I don’t know when (or if) I’ll get to finish this game, so I might as well just review it now.

Dark Souls is unlike any other game I’ve played, to the point that I couldn’t give it anything other than 5 stars. The game isn’t perfect— there’s some dick-ish enemy placement and I don’t like having to trek across long portions of the map just to get back to a boss that I’m about to die to again— but on the whole, the game is just phenomenal.

The story is interesting, yet told mostly through flavor text and context clues. A tragedy about a king who refuses to accept the end of his reign, and inadvertently draws out the suffering of his people. Your character is just caught up in this mess, forced to die over and over to achieve the goals of higher powers that don’t actually give a shit about you. But what else is there? Are you going to just let the kingdom die or prolong its suffering? Fascinating stuff.

But I didn’t pick up Dark Souls for its story. Nah, I wanted that sweet, sweet gameplay, and DAMN does it deliver. Dark Souls has a slow, yet deeply satisfying combat system that tests your skill, your resolve, and your intelligence when leveling up your character. Dark Souls may be tough, but it’s damn fair; you absolutely can conquer the devastated streets of Lordran, as long as you learn from your mistakes and press on. Upgrading from struggling against the most basic enemies to plowing through the Undead Burg and one-shotting everything in my path with my Halberd +5 and Eastern Armor set while using the souls of my fallen enemies to restore my health is BEYOND satisfying. Likewise, defeating every boss feels like a major accomplishment, like you’ve just proven your worth as a warrior of the undead.

The world design is just… sexy. If Lordran was a person, I would fuck it. Every single level and area is seamlessly interconnected. The entire map is like one big Zelda dungeon that loops back around on itself, contains a shit ton of shortcuts, and is filled to the brim with secrets and items. Man, there’s nothing like finding a secret passageway or unlocking a mysterious door, and discovering either an entirely new level or a way to travel to an old one in a faster manner.

I don’t know, I kinda love this game, even if it’s got some issues. I’ll keep playing it and see if this score changes, but damn is it awesome. I’m looking forward to playing Elden Ring, as I think an open world would not only improve upon this game’s format, but also minimize or outright eliminate most of its flaws.

I’m surprised I never reviewed this, given how much I loathe it.

Sonic Adventure is a good, yet flawed, game. It’s got some issues, but it’s an overall fun transition into 3D for the hedgehog. So yeah, it’s a good game, and an important one in gaming history.

Sonic Adventure DX for the PC is dogshit. The controls are ridiculously janky. The frame rate is inconsistent. The visuals… holy fuck the visuals are awful. The original Sonic Adventure is one of the best-looking games of its era. This abomination is one of the ugliest fucking games I’ve ever seen. All those overexposed “textures” (if you can even call them that), the bizarre character models, the horrendous “lighting” (again, IF YOU CAN EVEN CALL IT THAT), etc.; the list goes on.

While the game it’s based on is, of course, a classic, Sonic Adventure DX is a disaster of a port. It’s so bad that I had to download a mod that basically reverts the entire game back to its original, Dreamcast variant.

After the release of Sonic Frontiers, Sonic Team announced that they’d be releasing “free DLC” throughout this year, much to the delight of fans. I predicted that this “free DLC” was mostly an excuse to spend time patching the game and fixing some of its issues. As of Sonic's birthday DLC, I’ve been proven right.

My biggest issue with Sonic Frontiers, beyond its unfinished open wor— er, zones, was the controls and physics. It’s just not super fun to move Sonic around. He comes to a dead stop when you jump, you can’t boost when you jump, he immediately halts as soon as you take your finger off the analog stick— it was janky, stuff, and unnatural, which was especially disappointing considering the openness of the zones. You’d think that with the massive size of the maps, you’d be able to pull off fun tricks and shortcuts like in Sonic Adventure, but nope. Well, you can, but only if you exploit glitches, and the game makes it very difficult to pull off over-the-top stunts.

The birthday “DLC” completely fixes this by adding an absolutely AMAZING new feature: customizable controls. Now Sonic can jump while boosting, he’ll gradually slow down, and— best of all— HE KEEPS HIS MOMENTUM WHEN JUMPING. Even better, your controls carry over into Cyberspace, so now I can actually have fun with them (I even managed to S-rank the dreaded 1-2)!

So, yeah. Sonic is finally fun to control in this game, so I’ll bump up the score to a 7/10. Still undercooked, but a much better package that signals a bright future for the Blue Blur… if Sega actually gives the team time to work on the next 3D outing.

You’d think that, after the critical and financial success of both versions of Sonic Colors, teaming up Sonic Team with Dimps to make a 2D throwback would be a recipe for success. Unfortunately, this game is absolute trash.

My first Sonic game was actually a fan-made Adobe Flash game utilized music and mechanics from the Advance games. It was short, but it was a good introduction for my 5-year-old self and I played it countless times on my dad’s computer.

That little fan game is LEAGUES ahead of this horseshit.

First off, I will say that although the stupid chip-tune sound is unfitting, the music itself is nice and upbeat. Unsurprising, considering it was made by the series’ lead composer (and Crush 40 songwriter) Jun Sunoue. We love Jun Sunoue. He’s never done us dirty.

Everything else sucks. The game’s art style is atrocious, using an unpleasant mix of 3D models and 2D backgrounds that look disgustingly low-poly, to the point that I unironically think that Sonic Adventure DX looks better. I hate Sonic Adventure DX.

Then there’s the oft-criticized physics. I thought the Internet was exaggerating when they said the physics in this game were awful. The internet actually told me the truth for once. I should’ve listened. Sonic’s movement feels uncanny and stiff; you can’t roll into a ball to gain speed, his top speed is pretty damn slow compared to other games, and he has a habit of just clinging to slopes and standing there like some kinda lifeless, demonic Spider-Man.

The level design sucks. All of the zone themes are ripped straight from Sonic 1 and *2, and all of them (sans Lost Labyrinth; you really can’t get worse than Labyrinth Zone) are just downgraded versions. Green Hill, Casino Night, and… Metropolis Zone? Fucking METROPOLIS ZONE?! Nobody likes Metropolis Zone, yet they decided to make a zone based off of it— shitty enemy placement and all— only much worse due to the lack of momentum-based physics, which makes platforming a slog. In fact, most platforming is a slog due to how slow and janky Sonic’s control is.

I’m fine with 2D Sonic games that are different from the classics; I liked the DS version of Colors and I’m enjoying the Advance* trilogy so far. But this abomination is just not fun to play at all. What the fuck.

Sonic Lost World is one of the most mixed-up bags I’ve ever seen.

Sonic moves too damn slow, that much is true. His controls can be a bit clunky and the parkour is rarely ever required. The level theming is not just uninspired, but ripped straight from the New Super Mario Bros. games. Grass world, desert world, beach world, ice world, jungle world, sky world, and lava world. Am I playing Sonic or NSMB 2? The level design is so blocky and/or narrow that it can be a pain to try and pick up speed. On top of all that, there are some aggravating gimmick levels, like that one where you have to roll around in a snowball or that particularly infuriating rail-grinding one in the last world.

On the other hand, when the game works, it works well. While the parkour is very underutilized, you can do some legitimately cool stuff with it to skip massive portions of levels. The levels themselves are littered with alternate paths and secrets in typical Sonic fashion. And occasionally, you’ll be running through a level at top speed, plowing through enemies, loading up on rings, and you’ll think “Hell yeah. This is Sonic.”

The story and characters are meh. The cutscenes are well-animated, but too fast-paced. The Deadly Six, as a whole, suck. They’re meant to be the Sonic equivalent of the Koopalings, so like the Koopalings, each one has a defining character trait and nothing else to them. However, the reason the Koopalings work is because they’re only ever used in boss battles and appear sparingly, so their lack of personalities doesn’t annoy the player. The Deadly Six, on the other hand, have too much screentime, making it glaringly obvious just how shallow they all are, to the point that they become annoying very quickly. Zavok, at the very least, is decently threatening and taken seriously. Zoe’s excessive nihilism is unironically funny, especially at the end. The rest are just annoying as shit and I couldn’t stand them. Not helping matters is that Zavok is the only one with halfway-decent boss battles, while everyone else is piss-easy, which really diminishes the team as a threat. Like, really? These dumbasses are trying to destroy the world? Whatever you say. Even worse, the game never explains what they are or where they came from, meaning they don’t even have a place in the series’ lore. So yeah, that’s the Deadly Sux. Here’s hoping they never come back.

At the core of the story is the alliance between Sonic, Tails, and Eggman. I’m gonna go against the grain here and say that I actually like Sonic’s arrogant and snarky attitude in this game, as it contributes to an actual character arc for him and gives Roger Craig Smith the opportunity to show off his comedic timing. Tails… not so much. Tails spends much of the game upset towards Sonic for teaming up with Eggman instead of trusting him. The problem is that this game is like the fourth time they’ve teamed up with Eggman, and Tails has never had a problem with it before, so he just comes across as whiny and unreasonable.

Then there’s Eggman, who gets his own paragraph because he’s the best part of the game. The writers, unfortunately, failed to go in-depth with Eggman and his dynamic with Sonic and Tails in the way that Adventure 2 and especially Frontiers did. However, Eggman is still fantastic in this game. He’s treated as a genuine threat and there’s some moral ambiguity to many of his actions throughout the game (him not wanting to destroy the world, saving Tails, and allying with Sonic in the first place), even he’s still clearly a bad guy. We also get to see just how cunning and manipulative he can really be for the first time since the opening of Unleashed, which is a relief since he’d been treated like a complete buffoon for like 5 years by the time this game came out. Mike Pollock, as always, does an excellent job, especially in the scene where Eggman swears to strangle the Deadly Six to death and burn their world to the ground (this game is for kids).

The graphics are surprisingly good. The art style, while simplistic, fits the cartoonish nature of Sonic and friends in a very natural way. The music, of course, slaps my balls; we’re treated to an energetic jazz orchestra that successfully captures the game’s (admittedly uneven) tone perfectly. Gotta love Sonic music.

All in all, Sonic Lost World hits about as often as it misses, and is a disappointment after Colors and Generations. However, when taken on its own merits, it’s a fun time with some missed potential that doesn’t deserve the sheer level of scorn that the Sonic community levels at it, especially considering how awful some of the Blue Blur’s other adventures are. Sonic Lost World is just… fine.

Sonic Advance 2 is just tons of fun. The Chaos Emerald requirements are fucking insane, so I’ll likely never get the true ending, and there’s some dickish level design (Sky Canyon), but other than that, it’s awesome.

This is easily the fastest 2D Sonic game I’ve ever played. The vast selection of playable characters creates loads of replay value. The music squeezes everything it can out of the GBA’s crappy sound chip, and the end result is fantastic. The sprites and backgrounds are bright and expressive. Barring the aforementioned Sky Canyon, the levels are loads of fun, with my favorites being Music Plant and Ice Paradise.

“Hold right to win” my ass. This game is way too hard to just hold right the whole time. You need good reaction time to get to the end of the later levels. And even then, “hold right to win” applies to basically every 2D Sonic game, and they’re still generally great in spite of that, this game included.

So yeah, Sonic Advance 2 isn’t perfect, but damn is it a blast. I’ll be replaying it a lot in the future.

Everything is just a little bit better than its predecessor. Better graphics, better level design, even slightly better bosses. You can even play as Metal Sonic in a side campaign, which I think is pretty badass.

Other than that, though, the physics are still a bit wonky (though not as atrocious as the last attempt), Tails is useless because can only fly for like 2 seconds, and the game as a whole is still inferior to the classics that “inspired” it. At this point, I think we all agree that Mania is the true Sonic 4.

Replayed Sonic Adventure, and my thoughts haven’t changed at all.

As far as the non-Sonic campaigns go, Knuckles and Gamma are easily the best. They have tight controls, interesting play styles, and compelling stories. The level design isn’t as solid as it could be (since they just re-use levels from Sonic and Amy’s campaigns), but it’s plenty of fun regardless. Gamma’s storyline is one of the best in the series, bringing a genuinely unique and tragic perspective to Eggman’s seemingly-emotionless machines.

Tails is… fine. He controls well, but his levels are stupidly short, piss-easy, and you have to replay the stupid Tornado minigame twice more. At least he has a nice character arc about learning to be brave and fend for himself without Sonic around… which was promptly forgotten about for the next 20 years until Ian Flynn came back to give us an actual story.

Big the Cat. He’s alright. I don’t really get all the hate surrounding him. His campaign is extremely short and fishing is easy once you get the hang of it. To be honest, I kinda like just how relaxing and unimportant Big is in the grand scheme of the game’s plot. He just wants to get Froggy back and go fishing. I fuck with that. Also, his version of Emerald Coast is surprisingly pretty fun and loaded with secrets.

Amy is the worst. I fucking hate Amy’s campaign. I like her character arc (which was also forgotten about after this game), but the gameplay is hot garbage. She moves like she’s stuck in molasses, her hammer jump is inconsistent, and the hammer itself can only hit in one direction; it would’ve been better is it could strike in three consecutive swings, similar to Link’s sword swings in the early 3D Zelda games. On top of that, she just sucks to control; her movements are stiff and her jump is inexplicably floaty. I hate playing as Amy.

Now, for the main event: Sonic’s story. Of all the campaigns, Sonic has the most disjointed story; he just kinda bounces between objectives depending on who he happens to run into at any given point. It mostly just boils down to your classic “Sonic vs. Eggman” storyline. However, Sonic more than makes up for that with his spectacular level design.

1) Emerald Coast: What a fantastic introduction to Sonic in 3D. The beautiful beach setting, the relaxing music, and a ton of different pathways that allow to experiment with Sonic’s moveset. There’s even a cool set piece where Sonic gets chased by a killer whale, just to tell the player that, yes, there will be epic set pieces throughout the game.
2) Windy Valley: It’s fine, I guess. Getting sucked into the tornado is pretty cool, but after that, it’s just a straight line to the goal. The beta version is better.
3) Casinopolis: A very bizarre level that focuses on gathering 400 rings by playing pinball in order to obtain a Chaos Emerald. Fortunately, I like pinball and the casino vibes are on point, so I enjoy this one.
4) IceCap: WHOOP! WHOOP! ICECAP IS BACK!!! IceCap is a great fucking level with multiple paths to take and some slower platforming bits that don’t overstay their welcome. Then, when you get to the end, you have to snowboard down the mountain while an avalanche tumbles down behind you! It’s so badass, and it makes the snowboarding segment from Sonic 3’s version look tame in comparison.
5) Twinkle Park: Right off the bat, i genuinely don’t like the go-karting/bumper car section at the beginning. It goes on for way too long and collision can be pretty wonky. Once you get the good part of the level, though, it picks up steam. Twinkle Park is massive, visually dazzling and decently challenging; trying to A-rank it can be a pain the ass in the best way possible.
6) Speed Highway: UP AND DOWN AND ALL AROUND! Speed Highway earns its legendary status in the series’ history. As the name suggests, it’s FAST, and is somewhat linear to accommodate for that breakneck speed. However, there are still plenty of higher paths to take and secrets to find, especially if you go off the beaten path to look. The level culminates in a slower, yet cathartic dash through the center of Station Square at dawn, making for a very satisfying experience overall.
7) Red Mountain: Tied with Speed Highway as my favorite level in the game. From the moment that saxophone music kicks in, you know you’re in for a good time. Red Mountain is the epitome of Sonic Adventure’s level design: a giant, open area, lots of different paths, and shortcuts that can be pulled off using tricks with Sonic’s physics. As for epic set pieces, how about the entire second act? You run through the inside of a volcano as magma rises through the depths, scathing steam bursts through the ground, and hoarded of Badniks appear, ready to roast Sonic alive. It’s so damn cool.
8) Sky Deck: This level has one major issue: collision. Sonic Adventure is an old 3D platformer and one of the first of its kind, so glitches are bound to happen. In Sky Deck, however, collision detection is especially janky. I remember one time when I was speeding through the stage and Sonic went straight through the railing, plummeting to his death through no fault of my own. Poor Sonic. Aside from that, though, Sky Deck is enjoyable and challenging gauntlet that tests your speed and homing attack skills. As a spiritual successor to Flying Battery Zone, it doesn’t live up to that, but it’s a good level in its own right.
9) Lost World: I don’t like this level. The design is blocky, the gravity-shifting section is unpolished, and don’t even get me started in that fucking snake. Still, the atmosphere and music manage to make it tolerable, at the very least.
10) Final Egg: An energetic blitz through Eggman’s base, with all manner of traps, enemies, and hazards to stop you. And yet, you feel like a total badass when you make it to the end and hand Eggman’s ass to him on a silver platter. It’s not as good as Death Egg Zone from the previous game, but it’s definitely better than Cannon’s Core from the following one.

Phew.

Outside of all that, the plot as a whole is good, even though the presentation is lacking. The cutscenes are poorly directed and awkwardly animated, but the writing and story beneath all the cheesiness is so earnest and meaningful that it’s easy to forgive. We’ve got a pretty dark story about loss, greed, revenge, and one’s purpose in life— themes which would be further expanded and improved on in Adventure 2.

This is also Eggman’s first fully-voiced appearance and… it’s beautiful. Just as over-the-top and bombastic as you’d expect. Although Mike Pollock will always be Eggman to me, the late Deem Bristow still did an amazing job in every game he was featured in. What a legend.

One final note, the soundtrack by Jun Sunoue is fucking GAS. I can’t list every single song I enjoy… because I’d just be listing the entire soundtrack. It’s great. Listen to it.

All in all, while Sonic Adventure mostly nails the gameplay for the Blue Blur in 3D, it suffers from issues in the other campaigns, thus tarnishing its legacy a bit. But only a bit, because Sonic Adventure is still a classic that’s well worth playing even decades later, warts and all.

My thoughts on Sonic 1 constantly go back and forth. On the one hand, it’s a revolutionary part of gaming history and features some of the greatest physics in the industry. On the other… Labyrinth Zone.

No, I’m not kidding. Labyrinth Zone is dreadful. It’s a monstrous set of levels filled with unpredictable hazards, and where Sonic moves like he’s stuck in wet concrete. It’s truly awful and a blight on this game’s legacy… until you beat it. Then you feel like an absolute champion, a true master of this game’s level design, and you’re rewarded with the beautiful Star Light Zone.

The thing about Sonic 1 is that for every bad thing about it, the game throws something awesome at you that completely drowns out the negatives. Marble Zone was too slow? Here’s Spring Yard, have fun with the bumpers! Labyrinth Zone sucks? Here’s Star Light! Scrap Brain Zone Act 3 is one of the cruelest pranks known to man? Use the shortcut at the beginning to skip damn near the entire level! The final boss is anticlimactic? Use the final few seconds to destroy Eggman’s hovercraft and utterly humiliate him!

I love Sonic 1. I hate Sonic 1. But when it works, it’s a blast, and the short runtime ensures that the game doesn’t overstay its welcome. Overall, I love Sonic 1 more than I hate it, so that’s good.