So...portal.

It's pretty good, I guess.

I went in knowing about portal based puzzles, a funny robot lady, and cubes. Not confectionery though, because the confectionery is a falsehood or however that line goes.

First off, the puzzles. Mostly pretty good, with all being interesting takes on the portal mechanics that make you think until you figure out a task that looks daunting at first. What I didn't like were the momentum based puzzles, because I swear the portals are smaller than they seem, as I was pretty consistently falling just short of the portal and having to redo a section of the puzzle. That one puzzle at the end of chapter 18 where you had to chain portals onto platforms in particular I hated doing. Like its a reaction test that barely qualifies as a puzzle, just put some damn stairs there. Granted, I don't play a lot of first person games so maybe it's a me thing? But anyway, all the puzzles that didn't require quick movement or reaction times were great, the ones that did were ehhhhhhh.

Next up, glados. Funny robot girlboss. And yeah, the humour was also pretty good. I get that I exist in a world of internet humour that portal played a big part in establishing when it came out that probably would have been the funniest game ever in 2007, so most of the lines early on were just me thinking 'yeah, that was funny' with a few audible chuckles later on at lines like android hell and near the end where you break everything and she keeps panicking over what's going on.

And I might as well mention the ending. Pretty good as well. Final sequence had the same frustrations I mentioned in the puzzle part but the general vibe of the broken facility and connection to half-life (which probably would have blown my mind if I had played half-life) was great.

Also yeah, the cubes were cool. Top tier cubes in gaming, just under the square Tetris block.

So overall... it's pretty good. All I have to say. I can imagine it being pretty mind blowing for what was basically meant to be a small side project for the half-life team that became a global phenomenon, but this game turns 17 this year, so I guess it passed me by? But 2 is the one everyone hypes up, so I guess I'll be trying that next.

Now this is a Yakuza game!

This feels to me like a more perfected version of Yakuza 4. Almost everything I didn't like about this game has been severely scaled back or removed entirely, leaving a peak Yakuza experience just before 0, the legacy game that you probably shouldn't start with yet everyone does anyway. Once again, multiple protagonists, and I'm gonna rank em.

Part 1: Kiryu is great

The story starts with Kiryu in Fukuoka, taking up a job as a taxi driver while Haruka is off following her dream. As is expected at this point, some bullshit relating to the Tojo's struggles appears at Kiryu's doorstep and he needs to rejoin the Yakuza to get to the bottom of it. Daigo goes missing in the middle of a power struggle in the Omi Alliance, and the plot is Kiryu piecing things together. It's great, especially seeing Kiryu learn to handle a new life away from the orphanage. As well as that, the taxi minigame is great too! It's basically that joke of 'play GTA but act like a regular citizen' and it's great stuff (minus those suicidal pedestrians like what is up with them) as well as the drag races that occur later on, with all the characters of Kiryu's taxi service being likable characters. Like with 4, 10/10 opening, I loved it. But now we go back to Saejima, yayyyyy...

Part 1: Wait, Saejima's good now?

Saejima's story is about him breaking out of prison (again) It's more interesting than 4, and like Kiryu, it's cool learning about the other inmates. There is some weird pacing with the imagination segments, but it's fine, I guess it's the only way they could fit in combat. Speaking of which, Saejima has fun combat now! He has armour on a lot of his attacks, as well as a larger health pool, actually conveying through gameplay that this is a big man not to be fucked with. But after you escape, you end up in a mountain village, in a sequence of walking through snow and shitty hunting tutorials, and if you were in a Discord server with me, you know I didn't enjoy, especially when hunting and trapping were two separate tutorials that really could have been one. But after that, you get to Sapporo! And my god, a city with side content? Saejima sidequests? Not getting chased down by the cops? It's all I ever wanted! But anyway, while the main plot does become an annoying fetch quest for a bit, it's still super fun to play as Saejima. His section gets a 7/10, the first half is still kinda lame.

Part 3: Wait, this is critical path content?

The next stage is Haruka, now trying to become an Idol. So naturally, this is a rhythm game now. At first, I was into it. The streets are littered with dance battles you can do, and the minigame was kinda fun. But it gets repetitive real fast. A lot of the game is training for the princess league, with you doing the routine of the same songs over and over, alongside some boring side stuff like greeting fans and interviews, so I did end up skipping basically all the side content here. But the story is good. Haruka's staff are all good characters, and it does add enough backstory and intrigue to the main plot that I was invested. One thing I will say is how docile Haruka is now. She was never super aggressive, but she did have a backbone and some of Kiryu's stronger tendencies clearly rubbed off on her in previous games, like when she slapped Mine in Yakuza 3 and did everything she could to protect the orphans. But now? She just kind of accepts shit from rivals like t-set. I get she has to act professional, but even an internal monologue of 'Yo, FUCK these bitches!' would have gone a long way. But overall, I'd give the whole act a 6/10. But regardless, she shares her act with another character, which leads me to...

Part 4: I FUCKING LOVE SHUN AKIYAMA!!!!!!!!

Shun Akiyama opens a branch of his money lending business in Osaka, where Haruka's plot is going down. So he lends his aid to the squad, piecing together the plot as he goes. And he's still a legend, basically everything I loved about him in 4 remains, now with aerial combat because RGG studios knew they weren't beating the Sanji allegations so just rolled with it. But he adds a great deal to Haruka's plot as he figures out the mysteries of her agency. 10/10 again, this guy's a legend.

Part 5: Hey, a new guy

The new character here is Shinada, a former baseball player forced to quit, learning there was some shady business behind what went down in his life. He's a funny guy, a constantly broke loser who makes money by getting laid a bunch (I mean doesn't sound too bad) while fighting more with weapons (I cheesed so much shit with the infinite durability pole you have no idea) his side thing is a baseball sidequest which I didn't bother with, but his plot is fun. All about teaming up with the people he owes money to to uncover the conspiracy behind his baseball career and how it ties into the main plot. 9/10, he's great.

Part 6: You tried your best with that finale, guys.

So, all the parties come together, the plots in motion. It's time to finish this.
The finale actually starts strong, with everyone getting together in Kamorocho and heading out to stop the villain's scheme, with only the rooftop plot point being really dumb (It's a rooftop with no camera, just wait and bait him out, dumbasses) before the finale. Akiyama, Saejima, and Shinada all get decent final boss fights, but the main villain turns out to be unable to fight, working to give his gains to the TRUE final boss...who I barely remembered. Hell, when Kiryu confronts him and asks what he's doing, he responds with 'I don't know'. even the game knows it's an asspull, but you confront him...and then watch a jpop performance...then you fight him. And the fights pretty good, the narrative weight just isn't really there. 8/10

So overall, it's pretty damn good. Next up is the last of the Kiryu saga (and Gaiden but that seems to be Yakuza 6.5) so I'm looking forward to that

And here we are, the end of the Kiryu saga!

This game seems really back to basics in comparison to the last few games. It's just Kiryu this time, with one fighting style, and half the major characters either go into hiding or get arrested after the events of the last game. It's easy to think that this game has less going on gameplay wise compared to what came before it, and that's because it has less going on gameplay wise compared to what came before it. But to be honest, I was fine with that. Yeah, multiple protagonists was cool and led to a lot of interesting ideas being explored, but it was hard to deny 4 and 5 feeling convoluted and bloated at times. This game in comparison, I could tell you the plot without checking a wiki beforehand, which is great! So does Yakuza 6 come in close compared to Yakuza 0, one of the most beloved games of the last decade?

Not even close.

To be honest, I wasn't vibing with Yakuza 6 for a lot of the game. A lot of it takes place in a new Hiroshima setting out in the country, and the new area just doesn't have much to do in it. There's a clan making RTS minigame that's kind of fun if super easy, and a spear fishing minigame that's super easy to miss. The vibes are pretty comparable to Yakuza's 3 Okinawa setting at first, with it's cast of enjoyable bro lower Yakuza characters, who don't feel as impactful as the Y4 or Y5 characters, but that's probably due to not having to play as any of them. But the story is enjoyable and fresh, but then the next issue with this game comes, which is that I really didn't vibe with the combat that much.

This game is the first to showcase the new Dragon Engine, and it is GORGEOUS. The movement is lifelike, the characters animate really well outside of combat, and the lighting is really well done. Especially since it's no more loading screens, just walk into a building (or kick a guy into it and get berated by minimum wage staff)

But I don't know if it's just me, but combat in this game felt really floaty in comparison to 4, 5 and 0. Nothing really had the same brutal impact of landing a combo or well timed heat attack in those games did. Not to mention enemies simply despawning now instead of meekly walking away after you inflict 18 fatal looking moves on them. As well as the weird glitches like enemies staying suspended in midair if you beat them which happened to me multiple times. From what I've seen of Gaiden and Judgment, they seemed to have fixed this, so I'm optimistic. But as it stands, it's probably my least favorite combat after 1k and 3.

But overall, I was vibing with this game thinking it was gonna be on the lower end of my Yakuza ranking. Yeah, I was having fun and the story is interesting, but nothing was really jumping out at me.

Then the ending hit me like every heat action I've inflicted on a random thug colliding on me at once. Because HOLY SHIT, the finale chapter is amazing! Everything comes back for a series of climactic fights, all the main characters get a moment to shine, and it's tapped off with a series of post credits cutscenes that got me dangerously close to crying. No joke, this game would have been sitting at a high 6-low 7 if not for how well executed the ending was.

And so, I move on to Gaiden, and the Kiryu saga ends. And then I get to replay LIKE A DRAGON BABY I LOVE ICHIBAN KASUGA WHAT THE FUCK IS A SHAREHOLDER?!?!?!?!?!

Free stuff is cool, I think we can all agree on that. And when said free stuff comes from a large studio like the Jack Bros metroidvania and this, that's also cool. It shows that in the nighmarish world that is AAA game development, there are some people who care about the games themselves. Maybe this whole thing was made by Satoshi from accounting when he was bored. In that case, we love you Satoshi from accounting.

It's basically just a streets of rage level changed to have Yakuza characters. That's it, you can finish it in under ten minutes. You can do it as Kiryu, Majima, and then Ichiban if you beat it as one of the other two. They all play the same only Kiryu has red effects and Majima has purple ones, which is probably my biggest issue. I know SoR games have multiple playable characters with different styles, so having three guys that all fight the same felt weird. Just Kiryu would be fine, but this felt like a tease. Only thing that changes is the background music, which is pretty good 16-bit remixes of the battle themes from the characters respective games, which was cool.

So if you like Yakuza and have 15 minutes you don't know what to do with, give this game a shot. It's discontinued, but pretty easy to get running on Steam (I'd link it but maybe Backloggd would think I'm running a scam or something)

"To be human and to be humane are two very different things."-Some 15 year old on Tiktok, probably.

Before I start this review, I'd like to give a massive thanks to @duhnuhnuh for gifting me a copy of this game. They have a steam giveaway list on their profile, so check that out!

Citizen sleeper is a game about obsolescence. This is made clear when you start the game, your robotic body already failing due to built in corporate dependency, washed up on an old space station that frankly, kinda sucks. A story about people who've either achieved their goals or become complacent. It's a cyberpunk setting, so implants, corrupt mercs, and lower city crime gangs abound here, but all with such stellar execution.
Once you finish the tutorial, you're pretty much free to explore the city at your leisure. You talk to people and take on odd jobs to get by and expand your scope of the city, in a day to day system similar to something like Animal Crossing and Stardew Valley, only your body can shut down if you don't take enough drugs. Standard stuff.
But the sandbox element is a great draw. It's not super limiting and anything that does have a deadline is pretty generous, the only limit is needing a specific dice which rng could just not give you (Feng bro I'm so sorry) The implant system is generally a genius mechanic, beautifully blending gameplay and narrative together. Do you use another for more desperate attempts at the dice, or do you wait until your robotic body is barely functional? Choice is yours.

But above all that, Citizen sleeper is a game about people. People stuck in the same situation as you just trying to get by. People like Tala and Emphis just trying to make the best of their situation, people like Sabine and Feng trying to change the system entirely, and people like Lem just working for themselves. I straight up cannot think of a bad character in this game.

The next thing I gotta praise is the atmosphere in general. Even at the start when you're trying to get your bearings, the world's beautiful setting and sound design keep you invested, as well as the general mystery of what's the next thing out there. If I fill this meter, what do I get? What, or who, is there for me? I gotta buy access to the next part of the ship? Sure thing, who's there? It's just such a brilliant setting.

If there's one thing I think should be looked into for the next game, I think more variance in sprites should be nice. Character sprites only change after a dramatic turning point in their plotlines, so just a few different emotion sprites would add greatly to the immersion.

So overall, it's just a masterpiece of an experience that left me engaged throughout, and a game you just need to play. I only got one of eight possible endings, so I'll definitely be returning at some point.

Ah, the infamous Yakuza 3. Considered by many to be the worst game in the series, and it's easy to see why. Modern players who probably started with 0 and then full remakes of 1 and 2 are suddenly dropped into a slapdash remaster of an early PS3 game. And while they probably expected a less refined experience, they started a boss fight and proceeded to experience more blocks then a Lego enthusiast on a coke binge.

To start off, no, the game and enemy AI is not supposed to function like that. If you don't know, the remaster changed the game from it's original 30fps to 60fps, while not changing things in the combat tied to said framerate, which leads to losing heat incredibly fast the infamous blockuza 3 gameplay the game's become known for. I will say that while the combat at first sucks balls, once you get more moves it goes from annoying to tolerable. The games setpieces where you take down dozens of goons at once still feel great, but the bosses are where the flaws in the remaster really show (seriously, what the fuck was with Lau?) and generally aren't even that hard, more just annoying endurance tests as you try (and fail) to land a single string of hits to the boss as they keep their guard up for like 70% of the fight. But most of the new things Yakuza 3 introduces gameplay wise, I didn't care for. With the exception of karaoke which originally started here, most things were just kind of annoying. Especially chase missions, they were specifically the worst.

But that's enough about the gameplay, because the real selling point of this game is the plot. And god damn, the story's great. The general small town vibe of Okinawa and the orphanage is a great place to start the game, and seeing genuine growth for Kiryu as you help the kids is just really charming, and you quickly learn the kids personalities and relationships through the little quests. It's also great seeing Haruka become the sister that ties everything together. Not to mention the new characters like Rikiya and Mikio, who are also just really solid bros. Yep I got emotional during those scenes near the end.

And the plot is probably my favorite since 0. 1 felt like a standard crime drama that was slightly goofy in places, but still showed a couple growing pains from being the first one. And 2 had a shit romance subplot that didn't lead anywhere, I LOVE FORCING TWO CHARACTERS OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER TOGETHER TRULY. But anyway, the gang warfare was great, all the new captains were great as well, with Kanda being a really enjoyable scumbag, and Mine being a great foil to Kiryu, even if I wish there were a few more scenes expanding on that aspect besides a short flashback, and would have preferred if the game didn't go the 'redemption means death' route at the end. Also thought the CIA stuff was just kind of forced in at times, like they had the plot for another Yakuza game, realized it wouldn't work, and crammed them in here because the CIA guys with guns are really cool okay?

But while the main story is great, the side stories are just kind of...lame. Besides the ones that were continuations of Y2 side stories like the two comedians and the honeymoon couple, I just found the them underwhelming. Several feel like they're about to lead somewhere after antagonizing Kiryu and then just...don't? Like one where a guy leads Kiryu into an alley and tries to mug him, Kiryu beats him up, and then the substory ends. It takes like 3 minutes to do and doesn't lead to anything else. As I'm writing this I struggle to think of any really memorable side stuff besides the murder mystery quest and the urban legends of Okinawa.

But if this review is, for some reason, the deciding factor in whether to play Y3 or skip it like some say you should, I'd say give it a try. The story is good enough to forgive weak gameplay, even if I do recommend not going above normal difficulty, Kiryu's growth here is excellent, the world is charming, and it left me satisfied at the end. If not for how much the remaster screwed the combat up, it'd probably be above Kiwami 1 for me.

(or just wait for that Yakuza 3 Kiwami that's getting announced any minute now...

any minute...

trust me guys)

Oh yeah, Yakuza 4 time!

After finishing Yakuza 3, the game considered 'the bad one' and having a decent time with it, I was excited for the rest of the series going forward. This one also looked interesting, because Kiryu was sharing the spotlight with 3 other guys this time round. Stories that take place from multiple perspectives are my jam personally, so I was looking forward to this.

Part 1: Akiyama rules

So the game starts with Akiyama, and holy shit this starts great. He's charming, he's suave, he's smart. His kicking based fighting style and jazzy soundtrack reminded me heavily of Sanji from One Piece, so it was great to play a game like that without it going 'uhm acktually there are women here you can't play this guy' every five minutes. His thing is lending money to people who interest him, so most of the side content revolves around that, with nearly all of them being great, stuff like the apprentice and the money bath quest especially. Not to mention his plot of tracking down a lady while investigating a murder and getting tangled in the larger plot. It starts and end great while leaving off on a great tale for the next guy. Not a thing I'd change about the plot here. 10/10. Hopefully the next guy is even half as strong

Part 2: Saejima drools

So then the player moves onto Saejima, Majima's old partner. Okay, this seems cool. Starts off in prison with Hamazaki from the previous game, while intrigue of private prisons and corrupt cops runs abound. Narrative seems cool seeing as this guy killed 18 dudes (right?), let's see how the first combat encounter goes oh my god it sucks it sucks so hard who designed this.

Saejima's gameplay revolves around charging attacks. Not my favorite if we're being honest, seeing as Yakuza games are at their best when it's one guy against an army like a classic martial arts movie. So having Saejima just be like 'okay gimme a sec' for most of his stronger moves didn't feel right to me, especially with the prison escape sequence he does feeling awkward with a terrible boss fight. I mean three terrible boss fights. I mean the same terrible boss fight done three times. But then you get to Okinawa, experience possibly the worst scene in the game, do a decent boss fight, and leave for Kamarocho, and get to do funny side activities from the perspective of a guy who hasn't seen in city in 25 years, kinda like Kiryu in the first game and oh no wait the city is on lockdown, you have to fuck around in the sewers, and then do one boss fight in a cage match(this scene is actually good tho) and then almost directly move on to another boss fight (also pretty good) afterwards, and that's basically Saejima. Some neat writing, why does the gameplay suck so much. 3/10. Hopefully the next guy is decent.

Part 3: Tanimura is decent

Next up is Tanimura, a rookie cop who notices something's up within the force, and is on his way to figure it out. I like his story, it's mostly around the man who killed his father, while also delving into the plight of immigrants in Japanese society. I liked the twists here, and his side content is also great. It mostly seems to focus on larger chains such as him figuring out the truth about his father, as well as the training missions tying into a mystery about tracking down a killer, it's all great stuff. His combat is also pretty good, being more focused on parries and restraints, fitting for a police officer. Thing is, his chapter 4 boss dies, but he finds a traitor in the force, which'll be his great conclusion and entertaining boss fight. (foreshadowing is a narrative device yadda yadda yadda) 8/10

Part 4: Kiryu is also here

Kiryu is once again dragged into the scheme practically wearing a shirt saying 'SERIES CONTINUITY' on it. He shows a lot of personal growth here, choosing to opt for peace and forgiveness when a villain from the previous games calls for his aid, and he's back in Kamarocho before you know it. His plot is pretty much the connecting tissue that unites the Yakuza 4 (get it?) before the finale. It's where the emotional gut punches start, and all of it is classic Yakuza goodness. But it's also where the flaws in the plot start. The less said about rubber bullets the better, and the plot has a lot of 'this guy betrayed that guy BUT THEN he got betrayed by the other guy working for that guy' to the point you'll probably need a flowchart or something to keep up with who's betraying who. But anyway, the pieces are all moving, the villains are making their play, and it's time for the explosive finale.

Part 5: Who designed this finale

With all four together, it's time to hit up the tower and conclude things. This game ditches the gauntlet of goons you face on your way to the boss, but that's fine, as long as the finale is good.

Akiyama fights the guy from Tanimura's plot. Okay, bit odd, but Akiyama didn't really leave anyone to fight in his own plot, so it's whatever. Fight's fun and satisfying, thumbs up.

Saejima's fight is also pretty good (read: easy to cheese) against a person he has emotional connection to who you honestly feel kind of bad for. It's a decent fight.

Kiryu and Tanimura is awful

Kiryu's is your standard shirtless tower brawl, only made to be as annoying and unfun as possible. He has constant armour so you can barely do anything to him, blocks and dodges constantly, and has a move that I swear just makes shit phase through him which he also uses constantly. You can't even land a light combo on him before he goes 'nuh-uh' and pummels you into the dirt.

But Tanimura's fight, HOLY FUCK. Straight up, everyone involved with making this fight should be blacklisted from the industry. It's one thing to gave the main boss be a guy with a gun who takes cheap shots at you from a distance. It's another to give him bodyguards. It's another to give him a bodyguard count in the double digits who proceed to combo you constantly. But finally, they block and dodge constantly so you can't get a decent hit in, and even when you do that's when the gun comes back. Not the worst boss fight in Yakuza (Neo knockoff from 1 still takes that one) but still, dear god. Finale gets a 4/10, the story concludes nicely.

Overall, Yakuza is a game that's pretty consistently great, but the low points are among the lowest of any game I've played. averaging out my scores lands the game at a 6.6, but that feels too low, so it's like an 8. The vibes are good, it's (mostly) more Yakuza goodness, and I'm looking forward to 5

5/5 because it's what I expected and I genuinely can't think of any major flaws.

With this being short and free, I'm assuming this is some sort of testing game for new hires or something, and if that's the case they all deserve raises. It was just incredibly fun messing up a house as a cute dog and fulfilling objectives. Granted, I do own a German Spitz (basically larger poms, we thought he was one for like ten years) and yeah it's exactly like this. (little shit woke me up at 4:45 to be let out and fed this morning)

But anyway, play this. It's a fun time waster and it's hard to argue with the low price of nothing but 330mbs of hardware space.

If I had a nickel for every time I was lukewarm on a Yakuza game until the really well made final chapter, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice.

So, Gaiden, or Yakuza 6.5 (or 7.5 depending on who you ask) meant to tie up loose threads in Kiryu's story and god damn does it do it well. While the main story is just kind of okay, Kiryu himself and the wrapping up of his arc was phenomenal. It's about Kiryu trying his best to help with THAT THING from Y7, all while exploring key moments from his past under a new identity. Most of the new characters are cool if somewhat standard by Yakuza standards, except Akane. She's great, especially as the game progresses. Her whole thing is a network that small side activities stem from, as well as Substories. This is one of my gripes with the game. While I saw a map of smaller quests and by brain jumped to 'this is like a Xenoblade expansion holy shit let's goooooo' I quickly got bored of all quests leading back to the network instead of letting Kiryu stumble on wacky scenarios himself, even if most of the substories are good once you get into them (the 6 month dev time allowing for ChatGPT references of all things being especially neat)

And the next thing is the combat, because holy shit, the dragon engine got refined. It's back to every move feeling impactful and brutal, with satisfying heat actions. At least in classic Dragon style. Kiryu also has a new fighting style focused on gadgets, but due to these gadgets taking a while to get doing in dealing damage, I didn't feel much of a need to use it. But all the things I like from this apparently come from the judgment games, so I'm looking forward to that.

Overall, it's a great finale and love letter to Yakuza, with the only issue being that Kiryu doesn't get a goodbye fight with Majima at the end (HE WAS RIGHT FUCKING THERE) with another ending that almost made me cry. And now, it's time to finish what I started. Onwards, to Yakuza 7!