107 reviews liked by Fiiib


cortana could say some marvel quip shit like "uh oh... he's right behind me isn't he" and i would eat it up like chicken dinner yes queen you're so funny

never have i experienced a game that was so bad it actually exhausted me. i was ready to make a long post with every issue i had with the plot/pacing/characters/mysteries but as the last chapter dragged on with its obvious unsubtle twists i realized i would have spent longer writing the post than they spent writing this awful game

really tries to say a lot of things about some really touchy subjects, but it rings hollow due to a lack of subtlety and misunderstanding of the subject matter on the part of the writers. you can really tell whenever old people try to write about problems involving like, social media and modern bullying culture n shit, the commentary feels very surface-level and bland. the protagonist is really bringing this down too, her constant monologue ruins any sort of spooky atmosphere the game might have had. if it weren't for the brand name and triple a look i'd mistake this for one of those arty indie things by some sad solo dev. plus that maze bit at the end can suck eggs jfc. that monster design is neat tho so that's a star there

i would never break up a marriage with children involved but ermmm… mr olimar… tucks my hair behind my ear and blushes we should practice dandori together haha….

you could fry an egg on my phone after 15 minutes of playing this game

Is this game a commentary on the size of pockets on women's clothes???

this is a soulless husk of a game that i paid 48 real, hard earned dollars for and i have to live with that for the rest of my life. i could have bought food with that money. i could have been at the club

To love Advance Wars is to embrace its jagged edges, to celebrate the insanity of imbalance and rubber banding in a game about "strategy" and "thinking". Intelligent systems realized this for Dual Strike, and broke every rule imaginable.

Double turns?
Yup.

Switching between CO's in order to cancel out any resemblance of drawbacks they may have once had?
Booyah

Giving characters skills so that the imbalance is extenuating beyond the point of no return?
Yaaaas

It's a busted mess that turns the PvE section into a challenge to see how badly you can break every rule. Missions end with 50 units that you only payed for a quarter of, as you slowly cover the AIs screen til there's nowhere left for them to build.

I have not played PvP and for all I could know that may bend the rules too much into unfun territory, but as far as PvE goes its an orchestrated mess that leaves an impeccable impression.

STOP PLAYING DUAL STRIKE

-WAR CRIMINALS WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE GIVEN 'POWER OF FRIENDSHIP'
-YEARS OF DAY-TO-DAY PERKS yet NO REAL-WORLD USE FOUND for 10% PLAINS BONUS
-"Yes please give blackhole TWO turns if i play too good" Statements dreamed up by the utterly deranged

"Hello I would like to control xx−−√=x+x−−√ CO's please" They Have Played Us For Absolute Fools

this damn game man, idk it feels like it was designed to fit my specific fav taste of weirdo/depressing/confusing/goober ass Vibes, hard to describe but like it's two dollars give it a go if it looks at all interesting
hacchi my goat fr fr