D20d
38 Reviews liked by D20d
Various Daylife
2019
You pretentious haters just loathe the idea of innovation in the RPG scene. Maybe if they added the legendary hero, slimes or goblins the turnbasers would eat this shit up. I think you're all just mad because this game is about getting a job and you feel called out. https://careers.mcdonalds.com/
(Review of the DOS version specifically)
Quite possibly the greatest deconstruction of superhero culture. The twist reveal that the game is literally impossible to beat due to a jump you can’t make is one of the most profound moments in all of gaming for how much it conveys the frivolousness of making up fake heroes instead of doing anything to help with real world issues.
Quite possibly the greatest deconstruction of superhero culture. The twist reveal that the game is literally impossible to beat due to a jump you can’t make is one of the most profound moments in all of gaming for how much it conveys the frivolousness of making up fake heroes instead of doing anything to help with real world issues.
euphoria
2011
I was part of a focus group for the GameCube version of Super Paper Mario. The game was so bad that every other person who played it died painfully, causing Nintendo to delay the game and move it to the Wii so that the necessary fixes could be made. I am the sole survivor of the GameCube Super Paper Mario Massacre.
Sin and Punishment
2000
Sin and Punishment
2000
I’ve played the first chapter, and honestly I see no positives to it. The graphics are horrendous; I know graphics don’t “matter” or whatever, but I mean come on. I can hardly tell which class I which from this mess of pixels. The music is worse than the GBA soundfont, and loops so quickly I had to mute my computer to prevent myself from going insane. Each character so far gets, like, one line of dialogue, and since there is no support conversations, I have no idea what these characters even are. The gameplay is just the absolute worst. It takes forever to reach from place to place, even in the goddamn prologue. The enemy variety is literally just axes and bows, and the map design is atrocious. People say Awakening’s design was bad, but this...this is just special levels of bad. It’s literally just plains with some trees or cliffs sprinkled throughout. 90% of my time was moving my units closer to the objective, and I had to prevent my lord from fucking stealing exp since he is already so good (what the hell, since when do lords start out good)? And I don’t know if this is my fault or if it’s unlocked later, but my units can’t even trade with one another. I can’t bring myself to believe this is an actual gameplay feature; who the fuck would leave trading out? Not only is the lord also the exp stealing pre-promote, all the other units are trash as well. Noice can’t even do a third of damage to this brigands (who have like 40 hp at level one, wtf?), while Alex does jack shit for damage since all he had is an iron sword and low strength and he’s really bad. Arden I actually know from Heroes, but here he’s just garbage. Not only is his portrait a fucking mess, but he can’t do shit. It takes forever to move him to the next enemy, and even when he gets there, it’s impossible for him to one-round them. The others aren’t much better either; Arvis is as squishy as a mage can get, Lex can never double for some reason (he does have Paragon for some weird fucking reason, though), Finn almost always faces triangle disadvantage, Quan is a prepromote, and Ethlyn is decent, but due to the absurdly high HP for all units in this game, her healing isn’t good. I mean, i can’t name a single positive in this mess of a game. While you can argue that Conquest has a mediocre story, it is objective fact that it has the best gameplay, the best characters, the best maps, the best gameplay, and the best music in the series. Genealogy has NONE of that. People just like Sigurd since he’s broken and liking exp stealing Jagens is the “cool” thing now just because you guys watched one Mecca video or whatever. Whatever. I bet I can’t get through the thick skulls of old fire emblem fans, so my words are just waves crashing against a beach. But if some of you more enlightened fellows could give me literally any reason to continue playing this heap of rubbish, than it will be gladly accepted (I probably won’t, though).