Alright everybody, sit down and be quiet. It’s time for me to recount the Tragedy of The Gadget Twins. Or is it the Tragedy of Gadget Twins? The box art and title screen technically give the game different names.

While you may know Imagitec Design as the famed developers of Bubsy in Fractured Furry Tales and… uh actually I don’t think there’s any other funny titles they developed, I suppose there’s Wheel of Fortune on the Genesis but I feel like that’s an even lower hanging fruit than Bubsy. Nevertheless, we have The Gadget Twins. Thunder Force who?! A game so profound (im being sarcastic the punchline of this joke is that i am praising a game that is bad), a game so revered (i am being sarcastic the punchline of this joke is that i am praising a game that is bad), a game that feels akin to a block of concrete colliding into your face.

You see, The Gadget Twins is not a lazy game. The exaggerated and manic cartoon motif was far from the standard in Genesis shmups, levels are vast and winding, there’s an absurd amount of unique bosses for its runtime, and while ideas like multi-directional weapons and a shop system were certainly not unique, they definitely weren’t shmup essentials. But the cost is steep, and I’d like to make a confession to explain how. When I first logged this game a couple years back, I didn’t even finish the first level before I had formulated my thoughts, and that was absolutely justified.

Look at these graphics. Listen to this music. Grapple with your starting attack and its five pixel range. Die in an instant because you have zero invincibility frames. Get snagged on every wall you touch. This is the tragedy.

Playing The Gadget Twins for the very first time was such a violent sensory assault in ways my writing could never describe. It is so outwardly horrible from the first moment you load up the ROM on your modded Wii (The stupid model that cut Gamecube compatibility), and the game does not change at all throughout its six levels. There are some games where there is frankly no need to see it through, just load up the two player mode when someone you know is over and have a quick laugh. Over time I would think to myself “The Gadget Twins wasn’t that unplayable, I think I should finish it!” Then I would sit my fat ass down and realize I was wrong yet again. I eventually staggered my way to level two and for a while I was content with that, and I think I still would be, to be honest.

I went onto everyone’s favorite website backloggd dot com and left a HIlarious review for The Gadget Twins that I should be able to recall, “the virgin ikaruga vs the chad gadget twins”

lol! Why did I mention Ikaruga? The two games have nothing to do with each other! That’s not funny! Well this may actually be the one bad decision I’ve made on Backloggd that I could actually be able to defend, I had quickly cooked up the idea to use that fUNNY meme for the review, but at the time I knew absolutely nothing about the shmup genre, so I kind of plucked Ikaruga out of a quick Google search without thinking. Despite this, Ikaruga or not, the review is very unfunny, though that should go without saying.

Then it came to the point where I gave up trying to give The Gadget Twins a chance, I then turned to bringing it up whenever I could as a sort of running gag. If I’m correct (Not a common occurrence), being The Gadget Twins Guy was a position I held on Backloggd. There is one thing I would really like to say, and I really hope this doesn’t come off as disingenuous. I feel very grateful to have held this position, or any position at all on Backloggd, as ridiculous as that may sound. Being able to maintain a personal database of the games that I’ve played would have been enough to satisfy me, but getting to interact with this website’s community has always been extremely enjoyable. Reading great reviews, talking to cool people, and being able to expand my palate of games to play. I doubt I would have ever experienced some of my favorites without reading the good reception they’ve received on here, and I certainly would have never even heard of The Gadget Twins! And that’s not a life worth living.

So now here we are, where I face a bit of a conflict. Here I am, MisterRaisin (Formerly radicalraisin, a much more stupid and corny name I came up with on the spot when making my account), with the bio of “professional person.” This bio is a lie, a big one. First, “person” goes against the name as it suggests that I am, in fact, not a raisin, which is actually true so I suppose the statement is only a half-lie. Second, and more importantly, my behavior on Backloggd has been far from “professional.” I have made my mark on this community through my endless stash of poorly-written reviews (Like the one you’re reading now, egad!) and awkward, obnoxious interactions where I act rude and mostly humor myself with the worst comedy on Planet Earth at the expense of the poor soul on the receiving end. How anyone put up with this is beyond me. I suppose you can’t drive someone away simply for being a dick but there’s only so much you can take, right? I suppose I should thank you all for not frying me alive like I absolutely deserved (And still deserve), but it absolutely would’ve been for the best.

Light at the end of this tunnel seemingly appeared in, I want to say, Summer of 2022. I had perhaps what we could call an epiphany, where I realized that throughout my time on Backloggd, and in actuality, all my life, I have been in the running for the World’s Biggest Cunt award (I should really stop sugar coating this) and I left Backloggd with the vow that I would only return once my personality and writing skills could be classified as bearable.

I should have known that I wouldn’t have had the balls to fulfill that promise. I would come back around and post reviews as shallow as my personality and as funny as a funeral at a horribly high frequency throughout the last year and a half, I might as well have not “left” at all. I suppose I simply could not help myself, that’s a pathetic excuse, but I’m afraid to say it’s true. I’d then regain a shred of sense and go off again with the same vow I would break two months later without developing as a person at all. I could make the claim that I owe everyone on this site an apology, but that wouldn’t be nearly enough.

Now that I think (Apparently I can do that), this cycle actually parallels my relationship with The Gadget Twins, getting overzealous and making an ass of myself again and again. Well now here I sit, writing another review for backloggd dot com, full of ego and undercooked thoughts on a video game yet again. Why do I do this? Well you probably know and recognize that asking this rhetorical question is pointless. I simply cannot help myself yet again. It’s dumb of me, stupid of me, idiotic of me, poopoo dumbass of me, seriously. Learning from my mistakes seems like a more distant possibility every single day. Actually I probably have learned, I just ignore the lessons every chance I get.

To be frank, https://prod-dairyqueen.dotcmscloud.com/dA/0ee9fa67f7/classic-hot-dog.png/600w. Also I think that I may be able to provide a sense of closure. I flipped on infinite lives and went my way through all six levels of The Gadget Twins. I believe I referred to this earlier but the game does not really change at all, aside from a slight difficulty curve. In fact, since you can eventually buy some tolerable weapons, the game gets marginally better, more like a punch in the face than the electric chair. I’m sorry I can’t give The Gadget Twins the bottom 0.5 rating, this is a dreadful, dreadful game, but it’d be like picking on a small child.

What ev or. I beat The Gadget Twins! I fought the final boss, watched the credits, and damned every name in them to the fiery pits of hell! Now here’s the closure, I’ve promised that one day I could throw myself back into backloggd dot com’s community and it would be glorious and whatnot, but I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to do it. It’s most likely because coming back around would probably involve having to swallow my pride, but I’m going to indulge myself and say that it's because of the sheer embarrassment and guilt of all the dumb crap I’ve done on this site, all the literary acid I’ve spewed out. I think I’ll still use Backloggd to keep track of what I’ve played, but I’ll seriously try to make sure that you have to read another one of my reviews or comments again.

Maybe I could actually keep a promise (Not likely) and try to do something positive for this world. I’ve dragged my feet for years and years but I doubt it really is that hard, being a baby about it’s the most probable explanation for my behavior. Like think about what you could do with a mere seven dollars. You could buy and prepare a can or two of soup, give it to a homeless person and provide them some relief from the bitter cold, you could donate it to a charity, furthering the development of social progress or medical research, you could gift a loved one with something that, no matter how small, could effortlessly demonstrate the endless love you feel for them, you could buy The Gadget Twins on Steam!

The Gadget Twins is over. So is MisterRaisin. Ding dong! The Witch is dead! Well I’m sorry but actually I think you’ll have to wait a couple years for that. I hope that when I’m 80, have several diseases and children who don’t want to talk to me, and are dying in a hospital bed, my two favorite twins Bop and Bump will come to greet me in my final moments of life. And then my bed suddenly flies out the window and I fall into a vat of sharks, that would be very comical and proof of the justice that can exist in our world.

This is too little too late, but I really am sorry, for all my hoo-hah and the annoyance I know it’s brought. Hell, I’ve probably done it again with this review! Shit, why am I so nonchalant about this? Life isn’t a game, The Gadget Twins is. I guess I’m in too deep now. I truly do wish you all the best and hope that another MisterRaisin never shows up on Backloggd.

Here’s what should be the main takeaway. Do not play The Gadget Twins. It’s not worth it. Play a good Genesis game about a little red guy shooting things.