"are you ready for your lessons in how to be a good rpg game?"

Megami Tensei gulped.

Dragon Quest nodded.

Final Fantasy shuddered.

Xeno blinked nervously.

"yes Volcanic Bird: Bird Quest," they say in unison.

Maybe I'm being overly critical. I'm not sure. Am I just salty after being so enthused by Donkey Kong 94? Or is this game genuinely a disappointing successor to that game? Well, to be honest, I don't even think Mario vs Donkey Kong succeeds at being a very interesting puzzle platformer in its own rights.

The game feels so sluggish; not just control wise but also in terms of level design. Plenty of puzzles; primarily later on required me to wait around so much without anything interesting to keep me entranced.

I wouldn't even mind the puzzles being slower paced if they weren't so piss easy. There were very few instances where I felt like I had to think to solve these puzzles. The colored switches are certainly interesting but manage to streamline the puzzles even further. It doesn't help that solutions feel so railroaded and straightforward.

I could have written an entire essay all about how this game is the antithesis to Donkey Kong 94's bitesized and fast paced yet challenging puzzle platforming, but I don't even need to compare the two games to find Mario vs Donkey Kong painfully average. To be fair, I enjoyed it when I was much younger (although I never made it past world 2). I think both my perception with its predecessor and puzzle platformers in general has spoiled me from enjoying this game nowadays, though.

(Oh, and what the hell is going on with the art direction? The backgrounds, enemies, and set pieces are, like, all completely different styles that constantly clash with each other. It's yucky.)

insultingly bad barring two zones

the issue isn't that sonic is slow - he is fucking immobile. most of the obstacles aren't even platforming challenges but rather just waiting for blockades to move. proof that marketing is everything when your audience is dumb kids

thankfully the sequels introduced speed to the series... what a novel concept

Like a Dragon Gaiden pays a heartfelt homage to Kazuma Kiryu, cementing the Dragon of Dojima's legendary status as one of the greatest videogame characters of all time. As a dedicated Yakuza enthusiast, diving into Gaiden felt like a pilgrimage to the core foundations of the series, creating an ultimate celebration of Yakuza's storied history while injecting a refreshing narrative full of crazy twists.

Set against the backdrop of Yakuza: Like a Dragon, Gaiden asserts itself as a standalone entry, crafting one of the most unique tie-in gaming experiences I've encountered. The narrative weaves a deep and personal tale, skillfully drawing on elements from previous games to resonate with long-time fans while introducing new layers to the lore.

The combat system in Gaiden, utilizing the robust Dragon Engine, showcases a branching from the style seen in the Judgment series. The introduction of the addicting Agent style, reminiscent of the agile Crane style used by Takayuki Yagami, adds a layer of excitement to large group encounters. The game's emphasis on facing larger mobs of enemies highlights the developers' commitment to providing a thrilling and dynamic combat experience, encouraging players to experiment with an arsenal of gadgets and abilities.

One of the standout features of the Yakuza series has consistently been its electrifying and intense soundtrack, and Gaiden lives up to this tradition. The blend of EDM, heavy rock, and high-energy pop creates a sonic landscape that is quintessentially the soul of Ryu Ga Gotoku. Standout tracks like Hellish Octagon, Bring It On, Fleeting Dream, Like A Butterfly, and Deadly Struggle contribute to an OST that is not only memorable but also a strong contender for my personal soundtrack of the year for 2023.

Avoiding a deep dive into the story to preserve the impact for fellow Kiryu enthusiasts, I can't help but emphasize the emotional connection I felt throughout the narrative. Kiryu, a character I've cherished since my teenage years, delivers a poignant experience that culminated in a 2am emotional rollercoaster, leaving me in tears. As I eagerly await the release of Like a Dragon 8, Gaiden stands as a testament to the developers' dedication to creating a game tailored for Kiryu fans worldwide. It undeniably deserves to be hailed as the peak of the Yakuza series, offering an immersive and emotional journey that resonates long after the credits roll.

“When I turn into a hideous beast… Even then—in that form… do you still love me?”

The final of the three Operation Rainfall games for me to play, and it's the best of the bunch. This game is an emotional journey through a world shrouded in mysteries and heartbreak, and I recommend it to anyone that has the ability to purchase or emulate it. Parallels can be drawn to Shadow of the Colossus fused with some Legend of Zelda, but Pandora's Tower succeeds in finding its own footing and cementing itself as one of—if not the best—game on the Wii.

In the center of a massive crevice between two warring nations are thirteen towers—bound to the edges of the cliffs by massive chains. After having been mysteriously cursed during her country's Harvest Festival, Elena is taken by Aeron and a suspicious old merchant by the name of Mavda to an observatory right outside the Scar. The curse turns her into a malicious beast, and time is running out. Aeron is tasked with scaling the thirteen towers and slaying the Master Beasts atop them, bringing their flesh back for Elena to reluctantly devour. According to Mavda, this will end the curse ailing poor Elena.

Presented with a mix of in-engine cutscenes, higher quality FMVs, and some picture book flashbacks, Pandora's Tower is engaging from start to finish. Immediately, the player is made aware of the deep bonds Aeron and Elena share, and his overwhelming desire to help her. Aeron rarely speaks aloud, but says volumes with his facial expressions and body language. Dialogs with Elena reveal her innocent and caring nature as she tries desperately to be of some help to Aeron as he braves the dangers of the towers. Both of the lead characters are handled magnificently, weaving a believable relationship and developing a desire within the player to see them both happy together. Mavda maintains an air of enigmatic suspiciousness as you learn more about her people's history and the origin of the towers. Additional characters are introduced via flashback scenes and documents that each have their own arcs and events that manage to humanize even the smallest of players in the grander story.

Gameplay consists of two major elements—scaling the thirteen towers and taking care of Elena. With a time limit placed on her by the curse, it is imperative that you always put Elena first and make sure she is fed beast flesh to prevent her from succumbing to her grim fate. Combat is fast but simple. A mix of melee attacks with weapons such as a sword, knives, and scythe and the magical Oraclos Chain given to Aeron by Mavda. Boss fights are the highlight, as each is fought in a unique manner with the Oroclos Chain, rarely calling for Aeron to brandish his sword. I played using a Pro Controller, so the chain's aiming was relegated to the right analog stick. Occasionally, aiming the chain can be a bit jank, targeting items or enemies that get in the way of what you want. It's serviceable, but I imagine the pointer controls on the Wiimote + Nunchuck combo are much quicker and easier to use. Puzzles are simple and exploration is illustrated well with the chains leading the player to the necessary rooms to unlock the boss gate. Pandora's Tower excels in its use of the Oraclos Chain. Even in repeated elemental themes (two for each element), the ways in which the dungeons innovate on familiar functions of the chain keep things fresh and exciting. It helps that you do not need to spend more than an hour in any given dungeon to complete the game.

Visually, Pandora's Tower is one of the best looking titles on the Wii. Characters are detailed, expressive, and engaging. Environments vary within the towers, using elemental themes to dress the dungeons in different guises to mask the sometimes repetitive layouts. You will see the same staircase a couple times, but it never feels cheap or rehashed. Each tower feels unique and worth exploring.

Regrettably, the one aspect that did not do much for me was the soundtrack, which I imagine is contrary to popular opinion. I did not dislike any of the music, but only two or so songs really stuck with me after the credits. Each track services the setting well and helps immerse the player in its world, but I will more than likely not listen to any of the soundtrack outside of playing the game. The voice acting, however, is quite good. On par with Xenoblade Chronicles and The Last Story (which makes sense, considering the localization was handled by the same people), the vocal performances of each character are believable and filled with emotion. While the lip syncing in the dialog scenes don't match, the performances of the voice actors drew my attention plenty. Small note: the sound effects related to the Oraclos Chain are punch and satisfying, as are many of the combat and exploratory SFX.

Unfortunately, as is the case with most rare games I fall in love with, there is one big catch to Pandora's Tower. If you play the NTSC-U version of the game like I did, you will encounter a game-breaking bug during the final two towers that crash the title. There are workarounds, which are mostly effective, but I did hit this crash four times in a row. Nothing was guaranteed. If you can make it past that, this game is absolutely worth your time. If you are emulating, simply grab the PAL ROM and you'll never need to worry about it.

Pandora's Tower is a game I am very glad to have experienced. It has all of the heart of the strongest JRPGs out there, and a solid gameplay loop that does not overstay its welcome. Clocking in at ~15 hours, my time felt very respected... outside of the Blazing Citadel. I only wish that Pandora's Tower had found the same level of success as Xenoblade Chronicles, as I think it's an even better title from an unknown developer that deserves more chances to break away from their licensed work and create more memorable works of art.

“When I turn into a hideous beast… Even then—in that form… do you still love me?”

"Never doubt that."

Special thanks to @CarnageKRool for giving me this game for Christmas in 2022.

This game sort of feels like a parasite stuck in my body that irks me every once in a while. I am legitimately unhealthily bothered by this game in a way that's absolutely weird, especially for a game I dropped halfway through and I just decided to watch the rest of on YouTube (But hey, that's how most Persona fans experience the games anyways). Its a game that I've tried to review multiple times, but every time I tried, it feels either really generic or forcefully unfunny, and this one will likely feel the same after a while.

Anyways, Persona 3's story consists of meaningful and complex themes being dumbed down into safe and easily digestible "anime cringe", where the story wants to actually be about a factory produced, self-insert twink being overpowered and beating blatantly evil bad guys, with side characters who only exist to suck the main character's dick (both figuratively and literally) and with half-assed, uninspired development and backstories that were slapped on top for the sake of some sappy melodrama. The story feels more like if you told Chat GPT to write a shonen anime (including the horrible fanservice and blatant pedophilia) with elements of philosophy and less like it came from someone who had a unique vision and insight of grief and death that they wanted to tell.

The weird part is that its the same exact issues that made Persona 4 and 5's stories so atrocious. But Persona 3 seems to get a pass instead, and I feel like its less so based on this game's own merit, but rather as a reaction to the popularity of those games, or idk, it might just be the Persona effect, where their stories are amazing as long as you don't bother thinking critically about them at all.

That isn't to mention as well that nearly every other aspect of the game is mediocre at best; with mind numbing dungeon crawling; mediocre combat; a long and drawn out calendar system; menus that feel more like PowerPoint slideshows; the repetitive and uninspired tracks that drown out the good ones with how you only seem to listen to the same 5 songs on repeat; and whatever the fuck happened to the beautiful art direction between SMT 3/DDS and Persona 3.

I'm ok with a game being relatively weak on the core gameplay if it at least has one great redeeming quality, but Persona 3 almost has fucking nothing. You'd genuinely believe the storytelling of this shit would be on the level of Scorsese or Orwell based on how people almost completely disregard the gameplay and praise the game almost entirely due to the story and atmosphere, but no, you basically get some im14andthisisdeep shit (although its fitting considering the target demographic). Probably tied for the most drastically overrated thing I've ever experienced with Revenge of the Sith.

as sincerely invested in being a horror story as a Jeff the Killer fanfic. does for incest what Changed did for latex furry TF pornography, isn't much beyond that though dudes will swear otherwise. its focus is purely on its incestuous siblings and their sick 'n twisted toxic dynamic - which it thinks is hot. i'm not offended by incest porn but idk why you'd pretend this isn't that. you will witness legions of valorant eboys and egirls with personalities as appealing as their amazon basics LED bedroom lights adopt matching PFPs of it with a FOTM fervour like the many Chainsaw Man (Power i'm so sorry) characters before them. seventeen year old and thirty-two year old fandom-type gay people will probably doxx each other over it. it will be seen as 'reddit' within six months and forgotten shortly after.

Super Mario Bros Wonder is an interesting case. After four New Super Mario Bros games and them not being super innovative compared to each other, 2D Mario had become stale. Were they bad games? No, they just didn't do anything special in the slightest. Now after 10+ years since the last NSMB game, we have the next big 2D Mario game, Mario Wonder. Does it do enough different from the NSMB series? Hell yeah it does! Am I totally in love with it and consider it peak 2D Mario like a lot of people have been feeling? Sadly no, it has several issues that really hold it back in my eyes. But it does do a lot right.

The biggest change from NSMB and one of the best aspects of this game is the changed art style. Gone is the very samey art style that was used in all the NSMB games. Now Mario and the gang are expressive as ever and really feel more like their more classic games. There's so many different animations for various moves and interactions with things, it's great. They even brought back Mario's hat moving up and down when he jumps from Mario World. There was clearly a lot of love put into the overall style of the game, definitely a much-needed change, I think.

Another really nice change is just the amount of new stuff they crammed into this game. This game is absolutely filled to the brim with brand new enemies and level gimmicks. There were some returning enemies ofc but like 80% of the enemies in this game were all brand new, and that's just awesome imo. And as for the level gimmicks, they tie into the new wonder flower which basically just throws all kinds of ideas at you. One level you may see singing piranha plants, another one you might see Mario turn into a spiked ball. There's even one where you ride this super cool dragon, man that was cool. The abundance of different ideas, even if they do get reused sometimes, is just very immense.

I also enjoyed the secrets this game had. It's definitely not as expansive as Mario World in that regard but finding the game's secrets were pretty fun. Especially since it unlocked the special world that you can access early on like Mario World, man that was cool. I'd say I enjoyed most of the worlds in this game actually besides World 3 (idk it was just lame) but besides that every world was pretty solid. My favorite world though had to been 4 just because I remember being really impressed with some of the levels there.

Badges were whatever. I didn't really use them most of the time because I felt they made the game easier depending on the badge. The badge levels tho were pretty cool even if a little short.

Alright time for the negatives, why I don't love this game as much as everyone else. One of the biggest issues I had was the difficulty curve. I honestly did not think this game had a good climb in difficulty. I found every world pretty easy for the most part up until the bowser levels, which amped it up a little bit. And then the final badge stage was actually decently tough. I found past games, even the NSMB games to have a much better difficulty curve. Speaking of that final badge stage, while I found that somewhat difficult (even if it did have 3 checkpoints in it, that and the final regular stage in the special world were nowhere near as hard as some of the final stages in some of the more recent Mario games. Found that somewhat disappointing along with the easier difficulty as a whole.

Another thing I didn't like were the lackluster bosses. Reusing Bowser Jr 4 times was just really lame imo. They got so creative with the levels and they end up doing that for the bosses? Man, that's just so much missed potential I think. Speaking of the final Bowser fight, it was alright? It was again easy but also felt uninspired. Like the first thing I thought of when I saw it was the final boss to DKCR. Idk, they could've done much better with it along with the bosses as a whole.

Something else that kinda irked me, while I do like how experimental a lot of the levels can be, a chunk of them just felt like filler. You have your regular levels, your little badge levels which is fine but then you have these break levels that sometimes take literally 5 seconds to beat. I'd much rather play actual full-length levels instead and a lot of the time I just said out loud "what was the point of that". Idk, I never hated any of them, again they just felt more like filler.

I guess one more little thing that annoyed me, and it ties into the easiness of the game, is the fact that when you collect those purple coins worth 10 and then die, you keep it even after dying. Star coins never worked like that in the NSMB games and it makes certain levels that would otherwise be pretty tough to 100%, super easy.

The talking flowers I'm neutral on. They can be kinda funny but they never made me hate them nor like them too much. They're just kind of there and don't disrupt the gameplay really.

Before ending the review tho, I will say after beating the final final badge level, that final badge you get is very awesome. I just love how weird the developers got with this game, that badge reminded me of that one song in We Love Katamari lol. Also the end credits to the game were really cool too.

In the end I did really enjoy this game and it's definitely a step-up from the NSMB games overall. However, it has enough issues imo that hold it back from being really great. I know that's a hot take, I'm not expecting a ton of people to agree with me but I'd take Mario World any day over this game personally. I'd put this game around on par with Mario 3 and 3D World methinks. Also speaking of Mario World, playing this made me wanna replay that so that's what I'm gonna do. Look out for that review next!

7.5/10

I've discovered the problem at the heart of media rating, the reason why people think we backloggers are so weird. It's not the over-cataloging, it's not the verbose reviews, it's not the "critical eye" (AKA not being able to shut up when someone puts a movie on). It's that we treat our little ratings like a formal evaluation or grading of a game's quality, when in reality a score is simply "how much did this thing cater to my expectations". This leads to a lot of pseudo-objectivity. To resolve this problem, I am giving a 10/10 score to Drake of the 99 Dragons. If you disagree with me, shut up, you're wrong.