game called the batman and knowing how cool it is to brawl your way through tons of enemies, why does this game really like to completely stop and force you to play stealthily in certain sections where it was alright to just play however you wanted? This really hit hard when enemies start having literal hitscan rifles that track you even if you are attempting to get away, and then you have to reload that checkpoint over and over again. I'm playing on the hardest difficulty, so it maybe just that, but even after maxing out my health and armor did it still feel like I was getting aimbotted out of the sky while I was just trying to fly around and take down someone.
Another huge gripe is definitely the bosses minus a certain plant fight that happens that feels different for once. EVERY FIGHT IS JUST BAIN WITH A DIFFERENT COAT OF PAINT. EVEN THE KILLER CROC SECTION IS JUST BAIN AGAIN WITH THE FUCKING BATTERANG, And to top it off with a final fuck you to the player, the last boss fight is just another FUCKING BAIN FIGHT. These fights sucked along with the wave of enemies that you have to try to hit along with just the other Bain-alikes that just end up being a huge pain in the ass.
Overall, this game did help shape the genre of the 3rd person brawler into the mainstream, whether that is a good thing or not. I honestly thought I was going to enjoy this game as a lot of people were giving this game such high praise when it released, only to just be shown this crap. I've got a couple more of the batman games to go through, so I hope this disappointment lingers over to the other games as well.
Gone are the days where the story of the series went from Michael Bay explosions to the now very serious Hollywood-esque story this new retelling of the series.
So, now that we've finished the first story, where do we go now? Well, surprisingly, Mexico. Reviewers here can explain the gist of the story, but I think the most interesting parts are where we completely forget the main story and just focus on the cowboys story, but it just eventually moves back to the main iraqi plot, then the withering just starts to show as it's just, we did it america! Honestly, you could just watch a cutscene compilation on youtube and get the same experience.
Does it hold up a candle against the original? Absolutely not. I do highly recommend playing the original MW2 before going into this one, as it is heavily fan-servicey when recalling past events and characters that are implemented into this new story. Not to mention that soundtrack that has you on the edge of your seat? Either gone or none-existent with this game. In fact, most of the tracks just feel like they're there to pad out the levels so you can just keep moving on with the B-movie and it feels pretty sad, as the tracks in the original trilogy had some pretty nice bangers.
Is it a must play? Probably not. Would you think you've wasted your time playing through this? Eh, that depends if you still like call of duty to begin with as a whole. I thought it was just fine, but I wouldn't see myself running through the campaign again and again as I did with the original sequel.
But Avex, what about the multiplayer?!
Ah yes, the multiplayer. As of writing this, I've clocked almost 40 hours on and off on the multiplayer, and for the most part right now, it's a toss up. This by no means is a definitive review of the multiplayer, as this can change drastically over the next couple of months, but teaming up with a couple of friends so far has been pretty fun.
Do I see myself playing this game in the long term? I'm not sure, but upgrading weapons and seeing my get higher and higher still gives me that monkey brain dopamine that tends to hit when I'm doing well, and crashes like a 747 when I'm playing like crap.
Just make sure to mute all when you're playing by yourself, as the lobbies tend to be a bit rowdy with a whole lot of naughty words.
So, now that we've finished the first story, where do we go now? Well, surprisingly, Mexico. Reviewers here can explain the gist of the story, but I think the most interesting parts are where we completely forget the main story and just focus on the cowboys story, but it just eventually moves back to the main iraqi plot, then the withering just starts to show as it's just, we did it america! Honestly, you could just watch a cutscene compilation on youtube and get the same experience.
Does it hold up a candle against the original? Absolutely not. I do highly recommend playing the original MW2 before going into this one, as it is heavily fan-servicey when recalling past events and characters that are implemented into this new story. Not to mention that soundtrack that has you on the edge of your seat? Either gone or none-existent with this game. In fact, most of the tracks just feel like they're there to pad out the levels so you can just keep moving on with the B-movie and it feels pretty sad, as the tracks in the original trilogy had some pretty nice bangers.
Is it a must play? Probably not. Would you think you've wasted your time playing through this? Eh, that depends if you still like call of duty to begin with as a whole. I thought it was just fine, but I wouldn't see myself running through the campaign again and again as I did with the original sequel.
But Avex, what about the multiplayer?!
Ah yes, the multiplayer. As of writing this, I've clocked almost 40 hours on and off on the multiplayer, and for the most part right now, it's a toss up. This by no means is a definitive review of the multiplayer, as this can change drastically over the next couple of months, but teaming up with a couple of friends so far has been pretty fun.
Do I see myself playing this game in the long term? I'm not sure, but upgrading weapons and seeing my get higher and higher still gives me that monkey brain dopamine that tends to hit when I'm doing well, and crashes like a 747 when I'm playing like crap.
Just make sure to mute all when you're playing by yourself, as the lobbies tend to be a bit rowdy with a whole lot of naughty words.
One of the best RPG's I have played in a while. I only wish that the game was finished, otherwise it would be an amazing 10/10.
Minor nitpicks for my playthrough only involve the combat and a few broken sequences regarding certain NPC's needing to do something or a quest needing to be progressed, but I decided to play with the bloodlines patch installed for my playthrough of the game. The dialogue paths and the way characters are written in this game presents a benchmark in storytelling for the western market that we're still trying to catch up to after all of these years, but still come up short to live up to the hopes of this game. I don't think there was a single person in my playthrough that I thought wasn't memorable, from the beginning of the game and onwards. Even after writing this, I'm temped to start a second or third playthrough just from remembering all of the shenanigans you can cause as other factions, including new pieces of dialogue depending on how deprave-looking your character is. Man, this really is a must play.
Minor nitpicks for my playthrough only involve the combat and a few broken sequences regarding certain NPC's needing to do something or a quest needing to be progressed, but I decided to play with the bloodlines patch installed for my playthrough of the game. The dialogue paths and the way characters are written in this game presents a benchmark in storytelling for the western market that we're still trying to catch up to after all of these years, but still come up short to live up to the hopes of this game. I don't think there was a single person in my playthrough that I thought wasn't memorable, from the beginning of the game and onwards. Even after writing this, I'm temped to start a second or third playthrough just from remembering all of the shenanigans you can cause as other factions, including new pieces of dialogue depending on how deprave-looking your character is. Man, this really is a must play.