Heavy spoilers ahead for a twenty-five year old game. Final warning!

So Final Fantasy has always been a weird spot for me. I played a lot of the pre-Playstation titles when I was younger, with Final Fantasy V always being a personal favorite of mine. Other than that, my only other experience with the series was Crystal Chronicles and a handful of the other spinoffs (Kingdom Hearts included). By the time I was finally able to try the later games for myself, things tended to go the same way: I'd jump into them, be entertained for a little while and then eventually drop it. It wasn't that I didn't like them, really, it was... Okay, I guess it was that I didn't like them. The stories, settings and characters all made me happy, but the often simple, slow-paced gameplay that seldom did anything to set itself apart from the broader genre just wasn't something I could stomach when there were bigger, more exciting games waiting on me. Just recently I've been trying to make more of an effort to at least give some JRPGs an honest shot - much to the chagrin of my backlog. Even so, I've continued to put Final Fantasy on the back-burner in favor of more obscure (or at least underappreciated) titles.

Well, no more of that, I said to myself. I'm gonna play a "modern" Final Fantasy! Not only that, I'm gonna finish it! And what's more, it's not gonna be just any Final Fantasy - it's gonna be the one everybody keeps telling me not to play!

Final Fantasy VIII has always had a spot on my radar just by virtue of being so weirdly divisive. Every time I hear people discuss it, it's either a heartfelt, underrated gem, or a convoluted mess of a game that deserves to be buried underneath its contemporaries. Historically speaking, any time I hear a game described this way, it's rather fittingly a game that I will either love or hate. With that in mind, I don't think I could pick a better Final Fantasy to start with.

So Final Fantasy VIII is beautiful, and while I do mean that on more than one level I just want to talk about the presentation for now. The strange turn-of-the-century sci-fi vibe going on here is gorgeous. Please take a look at these absolutely phenomenal pre-rendered backgrounds. What's more, the soundtrack is wonderfully diverse and is one of Uematsu's most impressive scores, at least if you ask me. Whether it's the unabashed cheesiness of "Eyes On Me", the comforting vibes of tracks like Breezy or Balamb Garden, the otherworldly intrigue of Blue Fields, the regal tones that herald a confrontation with a sorceress or even the final boss theme reminding you that this is, in fact, a Final Fantasy game, he really put in some great work here - which is especially noteworthy considering how fantastic the soundtrack of VII was. And of course, I would be a fool not to make mention of the CGI cutscenes that are used liberally throughout. They unquestionably looked great for the time, and I think they hold up well even now, but it's really the direction that sells them. They're dramatic and energetic in all of the right places, and make all of the major moments of the game into real spectacles. If nothing else, VIII is a genuine artistic achievement, and that deserves to be recognized. But what about the game?

Well, let's start here. I'll be real with you: I like the level scaling. I like junctioning. In theory. It isn't nearly as complicated as some of VIII's opponents make it out to be. I like how the scaling would ensure you can progress the game with minimal grinding. I like the way junctioning replaces a standard equipment and magic system. Conceptually, it would streamline party building and let you build characters a specific way simply by switching around magic and GFs. What I don't like is how none of it ever evolves into feeling fully thought-out. I think the biggest issue with the system as a whole is that unique doesn't inherently equal fun, which seems to be best exemplified in how nobody I hear talking about the game ever actually seems to want to interact with it. Almost any guide I read would make a big point of abusing the level scaling, suggesting you keep your average party level as low as possible while ballooning your stats by junctioning powerful magic. Run from every fight you can and abuse the Card command to avoid gaining EXP when you can't. Thus your enemies would stay weak while your party would grow to comparatively extreme power levels. But being at low level means foes don't generally carry high-level magic, and even when they do, it's difficult or impossible to draw at minimum level. So then how do you stock up?

Well the answer, of course, is to abuse everything else too. Play Triple Triad. Loooooots of Triple Triad. Quezacotl will let you turn those cards into items, and other Guardian Forces can turn those items into upgrades or magic. Usually far more advanced magic than you'd be able to get otherwise. Naturally, if you know where to look, you can also hunt down monsters for your missing ingredients. Once you're all stocked up, just slap them on to your desired stats. Or, grab a character's ultimate weapon as early as disc one. Then the game turns into a cakewalk! The trade off, then, is that all of your time is now spent playing card games and navigating menus instead of playing the game you paid for. Of course, that's a bit disingenuous to say, because that also is the game... But even if you were to forgo all of that and play the game the "intended" way, it doesn't do too much to change the fact that you'd still be spending a fair amount of time Drawing magic from your foes, as the stat boosts they provide are pretty much non-negotiable no matter what you elect to do. You could supplement that with your GF's conversion abilities, but you'll still need to get ahold of the fodder for it one way or another. Or you could just spend a while picking over the draw points of endgame spells scattered about the world map the second you get the Ragnarok. Even though there are a diverse number of ways to approach it, there are no shortcuts on the way to victory - any way you play, it's probably going to take you a while.

It's hard to even say what the devs considered the ideal fashion of interaction: While one would imagine the game would be just fine to play in a straight line leveling up and gaining magic where possible, things like cactuars (which reward you with a hefty pile of AP while giving you practically no EXP), the lack of an EXP curve, the way enemies become more dangerous at higher levels and the number of avoidable encounters definitely seem to suggest they wanted you to at least try fighting as few enemies as possible. But I could think on it all day long - the simple fact of the matter is no matter how you elect to play, I can't consider it especially fun. Summoning, despite having a whole extra system dedicated to it, largely just draws out the length of a battle while not offering quite enough in the way of damage or utility. Spells themselves are really better for propping up your stats than they are for casting, except for the few cases where they can help you achieve godhood (looking at you, Aura). And if nothing else, I can't think of a single enemy in the game that holds up to the simple combo of Vit-0 + limit break spam. Oh, and just to tack this on: The SeeD rank system was kind of nifty, but they likewise didn't do nearly enough with it, and even though I like the idea of getting paid regularly instead of having to grind gil I barely even needed money through the whole game (not to mention how getting a paycheck during the more dramatic parts of the game can be a bit silly). You've got all these fancy, intersecting systems, but none of them actually do anything to justify their own existence. It feels like it's different for the sake of being different. While I can't sympathize with anybody who says it's hard to understand, I can totally understand not understanding why it's here.

As far as everything else goes, it's pretty standard Final Fantasy fare. Plenty of diversions, plenty of secrets to find. I will say there didn't seem to be quite so many minigames as I might have anticipated. You've got Triple Triad, obviously, and for the right person I'm sure that's loads of fun. I did play a few rounds here and there for non-pragmatic reasons, but I've played plenty of it already in FFXIV, so y'know... Chocobo forests were kind of a pain to deal with so I pretty much never used them. The chocobo raising minigame probably would have been fun if they had actually released the PocketStation in the States, and unfortunately I haven't been able to import one yet so that had to go unplayed. There's a decent amount of side content, but a lot of it is inaccessible until you get your proper airship - so in other words, just before the end of the game. I'll admit to not going out of my way to take on the resident superbosses since I didn't feel like it would be worth the time. It's not like I'm going to find any fancy legendary sword by doing it, and I have all the GFs I'll ever need, so other than the experience I just didn't feel much of a need to seek them out.

So then what else is there? Well, the story, of course! This really seems to be the meat and potatoes for a lot of the people who sing VIII's praises, so if there was any point where my expectations were a bit higher, this was it. What of it, then?

Let me start by saying that I actually quite like Squall as a protagonist. I found his enforced detachment from other people to be surprisingly relatable, as I'm sure it is for at least a few others. He refuses to let others in, not necessarily because he lacks emotion or even has distaste for people in general - he's cripplingly self-conscious and just doesn't want anybody to get too close because he's convinced they'll leave him someday. As such, he tries to keep everybody at arms length, being aloof and standoffish for the sake of it... But despite his best attempts at being "unlikable", people are drawn to him regardless. He constantly attracts attention and is often saddled with heavy responsibilities because his talents and magnetic qualities are easily recognized. This causes a great deal of conflict inside of him, and a big part of his character development is learning to stop pushing others away and be willing to rely on others so he doesn't have to shoulder his burdens all by himself. Obviously I'm not claiming to be anything like Squall in most respects, but I do find his inner struggle very easy to identify with. Many people have disappeared from my life for one reason or the next, and there were times where I generally found it easier to keep to myself and snub any kind of emotional intimacy to avoid the seemingly inevitable feeling of loss or rejection. The frustration and conflict that would emerge as a result of that led to existence feeling sad and empty despite the inability to avoid crossing the paths of others. Squall overcomes this by learning from his experiences with his friends, and especially Rinoa, who manages to draw him out of his shell simply by virtue of refusing to let him keep the wall up. He's also shown to be surprisingly principled as well, best demonstrated by his speech to the mayor of Fisherman's Horizon. Squall's outlook that the world needs both loving, modest people who will always try and find a peaceful resolution and people who have the strength and conviction to fight when the chips are down is remarkably poignant given his background, and shows a lot of depth of character in a moment that could potentially be missed by the player. That's its own issue, and one I'll address shortly.

Rinoa is also a strong point to me, though I couldn't escape the feeling there were probably some gaps somewhere in her translation. At first she seems like a pretty standard heroine who is set up to turn Squall's whole attitude around just by virtue of being perky and pushy and dragging him out of his slump. And while that's at least partly true, it's not her whole character, and it doesn't accurately summarize her relationship with Squall. At first, he barely takes her seriously. Being a no-nonsense soldier, Squall can't help but recognize Rinoa's naivete in her attempts to overthrow the Galbadian occupation of Timber. It's obvious that she's out of her league, but she's determined to try regardless. The two ultimately teach each other - Rinoa's experiences with SeeD opens her eyes to the harsher realities to the world, resulting in her becoming a more serious and realistic individual. On the other hand, Rinoa does eventually get through to Squall by poking holes in his facade. By the end, the two of them have decided that they have found somebody to trust, and ultimately dedicate their lives to protecting one another. It's all very moving and would serve as a great anchor for the plot... If there weren't big moments the player could miss out on depending on their decisions. As a general rule - if you're not keeping Rinoa in the party with Squall at every available opportunity, you might be missing out on optional cutscenes. As a result, how effectively their relationship is built up could differ depending on your personal playthrough. And it isn't limited to just Rinoa, either - there's similar scenes you could miss out on with other characters if you're not nosing around in the right place at the right time. From a storytelling perspective, this is pretty poor design. If nothing else, I think the narrative would have benefited from making sure all of the scenes between Squall and Rinoa were where guaranteed no matter what.

As to the rest of the characters - I wish I could say more, but the broader cast is honestly one of the weaker aspects of VIII, at least in my opinion. I do generally like the other party members. Quistis has a complicated relationship with Squall due to being a student-mentor, Zell is notably down-to-earth in spite of his exuberance, Selphie is an entertaining flavor of unhinged and Irvine is sort of a dork but I still think he's neat. The problem is that when Rinoa starts taking center stage, the others get markedly less moments for themselves. Everybody gets their big moment at Matron's orphanage, and from then onward they're pretty much just there to support the main pair. While their respective personalities still serve their purposes, they feel like accessories to the narrative rather than being active players in it. Seifer feels like a bit of a wasted opportunity, too. While his motivations are easy enough to understand, his rivalry with Squall isn't everything that it could be. The two have a pretty natural chemistry (in one way or another, depending on who you ask) that it would have been cool to see explored past just the opening. Every time you see him after that, he largely just serves as an ineffectual lackey to Ultimecia with no agency of his own. That itself is understandable since he's obviously having his childhood dreams leveraged as a brainwashing tool, but he's out of the picture rather suddenly and it never feels like his personal journey reaches much of a resolution.

The main plot does inspire genuine intrigue but is just a bit too chaotic for its own good. Honestly, a lot of the more infamous moments weren't all what I was led to expect. We all lived at the same orphanage together but forgot because magic ghosts fried our brains? Irvine didn't think it was worth bringing up until now? Really didn't strain me too much. It's handwaved casually enough and ties pretty well into the themes of lost innocence surrounding SeeD and the Gardens. Other moments like Quistis stepping out of a high-priority mission to say sorry to Rinoa and nearly botching the whole thing because of it, or ace marksman Irvine suddenly getting cold feet when the fate of the world might be hanging in the balance, might elicit eyerolls from some - but when you consider these are literally teens and teens tend to be impulsive or reckless or emotional, it doesn't seem quite so strange anymore. I think we've all kind of been conditioned to young heroes that are uncannily competent and brave, even more so than their adult counterparts, largely because they feature so predominantly in video games and the broader media pool that commonly targets younger demographics. It's easy to forget that such characters should be remarkable because of their youth. Squall and his fellow SeeDs seem to be fairly reasonable depictions of kids that were asked to grow up far too early. And of course, Irvine's moment of weakness is painted in a whole new light when you realize he was tasked with shooting his surrogate mother in the head and was the only person present who was unlucky enough to remember who she was. But there are other places where the game makes me shake my head. Like the moment during the Battle of the Gardens where Rinoa falls and ends up clinging to the side of the building. She uses her Metal Gear Solid 2 level 3 grip strength to hang on for a good 30 minutes while another supermassive structure is repeatedly ramming it. Squall's friends panic and scurry about trying to find a way to help her, but are largely ineffectual and end up getting roped into other issues in the meantime. They also grill Squall for not immediately rushing to her rescue, despite the fact that he's just been put in charge of leading an entire army and people are actively dying all around him. His eventual rescue of Rinoa ends up being pretty much entirely incidental, as his initial attempt (which involves no plan at all, mind you) is interrupted by him getting shoved out of an emergency exit by a jetpack-toting Galbadian soldier. After kicking that guy to his doom, Squall then uses the jetpack to catch Rinoa, who in all honesty should have been able to just climb back up for how impressive her upper body strength is. Look, I could come up for any number of reasons for why stuff like this is silly. Couldn't they have used Guardian Forces to save her? Could Quistis have used her whip as an impromptu rope? Was anybody actually as concerned about Rinoa as they suggested considering how easily distracted they were? None of that really matters - it's just a very obviously manufactured moment of drama intended to strengthen the bond between Squall and Rinoa, and it's handled so clumsily that it sucks away a lot of the gravity it could have.

It's not the only moment of its kind, with even the super dramatic moment where Squall saves Rinoa from the vast and uncaring void of space doing little to justify why he needed Ellone to give him some mental character development first, or how the hell he managed to reach Rinoa in the first place. Other stuff like NORG and his role in everything just feel like plot points that are carelessly added to the pot for flavor and only confuse what's already here. Even aspects such as Ultimecia's true motivations are barely touched upon in the story itself, and while her waxing on during her possession of Edea does help fill in the cracks a bit, it doesn't do anything to change the fact that you don't even properly meet the main villain of the game until the very end. Overall, she feels very underdeveloped as an antagonist, and while there are supplementary materials that add a lot to her personality, it doesn't change the fact that none of it is in the game proper. That so many parts of the story are left bare is almost certainly why there are so many prevailing fan theories about VIII: There's enough ambiguity surrounding a lot of the key players and events that it makes it way too easy to apply your own explanations to them. For some media, that might be a plus, but in the case of this game I think it's a distinct weakness. It's pretty obvious that there was a pretty well-defined story that somebody wanted to tell and it just got a little muddied up along the way, for one reason or the next.

I think the strongest part of Final Fantasy VIII's story is easily Laguna and the segments revolving around him, a sentiment that I know isn't solely my own. He's an authentically fun and charming character (with a banger theme to boot) who demonstrates a much simpler and more digestible love story when he's the focus. His relationship with Julia and later with Raine feels very real and the way it all ties into the story proper is touching, especially when you finally meet up with him in the last stretch of the game. Despite him largely keeping his big-hearted, can-do attitude, its obvious that the death of his wife agonizes him more than any leg cramp ever could. It's the kind of thing that makes you almost wish we had a game dedicated to just him, if not at least more than what we're limited to in VIII. If nothing else, I would have liked to see more of Ward and Kiros, as they're great buddies that you only get to see so much of by the end. It's also worth nothing that Laguna and Squall never have the "I am your father" moment, and while it's hinted Laguna definitely knows, if Squall himself realizes it, he never comments on it. The indirect relationship between the two of them (especially Squall's vocal distaste for Laguna's goofy mannerisms) is entertaining due to their contrast and it's nice to think about what they'd discuss after the story is over.

The final dungeon had my feelings all over the damn place. On the one hand, Ultimecia's castle was aesthetically exciting and fun to explore, especially since most of the other "dungeons" in VIII felt pretty limited in scope or style. It definitely felt like a proper final location for housing a final boss. Having your abilities stripped away only to be returned to you piecemeal as you defeated minor bosses was also an interesting concept. On the other hand, it still managed to find ways to make me feel like I was wasting my time. Why do we need to split up the party to solve puzzles? The whole game you've been arbitrarily switching from one triplet to the next, theoretically incentivizing you to develop two separate groups that can hold their own. In practice, that's just three more people you need to manage junctions for, so I would just switch their "equipment" back and forth as needed. The game gives you the tools to do it, so why wouldn't I? And now I'm doing plenty of that, because I need to make sure the party on the scene is the one with all the juice (including that ever-so-handy Enc-None ability). This game does not do the multi-party dynamic well. Plus, the bosses here aren't particularly challenging, presumably because they need to compensate for the fact you might be strolling into the fight without any of your commands. The castle is deceptively small and while that does make it blessedly light on backtracking, it pales in scale compared to other examples, within Final Fantasy or otherwise. It was over pretty quickly, and then it was time to face down Ultimecia.

So let's get one thing on the record first: I hate her guts. I hate that she gets to pick who your starting lineup is. I hate that she can casually remove their corpses from existence. I hate that her godsdamned oversized kitty-cat can delete your entire stock of a spell with the wave of a hand. It's rude. It's unconscionable. Other than that, it was a pretty cool final boss. I think most of my complaints stem from the fact that she put a hand up and made herself slightly harder to cheese than the rest of the bosses, and maybe that's just what I deserve. But I still felt my good will wearing thin at this point - never a great sign when you're moments from the finish line.

Honestly, that summarizes my overall experience with Final Fantasy VIII pretty well. I never had the ability to go into this game "blind". Almost everything I'd heard about it had painted it as the black sheep of the franchise in my mind (excepting all of those other black sheep). I knew I wasn't going to be completely unbiased in my judgement of the game no matter what, but I tried to keep an open mind as I went through. Even so, for all of its flair and its charm, for all of the things that made it stand out from its peers, there wasn't a whole lot that kept me eager to keep going. VIII is an unquestionably flawed game no matter what way you split it, and I didn't have a whole lot of trouble seeing where some of its biggest naysayers were coming from.

But I still really liked it.

The ending kind of makes the whole thing worth it, which isn't something I can say too often about games. Many tend to drop the ball at the last second, failing to provide a satisfying conclusion to what you've experienced, which can really feel like a middle finger after commanding about sixty hours of your precious life. Not so, here. After Ultimecia's defeat, Squall gets lost on his way trying to return to his original time. He stumbles through a temporal purgatory, hopelessly seeking a way home. Eventually, he starts to lose his grip on his memories, clinging desperately to the moments shared with Rinoa and his friends. Those scenes play out in his head over and over again, but he struggles to recall her face. In the end, that familiar feeling of loss - of loneliness - causes him to fall into despair, and he seemingly disappears, forever lost to the world.

But Rinoa finds him. Somehow, despite everything, she finds him. She pulls him close and calls out to him, but he doesn't answer. Overcome with emotion, Rinoa lets out a cry, and suddenly the barren waste surrounding them transforms into a field of flowers, exploding with color and life.

We get short scenes of the other characters. Seifer is seen fishing with Fujin and Raijin, and while at first he seems to be his usual surly self, he's soon laughing and musters a smile as Balamb Garden passes overhead. Laguna visits Raine's grave, finally permitting himself a moment to reflect on the happiest times of his life and say his goodbyes. Shortly thereafter, Ellone comes looking for him, followed by Ward and Kiros. The credits roll over a video recording of a celebration at the Garden, alongside a triumphant version of the Final Fantasy overture. Quistis, Irvine, and Selphie are all seen having a good time alongside the other students. Cid and Edea are seen together again, and Irvine doffs his hat to the former sorceress, presumably apologizing for trying to shoot her in the face. And we see Zell, who has finally gotten his beloved hot dogs, and nearly chokes to death due to his overindulgence. Just as the camera's battery dies, we pan over to Rinoa, and see her playfully motion to somebody before the feed ends.

After the credits, we're permitted to see what we couldn't before: Rinoa catches sight of a shooting star and points to it with a smile. She's there with Squall, who smiles back at her, wearing his joy on his face for perhaps the first time since he was a child. After Squall saved her life time and time again, Rinoa repaid the favor and brought him back from the edge of time and space so he could have his happy ending, too. The two share a loving embrace as Balamb Garden flies off into the moonlight. The End.

Yes, the narrative clearly struggles due to a lack of focus. No, the admittedly novel systems aren't quite compelling enough to keep my attention. Yes, it's sandwiched between two titles that are individually stronger in ways VIII could only dream of matching. I don't really care. I'm still happy to have played this game, ya know? It's a love story that barely uses the word "love", and it is full to the brim with whimsy and imagination. I'm totally onboard with all of the fans that hold up this game as being the best thing since sliced bread. You are valid, as are you, and you, and you. I don't know if I'm quite to the point of keeping a gunblade replica hanging above my bed, but I'm happy that I can now share in this with all the other die-hards. To me, these kind of experiences are a big part of what my hobby is all about.

To Final Fantasy VIII - Even if you end up as the world's enemy, I'll be your knight.