A classic Castlevania inspired eroge is quite a novel concept. I'd been eyeing this up quite a while for that very reason. Turns out, it works better than you'd expect.

Admittedly, as a predominantly homosexual male, I'm not exactly mesmerized by mammaries, but the effort and care put into both the sprites and HCGs is obvious. Those with boobs on the brain are sure to be blown back by the bright, bouncy... artwork. Seriously though, pornographic or not, the pixel art is stunning, though that's to be expected of Libra Heart.

The game itself is nothing crazy, but serviceable. The game is pretty cleanly split into two halves, and is very linear (not necessarily a bad thing). No insta-kill death pits, which is nice. One thing that sucks in the late game is that bosses start taking an annoying amount of time to kill. I will say, the New Game+ is really neat, never seen an implementation like it.

Anyway, decent game with boobies, if that's your thing that's your thing.

My earliest memories of this game come from my friend Gianni frantically trying to explain the scary game he played that put files on his desktop, back around what must have been the ORIGINAL original release date. Being the wimp that I was (am), any time I saw that scary white face in my YouTube feed, I'd scroll past it quick, trying hard not to cry.

But I'm thankful for that, because I got to experience this game as an adult completely blind, and I doubt I would have appreciated it as much if I hadn't. Scary as this game is (again, wimp here), the ways in which you interact with it are something else. I would talk more about it, but it would risk robbing people of that experience. All I can say is, definitely check this out, you won't regret it.

Demo Impressions:

Wow, what a cool concept for a game. Combining gunplay and typical video game motorcycle gameplay is a very creative and very fun basis for a game. I loved maneuvering around the different levels and using my bike to block/parry bullets while I let loose gunfire of my own. The core gameplay loop is wide open to different level design, different weapons in both the enemy's hands and your hands (though the latter didn't appear in the demo), and shockingly fun boss fights made the demo never boring for even a moment. Even the down-time was great just getting to wander around the wastelands and listening to the vocal soundtrack portrayed with cassette tapes. I will say I wish there was more clarity what each gun is "for" per se since the crossbow being a spread shot was not something I expected; I'd recommend a visual demonstration of the weapon bought in the menu personally. I also would like to see proper variation in enemy design since "seven guys with pistols" can wear thin quickly in a full game.

Speaking of the world, goooosssh it's so pretty. The art design in this game is beautiful and transports me to the barren plains and deserts I've personally driven through. The in-game art is all wonderful with the characters all being very unique and distinct while the fully animated cutscenes bring the world to life even harder. I will say a weird quirk with the cutscenes is the pacing being way too fast for all of them. All of them are five seconds long at most and the pacing of the scenes would be better if they simply drew out the scenes. An example that was the most jarring was the FMV with Puppy howling at the funeral pyre...then abruptly cutting to the same scene in-game with Puppy moving around nonchalantly as if she wasn't just grieving. Even a fade into black and fade back into the in-game scene after would do wonders for the pacing of these scenes to make them less jarring.

The writing does a solid job of portraying a world at its wit's end trying to cope with even living in it. My personal favorite parts were Laika's interactions with her brother and daughter. Another highlight was the aftermath of a sidequest where she lies about a tree being well and the sidequest giver catches her in a lie...and thanks her anyway. That felt a very real response to me and I can't quite pinpoint why. I think the game withholds a little too much information from the player initially though, mostly with the birds and their status as the big bads. It makes the character's actions feel a bit strange since we, the player, know literally nothing about them (although torturing, crucifying, and disemboweling a child for trespassing is a pretty good reason to be PO'd at somebody).

Overall, I'm pretty hopeful of this game and hope to see it improve from the snippet shown in the demo. At worst I can see this game being meh and that's only if they don't have the ambition to follow up on the core gameplay which I don't see them doing. There's at least one fan eagerly awaiting Coyote Mom Bike Game, and I hope to see more out there.

When I first played Virtue's Last Reward five years ago, I went in completely blind, and experienced something no other piece of fiction has been able to provide, before or since. Every moment I wasn't playing the game, I was thinking about it, trying to put together the puzzle with the pieces I had. Even when interrupted by my younger sister being attacked by a shark (long story, she's fine) I couldn't stop thinking about it. It was magical, and an experience I treasure (not the shark attack part).

I'll admit, though, I was a little worried replaying it might diminish the experience somewhat, knowing all the big twists and mysteries. But, thankfully, I still love and appreciate it just as much, if not more. I can understand why 999 is usually the more highly regarded and favored of the two, but the way this game expands on the concepts it establishes just really resonates with me. It's had a massive influence on how I write, analyze, and appreciate fiction, and probably several other parts of my personality. I love Virtue's Last Reward, and it's a big part of why I am who I am today.

I spent middle and high school surrounded by Danganronpa fans, during the peak of its popularity. I played and loved Zero Escape. And yet, somehow, I managed to completely avoid this game, almost all spoilers, and the apparently radioactive fandom this has apparently spawned.

I'm so glad I did.

Going through this blind, without any outside biases clouding my judgement, was a phenomenal experience. Even the things I did know through osmosis were obscured enough within the actual plot that even finding out how said things would be revealed was still great. It also made all the deaths hit that much harder.

The gameplay is great, like a more active, dynamic version of Ace Attorney, oozing with style and personality. All the mysteries were a blast to piece together, and none were so out-there to make a reveal feel bullshit. And, I must admit, while I was never crazy about the art style from what I'd seen online, I was very surprised how good it looks in game. Stills really don't do it justice.

If your only exposure to this game is from people saying "cringe" and nothing else, I highly implore you to try it for yourself, removed from all that. I'm very happy I gave this a shot as an adult without bias, because it really is something else.

Gravity Circuit is, unquestionably, the best platformer I've ever played in my entire life. Those were my thoughts at the end of my first playthrough. During the time I've been attempting to write this review, I've finished the game an additional four times. It took getting every achievement for me to finally pry myself away from it. Words cannot express how much I love this game, but I'll try my best.

The gameplay is, frankly, perfect. I'm just coming off a binge of Mega Man 1-10 and X1-4, so when I say it trumps all of them, it's not just recency bias. Even with my absolute favorites out of those games, there was always one or two bosses or levels that made me annoyed; not the case with this game. While I definitely have my favorites, there's not a single level I don't still enjoy even after at least a dozen replays.

It's genuinely incredible how good this game just feels to play. Movement is just a blast, and unlike Mega Man, your basic attack never feels underpowered or basic in any way. Having done a run without any movement upgrades or special attacks, it never felt as though I was missing anything. And that's not to say the upgrades are pointless; there's so many to choose from, and they all change up your play style in different ways, and allow you to approach obstacles and bosses in new and interesting ways. I'd liken it to a really good plate of fries, where the seasoning and crisp is perfect already, and anything you dip em in just provides a new, different kind of perfect.

I could probably write another six or seven paragraphs about the platforming and combat, but I don't know how many times I can say "Perfect". This game is just genius.

Now, story in a platformer is a tricky thing to nail. Sorta like blackjack, you want just enough to be engaging, but not too much, or you'll take away from the gameplay. Gravity Circuit drew a clean 21. The story it tells and the world it establishes are interesting and enjoyable, without ever overstaying its welcome. I won't lie, some of the plot developments and especially the ending really got me. Admittedly, I'm already a sucker for much of the themes and ideas it explores, but it nails em, and I never felt myself being like "Alright can we get back to the game now?", which says a lot since I'm on enough ADHD medication and caffeine to kill a small gorilla almost constantly.

The music? Bangers, all bangers. Nothing else I can really say.

Before I talk about the art, lemme make a few things clear. I love the cyber-urban aesthetic. I love pixel art. I love robots that don't just look like people. And I love Mobile Suit Gundam. Gravity Circuit's visuals feel like they were designed for me personally, to an almost scary level. With that outta the way, lemme try and be objective. Obviously it's going for a "retro" aesthetic, and I feel like that's been getting a lot of flack as of late, but this art style is unlike anything I've seen. The color choice on the characters, the gorgeous backgrounds, the UI, it puts my hundreds of hours in Aseprite to shame. If pixel art is a limitation, than these artists are like Goku wearing 500-ton training gear like it's nothing; this is hands-down the best pixel art I've ever seen.

I'm stopping myself here before I go on for another six pages. I love this game. If you like platformers, chances are you will too. Please buy this game because I need them to make eight sequels.

Video games are so back.

There are several words I wish I could say about this game. Many of which I will unfortunately be unable to say without threat of legal action, but I shall try my best.

Speaking from my own experience as a hobbyist and aspiring game developer, Garten of Banban feels much like the kind of projects you throw together when you're just getting your feet wet with a new engine, style, or just game development in general. The kind of unpolished, unoptimized mess of various mechanics jammed into each other that you know isn't anywhere close to a finished product, but still feel proud of just on the basis of getting it working at all. The kind that will never see the light of day, aside from maybe a few friends you send it to being like "Check this out, first time doing this, can't believe it actually works.", knowing full well future attempts will start from scratch now that you know what you're doing. And yet, here it is, published, with a merch link on the main menu.

I was fortunate, having the foresight to enlist a dear friend who shares whatever deep-rooted trauma or mental illness draws me to this style of game. Were it not for their company, I likely would have been driven to my breaking point, and for that, I am thankful. I don't often outwardly express frustration in a non-joking manner, so the fact that I let out an involuntary cry of pure rage at one point goes to show this game's ability to get into your head. In a way, it's almost impressive, given the length and quality.

Graphically, this game looks worse than one made in Roblox. And I'm not talking about the Roblox of today, where there's somehow actual money behind the experiences, I mean the Roblox my elderly, 23-year-old self played as a preteen, where a diagonal cylinder seemed like a greater feat of computer engineering than landing man on the moon.

Short aside, cylinder is such an odd word. It's one of the few words in English where it's spelled almost exactly how it's pronounced, and yet I can never get it right because I'm not used to that being the case.

Anyway, back on topic, almost everything in this game is made up of single color 3D shapes occasionally textured; the visual equivalent of plain, slightly-undercooked pasta, which really begs the question: why does this game run so poorly? I admittedly am rocking a decently old ThinkPad from 2018, but even still, I manage to run games with significantly more graphical and computational demands than this realistically should have. For god's sake, I got through decently modded Skyrim on this ol' boy with more consistent performance. I'd love to say I know the answer, but alas, I have not yet managed to use Blender for more than 20 minutes without getting so frustrated I remove it from my computer, so I cannot speak on the intricacies of 3D graphics.

Now, onto the story.

Now, onto the gameplay. Not great, I gotta say. As I was sorta saying above, it's just a bunch of mechanics thrown together. Due to how short the game is, each new, unrelated mechanic is only really used the one time and never again, barring the "press button with drone" or "press button on wall with correct key in possession." The one time you're introduced to a new gameplay mechanic that builds off an existing one, it is only used for the single "silent tutorial" type introduction puzzle and then never again, it's genuinely hilarious.

During the horror chase sequence, I almost lost my mind. You're forced to run along a snaking platform slowly extending from the wall, and the combination of the slippery movement, single-digit framerate and just my general overreation to the idea of being chased led to me dying over and over and over just from falling off the goddamn platform. Thankfully, it seems the devs learned from their mistake, as they implement invisible barriers later in the same sequence to prevent you from accidentally succeeding in a way they didn't intend, i.e. running straight for the exit instead of pressing a random button on the wall first. A button which is next to a near-identical button that does nothing, that I definitely didn't spend too long mashing before realizing my mistake and getting caught, no sirree.

Why am I doing this, why am I writing this? What compelled me to spend more time than it took playing the actual game writing this review? I don't know. I really don't. I had a miserable time playing this, which really begs the question: Why am I going to play the sequel? Who can say.

Everything about this game frustrates me. Weapons, wack. Sounds, wack. Firing rate, wack. Looter shooter mechanics, wack. Lo Wang, wack. Instant falling but with a shit ton of end lag, wack. Movement in general, wack. Mission system, wack. Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack. The big sword melee mechanics that they try to use to justify this reboot series' existence... eh, it is what it is, it exists, probably becomes wack later into the game. Literally worst shooter that I touched, no I have not played Duke Nukem.

I've played some really bad games in my life, but none of them have ever made me as numb as this one. It's just the same endless back and forth gameplay for eight fucking hours. The enemies are mindless and not fun to fight, the "looter shooter" aspect is half baked, the writing, when not forgettable, is so god damn obnoxious (here's looking at you Kamiko) and it has the gall to call itself a sequel to a game I actually like. If you liked the first Shadow Warrior reboot game, just play the third one. It's a much better follow up and best of all, it pretends 2 doesn't exist. I'd give this a half star, but unfortunately the game actually does function intentionally, it's just that the way it functions is miserable to play.