BearfaxII
2011
the eternal mental struggle between making my review a 20000 word essay on why this is one of the best stories in all of gaming or "This happened to my buddy Eric"
2009
This game isn't without problems but it does pretty much everything it sets out to do. I can't in good faith give this game a full 5 stars since it isn't exactly something I could reasonably call a near perfect experience; I think there's a lot of grind to unlock everything you might want that makes this not exactly a game with a low barrier of entry, especially with how expensive it's quickly getting to own all the DLC; but this game very quickly became one of my favorites for a reason. Even when it's kicking you in the ass because the RNG decided it's time to suffer it's still a really good time. If you're into the existential dread and lost friendships of something like Mario Party there's no reason for this game to not be in your collection.
2013
so what I'm gathering is this is just LittleBigPlanet for Gen Alpha + the parts of Gen Z who didn't own a PS3
except the average level is like 20x harder oh my god please help
One of the first Shrek movie's primary messages is to not judge people by superficial qualities like their appearance. In this sense, Swamp Kart Speedway fails tremendously as an adaptation, because for looking past the ugly exterior of its graphics and sound design, you are rewarded with far, far worse gameplay.
Playing this game feels like spending your retirement funds on a slot machine. Sometimes you'll pick up an item and have it disable your controls and send you careening down a pit. Sometimes you'll hit a wall you weren't actually all that close to and end up stuck in it for a good like 7 seconds until either the game decides to let you out or you decide you've lost enough time to reset the race. And sometimes; nay, ALL the goddamn time; you'll end up colliding with other racers and getting sent back a few feet while their momentum remains undeterred regardless of your velocity or positioning, as if you are nothing but a fly on their windshield.
And maybe there's some truth to that. Maybe we are all flies drawn to a dumpster fire. We see the familiar, inviting faces of Shrek, Donkey, Fiona, the three pigs I definitely didn't forget were in the movie, and we think, hey, maybe this game won't be that bad. Maybe this'll actually be an alright Super Circuit clone with a bit of Shrek flair. Only for we, the metaphorical flies closing in on the fire, to subsequently burn to death.
Shrek is love, Shrek is life; but in Swamp Kart Speedway, I see naught but hatred and death. Begone, false prophet.
Playing this game feels like spending your retirement funds on a slot machine. Sometimes you'll pick up an item and have it disable your controls and send you careening down a pit. Sometimes you'll hit a wall you weren't actually all that close to and end up stuck in it for a good like 7 seconds until either the game decides to let you out or you decide you've lost enough time to reset the race. And sometimes; nay, ALL the goddamn time; you'll end up colliding with other racers and getting sent back a few feet while their momentum remains undeterred regardless of your velocity or positioning, as if you are nothing but a fly on their windshield.
And maybe there's some truth to that. Maybe we are all flies drawn to a dumpster fire. We see the familiar, inviting faces of Shrek, Donkey, Fiona, the three pigs I definitely didn't forget were in the movie, and we think, hey, maybe this game won't be that bad. Maybe this'll actually be an alright Super Circuit clone with a bit of Shrek flair. Only for we, the metaphorical flies closing in on the fire, to subsequently burn to death.
Shrek is love, Shrek is life; but in Swamp Kart Speedway, I see naught but hatred and death. Begone, false prophet.
2016
there's 1 part of this game that goes really hard and maybe like 2 others that are kind of novel and the rest of it feels like a bog standard Game Jolt .exe fangame with higher production value
2013
dunno why gamers keep saying they miss "e3" like what was so special about this one copy-paste Picross title compared to the other ones? lol??? lmao even?????
This review contains spoilers
Three Houses is so peak when you don't have someone yelling in your ear about how shit it is
the one lost point comes from basically every route having one major problem preventing them from being as well realized as they could be. Silver Snow works in a bubble but lacks unique content, Verdant Wind is almost entirely a carbon copy of it that forces half of Claude's character arc to take place off-screen in the epilogue, Crimson Flower had a famously low budget holding back its otherwise refreshingly unique runtime, and while I have a very strong emotional attachment to Azure Moon and tend to agree with the consensus that it's the game's best route, the Rodrigue Divine Pulse plothole is very hard to ignore and blemishes what is otherwise one of the story's best moments.
Otherwise, yeah, this game has quickly become one of my favorite RPGs and easily my favorite Fire Emblem. I'm a sucker for large character rosters and unit customization, and this game has some of the best of both worlds. Not to mention the story and character writing is absolutely excellent 99% of the time. I've played through this game 6 full times and goddammit I'll do it again. I don't have a problem.
the one lost point comes from basically every route having one major problem preventing them from being as well realized as they could be. Silver Snow works in a bubble but lacks unique content, Verdant Wind is almost entirely a carbon copy of it that forces half of Claude's character arc to take place off-screen in the epilogue, Crimson Flower had a famously low budget holding back its otherwise refreshingly unique runtime, and while I have a very strong emotional attachment to Azure Moon and tend to agree with the consensus that it's the game's best route, the Rodrigue Divine Pulse plothole is very hard to ignore and blemishes what is otherwise one of the story's best moments.
Otherwise, yeah, this game has quickly become one of my favorite RPGs and easily my favorite Fire Emblem. I'm a sucker for large character rosters and unit customization, and this game has some of the best of both worlds. Not to mention the story and character writing is absolutely excellent 99% of the time. I've played through this game 6 full times and goddammit I'll do it again. I don't have a problem.
2013
I've never related more to a character in a video game than I have to the one person who keeps sending "What a horrible game, take it off the cShop!"
2012
This review contains spoilers
playing through this game nearly two full times after messing up the final floor the first time only to get hit with a "Congratulation!" ending screen is an all-timer moment for me. I used to hate this game but I can't even bring myself to do that anymore, it's a legendary testament to DSi shovelware and I do not regret spending $2 on it way back when.
That said I have to be real and give this game the score it deserves because even though it has become an injoke in my friend group it is really fucking bad.
That said I have to be real and give this game the score it deserves because even though it has become an injoke in my friend group it is really fucking bad.
This game is 90% worth playing for how extremely massive its character roster is and how they got it to that size with only, like, 2 clones. Story Mode is okay, Infinity Mode sucks, the game balancing sucks, the system mechanics are decent, but the roster's combination of extreme quantity and relative quality really does hard carry it into being, at best, a very fulfilling Musou experience, and at worst, a neat novelty that doesn't quite reach the highs of its contemporaries.
Drakengard 3 got snubbed
2011
It's like if Minecraft was Monster Hunter was good
2014
the best Animal Crossing creepypasta ever written
This review contains spoilers
Pansexual icon
2010
This review contains spoilers
I've always had a soft spot for the PSN/XBLA era Double Fine digital titles. like yeah the combat never gets particularly deep or difficult and there's only one battle theme and the plot is somewhat contrived and it's not that long whatsoever but this game has CHARM, man. someone decided to make a Halloween RPG and nobody felt like stopping them. they contextualized a classic RPG job system as Halloween costumes. NPCs feel straight out of EarthBound with how witty their dialogue is. they made a dungeon out of a shopping mall filled with Halloween deco. one of your classes is the fucking STATUE OF LIBERTY who HEALS YOUR PARTY by SUMMONING ABE_LINCOLN.PNG. this is the most lovable and memorable 6/10 game I have ever played.