”Time passes, people move. Like a river's flow, it never ends. A childish mind will turn to noble ambition. Young love will become deep affection. The clear water's surface reflects growth.”

Considered by many to be the greatest video game ever made, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is truly a landmark achievement that continues to influence adventure games to this very day, despite its flaws.

For starters… those fucking boots. Two of the items in this game are types of boots that Link needs to wear to solve puzzles. Instead of mapping them to buttons like every other item in the game, the developers thought it’d be cute to make you open the menu and swap between them. This harms the game’s pacing in a ridiculous way.

The frame rate is sluggish, even for the time. 20 frames per second is incredibly slow, and even Majora’s Mask seems to run faster. Hyrule Field is a vast hub with nothing in it. The NPCs are mostly just cardboard cutouts to make the world feel more alive than it actually is, and actually talking to them will easily break the immersion. Castle Town looks awful for some reason because I guess they just couldn’t render actual buildings (even though they could for Kakariko Village?). I don’t like Link’s eyes. I know that’s a weird thing to nitpick, but they’re just so small and lack emotion. How come Castle Town is covered in dark clouds, but when you step out onto Hyrule Field, the sky clears up and that cheery overworld theme starts playing? That shatters the immersion and makes Ganondorf seem like less of a threat. The bosses are just okay for the most part. Finally, the text speed is aggravatingly slow, and cutscenes are unskippable, which further harms the game’s pacing.

With that out of the way, Ocarina of Time still slaps. The lighting and art style create an unparalleled sense of atmosphere for the time, which is bound to suck you into Hyrule on your adventure. The music is absolutely legendary, no elaboration needed. The story, despite having a few rough edges, is a compelling coming-of-age tale of good versus evil. Ganondorf is a great villain who sucks the magic and whimsy out of every scene he’s in. Most NPCs fit right into the game’s world and even the Gerudo, despite being thieves loyal to Ganondorf, prove to be polite and honorable when left to their own devices. But Ganondorf? He does not belong here. He is an anomaly, a demonic being whose lust for power splits the Triforce apart and throws the land into chaos. He is a charismatic, yet despicable abomination that needs to be stopped.

New areas and cultures like Zora’s Domain, Goron City, and Gerudo Valley are fun to explore and have unique attributes. The Zoras are regal and sophisticated, the Gorons are laidback and friendly, and the Gerudo have a unique Arabian style that values honor and loyalty. All great additions (yes, I know the Zora were in earlier games, but they were never portrayed like this before).

The dungeons are great. The first three are nothing to write home about, but they have memorable atmospheres (especially the truly disgusting depths of Jabu-Jabu’s Belly; 1,000 times better than the shitty Oracle of Ages version). The Forest Temple kicks off the adult portion of the game with a phenomenal, puzzling mansion filled with ghosts and overgrown flora that really want to kill you. The Fire Temple is as massive as it is hot. The Water Temple, despite suffering greatly from the aforementioned boots issue, still sticks out as a satisfying puzzle box that challenges your memory and spatial awareness. The Shadow Temple is stupidly linear, but makes up for it with its creepy, bloody, and all-around unsettling atmosphere that reveals a darker side to Hyrule’s history. The Spirit Temple perfectly captures the Gerudo culture and integrates the time travel mechanic in an interesting way. To end things off, Ganon’s Castle is a final hurrah as you relive various parts of your adventure and prepare to whoop Ganondorf’s ass. That final showdown with Ganondorf after dozens of hours of buildup and the subsequent battle against his demon form, Ganon, are ridiculously epic and satisfying.

Overall, despite suffering from numerous issues of the time, Ocarina of Time holds up impressively well due to its thoughtful design. I would recommend the 3DS version instead, however. Despite the inferior lighting, the graphics are improved, the boots are mapped to buttons, and the UI is streamlined. Definitely the better version.

”Your true face... What kind of... face is it? I wonder... The face under the mask... Is that... your true face?”

This is gonna be messy, because I have a lot to say.

The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask is a magnificent and largely improved sequel to Ocarina of Time. Many issues are fixed: time travel is actually useful, the side quests are not only fun, but the best in the series, the characters are well-rounded instead of just being there for the sake of it, Termina is smaller and denser than the vast, empty wasteland that was Hyrule, the music is even more poignant and impactful, and I could swear that both the visuals and frame rate have been improved.

Lemme start with negatives, as well as a hot take: the 3DS remake is better. The bosses are improved (except Odolwa), the visuals are more vibrant and—in my opinion—fit better with the game’s tone, the Bomber’s Notebook and the Ocarina of Time’s songs have been streamlined to be more accessible, certain quests are placed in more logical areas, the Goron controls are tighter, and the Sheikah Stone returns to help guide lost players. Now for the hottest take of all: I prefer the slower Zora controls, because bumping into the walls of the Great Bay Temple every five seconds simply is not fun. I’m sorry, but the remake is literally a better version of this in practically every way.

Now for everything else about this game that’s awesome.

The story is the absolute best in the franchise: a darker, moodier, and downright depressing continuation of Ocarina of Time, Majora’s Mask follows Link as he goes on a journey to find a lost friend… only to be sucked into a world that is destined to be destroyed in three days. Using the Ocarina, he and a fairy named Tatl travel to four (five if you include Clock Town) different regions to set things right… only to have to reset the timeline at the end of the third day, rendering all of their heroics moot. Majora’s Mask revolves around this time limit, forcing players to use each three-day cycle to its fullest extent before resetting everything. You’ll have to carefully plan out your routes and operate as quickly as possible, lest you be caught in the blast as the moon crashes and kills everyone. It’s a tense, oppressive experience and I love it.

The game’s oppressive atmosphere doesn’t end with its mechanics, though. Each region is suffering as a result of the Skull Kid’s antics and the moon’s inevatible downfall. An innocent monkey is about to be boiled alive for a crime he didn’t commit. A tribe of Gorons are freezing to death. A Zora’s eggs have been stolen and are being held for ransom by pirates. An ancient kingdom full of undead soldiers is trapped in a pointless, never-ending war. And, of course, at the center of it all, there’s the Skull Kid: a lonely child going on a rampage after being driven to madness by the titular mask. This is all really dark for a Zelda game, and it’s not wonder it was re-rated T when released on Nintendo Switch Online.

Yet, there’s plenty of hope. Despite time and nature themselves being against him, Link continues to do the right thing, regardless of the pointlessness of his actions. In the end, he miraculously saves the world and brings happiness to all of its citizens, even making new friends in the process… yet he never finds the friend he set out for to begin with, and Twilight Princess implies that he dies without ever finding her.

The game’s story is both the reason I keep coming back and the reason I keep staying away. It’s extremely deep and compelling, yet harrowing and nihilistic in a way that no game aside from Red Dead Redemption has made me feel. Majora’s Mask is definitely a good case for video games being considered a form of art, especially when formed into a thematically-cohesive trilogy with Ocarina of Time and Twilight Princess.

The aforementioned characters are fantastic. Despite still being mute, we witness new layers to Link that are rarely seen: his courage is tested like never before, he suffers like never before, and he perseveres like never before. Tatl is a massive and less invasive improvement over stupid Navi, as Tatl actually has a character arc that, while not as good as Midna, still cements her as one of Link’s best companions. The Skull Kid is fucking amazing. As the story progresses and if you choose to explore the world, you uncover more and more of his backstory and motives, culminating in a final twist that turns him from a bratty sadist into a horrifically tragic child who has suffered more than one can imagine. Even the side characters are fantastic. Romani and Cremona are a pair of kindhearted siblings just struggling to get by (not helped by the aliens that steal their cattle every year), and are nicely contrasted by the greedy, opportunistic Gorman brothers, who are trying to steal their precious milk and are estranged from their other, more benevolent brother. The mayor is struggling with the threat of the moon and the disappearance of his son. His son has been turned into a child and is desperately trying to find an artifact stolen by a desert thief (no, not Ganondorf this time) so he can reunite with his love before the world ends. That latter story is heartbreaking, and it’s impressive how many of them manage to connect with one another.

The side quests are so numerous and so great that I’d waste too much time by going in-depth (special mention still goes the alien invasion at Romani Ranch, because what the fuck), so I’ll skip straight to the main event: DUNGEONS. They’re awesome. Woodfall is surprisingly complex for a beginning, Snowpeak increases the challenge with a dungeon-wide puzzle, and the Great Bay Temple further ramps up the difficulty with its water currents and valves that must be carefully manipulated to progress. Then there’s the Stone Tower Temple, one of my favorite levels in any video game. A sprawling, labyrinthine, dangerous piece of architecture that sees you utilize every transformation mask thus far to make it through… only for you to head back outside, flip the entire dungeon upside-down, and go back inside for an even harder second half. Holy shit. That’s awesome. Majora’s Mask, despite only having four main dungeons, ties with Twilight Princess for the best dungeon selection in the series.

That’s about all I have to say about Majora’s Mask. Despite my preference for the 3DS version, the game is still a borderline-masterpiece no matter how you play it, and has more than earned its status as not only one of the best Zelda games, but one of the greatest video games of all time.

”Now, let me tell you a new story that also begins with stardust…”

Super Mario Galaxy 2 loses the elegance of its predecessor. Gone are the mysterious Rosalina and her majestic Comet Observatory; in their places we get a fat purple Luma and a spaceship shaped like Mario’s head. Instead of moving through the hub world to find levels, we have a basic world map. More often than not, instead of the dark, lonely reaches of space, we’re treated to cheery blue skies and bustling planets. Instead of an epic, semi-serious story with a surprising amount of backstory, we get… Bowser kidnapping Peach, only this time, he’s HUUUUGE!

I prefer the first Galaxy for its superior atmosphere and story. So why did I give Galaxy 2 five stars despite everything I just said?

Because I enjoyed damn near every second of it.

What Galaxy 2 loses in terms of atmosphere and story, it makes for with its sheer level design. Every level is meticulously structured to introduce a challenge, escalate the difficulty, and conclude on a high note. Galaxy 2 beats out its predecessor in terms of how much more consistently fun its levels are.

Cloudy Court, Cosmic Cove, Tall Trunk, Yoshi Star, the list goes on. So many galaxies with so many great ideas. Sometimes your braving the depths of an underwater labyrinth, next you’re racing against a slew of buzzsaws that are cutting apart the very ground you stand on, then you’re dashing up a vertical wall on top of a dinosaur… this game just never runs out of ideas!

While the atmosphere of the first is absolutely better, there’s still something endearing about Galaxy 2’s upbeat nature. The bright colors, gorgeous graphics, and sweeping music score make the game feel so… good. It helps that the game technically does pick up where the previous one left off (“…the cycle never repeats itself in quite the same way…”), and the ending is quite heartwarming. Although it’s overall a downgrade, the cheerful tone of Galaxy 2 nevertheless helps it stand out on its own.

The bosses are also a step up. Every Bowser Jr. fight is a banger (especially his Boomsday Machine). A Lakitu tries to strike Mario with lightning. A whole planetoid comes to life and tries to crush Mario to death. A fucking dragon smashes through a planet while chasing Mario around. The only disappointment is, strangely, Bowser himself, who just isn’t as good as Galaxy 1. Other than that, though, this is easily the best set of bosses in the Mario series.

Then there’s power-ups. The Cloud Mushroom is awesome and allows for creative, player-driven platforming. The Rock Mushroom is… fine, but it’s utilized well in Melty Monster Galaxy. The Fire Flower and Boo Mushroom are back, and they work exactly the same. Finally, my precious Bee Mushroom (which everyone seems to hate for some reason) returns for some very tasty, honey-themed stages.

Oh, and Yoshi!!! Yoshi’s back, and this is probably his best outing yet. Instead of being a cumbersome and sometimes glitchy hinderance like in Sunshine, Yoshi adds on to Mario’s moveset and even gets power-ups of his own: he can float, dash across surfaces in ways that defy gravity, and light up otherwise dark and invisible paths. You still can’t take him out of levels, but unlike in the New Super Mario Bros. series, this makes sense as Yoshi simply wouldn’t work in many of this game’s levels, so I’m fine with him being confined to a select number of them. Man, Yoshi’s implementation is phenomenal in this game.

There are other slight improvements over the first game, too. Coins are actually useful for something other than health refills, as they can be used for feeding Hungry Lumas and a gambling minigame in the hub world. The Prankster Comets actually stay once they’re unlocked (that never really bothered me to begin with, but it’s more convenient here). Motion controls are overall better-implemented (except in Rolling Coaster Galaxy, which can go fuck itself). Finally, Galaxy 2’s difficulty is significantly higher than its predecessor, and is one of the hardest games in the series. However, the difficulty isn’t due to “fuck you” level design like The Lost Levels, or “fuck you” glitches like Sunshine; rather, the game just has some good ol’ fashioned, skill-based platforming. I rarely felt cheated when I died, I felt bested, as it was almost always my fault

I don’t know. Despite the watered-down story and the loss of a unique, melancholic atmosphere, Galaxy 2 is still phenomenal. It’s got great level design, unique power-ups, fantastic visuals and music, stellar bosses, and numerous improvements over the first one. I still prefer Galaxy 1 and Odyssey for their unique tones and creativity, but Galaxy 2 is still a fantastic, highly-polished, and wonderful sequel that hold its own as one of the plumber’s best adventures.

There ain’t a lot to say about Super Mario 64 that hasn’t already been said. It’s a landmark title not just for the platform genre, but for video games in general. It’s a pioneer in 3D game design.

Unfortunately, the camera is awful, the physics are a little too slippery, and Mario does that weird little semicircle when he turns around that can result in accidental death.

Alright, now let’s talk about everything that makes this game slap.

The controls (aside from that fucking turning circle) are amazing and surprisingly fluid; it’s still fun to jump around all these years later. The visuals have aged poorly, but they’re nevertheless bright, colorful, and immersive.

Of course, the thing that really makes 64 shine is its level design, so let’s go level-by-level and analyze what makes them so awesome.

0. Peach’s Castle: A fantastic hub world that gets the player acclimated to the controls and contains numerous secrets and opportunities for Power Stars.

1. Bob-omb Battlefield: The first level offers a nice, open area that teaches players how to do practically everything required for the rest of the game. Pretty much every Star is a joy to collect, and Bob-omb Battlefield earns its reputation as the most iconic 3D platforming level.

2. Whomp’s Fortress: Hands down the best level in the game. You’ve got a vertical layout with numerous alternate paths, tons of enemies, great platforming, and an owl. The only issue is the “Blast Away the Wall” Star, but it shouldn’t take you too long to figure out which wall to blast.

3. Jolly Roger Bay: This level is overhated as fuck. Jolly Roger Bay is a slower, more relaxed level that I always enjoy revisiting, and (as pointed out in KingK’s retrospective; I highly recommend watching that) it’s a perfect example of 64’s brilliant level design philosophy. It helps that the music is absolutely gorgeous.

4. Cool, Cool Mountain: In contrast, this level is overrated as fuck. Sure, the slide is great… and that’s about it. I find the slippery terrain to be more frustrating than anything, which isn’t helped by the bottomless pits. Not bad by any means, but I vastly prefer the game’s later ice level. I do love murdering that baby penguin, though.

5. Big Boo’s Haunt: This course is an absolute delight. The creepy atmosphere, the homicidal piano, the secret shortcuts, and even the Red Coins are all masterfully pulled off. A perfect translation of Super Mario World’s Ghost Houses into 3D.

6. Hazy Maze Cave: The 100 coin Star may be irritating, but everything else about Hazy Maze Cave is pretty fun. Memorizing the layout, discovering the green switch, and finding secret paths is definitely my type of thing (I am a Zelda fan, after all). Plus, Dorrie is introduced here. Who doesn’t love Dorrie?

7. Lethal Lava Land: One of the most accurate titles in gaming history. LLL is a dangerous, flaming-hot course that benefits from its open layout, creative use of the Koopa shell, and a secret area. The camera, however, can be a real pain in the ass once you enter the volcano.

8. Shifting Sand Land: My feelings on Shifting Sand Land tend to go back and forth, but for the most part, I enjoy it a lot. The Red Coins offer the best use of the Wing Cap in the game, the atmosphere is on point, the boss is fun, and the pyramid is a pretty great secret area. The only problem is that the quicksand is a little too punishing.

9. Dire, Dire Docks: Yeah, I really can’t defend Dire, Dire Docks. It’s the worst level in the game, but not because it’s offensively bad; it’s just soooo BORING. The Red Coin mission is alright, the music is iconic, and boarding the sub is kinda a cool transition to the next Bowser level, but… it’s just so boring, and the 100 coin star is easily the worst in the game.

10. Snowman’s Land: Ah, now here’s a fun one. Snowman’s Land has a nice, open layout with tons to do and find, a whole secret area that’s easy to miss, and a giant fucking snowman that really hates Mario for some reason. I don’t care what anyone else says, Snowman’s Land is the superior ice level.

11. Wet-Dry World: And here’s an even better one! Wet-Dry World is probably one of the most creative and well-designed courses in the game, featuring a surprisingly fun water level mechanic (what is it with N64 games and raising water levels?), a blast of a 100 coin star, and a surprisingly mysterious and unsettling atmosphere. Discovering that abandoned town for the first time is one of the most magical moments I’ve ever experienced playing a Mario game, and it helps that the town itself is extremely well-designed.

12. Tall, Tall Mountain: Meh. It’s just another mountain level, nothing we haven’t seen before. It’s kinda bland and it’s annoying to have to travel all the way back up the mountain every time you get booted out. The slide is awesome, though.

13. Tiny-Huge Island: On the other hand, Tiny-Huge Island is loads of fun. Taking cues from Giant Land in Super Mario Bros. 3, THI uses its size-shifting gimmick to its fullest extent, featuring some clever traversal puzzles and well-hidden secrets. It’s a blast and I look forward to it in every playthrough (although the tiny area can be too slippery at times).

14. Tick-Tock Clock: Screw all of you Tick-Tock Clock haters. “WAAAAHHH! It’s too hard!” Ummm… skill issue? Get good? Anyways, Tick-Tock is a fantastic level with a creative gimmick, a meticulous layout, and tough platforming that feels rewarding once you make it to the top. Bonus points for inspiring one of my favorite Mario Kart tracks.

15. Rainbow Ride: Ahh, Rainbow Ride, the most hated level in Mario 64 (aside from DDD). It’s ok. I still love you. Rainbow Ride is a visually-pleasing and ultimately rewarding level with the highest difficulty thus far. It’s notorious among the fanbase for its sadistic layout that punishes the player for going too far off the beaten path, but I kinda love that. Rainbow Ride may be too slow, but damn is it satisfying to complete, especially the 100-coin star that requires you to optimize your route and memorize the map. Definitely one of the most Mario-y levels in the game.

00. The Bowser Levels: All 3 Bowser levels are fun throwbacks to the sidescrolling games that test the player’s skill. Not much to say, they’re all really fun and have a banger of a music track.

PHEW. That’s everything I have to say about Super Mario 64. It hasn’t aged the most gracefully, but the level design and movement are so great and addictive that the flaws hardly matter. It’s a great game that activates my nostalgia goggles and makes me happy.

Fuck Wing Mario Over the Rainbow, though. What were they thinking making you all the way back from outside the castle when you fail? It’s like the Lily Pad Ride from Sunshine, if the Lily Pad Ride wasn’t a glitchy disaster that was actually beatable.

In early 2021, Nintendo dropped the first trailer for the long-awaited Switch port of Super Mario 3D World, a game that was critically acclaimed, yet… no, that’s a story for another review. Anyways, when the trailer dropped, we were given a glimpse of the new Bowser’s Fury side mode. I didn’t really know what to think of it other than “hehe big furry Mario fights Bowzilla”.

Fast forward to late 2021 when I got the game, and was pleasantly surprised to find that Bowser’s Fury was actually another 64/Sunshine-inspired collect-a-thon, now with an entire open world that masterfully utilizes 3D World’s mechanics, assets, and toy-like art style.

So let’s start with negatives.

The “game” is too short, because it’s more of a side mode than anything. There’s no triple jump, which feels weird in this setting. The missions get repetitive fairly quickly. The handheld performance is strangely lacking, with lower resolution and a shoddy frame rate, which is even more noticeable when comparing it to the main 3D World campaign (one of the absolute best looking games on the Switch). Finally, the Fury Bowser events get super annoying in the post-game, when I just wanna keep collecting Cat Shines in peace. They should’ve just given Bowser Jr. some new item that could break Fury Blocks and thrown out all those stupid Lucky Isle Shines.

Now for everything else.

Bowser’s Fury is a fun little experiment for what Mario could look like in an open world, and it absolutely shits on the similarly-inspired Sonic Frontiers. Despite the disappointingly short length, the game still effectively does what it needs to do and then leaves, with the player likely having a big ol’ grin on their face afterwards.

The open world is surprisingly well-executed. It’s a beautiful, pristine lake with individual islands that serve as levels. In turn, those levels utilize 3D World’s mechanics and 4-step design philosophy, so… they’re very well-designed. What a surprise. In particular, Crisp Climb Castle and Mount Magmeow are fantastic and stand out above the rest. Plessie makes traveling between islands an absolute blast, avoiding The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker’s issues with its giant ocean and slow sailing.

Collecting Cat Shines is inherently satisfying, and the small number (only 100) helps them feel and distinct and well-earned, unlike my precious Odyssey, where Power Moons were handed out like candy.

In docked mode, everything looks phenomenal. Lake Lapcat is gorgeous, colorful, and almost entirely cat-themed, right down to the enemies. The entire world feels like an offshore part of Isle Delfino from Sunshine, with its aquatic setting, mission structures, and “Shine” collectibles. The game also controls well, allowing for full 360-degree movement and bringing back almost every power-up from the base game.

The story is cute, if simple. Bowser Jr. kidnaps summons Mario to help him beat the crap out of Bowser, who has gone crazy and turned into a giant kaiju that corrupts the entire lake. The dynamic between Mario and Junior is surprisingly funny and heartwarming, making me wonder if, perhaps. Junior would work better as an anti-hero in the future…

Speaking of Junior, he’s a helpful, yet unobtrusive companion. I liked Cappy, but he was a little too chatty sometimes, whereas Bowser Jr. is completely mute outside of cutscenes and a few grunts. He’s also pretty fun for co-op mode, in contrast to Galaxy and Odyssey, where I flat-out forgot multiplayer was a thing until just now.

Oh, I almost forgot about the soundtrack! The soundtrack is absolute fire all throughout, mixing the cheerful, jazzy tunes of “Scamper Shores” with the frantic, heavy metal of “Chasing Down Bowser”, among several other musical styles. The theme for Roiling Roller Isle and Mount Magmeow is particularly epic, letting you know that these are the game’s hardest levels.

All in all, Bowser’s Fury is a short and very flawed experiment that nevertheless succeeds due to its faithfulness to 3D World and Sunshine, as well as its experimental, open-world format. The positives far outweigh the negatives in my book.

I figured I’d do a quick little review of Zelda II. I’ve played all the way through it without cheats or hacks, and I’m unlikely to EVER do that again, so I might as well just spew out my thoughts now.

For starters, the game’s story is interesting. Well, the story in the manual is interesting; the actual game doesn’t have much going on. Nevertheless, it feels a bit more mature and meaningful than the original, with a slightly darker tone and a more overt “coming-of-age” theme. It ain’t much, but I like it.

The combat is really good. This is probably the series’ most in-depth combat system up until Twilight Princess, and when you’re hacking your way through enemies and leveling up, it feels pretty damn good. Speaking of leveling up, the RPG elements are decent as well, encouraging loads of combat and exploration to turn Link into a walking tank.

Unfortunately, the great combat is let down by the game’s unrelenting difficulty. This isn’t the good kind of difficulty either; it’s the Super Mario Bros.: The Lost Levels kind of difficulty, where it feels like the developers just got divorced and lost custody of their kids, and now they wanna take out all that anger on the player. We’ve got dickish enemy placement, stupid platforming, all of Death Mountain, and some enemies with attack patterns so random that it’s impossible to properly fight against them (looking at you, blue Darknuts). Fuck all of that.

Probably the most blatant “fuck you” to the player is the new lives system. You see, when you run out of lives, the game rips away all of your current EXP and sends you all the way back to the initial spawn point. You just died on the other side of the map after desperately fighting your way through hoards of Darknuts, Lizalfos, and whatever those things with the hatchets are? Too bad! Now you get to go through all of that again! Hahaha FUCK YOU!

The overworld is hands-down the worst in the series, not because it’s terrible, but because it’s just boring; there’s barely anything there. The dungeons are… fine. Aside from some terrible puzzles, the dungeons generally do a good job showing off the combat.

I like the introduction of towns and NPCs. Sure, they’re rudimentary by today’s standards, but they still make Hyrule feel alive in a way that the original game never could.

All in all, Zelda II is a game specifically for diehard fans and masochists who hate themselves. I’m glad the game exists. Nintendo took what worked and implemented it into A Link to the Past, while scrapping everything else. However, Zelda II: The Adventure of Link is only fun if you can tolerate its bullshit long enough to see its redeeming qualities. If you can’t, then I don’t blame you. It’s hard as shit.

”Whether skyward bound, adrift in time, or steeped in the glowing embers of twilight, the sacred blade is forever bound to the soul of the Hero.”

Before I get my slimy claws on Tears of the Kingdom, I wanted to discuss my favorite game of all time: The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild.

This game is something truly special. It’s so open, so free. There’s so much to do, so much to collect, so many sights to explore. The environment is gorgeous, the art direction is my favorite in the franchise, and there’s a sense of adventure that trumps not only every other entry in the series, but any other video game I’ve ever played.

A lot of people criticize the story, and… yeah, the cutscenes can be kinda cringe and the story is minimalistic. However, the cutscenes are just a drop in the bucket, as the game’s story is mostly told through its environment. We see the devastated ruins of towns that were invaded during the Calamity. We see a massive, crumbling fortress where every single person within was slaughtered by the Guardians. We see malice corrupting the environment, monsters attacking travelers, and the silhouette of Ganon himself, swirling around Hyrule Castle, waiting for Zelda’s power to weaken, and preparing to face his nemesis once again.

On the flipside, when you reach the outer settlements like Hateno or Lurelin, you find that life has gone on. Sure, Hyrule hasn’t exactly progressed much (the apocalypse will do that to you), but they’ve managed to rebuild a bit. They play games, cook, and work within their communities. Even with Calamity Ganon towering in the distance, the Hylians and Sheikah continue to live on. As per usual, Hyrule runs on the hope of its people, with Link only being a small representative of that hope.

The most poignant example of environmental storyline comes from Fort Hateno. According to legend, the remains of Hyrule’s military and the Hateno townspeople rallied at the fort to keep the Guardians from breaching Hateno Village and massacring the people. For hours, the soldiers managed to hold back the Guardians as they attempted to climb the wall and murder the citizens. Many died in the battle, with Link himself mortally wounded, and yet they managed to keep the town safe until Zelda unleashed her powers and ended the conflict. Why did they choose to protect this random village in the middle of nowhere? Because there were people living there, and as long as they had hope to save those people, the soldiers were gonna do their damnedest to keep Ganon’s army out.

That’s the true beauty of Breath of the Wild’s melancholic story, and I daresay it’s a strong one. It’s no Majora’s Mask or Twilight Princess, but it manages to hold its own once you peel back the layers.

Speaking of those games, what about the characters? Well, BotW has a pretty solid set.

Link is mostly stoic, but he has some pretty goofy reactions to things, snarky dialogue options, and even a bit of backstory from Zelda’s diary that explains why he’s so… off. It ain’t much, but it’s Link; he’s the good guy who helps people, same as always, just with a bit of emotional baggage.

Zelda is actually great, showing the negative effects that King Rhoam’s parenting have on her, as well as how her failure to awaken her powers has made her deeply insecure. Her depression is worsened by constantly being around Link, who is— well— he’s Link, he’s good at everything and he’s following his destiny without much issue. This causes her to lash out at him, which some fans claim makes her “whiny” and “annoying”. My response? She’s a teenager trying to stop the apocalypse. She’s stressed, her father’s kind of a dick, and she becomes nicer to Link as the memories progress and she realizes that her behavior may be affecting him when he hasn’t even done anything to her. It’s called character development, guys.

Their dynamic reaches its apex when the Calamity hits. For the first time in his life, Link utterly fails; he’s assailed by Guardians, horribly injured, and drops to the ground, dying. In that moment, Zelda’s power awakens and she manages to hit a proverbial pause button the Calamity, saving Link’s life in the process. When Link fails and is in dire need of help, Zelda finally unlocks her true potential, proving that she’s not such a failure after all, and that even badasses like Link aren’t perfect.

King Rhoam is interesting. In life, he was downright emotionally abusive towards Zelda, reminding her of her failures and pressuring her to give up on her passions and hyperfixate on stopping Ganon. However, if you read his not-so-easy-to-find diary, you begin to understand that his treatment of her isn’t out of malice; he’s genuinely desperate to stop Ganon and keep Hyrule safe, and he deeply hates the way he treats Zelda and vows to change his ways once Ganon is stopped. Tragically, he dies in battle, and his ghost continues to haunt the kingdom as he waits for Link to reawaken and help him atone for his treatment of Zelda and failure to save the kingdom.

The Champions? Yeah, they all fucking fail and die trying to stop the Blight Ganons. It’s tragic, but none are more tragic than Mipha, the sweet Zora Princess wh—

Just kidding. It’s actually Revali.

Revali is an interesting character because, despite his constant bragging and arrogant attitude, he secretly hates himself and views anything he does as a failure. Revali seems to believe that because Link is the Chosen Hero, he himself is worthless in comparison, sparking a jealous rivalry with Link. Or so he thinks. In reality, Link doesn’t really care or even seem to notice Revali’s obvious resentment; he just stares blankly and doesn’t respond whenever Revali tries to bully him. This pisses Revali off even more. How dare this “Hero” not regard me as an equal? He must think I’m some kind of pathetic loser! Well I’m not! My wings are bigger than yours!!!

Anyways, unlike Zelda, Revali never totally lets go of his resentment towards Link, but death seems to mellow him out a bit and help him realize that the future of Hyrule is more important than his own perceived failures. Thus, he grants Link his own, special power for the sake of the greater good, and wishes him luck… in the rudest way possible, of course.

Finally, we have the Big Bad himself, Calamity Ganon. Calamity Ganon isn’t just evil incarnate, or malice incarnate, or Denise’s curse incarnate; he’s failure incarnate. Ganon has failed over and over, again and again, for millennia. He’s so obsessed with his failure that he’s let his hatred of Zelda, Hyrule, and especially Link utterly consume him, reducing him to… this. Long gone is the charismatic mastermind that once overthrew Hyrule and the Twilight Realm, conquered the Great Sea, and seized the Triforce of Power. Now, we just have this gross, destructive mass of pure hatred and failure, who isn’t nearly as competent as the human Ganondorf was. Unlike the aforementioned heroes, Ganon simply won’t stop obsessing over his failures and his grudge against Link and the Hylians, and now there’s little of his true self left.

Enough about characters and story. The gameplay is great. The combat system is dynamic and extremely fun (the weapon breakage may be annoying at first, but it adds lots of depth and strategy), the music is as quiet as it is gorgeous, I’ve already praised the overworld, and the dungeons… hmmm… uhhh…

The Shrines are hit-and-miss, and the Divine Beasts don’t reach their full potential. While this (understandably) annoys many fans, I’m fine with it. They’re definitely not as good as the rigidly-structured dungeons of Zelda past, but I think their freeform nature, accessibility, and the quests involved to unlock some of them all contribute to— and strengthen— this game’s open-ended structure. They may not be complete bangers (except the Final Trial from the DLC; it’s amazing and it should’ve been in the base game), but they work for the game, and they’re fun.

Hyrule Castle, however, is a masterpiece. It’s a proper dungeon with loads of secrets to discover, puzzles to solve, enemies to defeat, bosses to fight, and even a dungeon item (kinda)— the Hylian Shield! That’s awesome! On top of that, it’s mostly optional, further contributing to the open gameplay. You completely skip it by swimming up waterfalls and charging straight into Ganon’s sanctum, or you can take your time exploring the castle, looking for bits of lore and maybe even a secret shrine.

On top of all that, this game is just pure Zelda. There’s so much adventure to be had. It’s so beautiful and loving towards nature. It provides a poignant story. The visuals are gorgeous for a Switch game. There are a plethora of references to past games, with Ocarina of Time and Skyward Sword receiving constant callbacks in both subtle and obvious ways (I could swear that Faron Woods still looks exactly the same as it did in the latter game). It feels like a true culmination of decades of experimentation, of all of Link’s past adventures. When I first played Breath of the Wild, I thought, “This is what Ocarina of Time wanted to be, but couldn’t because of the limitations of its era.” I still think that’s true.

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild is utterly fantastic, and here’s hoping that Tears of the Kingdom is even better.

I’ll be updating my log for this game as I play through it.

To all the people who say this is “just $70 DLC”… bullshit. Bull-fucking-shit. This game has so much to offer and brimming with so much new content that I keep forgetting that I’m trekking through the same map of Hyrule.

One of this game’s biggest improvements is the Shrines. I have yet to see how the actual dungeons will pan out, but the Shrines have been fantastic so far.

Gone are those pathetic, single-room, “puzzles” that plagued Breath of the Wild. From what I’ve played so far, almost every Shrine has multiple rooms and multiple puzzles that build off of one another.

The best example I’ve seen is the Oroc… Orochionsvwisnabwe… uh… the “Courage to Fall” Shrine. It’s got multiple rooms and pathways that intersect, and a small key required for progression. You also have to keep an eye on your surroundings in order to figure out the path to the key’s location. It’s a full-fledged mini-dungeon, and I absolutely loved it!

Yeah, this game is on track to being my favorite of all time. Loving it.

Another update.

I made it through the Wind Temple. I won’t spoil where or what the Wind Temple is, but I will say that they fixed Breath of the Wild’s dungeon problem. The buildup to entering the dungeon is absolutely phenomenal, and true to Breath of the Wild, much of it is optional. The Wind Temple itself has a memorable design and a layout that’s surprisingly hard to maneuver; it’s very reminiscent of one of the best dungeons from Skyward Sword, which is appropriate, considering the games’ shared settings. The Wind Temple still isn’t particularly difficult overall, but it’s a vast improvement over the Divine Beasts that successfully mixes the complex layouts of old Zelda dungeons with BotW’s open-ended gameplay.

I still haven’t gotten to a second dungeon because I keep getting distracted with this game’s slew of side quests, which are also better and much more involved than the ones in BotW. In particular, there’s a long, yet extremely fun, quest that takes place in the Depths below Hyrule, featuring the welcome return of a character that I felt was wasted in BotW, and four fantastic boss battles that utilize Ultrahand and the concept of vehicular combat to their fullest extents.

I love this game so much.

Took a short break from Tears of the Kingdom to play Four Swords.

I do love the extravagant 3D adventures in the Zelda series, like Breath of the Wild and Twilight Princess. However, I also love the simpler, shorter 2D titles like Link’s Awakening and The Minish Cap. Four Swords falls into the latter category of “short, but very sweet”.

Sure, Four Swords is nothing particularly special. The plot is basic, the gameplay is linear, yada-yada. But it definitely excels at being fun, focused, and tightly-designed— even in single player— which is more than I can say for Four Swords Adventures.

You see, the main problem I had with Four Swords Adventures was that IT WAS TOO FUCKING LONG!!!! FSA went on far longer than it had any right to, and the puzzles never evolved or became more difficult, creating a repetitive slog that I like less and less the more I think about it.

Four Swords, on the other hand, is gracefully short. 3 areas with 3 levels each, then a final level to cap it all off. It does what it needs to and promptly fucks off, leaving us some optional (and surprisingly good) retro bonus levels, which is highly appreciated and keeps the game from feeling repetitive.

The dungeon design isn’t remarkable, but it’s pretty solid and engaging. The game keeps up the Four Swords trilogy tradition of having the Palace of Winds (or “Vaati’s Palace”) be the best dungeon in the game. It’s nothing complex, but it’s a rock-solid piece of level design with some nice, escalating difficulty and a beautiful sky backdrop.

The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords is unremarkable, but a thoroughly good time that’s worth playing at least once. Plus, it’s got an adorable art style to boot.

”Our last line of defense will be Link.”

I don’t even know where to start.

I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to go back to Breath of the Wild, since Tears of the Kingdom corrects damn near every flaw from that game. Similar-looking, simplistic dungeons? Now we’ve got temples that are closer to classic Zelda dungeons. Weapon durability? I never thought it was a problem, but now we’ve got the Fuse mechanic that encourages you to break as many weapons as you want so you can harvest the parts of the monsters you killed and make even stronger ones. Enemy variety? We’ve got double the amount of enemies and bosses. Empty space? Again, wasn’t a problem for me, but Hyrule is even more densely-packed than it was before. Minimalistic story? ALSO not a problem for me, but it’s nice to see the return of a classic, epic, Link vs. Ganondorf storyline, time travel and all.

Oh man, the world design is just so fantastic. The Surface has been rearranged and filled with new content, to the point that none of it feels quite the same as it did in BotW. Hell, despite how much I’ve played BotW and memorized the map, I found myself downright lost many times in TotK. Adding on to that, you can make certain elixirs and unlock an armor set that allows to climb in the rain, completely fixing a genuine flaw of the previous game. We’ve got the beautiful Sky islands, filled with Wind Waker-style puzzles and challenges, allowing you to upgrade your powers and find maps that lead to treasure. We’ve got giant, labyrinthine caves that spread all over the overworld and contain unique treasures, enemies, and occasionally even bosses. Then we’ve got the Depths, an entire dark world underneath Hyrule that Nintendo kept completely out of the advertising. Diving into the Depths for the first time was one of the creepiest and most surreal experiences I’ve ever had in the Zelda series. The atmosphere, the tougher enemies, the slew of bosses, the perpetual darkness, and the fucking Gloom all make it unnerving and difficult to traverse, yet there’s SOOOO much treasure to find and mines to discover that you can’t help but wanna activate every Lightroot anyway… so I did.

The new abilities manage to put the Sheikah Runes to shame.
1) Recall is the least useful out of the bunch, allowing you to rewind time on certain objects. However, when I say “least useful” , I mean “least intentionally useful”; many Shrines and challenges can be completely cheesed just by using Recall at the right moment in time.
2) Ascend is very simple. It allows you to phase through any ceiling or overhang directly above you. As simple as it is, though, its applications make climbing much less tedious and allows for some creative puzzle-solving.
3) Fuse heavily incentivizes combat by allowing you to craft your own powerful weapons and increase their durability in the process. On top of that, the most powerful weapons and parts come from monsters, so you’ll often find yourself fighting more monsters and breaking your weapons so you can continuously create more weapons and make them more powerful as the enemies scale up. A great way to satiate people who complained about weapon durability without getting rid of it altogether.
4) Ultrahand is the game’s main ability, and I’ve seen someone describe it as “Magnesis on crack”. Yeah, that sounds about right. Ultrahand allows to not only pick up damn near every item in the game, but also allows you to stick it to other objects— mainly Zonai technology— and build your own vehicles, elevators, mechs, Korok torture devices, laser weapons, Korok concentration camps, you name it. There’s an extra, optional ability that goes off of Ultrahand, but I won’t spoil it.

The dungeons have received a massive overhaul.

Starting with the Shrines, they’re much better than before. Very few of them are single-room “puzzles” anymore, and most feel like full-blown mini-dungeons. The puzzles are more complicated, there are more enemies to fight, and the Proving Grounds Shrines are effective translations of the beloved Eventide Island quest into a smaller environment.

As for the main dungeons, they’re a huge step up. While they’re still mostly easy and open-ended, they have much stronger theming and more engaging puzzles, which allows them to be an effective combination of old-school Zelda dungeons and the Divine Beasts’ non-linear structure.
1) Wind Temple: A fun area with a unique design and some confusing traversal. I’ve been over this one in a previous log, so I won’t go through it again.
2) Water Temple: Probably the weakest dungeon, in all honesty. Despite sharing a name with one of the most infamously difficult dungeons in the series, the Water Temple is basically just a Divine Beast without the “control the dungeon layout” gimmick. It’s a collection of disparate puzzles in a very spread-out location. On the bright side, the place is GORGEOUS, you go through it with the lovely Prince Sidon, and the boss is genuinely pretty funny.
3) Lightning Temple: A fucking masterpiece. A series of interconnected rooms where your actions in one may affect the layout of the rest. A wonderful callback to dungeons of Zelda past with some strong desert theming and lots of creepy Gibdos.
4) Fire Temple: Confusing, labyrinthine, and lots of combat. Not much to say, it’s just really good.
5) Hyrule Castle: Much like in A Link to the Past, Hyrule Castle is an enemy gauntlet that’s pretty straightforward. However, it makes up for the straightforwardness with just how much fun the combat can be and with the high-stakes storyline of the dungeon, capped off with an extremely unsettling cutscene before the boss battle.
6) Spirit Temple: Basically, the designers said, “Fuck it, go crazy with Ultrahand.” You can basically do the Spirit Temple with whatever contraptions you can think of as long as you can get the MacGuffin pieces to the center of the area. The solutions I created were hilariously over-the-top and sometimes unintuitive, which only made it more satisfying whenever I cleared a room.
7) Imprisoning Chamber: I don’t know the actual name of this area, but it’s basically another enemy gauntlet underneath Hyrule Castle as you make your way to Ganondorf. The tension is palpable, the music is oppressive, and the environment is… red. Very red. I love it.

As you can see, there are not only more dungeons in TotK, but most of them are vast improvements over the Divine Beasts. Also worth noting is that the bosses are just as unique, but I don’t feel like going into all of them.

The overworld bosses are a sight to behold. We’ve got the returning ones like Taluses, Hinoxes, etc.; but the main attractions are the Gleeoks, making their 3D debut. They’re colossal, have enormous health bars, and can one-shot you well over halfway through the game. These things are utter abominations that are almost unfair in the early game, and I love them for it. There’s also the Gloom Spawns, which technically aren’t bosses, but they may as well be. They’re ludicrously fast, inflict heavy damage, and let out the most NIGHTMARISH screeches from the depths of hell. Basically, mix Floormasters, Dead Hand, and ReDeads, make them 5x faster with 5 clones, increase their health bars, and you’ve got the Gloom Spawns, some of the most terrifying enemies in the series. And when you’d defeat them, you have to face yet another boss that I wouldn’t dare spoil.

The side quests are a marked improvement. Instead of just fetch quest after fetch quest, you can:
— Search for leads on Zelda’s location.
— Reclaim a village that’s been ransacked by pirates and help Bolson rebuild it.
— Track down the remaining pirates and break into the stronghold.
— Solve a political dispute in Hateno Village.
— Invent pizza.
— Help construct a boating resort in Lurelin Village.
— Assist a bunch of townsfolk and soldiers in raiding monster hideouts.
I could go on and on, but the gist is that this game’s collection of side quests is second only to Majora’s Mask in the series overall, which is one hell of an achievement.

Okay, on to the story. Tears of the Kingdom has a story that’s mostly standard Zelda fare: Link sets out to find Zelda, awaken the Sages, and defeat Ganondorf. We’ve seen it time and time again, but dammit, it still works after 30+ years. The story is jammed full of references to previous games, a compelling backstory that plays out like… well, a legend, and some interesting new characters like the Zonai king and Queen Sonia. On top of that, the story has a real sense of urgency that actually makes you feel like you need to complete it to save each region of Hyrule, as opposed to BotW, where you can take as much time as you want to fuck around in the world because the demon piggy ain’t going anywhere. There’s also a fair bit of mystery for players new and old. How is Ganondorf back? Where’s Zelda? What’s causing all these bizarre phenomena? Who are the Zonai? Why are the Gorons suffering from a drug epidemic started by a corrupt corporation???

The voice acting has vastly improved, and many of the actors have settled into their roles more comfortably. Yunobo’s voice is still a little annoying, but it works better here and leads to a ridiculously funny introduction. Like, I can’t get over how hilarious and absurd his introduction is. Patricia Somerset really shines as Zelda, delivering lines in a much more convincing manner and even being downright creepy in some scenes (i.e. the Blood Moon). Then there’s, of course, Matthew Mercer’s menacing growl as Ganondorf.

Ganondorf is awesome in this game. He’s powerful, intelligent, and charismatic, just as you’d expect. However, this new Ganondorf differs from the original in that he’s a fucking dick. Sure, the OG Ganondorf was a megalomaniacal tyrant, but he at least had some honor and a tragic backstory. This Ganondorf? Nah. He’s a warmongering psychopath with no redeeming qualities and a litany of atrocities to his name, which further motivates you to want to plunge the Master Sword through this smug face once again. Fantastic villain.

Zelda herself goes on an interesting journey into her people’s past and discovers more about herself, further maturing from the insecure and moody teenager we saw in BotW into an intelligent young scholar and a benevolent leader. Link… well, he’s Link, but he’s a bit more expressive and we get more hints of his more-than-platonic feelings towards Zelda and goofier mannerisms, on top of his status as Hyrule’s underestimated paragon.

All in all, The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom is damn near perfect, and easily the greatest video game I’ve ever played. Any criticisms I voiced don’t actually detract from my enjoyment, and I’m sure I’ll be replaying it many times in the future. Frankly, I don’t see how any video game could ever top this for me, it’s just so phenomenal.

I haven’t played the Oracle games in years, so I figured I should give them another shot. To that end, I played them in the opposite order, partially to have a newer experience, and partially because… Ages is better.

The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages is fantastic, full stop. It’s less of an action-adventure game and more of a straight-up puzzle game. The overworld unlocks bit by bit, and you have to do things in a very specific way at a specific point in time to progress. The items are clever problem-solving tools that are utilized both in-and-out if dungeons. The dungeons themselves are elaborate mazes filled with riddles, confusing layouts, and deadly traps. Time travel is utilized far better than it was in Ocarina of Time, as it’s now a lynchpin for the entire game experience; Oracle of Ages simply wouldn’t work without its complex time-traveling puzzles.

The dungeons are great overall. I don’t have time to go into every single one, but it’s a very solid and challenging lineup, with my favorite being the Skull Dungeon. However, I’m still not a huge fan of Jabu-Jabu’s Belly. It’s not as soul-crushingly difficult as I remember it being on my first playthrough a few years ago, but the constant backtracking and the water-level gimmick (which doesn’t really work in a 2D plane) got kinda dull. Aside from that, great dungeons.

Only a few other criticisms. The music is very hit-or-miss. The Mermaid Suit controls are annoying as shit. Then there’s the Goron Dance minigame. What the fuck, Nintendo?

Now for the story, Oracle of Ages has a fairly basic plot (Link take sword, save girl, kill bad guy), but the worldbuilding is surprisingly deep for a Game Boy Color game. By speaking to NPCs and paying attention to the environment, you’ll learn interesting details about how Labrynna has evolved over time, and how badly Veran is fucking everything up. You’ve even got some darker themes lurking underneath those 8-bit sprites, like enslavement (the men of Lynna Village are forced to work on a giant tower for days on end, without any food or sleep), a disaster (Veran causes a volcano eruption that completely massacres an entire city), and regicide (Veran poisons the ocean, killing the Zora King; Veran is super evil). They don’t really lead to anything super intelligent or meaningful like Majora’s Mask and Twilight Princess, but it works well for a handheld, 8-bit adventure.

So yeah, the game is great! Very challenging, complex, and ultimately rewarding.