4 reviews liked by MonaLisaOvrdrive


Far too early to speak on this with any authority, but some early thoughts:

• As with Divinity: Original Sin 2 the potential for roleplay immediately crumbles if not playing as an origin character. Especially damning since they are all locked into a specific class and race except for the Dark Urge.

• Dialogue options being marked by skill checks and background tags deflates them. It would be more fitting for certain options to have the checks/tags but not convey this to the player until it is time to roll. If I see an option tied to my one-of-like-six background choices, I effectively have to pick it so I can get Inspiration. As for the checks, I can prep the face of the party with Guidance, Charm Person, Friends, what have you. Which itself leads into...

• Despite being a four-member party game, the other three characters might as well not exist for the purposes of dialogue. If you're lucky you'll see one of the origin characters milling about in the background of a conversation, but the person/people I'm playing with are forced to listen and suggest options. So just like with real 5E, it's best to have one person do all the talking since only one person can anyways, further displacing non-faces from the story they are meant to be involved in.

• Origin characters all talk like they're YouTubers, falling into a pillow at the end of a sentence, a permanent vocal sneer tainting each word (except for Gale). There is no space for subtlety in their characterisation either, their MacGuffins and driving purposes laid so bare like the Hello Neighbour devs trying to get MatPat's attention.

• Without a DM to actually intervene, to interpret the players' wishes, anything requiring interpretation is simply gone. Nearly every spell that isn't a very simple effect or damage dealer? Absent. This leaves players with options for what colour of damage they want to do, or what one specific action they might like to take. Creativity spawning from these bounds is incidental, not intentional.

• The worst part of 5E, its combat, is not improved in the slightest here, and if anything is actively worse. One of the great benefits of the tabletop setting is that the numbers are obfuscated. Statblocks need not be adhered to. Players typically don't know the raw numbers of a creature's health or saves unless they clue in through what rolls succeed for saves, or keep a mental tally of damage done before the DM says they are bloodied. The DM has the option of disclosing information, but here the player is forced to know everything. Every resistance. Every hit point. Every stat point. Every ability. Combat cannot be creative as a result because the whole of its confines are known the entire time. You even know the percentage chance you have to hit every spell and attack. It makes it all hideously boring.

• If spells are going to be one and done boring nothingburgers, the least Larian could have done was not have some of them, like Speak with the Dead, be tied to a cutscene that tells me a corpse has nothing to say. I get it, the random goblin body I found probably isn't a font of lore, but do you need to take me into a scripted sequence of my character making a concerned face with their fingers to their temple as I am told for the eighteenth time that it has nothing for me.

• When spells are being learned, there is no indication as to which are rituals and which are not, nor are there options to sort or filter choices. With so few choices maybe it doesn't matter.

• Despite a bevy of supplementary sourcebooks giving players countless options for their characters, you're stuck with primarily the base text. Perhaps it would be unrealistic to wish for every subclass, every spell, every feat, but not knowing this narrow scope beforehand meant my hopes for, for example, a College of Glamour Bard or a Hexblade Warlock were dashed. Without the spells that make those subclasses interesting, however, I suppose they might as well be absent.

• The 'creative solutions' of stacking boxes to climb a wall or shooting a rope holding a rock over someone's head are not creative, they are blatantly intended and serve only to make the player feel smart for being coerced by the devs into a course of action.

• The folks eager to praise Larian for not including DLC seem to have missed the Digital Deluxe upgrade that gives you cosmetics and tangible benefits in the form of the Adventurer's Pouch.

• As touched upon by others, the devs are clearly more invested in giving players the option to make chicks with dicks and dudes with pussies than they are in actual gender representation. This binarism only exacerbates how gendered the characters are. With no body options besides "Femme, Masc, Big Femme, Big Masc" and whether you're shaven and/or circumcised, the inclusion of a Non-Binary option becomes laughable if not insulting. Gender is expressed and experienced in countless ways, but here it comes down to your tits (or lack thereof) and your gonads. No androgynous voice options. No breast sizes. No binders. No gaffs. No packing. The only ways for me to convey to fellow players that my character is anything besides male or female are my outright expression of my gender, to strip myself bare, or hope the incongruity between my femme physique and masc voice impart some notion of gender queering. Maybe this is great for binary trans men and women, but as a non-binary person it comes across as a half-measure that seeks to highlight my exclusion from this world. More cynically, this, alongside Cyberpunk 2077 read as fetishistic, seeing the trans body as something for sexual gratification, rather than just that, a body.

I'll keep playing it, but damn if my eyes aren't drifting towards playing a real CRPG for the first time.

generally i don't review anything based on first impressions but as a series veteran i just gotta say: this sucks, man

it opens on mindflayers on a spaceship fighting undead dragons in the sky or some shit to this effect and i look at it and i just feel nothing. it's so boring. it's so completely unearned.

every previous larian game i've played has just been the epitome of everything that bores me about fantasy rpgs so i guess i'm prejudiced. but this isn't even really baldur's gate 3, this is divinity 3 or whatever number they're on. let me explain.

far be it from me to uphold "brand identity" to the detriment of creativity, but think about what made both baldur's gate games work: they put in the work to situate you in the world, get you acquainted with candlekeep and everyone living there, before pulling the rug from under you, and then doing the same thing again on a much grander and scarier scale at the beginning of 2. they gave you a reason to care. this one just kicks off on epic and fucked up shit happening to you like it's a marvel movie.

i know it's early access and etc etc but you put the stuff that's supposed to hook people in the first hour or two, and that hook was clearly supposed to be a) the combat (about which i have no complaints but also it's unmemorable) and b) how cinematic it is -- which is the exact thing i'm complaining about. baldur's gate had the pace not of a movie, but of a fantasy novel; maybe not the most ambitious or literary one, but 250 pages in you just kind of get attached and keep going. this one has the pace of a youtube video. i don't want this.

EDIT: yeah i eventually finished the game anyway. i wouldn't say ALL my whining was vindicated, i was actually very pleasantly surprised at the quality of some of the character writing. however, overall, i really don't think i was wrong to rate it low. act 2 is a dull slog and act 3 would have been actually pretty sick if not for the ending sequence being so completely out-of-the-ass ridiculous. i can't describe it without spoilers, but if they were trying to replicate the experience of being railroaded by a DM who thinks they've come up with the coolest shit ever, it's a massive success.

also orpheus is not a fucking githyanki name. i'm sorry. the hook on the wall on which i suspend my disbelief is very sturdy, but it didn't survive that one. at least call your half-baked NPC that you had to invent on the spot "steve swordguy" like a real DM would.

This review contains spoilers

a genuinely embarrassing effort

high graphical fidelity in service of a game with no nearly no art direction, a handful of decent character designs in a game with maybe two likable characters, music that soken i guess forgot to compose because nearly 90% of the soundtrack is “prelude but fucked up” and two battle themes that outstay their welcome 15 hours into this 60 hour game, incredibly uninteresting and poorly written sidequests, and a deeply terrible handling of women throughout the entire game.

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the slavery plot is atrocious and stupidly handled, but the ur-jrpg-story that replaces it isnt good, its just not as bad. the pacing of the story is also a complete mess, grinding to a halt regularly, and dumping hours of sidequests on you at random points.

every open area of the game is a complete void, with dead ends for sidequest battles and pick up points for unneeded crafting material and 2 gil at a time. even though every settlement looks identical, the open areas look decent enough, but are covered in cloudy skies or ugly pink light for most of the games runtime.

the npcs are so bland you’ll be baffled the entire game how the game is written as if you like any of these people, and by the time the game introduces its single decent character, he’s only around for probably 90 minutes of it.

many things could be said about the women of this game, from ridiculous hysterical caricatures, to ridiculous evil mother, to good wholesome mother, but the most offensive to me was the main “love interest”, who can’t even clear the final fantasy iv bar, and when she is told to remove herself from the plot she simply does. she will pray for the boys going to battle and cry when they perish.

my sole point of praise is the combat, which is fairly simple for most fights (even optional ones, as those are nearly always enemies you’re already familiar with) but almost always satisfying, even against waves of fodder. the summon boss fights are mostly fun too, the spectacle clearly the main focus of the game (to the detriment of the rest, clearly), but it usually hit for me. the titan fight is probably twice as long as it should’ve been but i liked the rest well enough.

less important than the rest but still worth mentioning, the gear in this game may as well be nonexistent. clive has about four stats and none of them really matter, but the game feels obligated to have gear and swords for you to pick up and craft, so every five minutes you have a new sword, before you even register what your current one looks like. as the only visual change you can make to clive, this is somewhat of a bummer (even if none of the swords look all that good), and it leads to regular moments where you’ll find a sword in a chest somewhere, do a sidequest chain, and then have a new better sword, maybe before you’ve even swung your current sword. there isn’t even a glamour function for it, despite the mmo fingerprints everywhere in this game.

all in all, the game just failed to work for me on nearly every level, it didn’t even feel like playing a final fantasy. playing this game really put the ff series into perspective to me, and i can only hope they never make one at all like this again.

Feels like a JRPG made by people who have experienced the genre strictly through TV Tropes writeups. If it were developed by Americans, people would talk about it as though it were Doki Doki Literature Club.

There's a consistent tension in the game between shame about its stylistic heritage and a deep, paralyzing cowardice that keeps it loyal to it. This tension manifests in the story's insistence on being about a world, down to the constant availability of a lore encyclopedia, despite the complete irrelevance of any details of this world to the plot and its ultimate reliance on some of the most rote and formulaic character drama in the series. It's present in the faux-naturalism of mid-fight Marvel quips stuck between uncomplicated, cosmologically-correct monologues about human connections. It's clearly what's motivated the inclusion of empty open-world sections that divide up a linear action game paced around its levels being played one after the other: the game is willing to go to any lengths to avoid being called a hallway.

My favorite symbol of this tension, though, is game's repeated use of a minor key scale as background music: Prelude, but fucked up.

The main cast is completely disallowed any kind of personal complexity or ambiguity. Clive spends the earliest hours of the game denying a painful fact about himself, and this is the first and last display of personal weakness, selfishness, or any form of moral iniquity made by him or any other party member. Each of the rival summoners, by contrast, is given a designated sex thing: promiscuity, obsessiveness, and an Oedipus Complex, respectively. These traits serve as a kind of crude claim to maturity on the part of the game, and the characters to which they're attached are barely developed. No member of the cast rises above a broad archetypal characterization, and Clive himself is no exception, but the most insulting character's Jill. Her role in the story is to love Clive, which she does quietly and without demands. This is briefly interrupted by a revenge plot in which she kills an unambiguously evil cultist for having hurt her, and feels much better afterward. There's a scene in Final Fantasy IV in which the female party members are told by the lead to stay behind for their own safety while the men head to the final confrontation: naturally, they don't listen. In XVI, Jill is told the same thing and stays put.

Dialogue alternates between purely functional exposition and agonizing attempts at humor, with no real attempt to build distinct voices. I do have to give credit to the actor playing Clive, who is obviously trying to complicate very simple lines through his delivery, but it's a losing battle. The character animation is noticeably low-quality in comparison to the series' 6th and 7th generation entries.

The soundtrack is sterile, and the visual design never rises above the level of clean spectacular sightseeing. I can't speak much to the systems design, but interesting fights on normal difficulty are spread extremely thin and more or less only appear in optional content. Feels more like playing A Realm Reborn than any other single player RPG with which I'm familiar.