I'm not sure who decided to make a game that uses tank controls but requires a ton of precision jumping, but I am calling for their immediate arrest and the seizure of all their assets.

Tomb Raider is another one of those games I was acutely aware of back when it was relevant, but never had the chance to actually play. That's fine, I didn't miss out on much. In fact, the marketing storm around Tomb Raider (and more specifically its lead character) is probably more culturally significant than the game itself. It was the first time people were openly thirsty for a video game character, it was embarrassing and it was everywhere.

The game itself just does not hold up at all, though. I've defended tank controls in the past, I have no inherent issue with them, but there's absolutely a right and wrong way to implement them and Tomb Raider is the kind of game that would have benefitted tremendously from more fluid movement. A lot of your time actually raiding tombs is going to be spent climbing up objects and jumping across chasms, but Lara controls so stiffly that you'll more likely fling her into a pit, pop her ankles like balloons, and lose a bunch of progress. There are 2D platforming games with rigid controls and weighty characters and I've defended those too, but something about translating that into a 3D space is where I draw the line.

Atmosphere is the one area where Tomb Raider really excels. Damp dark caves, subterranean rivers, and of course ominous ancient tombs... The game feels wonderfully isolating, eerie, and mysterious, especially for a Playstation 1 game. Just don't interact with any part of it if you want to remain immersed in the experience. This network of waterways sure is spooky, but now I gotta fuck with the water level and I don't want to be here anymore. I'd rather be outside, or doing my taxes, or hiding underneath a pile of dirty clothes in my closet where nobody can hear me cry.

This was part of my 250 Game Retro Bucket List (it's a clumsy name, I know.) I originally planned to play the first three games in the series, but as soon as I started up Tomb Raider II and realized it was just more of the same, I decided to scrub them off the list and replaced them with both 3D Gex titles.

Addendum 2/27/24: I understand Tomb Raider was probably the first difficult game a bunch of people beat as a kid and is thus unimpeachable, but I'm kinda just tired of going in circles relitigating my opinions on this thing for its ardent defenders. I think it sucks. You know what doesn't suck? Oddworld! Now there's a good mid-90s cinematic platformer. Oh man, I wonder what Lorne Lanning is up to now, let me just fire up the old PC and take a--WHAT!? SOULSTORM SOLD BAD!? LORNE FOUND DEAD IN A DITCH!!? OH NO!